Jesus Christ this is Cool Cat Saves the Kids all over again. Another butthurt director who made a terrible movie that everyone is laughing at is turning their inner shame into outward vitriol by trying to take down negative reviews in a transparently vindictive way under "fair use" law which shows a total misunderstanding of how that law works. Satires and commentaries fall under fair use as long as they add enough new content to the original work. Monetization is never a deciding factor. And wow this thing just keeps going with the "filmmaker" doing one immature thing on the internet after another. Man I haven't even seen this damned thing. I just wanted to share this unfolding idiotic saga with all of you awesome folks :^) I'm sure it's more entertaining than this film.
Reviews
122 Reviews
Worst writing I've ever seen in a motion picture. Makes Origins Wolverine look like Mark Twain
18 July 2019
This has honestly some of the most nostalgia-bait character insertions, laziest plotting and the most ear-splittingly bad lines I've ever heard... seriously every time someone said something I literally said to myself "Wow that's the line they went with?" You know they were probably deciding between 5 or 6 different options for each one of these lines and they somehow went with the worst possible jokes and takes of said jokes that they could... Beebop and Rocksteady throwing out dick jokes in the middle of this thing just completely ruins any chance that this thing had of having a half decent tone... but let's talk about the plotting, and one scene in particular stands out in my mind which is the scene where Krang and Shredder meet... the way Shredder got there is nonsensical enough but then the scene is literally this: "Hey Shredder. I'm Krang. Let's team up and defeat the Turtles. We need this this and this MacGuffin" "Okay sure!" Like I'm only slightly paraphrasing here... Krang has almost zero introduction and I'm pretty sure a small child could have written something more interesting... these 'filmmakers' should be ashamed of themselves
Spider-Man: Far from Home
(2019)
Great film about trusting ones self
10 July 2019
I've already seen this movie twice and I already want to see it again!! Tom Holland and Jake Gyllenhaal absolutely nail their performances. The story is knowingly goofy but still heartfelt and carries on the great humor and character work established in Homecoming. Peter and MJ's relationship is unique and endearing. John Favreau also steals every scene he's in. JB Smoove's jokes didn't really land for me but it didn't bring the film down. The action is spectacular and worth seeing in 3D. The story has great twists and great themes about learning to trust ones own instincts and believe in ones self. Peter fully moves on from Tony's legacy and comes into his own in this film. In summary this movie has everything you want from a Spider-man film and from a great summer blockbuster. Go and see it!!!
Bohemian Rhapsody
(2018)
A triumph. One of the best films of the year
21 November 2018
Critics are wrong on literally everything they nitpick on. The historical changes are fine as well as the "sanitization" of Freddie's life. It's a sign of respect on the part of the filmmakers that they didn't make this a cautionary tale, a story of gratuitous sex and drug use, or a film focussing entirely on AIDS. Everything in the film serves the development of Freddie and his journey to find happiness and find his true self... even at the expense of true history, the story told here is a masterful TRIBUTE to the trials and tribulations of his life, with all the pomp and drama that HE HIMSELF WAS INTO. People complain that the story was dramatized but I think Freddie would have loved it. This movie is not only about Freddie, it's FOR Freddie. Rami Malek gives the performance of a lifetime. Every nuance is perfectly practised and he gives the character a deep inner life even when he's not saying anything. A good example is the scene where he gets the biggest room in their bed and breakfast at the expense of everyone else, and he looks out a window and seems lost even in the midst of success. He turns to writing and through his musical writings you can feel the conflict in him between trying to reach his dreams and trying to stay a good person... the story of him finding his sexuality is perfectly executed... the musical journey of the band is excellent if quite shortened for time constraints... the concert setpieces send chills up the spine... the comraderie between the bandmates gives for tons of laughs and is endlessly endearing... just see the film already and give Malek the damned Oscar already
Twin Peaks
(2017)
Is it the story of the little girl who lived down the lane?
4 September 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Twin Peaks: The Return is the ultimate deconstruction of the eternal battle between good and evil. It's also a deconstruction of the reboot phenomenon, hitting all the nostalgia notes while simultaneously smashing the piano with a sledgehammer.
Our hero from the previous installment is reincarnated into a fantasy-like world where evil continually tries to destroy him but he's saved by a stream of deus ex machina bailouts, leaving him virtually indestructible. Despite this, he walks around dumbfounded like a stroke victim, or an idiot god. His wife is impossibly loving and his son blinks backwards. Is it all a lie? If so, is it still preferable to the truth? Was evil truly born from the first atomic bomb test? And why was Laura sent down to stop it when she is the only deus ex machina to not really do anything against Bob? What exactly was Evil Cooper's endgame? So many questions are posed and the answers can only come from us.
Lynch's America in 2017 is fractured, infected, diseased. Strange and negative vibes infect every character from main to bizarre one-off. Something is constantly WRONG. And as much as I wanted the finale to give some answers to this dare I say accurate portrayal of modern society, it doesn't. How do we beat Jowdeh? Is love enough, in the words of the late Garland Briggs?
Narratively it all comes down to Bob being destroyed by the magical Freddie who might as well have deus ex machina written on his forehead. His setup is intentionally silly. All the characters we love celebrate with sandwiches in the sheriff's office. Cooper's face is watermarked over the whole scene. "We live inside of a dream" he says, reminding us that none of this is real. Or is it? He looks for catharsis with his lost love Diane, but she cries as they make love and he is emotionless. She writes him a goodbye letter but in the morning they are Richard and Linda. Our hero will never be the same. He makes a final attempt to put to rest ghosts of the past, to dispel the evil that has haunted him for 25 years. Is it all about guilt? He finds a woman who looks like Laura but isn't. He takes her back to Laura's house in Twin Peaks, but new people live there who have names of known Lodge entities. Laura screams and everything goes black. The evils of the past can never be fully dispelled. Cooper is stuck forever in that moment when Laura's soul whispered a secret in his ear, one that we will never know. Laura doesn't live here anymore.
Even so there is hope. Dougie reunites with his family despite not being a real person. Big Ed finally reunites with Norma through nothing but his own patience. Maybe time heals all wounds and trying to literally change the past was a foolish decision. Will Laura ever rest in peace? Sarah tries to smash her photo but only the glass breaks, and the photo remains.
Our hero from the previous installment is reincarnated into a fantasy-like world where evil continually tries to destroy him but he's saved by a stream of deus ex machina bailouts, leaving him virtually indestructible. Despite this, he walks around dumbfounded like a stroke victim, or an idiot god. His wife is impossibly loving and his son blinks backwards. Is it all a lie? If so, is it still preferable to the truth? Was evil truly born from the first atomic bomb test? And why was Laura sent down to stop it when she is the only deus ex machina to not really do anything against Bob? What exactly was Evil Cooper's endgame? So many questions are posed and the answers can only come from us.
Lynch's America in 2017 is fractured, infected, diseased. Strange and negative vibes infect every character from main to bizarre one-off. Something is constantly WRONG. And as much as I wanted the finale to give some answers to this dare I say accurate portrayal of modern society, it doesn't. How do we beat Jowdeh? Is love enough, in the words of the late Garland Briggs?
Narratively it all comes down to Bob being destroyed by the magical Freddie who might as well have deus ex machina written on his forehead. His setup is intentionally silly. All the characters we love celebrate with sandwiches in the sheriff's office. Cooper's face is watermarked over the whole scene. "We live inside of a dream" he says, reminding us that none of this is real. Or is it? He looks for catharsis with his lost love Diane, but she cries as they make love and he is emotionless. She writes him a goodbye letter but in the morning they are Richard and Linda. Our hero will never be the same. He makes a final attempt to put to rest ghosts of the past, to dispel the evil that has haunted him for 25 years. Is it all about guilt? He finds a woman who looks like Laura but isn't. He takes her back to Laura's house in Twin Peaks, but new people live there who have names of known Lodge entities. Laura screams and everything goes black. The evils of the past can never be fully dispelled. Cooper is stuck forever in that moment when Laura's soul whispered a secret in his ear, one that we will never know. Laura doesn't live here anymore.
Even so there is hope. Dougie reunites with his family despite not being a real person. Big Ed finally reunites with Norma through nothing but his own patience. Maybe time heals all wounds and trying to literally change the past was a foolish decision. Will Laura ever rest in peace? Sarah tries to smash her photo but only the glass breaks, and the photo remains.
Arrival
(II) (2016)
Expected a not for everyone, avante-garde, thinking man's sci-fi, surprisingly got one of the dumbest scripts in recent memory
20 June 2017
So this film does have some pluses. The acting, cinematography, pacing and editing are all pretty good. But it all gets sunk because the story makes absolutely no sense.
How anyone can call this film a masterpiece is beyond me. The concept is interesting but the execution is clichéd, sappy and nonsensical. There are so many plot holes with the ending. I get that the power given to Amy Adams' character by the aliens is more or less retroactive, meaning that she had it all along because it's beyond time itself. So she's had visions of a daughter she hasn't had yet. She doesn't think this is the least bit odd? And she hasn't had visions of anything else like the aliens coming down, or Jeremy Renner being the father? That's convenient... there's a great many contrivances but the biggest problem I have with this film is that it suggests that a vision of the future can create itself out of nothing and the fact that you've seen it lets you make the exact choices needed to fulfill it. I'm talking specifically about the scene where she calls the Chinese general which is an absolute paradox. Precognition can't allow you to see futures that couldn't possibly exist. And how would precognition help humanity unite or help the aliens whatsoever? There are a great many examples in popular fiction that show that knowledge of the future can be a curse rather than a blessing. And who would get the powers? Would governments decide? Would rival countries use precognitive powers to wage war with each other? Imagine a whole world full of people who could all see the future, it would be chaos.
Then there's the sappy melodrama, all the evil military guys pointing their guns at Amy Adams while she tries to save the poor aliens from being blown to smithereens, it just comes off as hugely clichéd that she's the only one doing the right thing while everyone else tries to hold her back, and by the way how did they know for sure they could even destroy the aliens? Wouldn't such an advanced race have some sort of defensive shielding? This is never mentioned. And what were they doing behind those glass walls for month anyhow? How were they sustaining themselves?
And what is the lesson to be learned at the end of the film? Humans don't really learn to co-operate and communicate better. She simply uses the power to cheat humanity's way to better foreign relations. So not only is it a cheat towards ideas of precognition, it cheats the entire premise of the movie away. And then she learns that maybe changing the future isn't for the best and that she should let it happen even if she knows it will end in pain? Isn't that against the premise as well? And what does her future with her husband and kid have to do with anything anyhow except to create a needlessly emotional ending? And then there's Jeremy Renner's line at the end: "Let's make a baby." Seriously?? This movie is an enormously pretentious pile. Do not waste your time.
How anyone can call this film a masterpiece is beyond me. The concept is interesting but the execution is clichéd, sappy and nonsensical. There are so many plot holes with the ending. I get that the power given to Amy Adams' character by the aliens is more or less retroactive, meaning that she had it all along because it's beyond time itself. So she's had visions of a daughter she hasn't had yet. She doesn't think this is the least bit odd? And she hasn't had visions of anything else like the aliens coming down, or Jeremy Renner being the father? That's convenient... there's a great many contrivances but the biggest problem I have with this film is that it suggests that a vision of the future can create itself out of nothing and the fact that you've seen it lets you make the exact choices needed to fulfill it. I'm talking specifically about the scene where she calls the Chinese general which is an absolute paradox. Precognition can't allow you to see futures that couldn't possibly exist. And how would precognition help humanity unite or help the aliens whatsoever? There are a great many examples in popular fiction that show that knowledge of the future can be a curse rather than a blessing. And who would get the powers? Would governments decide? Would rival countries use precognitive powers to wage war with each other? Imagine a whole world full of people who could all see the future, it would be chaos.
Then there's the sappy melodrama, all the evil military guys pointing their guns at Amy Adams while she tries to save the poor aliens from being blown to smithereens, it just comes off as hugely clichéd that she's the only one doing the right thing while everyone else tries to hold her back, and by the way how did they know for sure they could even destroy the aliens? Wouldn't such an advanced race have some sort of defensive shielding? This is never mentioned. And what were they doing behind those glass walls for month anyhow? How were they sustaining themselves?
And what is the lesson to be learned at the end of the film? Humans don't really learn to co-operate and communicate better. She simply uses the power to cheat humanity's way to better foreign relations. So not only is it a cheat towards ideas of precognition, it cheats the entire premise of the movie away. And then she learns that maybe changing the future isn't for the best and that she should let it happen even if she knows it will end in pain? Isn't that against the premise as well? And what does her future with her husband and kid have to do with anything anyhow except to create a needlessly emotional ending? And then there's Jeremy Renner's line at the end: "Let's make a baby." Seriously?? This movie is an enormously pretentious pile. Do not waste your time.
Circle
(II) (2015)
Stunning.
8 June 2016
Warning: Spoilers
Fifty people wake up in a room, trapped standing on circles on the ground while an orb picks them off one by one. Soon they realize that they can vote for who dies next and a vicious power struggle for survival takes place in which only one person can come out alive, if anyone makes it out at all.
At first glance this film seems like pretty typical Saw-esque horror fare, characters drop one by one as they try to solve their predicament in seemingly logical and ethical ways. But where a lot of those films suffer from 'torture porn' syndrome, IE making entertainment out of cruel and inhuman grotesqueries and human suffering, Circle probes a little bit deeper and doesn't make the constant deaths, though occasionally amusing, the focal point of interest. The deaths are all clean and it never becomes sadistic or sickening, which I appreciate. I think that this film has a lot to say and it gets its points across in a mind-blowing fashion in my opinion. Once the characters figure out what is going on in the room, they all try different tactics to stay alive and to present their ethical ideas to the rest of the group. Prejudices emerge. They could easily feel clichéd but they don't, and one reason for this is that the film feels allegorical in its denouement. It would seem unlikely that so many people from seemingly every different walk of life would wind up in that room together, but it's important to the point that I think the film is trying to make. I think that every moral and ethical idea presented is relevant and all of the characters add something new to the 'idea' of the film. As political sides emerge and different viewpoints clash, it becomes clear that this group of people is sort of like a microcosm of our modern world. It becomes a study in sociology, psychology, morality and Darwinism. Human beings tend to hold their hatred for each other inside and never let others see it. But when life and death are at stake, when everyone's back is against the wall, and when the power to kill another to save yourself is as easy as closing one's fist, how would people really react? I think it's realistic in it's portrayal of seemingly good people turning on each other. Granted it's not totally nihilistic. A lot of them want someone to survive at the end who deserves it, but the group spends so much time bickering and arguing with each other, killing each other through frustration and anger, and even through strategy in trying to survive that they end up wiping out most of the best people early on. Human beings are traded like pawns in a game as strategies come head to head. And in the end, who walks away the winner out of all of the chaos that we humans put ourselves and each other through with our endless judgments of each other and our pointless struggle to the top of the food chain?
HERE BE SPOILERS
The psychopath. The manipulator. The deceiver. The smartest and least ethically bound out of all of them takes the grand prize. If this isn't a metaphor for the elite in our society then I don't know what is. He pretends to be on the side of the weakest in the room, promising to sacrifice himself for them if one of them can do the same. But then he turns on them, survival instincts kicking in. How many people would have done the same in his position? Way too many in this world. His victory totally negates the sacrifices of all of those who came before him, because it's totally unethical. But it makes the movie as a whole mean so much more because of that negation.
But going back to one of the main themes of the movie, is it really our place to judge him? As he stands amidst a group of survivors, we see that they are mostly children and pregnant women. If the aliens are trying to purify the world down to 2 percent of our current population, wouldn't the new world need some strong, smart people to lead the needy and the weak? It really makes you think. And that's why I think this film is great. It makes you think not only about society and the dilemmas humans face as a whole but it asks you to take a look at your own judgements and values and ask whether or not they are really what is best for others and for society. Personally I do think Eric is evil though. We're all faced with the eventuality of our own death, maybe all we can do is live truly good lives and hope that the world that is left after we are gone is a better one. But we need to watch out for those manipulators and evildoers at the top of the pile or they will take everything we've struggled for centuries to achieve.
Overall this is a very disturbing film, but a poignant one. It brings up a lot of interesting questions about human nature and provides no easy answers. This is a bold film, a challenging film, and a film not for everyone, but if you can stomach the subject matter I highly recommend it.
At first glance this film seems like pretty typical Saw-esque horror fare, characters drop one by one as they try to solve their predicament in seemingly logical and ethical ways. But where a lot of those films suffer from 'torture porn' syndrome, IE making entertainment out of cruel and inhuman grotesqueries and human suffering, Circle probes a little bit deeper and doesn't make the constant deaths, though occasionally amusing, the focal point of interest. The deaths are all clean and it never becomes sadistic or sickening, which I appreciate. I think that this film has a lot to say and it gets its points across in a mind-blowing fashion in my opinion. Once the characters figure out what is going on in the room, they all try different tactics to stay alive and to present their ethical ideas to the rest of the group. Prejudices emerge. They could easily feel clichéd but they don't, and one reason for this is that the film feels allegorical in its denouement. It would seem unlikely that so many people from seemingly every different walk of life would wind up in that room together, but it's important to the point that I think the film is trying to make. I think that every moral and ethical idea presented is relevant and all of the characters add something new to the 'idea' of the film. As political sides emerge and different viewpoints clash, it becomes clear that this group of people is sort of like a microcosm of our modern world. It becomes a study in sociology, psychology, morality and Darwinism. Human beings tend to hold their hatred for each other inside and never let others see it. But when life and death are at stake, when everyone's back is against the wall, and when the power to kill another to save yourself is as easy as closing one's fist, how would people really react? I think it's realistic in it's portrayal of seemingly good people turning on each other. Granted it's not totally nihilistic. A lot of them want someone to survive at the end who deserves it, but the group spends so much time bickering and arguing with each other, killing each other through frustration and anger, and even through strategy in trying to survive that they end up wiping out most of the best people early on. Human beings are traded like pawns in a game as strategies come head to head. And in the end, who walks away the winner out of all of the chaos that we humans put ourselves and each other through with our endless judgments of each other and our pointless struggle to the top of the food chain?
HERE BE SPOILERS
The psychopath. The manipulator. The deceiver. The smartest and least ethically bound out of all of them takes the grand prize. If this isn't a metaphor for the elite in our society then I don't know what is. He pretends to be on the side of the weakest in the room, promising to sacrifice himself for them if one of them can do the same. But then he turns on them, survival instincts kicking in. How many people would have done the same in his position? Way too many in this world. His victory totally negates the sacrifices of all of those who came before him, because it's totally unethical. But it makes the movie as a whole mean so much more because of that negation.
But going back to one of the main themes of the movie, is it really our place to judge him? As he stands amidst a group of survivors, we see that they are mostly children and pregnant women. If the aliens are trying to purify the world down to 2 percent of our current population, wouldn't the new world need some strong, smart people to lead the needy and the weak? It really makes you think. And that's why I think this film is great. It makes you think not only about society and the dilemmas humans face as a whole but it asks you to take a look at your own judgements and values and ask whether or not they are really what is best for others and for society. Personally I do think Eric is evil though. We're all faced with the eventuality of our own death, maybe all we can do is live truly good lives and hope that the world that is left after we are gone is a better one. But we need to watch out for those manipulators and evildoers at the top of the pile or they will take everything we've struggled for centuries to achieve.
Overall this is a very disturbing film, but a poignant one. It brings up a lot of interesting questions about human nature and provides no easy answers. This is a bold film, a challenging film, and a film not for everyone, but if you can stomach the subject matter I highly recommend it.
Astonishingly bad
26 February 2016
Continuing the story of the first movie, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon 2 tells the story of a sword, of a battle between two clans, between divided loyalties, star-crossed loves and... Oh who the hell cares. This movie is a goddamned trainwreck. Let's start with the acting because it's as wooden as Pinnichio's family jewels. Lines sound like they're being read from teleprompters. Characterizations are nonexistent. Relationships are corny and impossible to care about. The decision to have the dialogue in English I think was a serious detriment to the performances of such great actors as Donnie Yen and Michelle Yeoh. Zhang Ziyi turned down this sequel and I think it was a good move. The direction by the fight choreographer from the first movie is abysmal. The editing makes no sense, the story is like watching paint dry, I didn't care about a single character in this mess. And then there's the fight scenes, which are cgi-ridden and full of even more ridiculous wirework than the first one, which might not have been so bad if the CGI and acting hadn't already taken me out of the movie completely. The first film at least felt like it was grounded in reality. This is more of an Americanized cartoony fantasy, and whereas the first one felt like a celebration of Chinese culture, this feels like a slap in the face to it. They even badly green-screen in backgrounds of mountains while people are riding across on horseback. You can't even get any decent second-unit photography? Or any decent cinematography really? Some of the fights have a few good moments but it doesn't come close to saving this movie. It all just feels very half-assed and low budget, and made without much soul of any kind. What a disappointment.
Deadpool
(2016)
A modern action-comedy classic
17 February 2016
This is the movie I've been waiting for for years. I have never picked up a Deadpool comic but I know the character, and I feel like he is just so relateable for me. He's super minus the hero. He's the everyman, a mutant free of the restrictions of morality, politeness, and other such pretentiousness. Wade Wilson starts off as a cocky type, and after becoming virtually unkillable, he becomes the cockiest, most asshole-ish let's annoy the hell out of everybody before killing them mercenary ever. He is juxtaposed perfectly in this film by Colossus, played here as a hilarious goody two-shoes, endlessly annoyed and disgusted by Deadpool's ways, and the charmingly deadpan and sarcastic Negasonic Teenage Warhead. And he faces off against a 200 pound sack of assholes called Ajax who is virtually unkillable as well. It's pretty typical sounding, but the execution is where this movie really hits home.
Deadpool for days. God does this movie rule. Let's get down to brass tacks. The plot consists of his backstory and his mission of revenge against the people who turned him into a mutant. A former special forces soldier turned mercenary, he finds true love with a beautiful barfly named Vanessa. But soon their life together turns dark when he is diagnosed with cancer. Out of options, he turns to a shadowy organization with promises of not only health, but something beyond being human. It's here that things turn horrific, but it's only to further the plot really. The real draw of this movie is the comedy and hilariously raunchy one-liners from our hero. And his whole persona in general is so goofy and off the wall that he's impossible not to like. Ryan Reynolds owns this role inside and outside of the suit, almost every joke in this movie hits, only maybe one or two fall flat but this is a minor quibble.
The odd thing is, with the offbeat type of humor that it has, this almost feels like a cult classic because of it's quotability, not unlike Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. But this is the rare type of cult film that has actually scored HUGE at the box office as well. Maybe some people were expecting another typical Marvel movie, and boy were they wrong. This is something very different and definitely not for everyone. Personally I think this is one of the funniest films EVER MADE though. Zamboni guy? It's me Margaret? That Liam Neeson nightmare again? This screenplay is AMAZING. Maybe even Oscar worthy. The script is also full of heart and has the ability to SURPRISE. With so many comic book movies these days you know pretty much what you're getting before you enter the theatre, not so with Deadpool. It's absolutely unique in it's offbeat tone and the story is also very compelling, despite some characters being a little one-dimensional, but I think the director made good choices of which characters to humanize to fit the tone of the film. Tim Miller keeps things energized from start to finish, the comic momentum almost never quits and the action scenes are brilliantly shot and edited in this very kinetic and visceral style. The musical score also hits some really funny notes, with some nicely placed hits by DMX, Wham and Neil Sedaka amongst others.
How much do I love this movie?? I've already seen it twice and I'm seeing it again later this week. Never before has there been such a perfect blend of raunchy comedy, romance, action, comic booky goodness and endless self-referentialism. This movie doesn't care what the masses think. It exists to give a severed-hand middle finger to the glut of overly serious, often mediocre comic book movies from recent years. It even makes fun of it's own budget cuts by Fox studios and makes endless jokes about that terrible first Wolverine movie and Hugh Jackman, who was in fact a big part of getting this movie made. This movie is so much fun. See it. See it right now. Or you'll be on Deadpool's naughty list.
Deadpool for days. God does this movie rule. Let's get down to brass tacks. The plot consists of his backstory and his mission of revenge against the people who turned him into a mutant. A former special forces soldier turned mercenary, he finds true love with a beautiful barfly named Vanessa. But soon their life together turns dark when he is diagnosed with cancer. Out of options, he turns to a shadowy organization with promises of not only health, but something beyond being human. It's here that things turn horrific, but it's only to further the plot really. The real draw of this movie is the comedy and hilariously raunchy one-liners from our hero. And his whole persona in general is so goofy and off the wall that he's impossible not to like. Ryan Reynolds owns this role inside and outside of the suit, almost every joke in this movie hits, only maybe one or two fall flat but this is a minor quibble.
The odd thing is, with the offbeat type of humor that it has, this almost feels like a cult classic because of it's quotability, not unlike Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. But this is the rare type of cult film that has actually scored HUGE at the box office as well. Maybe some people were expecting another typical Marvel movie, and boy were they wrong. This is something very different and definitely not for everyone. Personally I think this is one of the funniest films EVER MADE though. Zamboni guy? It's me Margaret? That Liam Neeson nightmare again? This screenplay is AMAZING. Maybe even Oscar worthy. The script is also full of heart and has the ability to SURPRISE. With so many comic book movies these days you know pretty much what you're getting before you enter the theatre, not so with Deadpool. It's absolutely unique in it's offbeat tone and the story is also very compelling, despite some characters being a little one-dimensional, but I think the director made good choices of which characters to humanize to fit the tone of the film. Tim Miller keeps things energized from start to finish, the comic momentum almost never quits and the action scenes are brilliantly shot and edited in this very kinetic and visceral style. The musical score also hits some really funny notes, with some nicely placed hits by DMX, Wham and Neil Sedaka amongst others.
How much do I love this movie?? I've already seen it twice and I'm seeing it again later this week. Never before has there been such a perfect blend of raunchy comedy, romance, action, comic booky goodness and endless self-referentialism. This movie doesn't care what the masses think. It exists to give a severed-hand middle finger to the glut of overly serious, often mediocre comic book movies from recent years. It even makes fun of it's own budget cuts by Fox studios and makes endless jokes about that terrible first Wolverine movie and Hugh Jackman, who was in fact a big part of getting this movie made. This movie is so much fun. See it. See it right now. Or you'll be on Deadpool's naughty list.
Black Jesus
(2014–2019)
Brilliant
10 August 2014
Aaron Macgruder (The Boondocks) and Mike Clattenburg (Trailer Park Boys) team up to bring you what could be one of the freshest new comedy series in years. The basic premise of Black Jesus is as follows: An African- American male has apparently proclaimed himself to be Jesus and appears to perform miracles to his friends and neighborhood, such as turning water into Cognac. Most people around him accept that he is Jesus, but it's not clear if he really is or if he's a fraud, at least in the pilot episode. And it's not explained how Jesus came to be a typical black man living in South Central LA. And a typical black man he is. Beyond his constant attempts to help people and be a good person, preaching love and forgiveness, he's really a complete jackass to everyone and is totally oblivious to this fact. He uses typical urban slang like calling his bros pimps and catcalling women, he smokes all his friends weed, wastes their money, leeches off of people and generally he's just a lazy homeless bum. And this is why I think this show is brilliant. It gives his character a lot of room to develop, while providing an interesting commentary on both religion and racial stereotypes. And there's something uniquely hilarious about seeing a guy callously wasting his friend's mother's tax return money and then shrugging it off by saying that his friend still has the love grace and forgiveness of our Lord and Saviour. It's not really important whether he's actually Jesus or not because he's not supposed to be the hero. It's more of a cautionary tale. What they're trying to do with this show is try to tell us how to use religion and love, and power to be better people and make our world a better place, not use it for our own selfish ends like is so easy to do. I think our hero will eventually learn how to really be like Jesus, but it's more fun to watch him completely mess it up for a while. Lastly for all of the people calling this show blasphemous, I really don't think the creators intended this as an actual portrayal of Jesus, and I refer back to my theory that the character is actually a fraud. I'm sure they never meant it as an attack on Christianity or against the black community. It's a satire, so lighten up people!
Star Trek Into Darkness
(2013)
The JJ Abrams syndrome
18 November 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Everything this man does has the same problems. He simply has no idea how to properly tell a story. He just comes up with some ridiculously complicated plots that somehow seem to go absolutely nowhere and then simply end. He has no finesse for pacing and his obnoxious multi-million dollar CGI visual style doesn't suit Star Trek at all. I'm worried to see what he'll do with Star Wars... This movie simply has nothing going for it apart from some pretty visuals and a nicely menacing performance by Benedict Cumberbatch. Just like with Super 8, the character development sucks, the plot line is stupid and the ending just made me go "Seriously? That's it?" Up until that point it was okay. I liked the plot of the people in the missiles and the attack on the Klingon. It was a bit confusing but I think it made sense. However some of the techonological aspects of the film are really silly. For one thing, the Enterprise is seen taking massive amounts of damage even though the shields are still up. Scotty somehow disables their weapons from within the bowels of the ship, and not only does nobody go down there to try to turn them back on, nobody really does anything. It's a huge plot convieniency when the Enterprise is always seconds away from being annihilated, and then the enemy's weapons get disabled. This happens twice in a row. The missile detonation inside the Admiral's ship just happens to destroy their weapons. Then the whole Kirk sacrificing himself in the reactor thing was supposed to be moving but since you know he's probably going to get resurrected pretty quickly (Hint: Khan's blood can resurrect people") there's no emotional weight to it whatsoever. Also how did the warp core get out of alignment anyways? And how did Khan's ship only start falling from the sky AFTER the Enterprise was saved? And why crash the ship and take off on foot to attack Starfleet command? (Which would have been cool but never ended up happening.) Why not crash the ship and initiate a warp core breach to destroy basically the whole city? That would have been cool. The movie should definitely have been longer and had more gravity in it's climax. Instead we get Spock chasing Khan for about 10 minutes, Uhura stuns him, and Spock somehow knocks him out with an uppercut even though he's basically invulnerable. Khan gets frozen and stowed away somewhere. Kirk gets resurrected and they fly off into space. LAME. I want to see more of Khan!!! KHAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!!!! Oh yeah that line made the reactor scene that much lamer.
Holy Motors
(2012)
What if God was one of us?
18 July 2013
Easily one of the most bizarre films ever made, Holy Motors is the story of a man named Oscar who travels in a limo apparently stepping into peoples lives and existing in a few moments as them. The limo's license plate has 'DXM' on it. He is a deus ex machina, showing them the truths of their lives and allowing their souls to grow. Is he God? An angel? Who knows. But what I love about this is that there's beauty in every segment, no matter how disturbing or dark it may get. I can't even pick a favorite part. Every scene is jaw-dropping in some way, and it all lingers in my mind still, sometimes chilling, sometimes beautiful but always mesmerizing. The visuals are especially impressive. And it's not just weird for weird's sake. A lot of it fits together thematically if you're willing to do a bit of thinking. It's like seeing a gallery of surrealist paintings come to life in front of your eyes. It's a bit reminiscent of Dali's Un Chien Andalou, which at first glance appears to make no sense until you understand the symbolisms used. Holy Motors is about many things, growing souls, sexual freedom, man's separation from nature and the truths that lie within the collective unconscious. But I don't really want to get into my own personal interpretation here. Just watch and marvel at the beautiful weirdness of it. It's a complete acid trip. If you like this sort of thing, I recommend this as more than just a film, but a bit of drugless consciousness expansion. Our lives are about to change for the better...
The Ninth Gate
(1999)
Why I love this movie
29 June 2013
The Ninth Gate by Roman Polanski is not a perfect film by any means but it still remains a personal favorite of mine. I can understand some of the detractors of this film. Technically it's kind of odd and goofy. The tone is quite strange. In particular the character of the Albino seems horribly cast and the movie doesn't really go for thrills or scares. And the whole runtime is pretty much about a guy studying a book for 2 hours. But it creeps up on you and gets under your skin somehow. The Ninth Gate by Roman Polanski is much more than just a film. It's on of the most fascinating and cerebral studies of Laveyan Satanism ever put on film. It's the book itself that gets under your skin more than anything once you realize that everything about Corso's journey is tied into the engravings and altered by their meaning. What is that meaning? Well that's up to the audience, but the dialogue and visuals and full of little clues that point to something revelatory upon repeat viewings. For one thing, everyone seems to serve Corso's every whim. Is he actually the Devil? Laveyan Satanism is basically the idea that Satan is inside of us all, not a living entity. Is the secret of the book that it unlocks the True Will? The power to master one's own destiny? Or was it Corso's destiny all along? This film is definitely not for everyone but I find it endlessly fascinating. Everything means something if you really look closely.
Killer Joe
(2011)
A pitch-perfect black comedy and an ingenious social commentary. Everybody pays...
17 June 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Killer Joe by William Friedkin, adapted almost slavishly from the play of the same name by Tracy Letts, tells the story of the Smith family, who pay a hit-man to kill their matriarch for her life insurance policy. Matthew McConaughey is outstanding as the title character but the real star of this film... well I'll get to that shortly because it's not immediately apparent. This seems like just another genre film on the surface. Sun-bleached buildings. Eyes hidden behind sunglasses and a cowboy hat. The confined space within a trailer. A murder plot gone awry, double-crossings, twists, all served up with fried chicken and potato salad. Stylistically this film is very good and it's got a great dark sense of humor throughout. But to see the real genius of this film you have to look a bit closer at the characters and the actions they make throughout the film. I see more layers every time I watch it, and here are just a few of them.
Killer Joe is a statement about American culture, about the slow decay and splitting of the family unit, the normalization of sex, violence and apathy and the bastardization of traditions and values into something quite sinister. A can of pumpkin pie filling and a chicken leg are used as weapons at one point. Need I say more? This film literally takes the illusions of American life and smashes you in the face with them. Very modern art.
*****SPOILERS***** The characters live in a world which is a bit exaggerated for effect but not unlike our own. They live in a society that forces every man to fend for himself. A dog eat dog world. Joe's rules cement this idea in their heads because if they don't do as he says and follow his rules, he'll kill them. Or as he so impersonally tells them, "You will be killed." This is an important detail because it informs on the father and son psychologically that these rules are bigger than him and are therefore absolute. But not only do Ansel and Sharleen never try to stand up to Joe, they treat him better than they do Chris, Ansel's actual son. Why? Because he got involved with drugs and ended up owing money to drug dealers. So he gets what he deserves. That's the subliminal message that Joe's presence conveys. He is the law, and the law punishes all for their transgressions. Everyone in this film gets exactly what they deserve in the end, with no room for forgiveness or compassion. Chris's attempt to rescue Dottie is the closest they ever come to breaking the rules and acting out of love instead of logic. But it's also hinted at that his love for Dottie is impure and driven by incest.
My favorite character in this film by far is Ansel, portrayed perfectly and hilariously by Thomas Haden Church. He's like a shaved ape, a de-evolution of 20th century man. He's always apathetic, watching TV and drinking beer. He lives in his own little world and lets things deteriorate around him. (The play features a fallen tree crushing part of that trailer's roof that he does nothing about). When his wife Sharleen is being degraded horribly he never stands up for her because she cheated on him, she broke the rules of their relationship so she deserves what happens to her in his eyes. Even when Joe gives them a moment by themselves, he simply stands behind her and asks her, with tears in his eyes "Are you okay? Okay." He's always impotent despite his large stature, and in my mind Ansel is the real main character of this film because at any point he could have stopped Joe and accepted the consequences, but he didn't, and in the end becomes so tamed and docile that he begs Joe to kill his son. An analogy of sending young men to die in wars? That moment is so crazy that it really shows that the whole theme of the movie really revolves around him. Like a trained dog, he's brainwashed into believing he has no choice in the awful decisions he makes throughout the film. Joe represents the culture of fear that pushes rational people to make irrational choices, and Ansel is a perfect pawn for his system of intimidation and control. For more on Ansel search up a good essay by Ronald William Smith who portrayed him on stage.
There's two interesting monologues in this film that give additional thematic clues. Chris's story about the rabbits that went rabid and Joe's story about the river slowly being lost to Oklahoma. Both reflect Joe's changing presence throughout the film from a stranger to being welcomed into the trailer like a family member. "He's in his room" says Ansel at one point. He also just walks around naked without anyone saying a word about it. He's like a charming cancer cell, he infects and then he spreads deeper and deeper, creating chaos like the rabies did to the rabbits until they tore each other apart. Joe's character is a symbol of corruption, sex and violence, under a guise of order. Letts is trying to say that American households literally invite this sex and violence in and make it a normal part of their lives. Whether or not you agree with his point of view, this is a scathing, white-hot indictment of modern day American family life that pulls absolutely no punches, and tears back the curtain of Western culture in a way not seen since David Lynch's Blue Velvet.
In the end, Dottie has the gun on Joe. Does she pull the trigger? Is their love really pure? What fate does Joe deserve? Is he truly a monster or is he just a mirror, reflecting the chaos of the family back at them? Maybe the cancer of their lives was always there, and Joe is simply the catalyst that sets it loose. I also wonder if she planned all along for Chris and Ansel to screw up their plot and remove themselves from her life. Maybe that's why she encouraged them. This is definitely one of my favorite films of 2012.
Killer Joe is a statement about American culture, about the slow decay and splitting of the family unit, the normalization of sex, violence and apathy and the bastardization of traditions and values into something quite sinister. A can of pumpkin pie filling and a chicken leg are used as weapons at one point. Need I say more? This film literally takes the illusions of American life and smashes you in the face with them. Very modern art.
*****SPOILERS***** The characters live in a world which is a bit exaggerated for effect but not unlike our own. They live in a society that forces every man to fend for himself. A dog eat dog world. Joe's rules cement this idea in their heads because if they don't do as he says and follow his rules, he'll kill them. Or as he so impersonally tells them, "You will be killed." This is an important detail because it informs on the father and son psychologically that these rules are bigger than him and are therefore absolute. But not only do Ansel and Sharleen never try to stand up to Joe, they treat him better than they do Chris, Ansel's actual son. Why? Because he got involved with drugs and ended up owing money to drug dealers. So he gets what he deserves. That's the subliminal message that Joe's presence conveys. He is the law, and the law punishes all for their transgressions. Everyone in this film gets exactly what they deserve in the end, with no room for forgiveness or compassion. Chris's attempt to rescue Dottie is the closest they ever come to breaking the rules and acting out of love instead of logic. But it's also hinted at that his love for Dottie is impure and driven by incest.
My favorite character in this film by far is Ansel, portrayed perfectly and hilariously by Thomas Haden Church. He's like a shaved ape, a de-evolution of 20th century man. He's always apathetic, watching TV and drinking beer. He lives in his own little world and lets things deteriorate around him. (The play features a fallen tree crushing part of that trailer's roof that he does nothing about). When his wife Sharleen is being degraded horribly he never stands up for her because she cheated on him, she broke the rules of their relationship so she deserves what happens to her in his eyes. Even when Joe gives them a moment by themselves, he simply stands behind her and asks her, with tears in his eyes "Are you okay? Okay." He's always impotent despite his large stature, and in my mind Ansel is the real main character of this film because at any point he could have stopped Joe and accepted the consequences, but he didn't, and in the end becomes so tamed and docile that he begs Joe to kill his son. An analogy of sending young men to die in wars? That moment is so crazy that it really shows that the whole theme of the movie really revolves around him. Like a trained dog, he's brainwashed into believing he has no choice in the awful decisions he makes throughout the film. Joe represents the culture of fear that pushes rational people to make irrational choices, and Ansel is a perfect pawn for his system of intimidation and control. For more on Ansel search up a good essay by Ronald William Smith who portrayed him on stage.
There's two interesting monologues in this film that give additional thematic clues. Chris's story about the rabbits that went rabid and Joe's story about the river slowly being lost to Oklahoma. Both reflect Joe's changing presence throughout the film from a stranger to being welcomed into the trailer like a family member. "He's in his room" says Ansel at one point. He also just walks around naked without anyone saying a word about it. He's like a charming cancer cell, he infects and then he spreads deeper and deeper, creating chaos like the rabies did to the rabbits until they tore each other apart. Joe's character is a symbol of corruption, sex and violence, under a guise of order. Letts is trying to say that American households literally invite this sex and violence in and make it a normal part of their lives. Whether or not you agree with his point of view, this is a scathing, white-hot indictment of modern day American family life that pulls absolutely no punches, and tears back the curtain of Western culture in a way not seen since David Lynch's Blue Velvet.
In the end, Dottie has the gun on Joe. Does she pull the trigger? Is their love really pure? What fate does Joe deserve? Is he truly a monster or is he just a mirror, reflecting the chaos of the family back at them? Maybe the cancer of their lives was always there, and Joe is simply the catalyst that sets it loose. I also wonder if she planned all along for Chris and Ansel to screw up their plot and remove themselves from her life. Maybe that's why she encouraged them. This is definitely one of my favorite films of 2012.
The Expendables 2
(2012)
Surprisingly... boring?
4 February 2013
Okay now I didn't expect this movie to have an Oscar-winning script or performances but I enjoyed the first film for what it was, a no-holds barred, fun action blockbuster. Expendables 2 is devoid of fun, and all the action is completely by-the-numbers and listless. Sylvester Stallone is a great action director. Simon West (Con Air, Tomb Raider) is not. I have no idea why Stallone decided not to direct this one but it was a huge mistake. The whole movie is pretty much just hundreds of braindead bad guys getting shot in repetitive fashion for 100 minutes. The first film had energy but this one just drags on and on. Even cameos by Willis, Schwarzenegger and Chuck Norris are pretty much wasted. The climax of the film involves the team shooting up an airport and Statham and some second-in-command bad guy duking it out next to a plane with a giant propeller blade spinning right behind them. Hmm I wonder if someone is going to get chopped up in those blades? Predictable, predictable, predictable. And the final fight between Stallone and Van Damme is pointless and clichéd, but not enough to even be humorous. The movie actually takes itself too seriously sometimes. And something weird happens at the end. The team is all sitting around the aircraft celebrating, everyone except Yin Yang. Jet Li mysteriously vanishes halfway through the movie and never returns. Did he realize how pointless his involvement with this series was and just walked off the set? I mean he beats up people with frying pans in one scene. That's about the extent of his role. He's Jet Li, not freaking Samwise Gamgee. This whole movie is a huge waste of time.
Mama
(I) (2013)
You've seen it all before... a completely forgettable experience
29 January 2013
I'm absolutely astounded by the amount of praise this film is getting from critics and audiences. Is this how far we've sunk as filmgoers that we accept whatever so-called horror is thrown our way even if it's a big pile of doo-doo? Mama is yet another jump-scare, cgi ridden, laughable cheese-fest just like so many other myriad "horror" pictures that have come out in recent years. It's not even cheesy in a good way. There's good cheesy horror comedies out there that are done right, such as Sam Raimi's Drag Me To Hell. It knew that horror and comedy go perfectly together and worked as a result. Mama is cheesy in that it tries way too hard to be scary and it comes off as silly and amateurish, more of an unintentional comedy. Everyone in my theatre was laughing their heads off constantly. I don't think that was the intention.
Granted this film isn't a complete disaster like Boogeyman or Darkness Falls but feels very reminiscent of both those films. Besides the awful CGI ghost, one of the biggest problems with Mama is the overuse of loud noises. Every time something is supposed to be scary, there's an extremely loud noise and usually something flies at the camera really quickly. But it failed to even raise a single hair on my arms or make me scared even for a second. The acting is passable and Jessica Chastain is hot but the plot is nosensical, predictable and has a twist at the end just for the sake of having one in an attempt to save this movie from being completely forgettable. Please folks, don't waste your hard-earned money on sub-par horror movies like this.
If you want a ghost story that is actually well-made and scary, watch the Spanish film The Orphanage. Or wait for the Evil Dead remake in a few months. Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell know that great horror isn't about cheap jump scares and by-the-numbers creepiness. Real horror has to get under your skin. It has to get into your head and make you question your own sanity. It has to spark some synapses in your brain and affect you on a subconscious level to truly be scary. See Mulholland Drive by David Lynch for a perfect example. Unfortunately, Mama did none of these things for me and just feels like yet another bargain bin 'horror' title. It's also overlong at 100 minutes and padded with repetitive scenes that add nothing to the film. This is Andrés Muschietti's debut as a feature film director and it shows. He fails to create anything original or worthwhile, simply borrowing from dozens of other horror flicks. 61% on Rotten Tomatoes? 6.6 on the IMDb? For shame.
Granted this film isn't a complete disaster like Boogeyman or Darkness Falls but feels very reminiscent of both those films. Besides the awful CGI ghost, one of the biggest problems with Mama is the overuse of loud noises. Every time something is supposed to be scary, there's an extremely loud noise and usually something flies at the camera really quickly. But it failed to even raise a single hair on my arms or make me scared even for a second. The acting is passable and Jessica Chastain is hot but the plot is nosensical, predictable and has a twist at the end just for the sake of having one in an attempt to save this movie from being completely forgettable. Please folks, don't waste your hard-earned money on sub-par horror movies like this.
If you want a ghost story that is actually well-made and scary, watch the Spanish film The Orphanage. Or wait for the Evil Dead remake in a few months. Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell know that great horror isn't about cheap jump scares and by-the-numbers creepiness. Real horror has to get under your skin. It has to get into your head and make you question your own sanity. It has to spark some synapses in your brain and affect you on a subconscious level to truly be scary. See Mulholland Drive by David Lynch for a perfect example. Unfortunately, Mama did none of these things for me and just feels like yet another bargain bin 'horror' title. It's also overlong at 100 minutes and padded with repetitive scenes that add nothing to the film. This is Andrés Muschietti's debut as a feature film director and it shows. He fails to create anything original or worthwhile, simply borrowing from dozens of other horror flicks. 61% on Rotten Tomatoes? 6.6 on the IMDb? For shame.
Fubar: Balls to the Wall
(2010)
Hilarious, heartfelt and wonderfully Canadian
4 August 2012
Dean and Terry are back and better than ever. This time they've been evicted from their home and travel out west to the Alberta oil sands looking for work with their unhinged buddy Tron. Terry falls for a woman who is nothing less than the village bicycle and him and Deaner struggle to make ends meet, to keep their jobs, and to keep from killing each other. This movie is non-stop laughs from start to finish. If you liked the original Fubar or are a fan of Canadian cinema, or you just like shotgunning a few beers and kicking back with some tunes, I highly recommend this movie. The plot is also surprisingly well developed and poignant with some great twists as well. And they show you what happens when you try to microwave a turkey for 17 or 18 minutes eh... I can't believe it took me this long to watch this movie. Fubar 2: Balls to the Wall is nothing short of a cinematic masterpiece. Dean and Terry will keep givin'r even harder in Fubar 3! *fingers crossed*
Frisky Dingo
(2006–2008)
This show is all like... BOOSH!
6 September 2010
Killface is an albino supervillain with plans to blast the earth into the sun with a weapon called "The Annhilatrix". Xander Crews is a chauvinistic, idiotic playboy leading a double life as a billionaire tycoon and a superhero "Awesome-X" with an army of armoured soldiers called "The Xtacles". Killface was once referred to as his "arch nemesis and secret buddy." Crews must stop his plans as they both deal with their personal issues and side characters in and around 'The Town', and struggle to become better businessmen.
That's as close as I can get to describing the plot, since the way the show is presented needs to be seen to be believed. The humour is extremely random and demented, often gleefully obscene and outrageously violent. Characters are often killed without any warning, and the plot lines and dialogue are all very stream-of-consciousness. The show is so knee-slappingly funny and endlessly quotable that it will imprint itself on your mind. Soon "Kakow", "Boosh" and "We can never go back to Arizona!" will become part of your regular vocabulary.
Almost every side character is awesomely hilarious. There's Mr. Ford, the double-entendre spewing judge, Ronnie the perverted Xtacle, Killface's gay (?) son Simon, Crew's girlfriend Grace Ryan who he treats like dirt and is also arch-villainess 'Ant-agony', some meth-addicted hooker, a lesbian wannabe assassin, a half-man/half-crab hybrid, a giant ant baby, and a giant ant baby machete squad. Come to think of it, Frisky Dingo is probably not for the easily offended or the pretentious...
This show also features what is probably that greatest character in Adult Swim history: Wendell. A former agent of the department of labour, turned psychopathic killing machine, this guy is disgusting, weird and a total ass to everyone he meets, including his best friend who he framed for murder and then tried to have sex with his wife. This guy needs his own show big time.
Unfortunately only two seasons of this series were made, and it ends with a big cliffhanger. The studio had financial issues as I understand. These two seasons though are an unparallelled work of comedy genius. That is, if you don't mind it being completely absurd and filled to the brim with epic, epic penis jokes. Mastah cylindahhhh!! Don't look over here at what I'm doing! You point at it! You celebrate yourself!!
That's as close as I can get to describing the plot, since the way the show is presented needs to be seen to be believed. The humour is extremely random and demented, often gleefully obscene and outrageously violent. Characters are often killed without any warning, and the plot lines and dialogue are all very stream-of-consciousness. The show is so knee-slappingly funny and endlessly quotable that it will imprint itself on your mind. Soon "Kakow", "Boosh" and "We can never go back to Arizona!" will become part of your regular vocabulary.
Almost every side character is awesomely hilarious. There's Mr. Ford, the double-entendre spewing judge, Ronnie the perverted Xtacle, Killface's gay (?) son Simon, Crew's girlfriend Grace Ryan who he treats like dirt and is also arch-villainess 'Ant-agony', some meth-addicted hooker, a lesbian wannabe assassin, a half-man/half-crab hybrid, a giant ant baby, and a giant ant baby machete squad. Come to think of it, Frisky Dingo is probably not for the easily offended or the pretentious...
This show also features what is probably that greatest character in Adult Swim history: Wendell. A former agent of the department of labour, turned psychopathic killing machine, this guy is disgusting, weird and a total ass to everyone he meets, including his best friend who he framed for murder and then tried to have sex with his wife. This guy needs his own show big time.
Unfortunately only two seasons of this series were made, and it ends with a big cliffhanger. The studio had financial issues as I understand. These two seasons though are an unparallelled work of comedy genius. That is, if you don't mind it being completely absurd and filled to the brim with epic, epic penis jokes. Mastah cylindahhhh!! Don't look over here at what I'm doing! You point at it! You celebrate yourself!!
Mass Effect 2
(2010 Video Game)
The spiritual sucessor to KOTOR... just shy of perfect, but one of my favorite games ever
26 August 2010
Bioware have really outdone themselves this time. Mass Effect 2 is just awesome on so many levels. There's the cinematic feel of the cutscenes, to the fast-paced action, and of course, the character interactions and moral options. Everything has been expanded in this one, including the romantic relationships, and full loyalty missions for each recruit. Nearly every one of these is played out brilliantly and you really develop connections with the characters, and each one has some moral decisions you need to make. The overall plot may seem a little simplistic, but it forces you to play the game patiently and not rush through the story missions. It's also hugely replayable, with different moral paths for virtually every mission. I spent the majority of the game doing side missions, exploring locations and wandering the ship talking to people. I'm a huge fan of Knight of the Old Republic, and unfortunately they didn't go all the way with the character developments in Mass Effect 1 like they did in that series. Mass Effect 1 was a good game, but it had some fairly obvious flaws. Nearly every one has been fixed for this installment, and this game now feels truly rewarding from an action standpoint and an edifying one. The inventory system has been made way more manageable, but maybe too much, as it sometimes feels like there isn't enough variety of weaponry. I was also confused by the key bindings screen, which promised some sort of vehicle combat, not like the clunky mako, but something, then there were no vehicles in the game. Why have key bindings for them then? Also the hacking puzzles were way too easy in this game. They should come up with some different ones. Anyways, I am eagerly awaiting the 3rd installment in this series. They have the potential for this series to go down as an all-time gaming classic. Every race has a story arc that has things unfulfilled in it. There's a lot to do in part 3 besides just the defeating reapers. The krogans have to defeat the genophage, the quarians have to retake their homeworld or make peace with the geth, the geth have to break free of the reapers, and of course the different individual character arcs. Maybe they could delve deeper into who Sheperd is as well. The potential for the finale is palpable. If you haven't played the first game, it's not really a requirement, but you need to play this second one if you haven't. The only game I can say I've enjoyed more is Fallout 3.
Youth in Revolt
(2009)
Funny bones, but where's the meat?
17 June 2010
Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy creates alternate persona and burns down half his town to get the girl back. Boy makes a whole lot of bad decisions, and so do the filmmakers.
There's a lot to like about this movie, and some real head-scratching moments as well. I really enjoyed Cera and newcomer Portia Doubleday, she's absolutely stunningly beautiful and has a great future ahead of her. Her performance pretty much makes this movie. Their relationship is the driving force of this movie, and although it never quite becomes believable they do have some nice chemistry. I like Cera and his double-role really lets him break out of his typecast innocence. There is some great comedy here but it comes at a price. The problems I have with this movie weren't immediately apparent, but after the movie was over they became very obvious.
For one thing, there's way too many characters played by indie actors all over the place in this movie. Almost none of them get any respectable screen time or any real character development. Jean Smart plays the stereotypically promiscuous mother, who has almost no redeeming qualities whatsoever, Zach Galifianakis has about 5 minutes of screen time, and the whole plot of his car being stuck in the living room and the sailors is never resolved. Steve Buscemi has some enjoyably intense back-and-forth fights with Cera, but again no real depth of any kind.
Even Cera's character is hard to get behind at times. Halfway through the movie he meets a girl named Bernice Lynch, who seems nice but emotionally unstable. So what does he do? He manipulates her by telling her he has feelings for her, so she'll drug Sheeni and get her expelled. Then the movie completely forgets about her. Wouldn't she be heartbroken and ready to do something horrible to get back at Nick, or do something horrible to herself? Then there's this guy called Vijay who randomly shows up and follows Nick to Sheeni's school. They have some hijinks and then the movie completely forgets about him as well. Then there's Nick's best friend Lefty who has about two scenes. There's some chuckle worthy magic mushroom comedy involving Justin Long, Ari Graynor, and Fred Willard. Then in almost the very next scene there's more magic mushroom hijinks with M. Emmet Walsh of all people. This is all pretty much all these actors are used for.
Ray Liotta plays a cop who covers for Nick about the fire while he dates his mom, then when she dumps him he tells the whole police force that Nick set the fire. First of all, wouldn't the police force figure out that he'd been covering for him? I mean he'd been dating the kid's mom. They also never really showed why she dumped him. I could go on and on, but suffice it to say that all these pointless characters start to give the movie a strange coldness after a while, like everything is happening at a distance. There are laughs to be had but it's just too hard to care about anything that happens.
A lot of stuff here is just really silly. (Cross dressing? Really) The whole car-off-the-cliff thing from the end really didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. If he was trying to fake his death, why did he take off his clothes and throw them in the car? Did I mention Cera is in his underwear for about half this movie? Even the character of Francois is pretty much pointless and unbelievable. Nick creates him so that Sheeni will like his 'bad side', even though she seemed to like him fine just the way he was. Somehow Nick loses control of Francois at several points and lets him control his actions, which really doesn't make sense. There's also never really any conflict between the two personas.
In short, I enjoyed this movie despite it's silliness, but what I had a problem with was things that were lacking, like depth of character and nonsensical plot points. I've never read the books, but the characters feel flat like they were taken right off the page and not expanded on at all. In the end it becomes apparent that there was a whole lot more they could have done with this material. I don't know if I'd see it again, but it is a fairly enjoyable comedy. Just remember to leave your brain at the door.
There's a lot to like about this movie, and some real head-scratching moments as well. I really enjoyed Cera and newcomer Portia Doubleday, she's absolutely stunningly beautiful and has a great future ahead of her. Her performance pretty much makes this movie. Their relationship is the driving force of this movie, and although it never quite becomes believable they do have some nice chemistry. I like Cera and his double-role really lets him break out of his typecast innocence. There is some great comedy here but it comes at a price. The problems I have with this movie weren't immediately apparent, but after the movie was over they became very obvious.
For one thing, there's way too many characters played by indie actors all over the place in this movie. Almost none of them get any respectable screen time or any real character development. Jean Smart plays the stereotypically promiscuous mother, who has almost no redeeming qualities whatsoever, Zach Galifianakis has about 5 minutes of screen time, and the whole plot of his car being stuck in the living room and the sailors is never resolved. Steve Buscemi has some enjoyably intense back-and-forth fights with Cera, but again no real depth of any kind.
Even Cera's character is hard to get behind at times. Halfway through the movie he meets a girl named Bernice Lynch, who seems nice but emotionally unstable. So what does he do? He manipulates her by telling her he has feelings for her, so she'll drug Sheeni and get her expelled. Then the movie completely forgets about her. Wouldn't she be heartbroken and ready to do something horrible to get back at Nick, or do something horrible to herself? Then there's this guy called Vijay who randomly shows up and follows Nick to Sheeni's school. They have some hijinks and then the movie completely forgets about him as well. Then there's Nick's best friend Lefty who has about two scenes. There's some chuckle worthy magic mushroom comedy involving Justin Long, Ari Graynor, and Fred Willard. Then in almost the very next scene there's more magic mushroom hijinks with M. Emmet Walsh of all people. This is all pretty much all these actors are used for.
Ray Liotta plays a cop who covers for Nick about the fire while he dates his mom, then when she dumps him he tells the whole police force that Nick set the fire. First of all, wouldn't the police force figure out that he'd been covering for him? I mean he'd been dating the kid's mom. They also never really showed why she dumped him. I could go on and on, but suffice it to say that all these pointless characters start to give the movie a strange coldness after a while, like everything is happening at a distance. There are laughs to be had but it's just too hard to care about anything that happens.
A lot of stuff here is just really silly. (Cross dressing? Really) The whole car-off-the-cliff thing from the end really didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. If he was trying to fake his death, why did he take off his clothes and throw them in the car? Did I mention Cera is in his underwear for about half this movie? Even the character of Francois is pretty much pointless and unbelievable. Nick creates him so that Sheeni will like his 'bad side', even though she seemed to like him fine just the way he was. Somehow Nick loses control of Francois at several points and lets him control his actions, which really doesn't make sense. There's also never really any conflict between the two personas.
In short, I enjoyed this movie despite it's silliness, but what I had a problem with was things that were lacking, like depth of character and nonsensical plot points. I've never read the books, but the characters feel flat like they were taken right off the page and not expanded on at all. In the end it becomes apparent that there was a whole lot more they could have done with this material. I don't know if I'd see it again, but it is a fairly enjoyable comedy. Just remember to leave your brain at the door.
"Next thing you know he's gonna want to arrange a meeting, where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van and make a wind chime out of your genitals."
10 June 2010
This line from Eurotrip is all I could think of during the first half hour of this film. I mean the premise couldn't get more bizarre, and I was expecting just another torture porn fiasco. But by the end, it turned out to be a rather fascinating study of madness and doomed obsession with playing God.
What really holds this all together is the performances of Dieter Laser and Akihiro Kitamura as the Japanese man used as the 'head' of the centipede. The two girls never really get a chance to act beyond the first 20 minutes, but with a premise like this it's understandable; Their mouths are basically sewn shut for the majority of the film. (Insert misogynist joke here.) They can only communicate by holding each others hands and mumbling. Kitamura however is literally like a mad dog on screen, bristling with anger and the will to escape and exact his revenge. He represents the determination of all creatures to be free of the will of others, which makes him the most relatable character.
Then we get to Dr. Heiter. Dieter Laser is effortlessly creepy as the Frankensteinish surgeon. He lives in an out-of-the-way house in the woods, and his obsession seems to center around the passing of "three dog", his Siamese triplet dog who he appears intent on resurrecting. This is never explored fully but it seems like a logical explanation. Heiter's house is one of my favourite things about this film. Its maze-like hallways are only ever lit by natural light, giving the film a claustrophobic feel and ratcheting up the tension in certain scenes.
Don't see this movie expecting another Hostel. Very little of the actual surgery is shown, which is kind of refreshing. The movie never goes for shock value, opting for a more humanistic approach. There's a few squeamish scenes but you won't be vomiting in your popcorn or anything. I also loved the ending, which is as thematically fascinating as it is satisfyingly bloody. Despite having one of the strangest premises in recent memory, this film is easy to recommend. If you can get past the rather silly opening setup and the doomed-from-the-start evil plot, there's a lot to enjoy here. It was also scary enough to give me nightmares, which not many films can accomplish.
What really holds this all together is the performances of Dieter Laser and Akihiro Kitamura as the Japanese man used as the 'head' of the centipede. The two girls never really get a chance to act beyond the first 20 minutes, but with a premise like this it's understandable; Their mouths are basically sewn shut for the majority of the film. (Insert misogynist joke here.) They can only communicate by holding each others hands and mumbling. Kitamura however is literally like a mad dog on screen, bristling with anger and the will to escape and exact his revenge. He represents the determination of all creatures to be free of the will of others, which makes him the most relatable character.
Then we get to Dr. Heiter. Dieter Laser is effortlessly creepy as the Frankensteinish surgeon. He lives in an out-of-the-way house in the woods, and his obsession seems to center around the passing of "three dog", his Siamese triplet dog who he appears intent on resurrecting. This is never explored fully but it seems like a logical explanation. Heiter's house is one of my favourite things about this film. Its maze-like hallways are only ever lit by natural light, giving the film a claustrophobic feel and ratcheting up the tension in certain scenes.
Don't see this movie expecting another Hostel. Very little of the actual surgery is shown, which is kind of refreshing. The movie never goes for shock value, opting for a more humanistic approach. There's a few squeamish scenes but you won't be vomiting in your popcorn or anything. I also loved the ending, which is as thematically fascinating as it is satisfyingly bloody. Despite having one of the strangest premises in recent memory, this film is easy to recommend. If you can get past the rather silly opening setup and the doomed-from-the-start evil plot, there's a lot to enjoy here. It was also scary enough to give me nightmares, which not many films can accomplish.
Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew
(2009– )
Compelling television
24 March 2010
Sex Rehab follows 8 individuals, some of them semi-well known, as they struggle with their inner demons that led them to have sexual addictions that threaten to ruin their lives. They include a film director, two former porn stars, a pro surfer, a rock drummer, two models, and a beauty queen. Now, this is a fairly typical reality TV series from VH1, so don't expect dramatic brilliance on the level of some shows like Intervention. But I was pleasantly surprised at the depth of the therapy and the development of the relationships between the patients. Some of them respond better to therapy than others (Kari Anne comes off as completely nuts, but then she was also secretly on drugs during filming), but you really get to know each one as the series progresses. Dr. Drew and Jill are very perceptive and compassionate therapists and really change the patients' lives for the better. This series is not perfect, and is sometimes hampered by the youth-oriented reality TV style that the VH1 producers are known for. The biggest sign of this is the editing, which left out some interesting stuff in favor of wasting time recapping previous episodes and previewing future events in a repetitive fashion. Maybe the fact that most reality shows promote sensationalism, sex and drugs makes this show so refreshing and rewarding, because it promotes real relationships, self-improvement and self control. It ends up overcoming its own stylistic limitations and is very worthwhile. Nearly everyone who participated had their lives changed forever. If that isn't worth watching, I don't know what is.
Black Dynamite
(2009)
Action comedy at its best, fool!
3 March 2010
Behold the unsung awesomeness of Michael Jai White. Who knew he was a comedic genius? Previously only known for movies like Spawn, here he takes on both the lead role and also helps write the screenplay.
Black Dynamite is a kung-fu master, ex-CIA, ex-military, ladies man, stereotypical ultra bad-ass with a heart of gold. The plot is thin, but everything here is entirely tongue-in-cheek and it all works. He basically goes around fighting pimps and drug dealers, charming women and being a bad mutha while looking for his brother's killer.
Filmed in typical grainy 70's style with constant zoom-ins on peoples faces and funky music, this movie is masterpiece of style. The only complaint that could be made is that the movie is on the short side, but it contains enough hilarious one-liners to fill 3 movies, combined with some brilliant visual gags. Even the music contains hilarious sung-overs to narrate some scenes.
White plays it completely straight, but his comic timing is spot on. You can tell that everyone involved had a blast making this. Black Dynamite is a spoof movie done right, one of the funniest of the decade, and an instant cult classic.
Black Dynamite is a kung-fu master, ex-CIA, ex-military, ladies man, stereotypical ultra bad-ass with a heart of gold. The plot is thin, but everything here is entirely tongue-in-cheek and it all works. He basically goes around fighting pimps and drug dealers, charming women and being a bad mutha while looking for his brother's killer.
Filmed in typical grainy 70's style with constant zoom-ins on peoples faces and funky music, this movie is masterpiece of style. The only complaint that could be made is that the movie is on the short side, but it contains enough hilarious one-liners to fill 3 movies, combined with some brilliant visual gags. Even the music contains hilarious sung-overs to narrate some scenes.
White plays it completely straight, but his comic timing is spot on. You can tell that everyone involved had a blast making this. Black Dynamite is a spoof movie done right, one of the funniest of the decade, and an instant cult classic.
Little Britain USA
(2008)
VERY funny
18 February 2010
The cult duo are back with a new series on a new continent. Little Britain USA could very well surpass the original series, which was fairly hit and miss. Most of the best characters are back and most of the new ones are great too. (The astronaut was a little weak, but I'll give it time.) The couple of 40 years who are completely miserable is probably my favorite. The humor is outrageous if a little gross, but so was the original. It seems like 'USA' has reached a higher quality of comedy. This is a truly hilarious series and a joy for fans of these guys. If you hate them I can't guarantee this show will change your mind, but I think it's very well done.
Unfortunately it's already been cancelled. And Americans think Friends is good comedy...
Unfortunately it's already been cancelled. And Americans think Friends is good comedy...
Mulholland Drive
(2001)
The most terrifying movie ever made
4 February 2010
David Lynch's films are like abstract paintings. They may look simple on the surface, but the more you look, the more they seem to have eerie meanings behind them, told in alien tongues and perhaps wholly unsolvable. Mulholland drives begins with two women, an actress played by Naomi Watts, and a woman who loses her memory in a car crash and winds up needing the other's help, played by Laura Harring. Together they try to piece together who she is, and things start to get stranger as the characters try to unravel a mystery beyond comprehension. Justin Theroux shows up as a young director whose life begins to fall apart after he makes a casting decision against the wills of some very strange men who drink expensive coffee. His sections of the film give some comic relief, even though he is trapped in the same inexplicable nightmare as the women. The plot itself isn't really important to follow, and since it is quite confusing and fragmented, you can simply let the experience of the film wash over you without worrying about understanding it as you would a normal story.
Despite it's surreal overtones and disjointed structure, this movie has some great insights into the (un)realities of Hollywood. It is both a homage to film noir and a cautionary tale of fame and jealousy. Betty (Watts) is a young up and coming actress who seems to have her whole life ahead of her, and a golden glow around her head. Lynch uses an interesting technique when she is first introduced, by dubbing all the lines in ADR. This has the effect of making the acting seem horrible, but there's a purpose. The scene is unreal in it's bright happiness, and the two people she is with continue to smile unnaturally when they leave. Without giving too much away, Betty's persona evolves over the course of the film, and really lets Naomi Watts show a great range of emotions, from purposefully naive to broken and haggard. When Betty goes to an audition, and acts brilliantly, the difference between her acting and her real persona is staggering, and shows you how good of a performance it really is by Watts. The audition scene also shows how fantasy becomes her reality, and this has parallels across the entire film. Nothing is truly what it seems, and the seemingly innocent relationship between the two women starts to drift into darker territory as reality steadily seeps through. When the truth is finally revealed, you will realize that Mulholland Drive has taken you from naive bliss straight to the horrors of Hell.
Lynch is a master of subtle film-making. Instead of using music in some scenes, he uses low-pitched background noises. He used these in Eraserhead as well, and they are a great way of making an atmosphere of anxious tension. However the musical score by Angelo Badalamenti is spellbinding. The cinematography is brilliant as well, using blur effects, first-person perspectives and strange close-ups to draw you right into the movie. One scene in particular draws the viewer's attention because at first it seems to be completely removed from the main storyline, and it is. But since Lynch does nothing by accident, this means it is the most important scene in the movie. (In an interview he refers to this type of scene as the "duck's eye".) A man tells his friend that he had a dream about this restaurant, and that there's a man waiting behind it, a creature of sheer horror. So they go outside to see if the man is there. Just like there may be a man behind the diner, there is a presence, an ineffable malevolent force lurking behind every frame, word and scene of this movie. I know of no other film able to create such a profound uneasiness, as if some otherworldly revelation were near at hand.
The film is also visually stunning, with the colour blue mysteriously permeating many scenes, and the set designs and dialogue containing little clues throughout the film. The mystery is as compelling as it is chilling. Even though there may be no answer to what's really going on in the movie, you will want to watch it more than once to figure out all the different layers, and they are mostly cohesive if you look at it right. Some say it is just a dream and reality juxtaposed, but it's so much more than that. There is another whole layer of inexplicable, subconscious terror permeating the film, and just when you think you have it all figured out, the last scene explodes like a final question in an impossible riddle.
Mulholland Drive is a fully realized world of harrowing suspense and dreamlike unreality. There are moments in this film that are so psychologically affecting that they will never leave your mind, and it's final images will leave you shellshocked. Overall it is a roller-coaster of emotions and an endlessly intriguing puzzle. Lynch's storied career may well have hit it's peak with this, an absolute masterpiece.
Despite it's surreal overtones and disjointed structure, this movie has some great insights into the (un)realities of Hollywood. It is both a homage to film noir and a cautionary tale of fame and jealousy. Betty (Watts) is a young up and coming actress who seems to have her whole life ahead of her, and a golden glow around her head. Lynch uses an interesting technique when she is first introduced, by dubbing all the lines in ADR. This has the effect of making the acting seem horrible, but there's a purpose. The scene is unreal in it's bright happiness, and the two people she is with continue to smile unnaturally when they leave. Without giving too much away, Betty's persona evolves over the course of the film, and really lets Naomi Watts show a great range of emotions, from purposefully naive to broken and haggard. When Betty goes to an audition, and acts brilliantly, the difference between her acting and her real persona is staggering, and shows you how good of a performance it really is by Watts. The audition scene also shows how fantasy becomes her reality, and this has parallels across the entire film. Nothing is truly what it seems, and the seemingly innocent relationship between the two women starts to drift into darker territory as reality steadily seeps through. When the truth is finally revealed, you will realize that Mulholland Drive has taken you from naive bliss straight to the horrors of Hell.
Lynch is a master of subtle film-making. Instead of using music in some scenes, he uses low-pitched background noises. He used these in Eraserhead as well, and they are a great way of making an atmosphere of anxious tension. However the musical score by Angelo Badalamenti is spellbinding. The cinematography is brilliant as well, using blur effects, first-person perspectives and strange close-ups to draw you right into the movie. One scene in particular draws the viewer's attention because at first it seems to be completely removed from the main storyline, and it is. But since Lynch does nothing by accident, this means it is the most important scene in the movie. (In an interview he refers to this type of scene as the "duck's eye".) A man tells his friend that he had a dream about this restaurant, and that there's a man waiting behind it, a creature of sheer horror. So they go outside to see if the man is there. Just like there may be a man behind the diner, there is a presence, an ineffable malevolent force lurking behind every frame, word and scene of this movie. I know of no other film able to create such a profound uneasiness, as if some otherworldly revelation were near at hand.
The film is also visually stunning, with the colour blue mysteriously permeating many scenes, and the set designs and dialogue containing little clues throughout the film. The mystery is as compelling as it is chilling. Even though there may be no answer to what's really going on in the movie, you will want to watch it more than once to figure out all the different layers, and they are mostly cohesive if you look at it right. Some say it is just a dream and reality juxtaposed, but it's so much more than that. There is another whole layer of inexplicable, subconscious terror permeating the film, and just when you think you have it all figured out, the last scene explodes like a final question in an impossible riddle.
Mulholland Drive is a fully realized world of harrowing suspense and dreamlike unreality. There are moments in this film that are so psychologically affecting that they will never leave your mind, and it's final images will leave you shellshocked. Overall it is a roller-coaster of emotions and an endlessly intriguing puzzle. Lynch's storied career may well have hit it's peak with this, an absolute masterpiece.
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