Reviews

Yeah. It's official. Nick is dead. The bad shows, bland humor, reruns in disguise, and mediocre magazines were it's cardiac arrest. This was a nail in the coffin. The day of children's quality animation is over. Better start watching The Simpsons.

What? What's wrong? Well every-. Oh. In detail. Okay. So first off was the opening showing The Rock (or Dwayne Johnson) on a "Mission" to deliver the orange blimps to the KCA. He gets out of a Men in Black type car and catches his clothes in the door ripping them off only leaving his underwear. Very *cough**groan**grunt* original. So after five minutes bad acting he finally passes out an award. Speaking of awards, the voting was rigged. I know it. The best movie award candidates were Iron Man, The Dark Knight, Ga- I mean High School Musical, and Bedtime stories. There were plenty of better movies this year. But then I saw the winner. This person in a red wig did a cartwheel onto the stage and the back of the shirt said: HSM3. Over the Dark Knight. Over Iron Man. Over Bedtime st- actually that movie was bad. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!??! The rest of this was BS. When they opened chests for awards they would get sprayed with slime or not have the winner inside. Then some gimmicky gymnast or rope- swinger or machine or whatever would come on stage with the award after five minutes of jumping around. This happened in every single award except one. Also, the budget was lower this year. I had DVR and fast forwarded through the speeches and skits but also through a few awards because they didn't bother to screen the nominees. Over all the voting was rigged, the acting was bad, the humor was not humor and I did not enjoy this at all. Avoid it like the plague. Do it next year too.

Cartoon Network is dead. They were a quality cartoon channel when I was younger, often one I preferred watching. But this...this really cut the nuts off my childhood. It's about a kid who's a big pushover, unpopular, and not a jock in a middle school who's secretly in love with this girl who doesn't notice him at all. So, aside from the the cliché's, this is the same freaking setup as the other past 100 cartoons. So he goes to Gollyworld, some sort of Disney parody, and gets hit by a train, and thus he has to get a brain transplant. Y'know, if someone were to get hit by a train, they'd be dead. So he has his brain replaced with some sort of Walt Disney-esquire man, but manages to keep his personality gland to cover up a plot hole (very poorly). Now, I think free will is in the frontal lobe and personality is in the brain stem. I know, "Why so serious, it's a cartoon-like show?". Well if thats the way they made it, then it should have been a freaking cartoon! Anyway, when he wakes up and realizes that he can see cartoons that drive him crazy the entire movie. Now, back to the logic, when he wakes up, he remembers his parents. In the brain, neurons control memory, so if his lost his brain but kept his "personality gland" that means he can't remember anything.

Now, I won't go into this to much, but the only good part is when Jimmy turns into a cartoon to rescue his girlfriend. The animation was solid, but it only lasted for 20 seconds. But, beyond that, the acting was atrocious, the characters were under developed, and the film was trying to hard to be funny, and failing at it. Don't see this. You will be happy you didn't.

So, in the 90's, came an original cartoon that was gross, vulgar, and plain out crazy. That is Ren and Stimpy, possibly the best true Nicktoon ever made. The vulgar humor was a first. This made it unique, and easy to watch for kids.

Come 2000, we get Invader Zim. Not bad, but not as great. Then we get Billy and Mandy, another vulgar cartoon, but this was not a good one. Then we have Spongebob trying to make vulgar humor. Did not go too well. So by the time we get to '08, we get this. And guess what kid's, it's trying to be vulgar too!

This is from the mind of C.H. Greenblat, who worked on Spongebob. "Greeeeaaaaaaaaat", Tronman said, disgusted by the thoughts (read my review). So it's about a boy/raccoon/thing named Chowder trying to be a chef. He apprentices under Mung Dahl, a legendary chef who is old and nervous of Chowder's cooking, since it usually fails. Mung has an assistant named Schnitzel, who can only say "Radda Radda". "Oh man," Tronman remarked, "That's just Hilarious". So the show goes three ways, Chowder trying to make something and failing, a competition against Endive, another chef and rival of Mung's, and finally, making chowder loving a food and over consuming it.

And that's about it. Yup. Thats all. Maybe a running gag or two but not much else. yuuuuuuup. Oh yeah, this is also vulgar. BIG FREAKING SURPRISE! But this is just another failing attempt to get Cartoon Network back to it's peak. As a 1337 would say "LULZ, Epic FAIL!!!

If I were to talk to my cat, I'd like to hear her sound kind of like the animals in this show. So profound sounding. So funny, the way they talk to bird about fears of heights and have a French Bull dog argue about who's the better pet with Stick Insects. The dog says "Have you seen my stick impression? Yes." taunting the bug. "We-well a dog, it's just stupid. What'r you gonna do with a stupid stupid dog?" the insect replies. It's witty. It's funny. It's British humor. And it's from Aardman, the guys behind Wallace and Gromit. This is claymation at it's best. The series is worth checking out. It drags from time to time, but this left me laughing.

Nicktoons were an artistic medium in a way. They original, funny, and the first for-kids cartoons on a for-kids network on the air. Rugrats was a childhood favorite. Ren and Stimpy, while vulgar and gross, was one of the most original ideas on the air. Hey Arnold! and Doug were simplistic and had morals. This was a golden age of television. But in the late 90's, with Ren and Stimpy, Rocko's Modern Life, and other original Nicktoons off the air, Nick ran out of ideas.

This is where Spongebob came in. It was about a squeaky-voiced stupid character who should have been locked up in the looney bin along with his friend. Ren and Stimpy much? At first it was okay, but it just seemed too bland. The Dennis the Mennis relationship with Squidward wasn't funny, the ever greedy Mr. Krabs was like Big Bob from Hey Arnold, and it was trying to be random but never got it right (T.V. has never been able to do that). Patrick was thrown in for comic relief, as a stupid stupid character, like Stimpy. Nick jumped off a cliff, with spikes at the bottom, a rope around it's neck, and a award for "Most likely to repeat mistakes." And it did. With bad, unoriginal, stereotypical cartoons. Good-bye quality television. I never forget you.

Before there was "The Mighty B", "All Grown Up!", "Spongebob", or "Rocket Power" there was a little show called Hey Arnold. It wasn't about some kid trying to conquer the world, and always failing. It wasn't about a looney, squeaky-voiced character with a very low I.Q. It was about a boy living in a city. He was human. He was realistic. And he made a dang-good cartoon.

It was simplistic, charming, witty, and innocent. It captured a sweet, touching feeling with morals and emotions and crap that was awesome. The music was jazzy, the city was like a real city and it was one of my favorite shows growing up. It captured the golden age of Nicktoons, before they turned crappy and unoriginal with shows like SpongeBob. I wish I saw it coming. I wish I had savored this cartoon more than I did. But that's passed, and thats why I'm on here and not watching T.V.