I was curious to say the least. I wouldn't say I am a super fan of Wil's but I do like him, so when I saw this I thought give it a go. Looks like he wants to play it straight so who knows, might be good. Please. Pleaaaasseeeeeeeeee. I watched the trailer and already my head told my heart jog on. But did I listen, no! I thought go on, watch a bit, what's to lose? other than the will to live, 'scuse pun! It's bad, bad everything. Writing, acting, no need to write about spoilers because you can see them coming a mile down the road. It is truly awful and unless you need to watch a very bad film because you're being made to watch one to analyse in film class then stop right there Mrs.... It's not worth it. I'm disappointed, because I like Will but wow, what was he thinking. Deserves a zero. minus
Reviews
9 Reviews
Vendetta
(I) (2013)
Wet Fish
18 July 2014
I love Danny Dyer, I really do. I watched this today and knew from the outset that the script was pretty low grade. In fact, I'm not even sure why Danny Dyer would read a script like this and say 'yeah boy, I'll do it'. It's awful, some of the dialogue states the obvious. The part when the young couple go to buy drugs and realise they don't have enough money..
Bloke: 'your guy told us for, look look we only got four on us' Edit: you sure you just have four geezer? Girl 'we'll just get four then yeah' Edit: four, you sure you want four? Lots of character bleats in between as they discuss boob showing, more fours, no deal made.. Girl: Babe lets just go Bloke: Babe, we need this gear More discussion on boob showing to the crims to get the amount wanted so she flashes boobs and then... More grunts Bloke' Look we're getting out of here Now hold on, do you see? Can you feel the boredom rise in you? The point of this seen was what? To show how vicious the drug dealers were to this couple? To show they took no nonsense? It was lame, repetitive, pointless. Really really pointless.
From this moment on, I knew the film was going to fall flat. I probably knew from watching the trailer, but because of Danny I sucked it up and ate ice cream to soothe my wounds. I don't know where they got the cash from, I don't know how they got Danny Dyer to do this film, but wow is all I can say. If you have a couple of hours, go take a shower, go down the shops, go watch eastenders, he's better in that. All I can say is don't waste your day on this. Danny must have got some cash for doing this film. I am just shocked that script writers like this are actually having films made.
Bloke: 'your guy told us for, look look we only got four on us' Edit: you sure you just have four geezer? Girl 'we'll just get four then yeah' Edit: four, you sure you want four? Lots of character bleats in between as they discuss boob showing, more fours, no deal made.. Girl: Babe lets just go Bloke: Babe, we need this gear More discussion on boob showing to the crims to get the amount wanted so she flashes boobs and then... More grunts Bloke' Look we're getting out of here Now hold on, do you see? Can you feel the boredom rise in you? The point of this seen was what? To show how vicious the drug dealers were to this couple? To show they took no nonsense? It was lame, repetitive, pointless. Really really pointless.
From this moment on, I knew the film was going to fall flat. I probably knew from watching the trailer, but because of Danny I sucked it up and ate ice cream to soothe my wounds. I don't know where they got the cash from, I don't know how they got Danny Dyer to do this film, but wow is all I can say. If you have a couple of hours, go take a shower, go down the shops, go watch eastenders, he's better in that. All I can say is don't waste your day on this. Danny must have got some cash for doing this film. I am just shocked that script writers like this are actually having films made.
The Box
(I) (2009)
Dull as dishwater
7 July 2013
Really? Underrated? Really??? Donny Darko = zero, this film = - zero. Don't waste your time. It's not creepy, it's slow, dull and unless you're willing to snooze through it with a full belly and hope that you have another better film to wash down your chips, please don't bother with this. It just feels like a 50's B movie with less of the charm. It's slow and begins to hurt your head, forget about the blokes frontal lobe area. I feel as though I have been cheated out of the time it's taken to drag myself through this film. I kept trying to tell myself it will get better, but it just never gets there. By the end of it, I realised I should have just watched Scooby Doo again and that movie made me either want to jump off the nearest building or escape the cinema and do some retail therapy. Don't do it I tell you... Don't do it!
Boy A
(2007)
Heart breaking
12 March 2011
Warning: Spoilers
What a heart breaker. This hurts! It makes you stop and think, it makes you question yourself... Just what would you do if your life had been the one changed by the hands of boy a? If it had been someone in your family who had been killed at his hands? Would you fight against your reaction to like this character? Your emotions tell you you should despise him, but as his new life takes shape and he opens up and begins to live you realise he isn't evil at all. A guilt quickly set in for me because he is so likable as a character and if it hadn't been for circumstance, he wouldn't have killed anyone, or been left to rely on his best mate.
Waiting for the shots of the past to feed you more and more information, with that little dash of hope, praying that he didn't do what they said he did. But I'm guessing that this is really only because I felt guilty for feeling sorry for him and liking him and realising that he was just a child and maybe, just maybe no one should suffer for ever for a crime they commit as a child. It goes against everything I believe in, before this, my views were opposite.
But then again I can't even contemplate (and I tried) what the reverse reaction would have been if someone I loved had been killed by Boy A. I'm sure I would have reacted very differently to this film. It's so worth the watch. Amazing actors, great story and it leaves you questioning yourself. Adults play a huge role in forming the character of a child. Just because we can breed, doesn't mean we should...
Waiting for the shots of the past to feed you more and more information, with that little dash of hope, praying that he didn't do what they said he did. But I'm guessing that this is really only because I felt guilty for feeling sorry for him and liking him and realising that he was just a child and maybe, just maybe no one should suffer for ever for a crime they commit as a child. It goes against everything I believe in, before this, my views were opposite.
But then again I can't even contemplate (and I tried) what the reverse reaction would have been if someone I loved had been killed by Boy A. I'm sure I would have reacted very differently to this film. It's so worth the watch. Amazing actors, great story and it leaves you questioning yourself. Adults play a huge role in forming the character of a child. Just because we can breed, doesn't mean we should...
Vanishing on 7th Street
(2010)
Pointless!
6 March 2011
The acting wasn't terrible, but what the heck was that all about. These reviews don't allow one word reviews, which is a pity. I shall waffle on just like in the movie. It was nonsensical. Even being nonsensical, with a great twist would have made me feel better about wasting my time with this. But there was none. You keep waiting for something to happen, nothing ever does. Oh except for the creepy girl child towards the end. They could have just had her standing in the midsts of the film set speaking and that would have freaked most people out better than this dull dull film. I only wish there were more positives, any positives - oh I liked the Jesus statues in the church - they didn't speak. The actors did what they could with a awful plot and script. If I had been offered that script, I would have just gone back to bed.
One word I would have used if this site would have let me? Pointless!!!!
One word I would have used if this site would have let me? Pointless!!!!
F
(2010)
Scream Fest zero = F for failed
13 February 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Warning: DON'T do as I did and waste 79 minutes of you life on this predictable, frustrating film. I'm furious I didn't fast forward it. I won't call it a thriller, I won't call it a horror, it should have been mind numbingly called 'turn the lights on you stupid buggers'. All the way through it, you hope that somehow it will build, that the pace will somehow get you t the edge of your seat and then keep you there....yet all it delivers is the same old, stayed, cringe worthy predictable scenes.
Every one of these characters deserved to be killed. In fact, by the end of the film, it doesn't matter that you don't see the 'hoody' yoooffff faces, because you just want to start to cheer them on for getting rid of a bunch of idiots, who can't seem to use mobiles to call the police and when they do finally get through to them, the two that turn up deserve to be high on the list of the teen killers because of their stupidity.
It's full of what I call stupid music, that music used in horror films that attempts to chill you to the bone, which is really there to tell you if the idiot character doesn't turn around and see that there's a big ole horror fest panto taking place in the same room as he keeps walking into - 'HE'S BEHIND YOU' then the music will let you know that another one is about to get shanked!!! Just in case you might never have seen any other predictable horror film before.
I can't even tell you that overall the actors were bad, they weren't real bad actors, just a real terrible plot.
How many people left in a building at night? In the dark? Not one light bulb between them, until the director wanted an atmospheric shot, then he found some red bulbs just for the fun of it.
Cleaners cleaning in the dark? Teachers using the gym, working in libraries in the dark? Wow, if that's the level that directors and producers go to to try to get an ambiance of fear then please someone switch on the lights and hand me the carving knife, I'll do the job in half the time, less money and probably come out with a real horror fest.
They deserved everything they got in this terrible attempt at a thriller, suspense, horror????? Who knows what you'd call it. Don't go there, unless you have a light bulb in your back pocket and popcorn to pass the time. You've been warned.
Try better next time.
F = failed!
Every one of these characters deserved to be killed. In fact, by the end of the film, it doesn't matter that you don't see the 'hoody' yoooffff faces, because you just want to start to cheer them on for getting rid of a bunch of idiots, who can't seem to use mobiles to call the police and when they do finally get through to them, the two that turn up deserve to be high on the list of the teen killers because of their stupidity.
It's full of what I call stupid music, that music used in horror films that attempts to chill you to the bone, which is really there to tell you if the idiot character doesn't turn around and see that there's a big ole horror fest panto taking place in the same room as he keeps walking into - 'HE'S BEHIND YOU' then the music will let you know that another one is about to get shanked!!! Just in case you might never have seen any other predictable horror film before.
I can't even tell you that overall the actors were bad, they weren't real bad actors, just a real terrible plot.
How many people left in a building at night? In the dark? Not one light bulb between them, until the director wanted an atmospheric shot, then he found some red bulbs just for the fun of it.
Cleaners cleaning in the dark? Teachers using the gym, working in libraries in the dark? Wow, if that's the level that directors and producers go to to try to get an ambiance of fear then please someone switch on the lights and hand me the carving knife, I'll do the job in half the time, less money and probably come out with a real horror fest.
They deserved everything they got in this terrible attempt at a thriller, suspense, horror????? Who knows what you'd call it. Don't go there, unless you have a light bulb in your back pocket and popcorn to pass the time. You've been warned.
Try better next time.
F = failed!
Bundy: A Legacy of Evil
(2009 Video)
Want a clue? Don't Bother wasting Your Time!
31 May 2009
This has got to be the most awful film I have watched in a long time. In fact, I will as go as far as to say that it's worse than my all time movie low (which near enough caused me to have a mental breakdown and was only saved by disappearing out of the cinema to do some retail therapy) Scooby Doo the movie.
This is a waste of time, the acting is poor and I mean POOR - low budget doesn't have to mean this BAD. I am a little tired of these so called biography films where the writer and director get off on scenes of violence (in between scenes of pure mind numbing tedious acting).
SO - if you get your kicks from listening to piercing screams, with not one great attempt at acting in site, this is the film for you! If they had to tell this lunatics story, then they could have done it so much better than this. I shudder to think who would call it a great film - but then the word 'cult' will no doubt be used instead of the word 'crap'. But hey, you never know how drunk you need to be to get through to the end.
This is a waste of time, the acting is poor and I mean POOR - low budget doesn't have to mean this BAD. I am a little tired of these so called biography films where the writer and director get off on scenes of violence (in between scenes of pure mind numbing tedious acting).
SO - if you get your kicks from listening to piercing screams, with not one great attempt at acting in site, this is the film for you! If they had to tell this lunatics story, then they could have done it so much better than this. I shudder to think who would call it a great film - but then the word 'cult' will no doubt be used instead of the word 'crap'. But hey, you never know how drunk you need to be to get through to the end.
The Children
(2008)
The 268 To Hampstead
3 April 2009
Warning: Spoilers
How anyone can give this more than a 1 is beyond me. I guess it depends on what you're looking for on a cold day in April.
If you like single shot close ups of objects fluttering in the breeze, blood seeping into snow, middle class screamers and the occasional screaming brat then this is the film for you. Lots of dead staring and vomiting; my guess, to show that the kids have some sort of virus I believe - although this is never explained in any way or form in the film. But the clue would be in the amount of vomit left by each child (missed by all parents throughout the film) which has its affect one by one as the brats turn into Mac wearing make up freaks.
The clue here is... when you see miniature people running around in shiny plastic jackets (Don't Look Now) you run for your life. You do not hang around screaming and ignoring vomit and nearly dead people with brains oozing. You take the nearest car and you run. I can, of course only speak for myself when I say I hated the parents and I hated the kids, so no real loss there then. I didn't like any of the characters so I became a cheerleader for the kids to 'go get 'em'.
All in all, if you're looking for a Chucky 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 come baby Blair Witch Project with mini Gordon Ramsay people running around with knives screaming 'Mummy' then this is the film for you!
If you like single shot close ups of objects fluttering in the breeze, blood seeping into snow, middle class screamers and the occasional screaming brat then this is the film for you. Lots of dead staring and vomiting; my guess, to show that the kids have some sort of virus I believe - although this is never explained in any way or form in the film. But the clue would be in the amount of vomit left by each child (missed by all parents throughout the film) which has its affect one by one as the brats turn into Mac wearing make up freaks.
The clue here is... when you see miniature people running around in shiny plastic jackets (Don't Look Now) you run for your life. You do not hang around screaming and ignoring vomit and nearly dead people with brains oozing. You take the nearest car and you run. I can, of course only speak for myself when I say I hated the parents and I hated the kids, so no real loss there then. I didn't like any of the characters so I became a cheerleader for the kids to 'go get 'em'.
All in all, if you're looking for a Chucky 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 come baby Blair Witch Project with mini Gordon Ramsay people running around with knives screaming 'Mummy' then this is the film for you!
The Watch
(2008 TV Movie)
Pah - Go bake a cake instead!!!
29 March 2009
I have just wasted over an hour watching this totally predictable, 'with a hope that it would get better' excuse of a film. Made for TV or not, I watched it based on the last persons review on this site (more than not, I can pretty much get the gist of a film from the reviews on this site) and I'm not even going to waste any more time to tell you how disappointed I am.
So, this is your WARNING - unless you really want a mind numbing time, don't bother. It's not worth your while, no really... I mean it. I can't even pull out any 'best bits', oh, if you like looking at beautiful colourful trees then this films for you - because there's really nothing more to it than that! And that was me being generous.
So, this is your WARNING - unless you really want a mind numbing time, don't bother. It's not worth your while, no really... I mean it. I can't even pull out any 'best bits', oh, if you like looking at beautiful colourful trees then this films for you - because there's really nothing more to it than that! And that was me being generous.
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