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7/10
In a world so sad, is it allowed to have a laugh?
24 January 2015
This Scandinavian movie which takes place in an unnamed Swedish town is about bringing joy and laughter to people when there isn't really anything to laugh about. Jonathan (Holger Andersson) and Sam (Nils Westblom) are two joke article salesman, who have only three products: vampire teeth, a canned laughter sack and a frightening rubber mask which they try to sell to resellers. However, the duo is not successful in what they do and so are their – not so funny – products and their uncreative and repetitive sales talk. As they stumble into financial trouble their friendship and business project is about to collapse.

This loose and rather sad story is patched with more absurd incidences. A longer scene takes place in a bar when the young Swedish King Charles XII (1682 - 1718) rides in, as he guides the army to the battle against Russia. Charles asks the handsome barman to come with him to the war. Later, when the army comes home and the war is lost, Charles again visits the bar because he has to go to the toilet. These scenes are not meant to be taken literally but rather embraced as pure images decorated with strange and morbid humor. The world which director Roy Andersson paints for the viewer is drab. There are no colorful things: walls are ocher, bars are gray, the furniture is simple wooden dark brown, and even the faces of the protagonists are white. Nevertheless, the dry jokes, the black humor and the absurdity make the movie fascinating and funny, though a guilty pleasure. Is it really OK to have a laugh or – even worse! – to sell jokes in a world that is so odd, so gray, so dark and sad?

There are two scenes that may have caused uproar but I think not many people made it that far since these scene appear rather late in the film. I won't give it away; you have to find out for yourself. The things that drive common movie goers away are the incredible slow pace of the movie (think of REPULSION (1965)) and the lack of a cohesive storyline. Art seekers on the other side will find an interesting and subtle movie with strange humor that is rarely found.
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Noctem (2003 Video)
5/10
A pathetic, post-apocalyptic zombie tragedy - yet one of better home-made movies
6 September 2006
The movies is settled in a post-apocalyptic world that's already overrun by zombies. We don't know the reason and we get no solutions. All we see is a constant fight of survival lead by the two main protagonists, Kusey and Amy. Teaming up with other humans doesn't help - anarchy has taken over.

NOCTEM doesn't show the glory freedom of being a survivor like DAWN OF THE DEAD. It spreads the feelings of angst and depression, the actors are lost and don't know where to find help or even a place where they can stay for the night. It remind me more of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. They don't know who to trust and where to go - that's why Kusey and Amy stick together.

NOCTEM is quasi a home-made production shot with a digital camera. But don't be antipathetic by this! Apparently it's done pretty well! The photography, lighting and editing is really professional (as professional as it gets for such a production), the actors not that bad for amateurs. You got a nice load of gore, including some shots into the head or chest or cut off arms and heads. Though sometimes a little bit to exaggerated...

Schnaas, Ittenbach and all the other German camcorder-veterans should take a look. They can learn something from this one.
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1/10
Miss Congeniality 2: An Endurance Test
28 September 2005
Warning: Spoilers
I saw the movie in the plane (from Frankfurt to Cancun). So this is a long flight in the "monkey class" and you can barely move or stand. It was a daylight flight so i also couldn't sleep.

All in all you couldn't flee from the movie so everyone was sitting and watching or at least trying to close his/her eyes for a few minutes before the screen.

In combination with such a inconvenience a movie like MISS CONGENIALITY 2 appeared as one of the worst movies of all times to me (and i have seen a lot of sh*t so far).

Basically all the jokes are plain situation fun or slapstick but they are done in such a poor way that nobody in the whole plane laughed or at least smiled. Sandra probably had more fun filming than the audience watching it. It's one of the worst crimes if you make a comedy which is not funny and everyone is acting like a jumping Jack. It gives you the bad feeling that most modern American movies suffer from. Not true at any point, unfunny jokes and a story made for idiots or retarded children.

Please, someone must protect us from such movies, especially when we can't flee like at an 11 hours flight!
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1/10
Universal Golfer
20 August 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Every now and then i watch an action movie just to see how dull they are. While watching UNIVERSAL SOLDIER i'm now again convinced for - at least - the next two years.

It came to my mind that they only made so much obvious goofs in the movie (Logical, Continuity and other errors) that one doesn't have to pay too much attention to the plot itself. IMDb does only list a few of them but there was almost every minute another mistake that it makes you really wonder who could put the story together so woefully. I don't want to make a list (the movie makes me sick thinking about it) but just think about this fact: The US Army stations for an unapproved project (so it doesn't get any financiers) undead ice-troops in the middle of the desert but it comes to a personal war of honor and revenge when the before well controlled killing machines follow their own will.

Folks, don't trust this movie!
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Fangs (2002)
1/10
Vampires without Dracula or The Tale of the Genetic Engineered Bats
29 October 2003
Warning: Spoilers
If you look at this page you already know that Fangs is a quite lame movie. So instead of a review I want to give you some logical errors that may upset people while watching this movie because they are so obvious.

  • The bats are sreaming all the time. But a human will never hear a bat screaming with his own ears. - This little village in which the story takes place has it's own university?! - The professor has only one enemy so why does he kill all the other people? - The scene with the shredded aluminum cans (mentioned by the IMDb). This is not possible. - I guess you can't find the bats using the antennas at the end of the movie (at least not alone but they hast had _only_ these antennas)!


Beside this idiotic mistakes (probably they also had some spelling errors in the script - but that's another story) they mentioned every minute this apple-blossom festival. So you think that's the biggest party in this forgotten village (with university...) but when it finally comes to the scene we see that they even couldn't afford a small crowd to fill the room. When the bats attack the people had to run circles to show some action!

1/10 ... Dirt
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2/10
I can only remember the swords...
26 October 2003
'Kill Bill Vol. 1', Quentin Tarantino's fourth movie everybody is talkin' about because it's just _Quentin Tarantino_. Beside the hype around this man he didn't impress me with his movies, though he had some interesting ideas - until now.

'Kill Bill' made me slip back in my comfortable cinema chair thinking about the wasted time (111 minutes!) and money (5 EUR!) and stupidness of following the mainstream and all the hypes. Well, this aren't the normal thoughts of the audience and I want to tell you why I thought so about this movie.

I went to the cinema for two reasons: 1. A friend told me that Kill Bill is a good exploitation film like 'Braindead' - 2. Another one who knows me quite well and said that I will like this movie. So with joyfully anticipation the whole thing started but turned me off quite fast. Nothing happened. They shoot, they kill, they bleed, they jump, they beat... what's so special? Not even (IMHO) poor martial arts actors like Jackie Chan or Jet Li would appreciate such useless fighting sequences. And why did they pull swords in and out of the sheaths for minutes??? Some hidden meaning?

Is it really necessary to pack a conventional (American) revenge story (tooth for tooth, eye for eye) in such an over-the-top exaggerated movie with childish fightings (the comic-book showdown in the restaurant), useless blood flow (I like gore but you must know where you gave to use it), hollywood dialogues and sloppy cinematic elements (the anime retrospect of O-Ren Ishii).

This movie will appeal to people who have seen every 'Karate Tiger' movie, know the basic facts of Jean-Claude Van Damme's life and enjoy Dragon Ball Z on a daily basis.

Sorry people I have to give up but 'Kill Bill' was the worst film I saw since 'Scary Movie 2'.
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Dog Days (2001)
8/10
Austrian Art Cinema
5 September 2003
Every country which has a working film industry has some sane (and maybe some insane) artist which make movies that you can only completely understand when you're a part of this country. I guess Hundstage is such a movie.

You see the lowest level of Austria's society, dirty, disturbed, weird, hateful. But they still have enough money so they can afford tuned cars and big houses. And they are definitely doing a lot of strange things here which maybe seems for them 'normal' because they're doing it through their whole life. From a normal human viewpoint you can now easily follow the movie and be disgusted or fascinated and watch a fine piece of Austria's art movies.

But if you LIVE here and you know the people you see the characters in Hundstage as the tumor of the society. A society that is going more insane from day to day, creating their own rules that nobody else can understand, cave the social system from within. And you SEE the people. Sitting in the park, standing at the opposite street corner, queuing in the same line. Maybe you meet 'em in a bar or a disco you may visit. Maybe you even work with them in your job or they are living next to your house. You start to hate them without exactly knowing why. You'll try to get away - but you cannot. Maybe you'll end up like them. But it seems 'normal' for you because you're doing it through your whole life now...

Life isn't so bright though Austria is one of the richest countries in the world. It has beautiful people... but some are also ugly. There are a lot of hard working persons trying their best... but there are also some riding on the back of others and destroying everything that the folk of Austria has built up so far.

A very pessimistic movie.
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1/10
Poor
12 December 2002
Warning: Spoilers
As a horror freak you watch some brilliant movies but on the other hand a whole load of unbelievable terrible films where every good human reasons just goes down the toilet.

[Maybe some spoilers in here] Out of the Body is such a failure of mankind. David Gaze dreams of woman which are soon going to be murdered and mutilated. But, of course, he wants to save them (for what reason ever). Nobody believes him, neither the victims nor the police. Only his girlfriend Neva knows: He goes during his dreams on 'astral travels', yes, the best explanation! He contacts a psychiatrist (watch this colorful but senseless wheel turning around as he falls in trance!) but can she save him? Or is she the next victim on the murderers list?

Mark Hembrow's (as David Gaze) freaked out performance because of the killings is ridiculous and really bad. A lot scenes doesn't make sense at all, e.g. a women at the evening alone at home hears at the outside a strange noise. What is she doing? Instead of closing the wide open door to the veranda she goes and gets a gun! And as the lights start to flicker inside she just steps out on the veranda...

Poor, lame, boring, etc... Don't watch it - I read a newspaper during this movie.
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