Reviews

Although this Grindhouse-era sleazer is the genuine article, and features enough griminess and mysogeny to merit its title, the film's relative tameness and tediousness made for a fatiguing watch. As such, this trash is recommended only to genre completists. The women are mixed, from very hot to rather plain, and they seem to be dispatched in order of their overall sexiness. That said, however, there isn't a lot of violence here, with the majority of the encounters relegated to generic harassment and lame-o psychological domineering. The story involves a pair of backwoods brothers, whose mentally ill, incestuous mother has twisted them into dementia. After years of abuse, the brothers eventually find solace in kidnapping young women and keeping them captive in a makeshift cellar, visiting them periodically for faux-childish "playtime," which involves anything from kiddie-style doctor scenarios, unwholesome "hide-and-seek" stuff, with the brother's shooting one girl as she runs away; and miscellaneous intimidation and humiliation. There is a decent amount of nudity, but no more so than your average grindhouse flick. The dialog and scene structures are repetitive, and the story is basically a joke. In the end, this one looks fugly and sounds fugly, and you'll spend the majority of the time just admiring the 70's skin. Been there, done that, friends, and I've seen it done a whole lot better than "Schoolgirls in Chains." Unless you just have to see every entry from the sleazier end of the Grindhouse front, you can pass on this one. ---|--- Was this review helpful?

Well, its a weird one. And I don't mean weird like Crispin Glover. I'm talking presidential pig mask, live-action Thomas Hart Benton painting, astronaut dairy farmer weird, people.... Anyway, this flick comes from the outer ring of the 80's, and was probably originally conceived as a stage production, in the vein of "Little Shop of Horrors." Of course, weird is a good thing, and I can't say I had a bad time here, but I left "Big Meat Eater" on a bit of a confused note, not really absorbent of what I just witnessed. There really is some nut-ragious stuff in this one, like a 500lb B.B. King look-alike in a shriner outfit, Boy George vampire vocalist, and enough meat-related gore to show up H.G. Lewis. Throw in Ed Wood-style flying saucers, wind-up toy aliens, and 4-5 pretty righteous musical numbers, and you are gravitationally close. The story involves a Rivers Cuomo look-alike, who is commissioned to head up some sort of citizen's committee, after the town's mayor is killed and then resurrected via alien possession. Meanwhile, a scientist and his father work to construct the town's futuristic sewage treatment facility, which is secretly destined to be the launchpad for the aliens' invasion. Add into the mix some Croatian fortune tellers, Troma-flavored camp, and an intergalactic Oldsmobile, and you've got the fixins for a B-movie headscratcher that really defies description. Recommend some irradiated, lobster-clawed dwarfs, eagle-eyed bongwielder princess, and bathtub absynthe with this one. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

This is a surprisingly good made-for-TV thriller and it wins props for originality points. Stacey Keach plays a photojournalist, on the road for an assignment, which takes him into the woods of the rural south. A chance encounter with a young boy, who Keach sees carrying groceries down a desolate dirt road, leads him to the boy's home, nestled very deep in the backwoods. Once he is thoroughly "in the hollar," Keach's car breaks down, and he has no choice but to spend the night in the house of the young boy, whose three brothers and two sisters respond with eerie approval. What follows next is a strange and pretty cool story about a family of dangerous orphans, who entrap Keach and a woman in a perverse plan to reaquire surrogate parents. Despite his efforts to escape, Keach is unsuccesful, and he quickly discovers how clever and intelligent the kids' plan really is. (He also discovers that he isn't the first to be taken in by the group). Can Keach escape before it is too late? This is a story that, despite its perverse absurdity, could actually happen, I suppose, and the picture's scenarios are consistently interesting and unpredicatble. It is a good script and the cast all fit their roles well. Particularly good is John Savage (e.g. "The Deer Hunter"), who plays the group's oldest brother and de facto father figure. All in all, this is a pretty obscure, minor little film, but I'd recommend it to fans of 70's cinema, as well as anyone who enjoys a thriller involving kuntry folk. This one surprised me. (PS: In this same vein, I'd recommend the highly underrated "Hunter's Blood." It is OOP, but worth seeking).

OK, so Master P. IS the Black Supaman, people. He smokes reefer in the street, flies through the air in SNL-level blue screen sequences, and generally does good in the hood. Master P also directed this drug-induced, Z-grade comedy that plays out like an endless reel of outtakes. Picture the worst sketch comedy you've ever seen, then mix it with a "behind the scenes"-style rapper featurette, and throw in five scenes of people smoking kind bud. Now toss in a fine model (Claudia Jordan), a couple sassy grandmothers, and a neighborhood tough with manboobs unrivaled since "Fight Club," and you should be getting close. The only real actor is a midget, and the humor is similar to what you'd overhear at second or third grade recess. I suspect if you know Master P., smoke a lot of kind bud, and enjoy even the lamest efforts of Def Comedy jam, you'd probably dig "Black Supaman." For the rest of us, though...take a step back. OK, now really look at what you are watching here....1.5 stars for good natured effort. Otherwise, full on zero stars here. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

This obscure, minor, early Miike effort is incredibly lame and laughable. Tom Mes, author of "Agitator -The Cinema of Takashi Miike," (and essentially a died-in-the-wool Miike fanboy), describes this film as "awful" and "terrible" in some of his commentaries, and I have to agree with him heartily. Although I don't think its quite as lame as Miike's "City of Lost Souls," or as aimless and unwatchable as "Dead or Alive: Final," this Kiba sequel is definitely Miike at his sloppiest and most cringe-worthy. Almost everything about this picture is glaringly subpar, and some of the scenes are laugh out loud terrible. Aside from its star and basic story premise, this film bears no resemblance to its predecessor. Whereas the original "Bodyguard Kiba" was a pretty effective and watchable action movie, this one is a disjointed, seemingly "bad on purpose" clunker, and the story moves along incoherently. Miike is notorious for working with different crews for each picture, which lends a lot to his unclassifiability, and Miike is also a filmmaker that sometimes lets his crews have a lot of say, which allows him to make so many films a year. Anyhow, this picture had 3 assistant directors. For a film of this scale, there is no need for that, and the feeling one gets is that Miike had little to do with the actual production. There are some sorta funny parts, and the whole affair is over before it can wear out its welcome, but in the end, its minor and dull beyond belief. Unless you just have to see the worst Miike films, you can skip this one. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

This is classic Doris Wishman - shots of dead air, horrible dubbing, impossibly bad acting, New York City streetscapes, and scene direction so terrible that'll it make you gasp. (Also expect a ton of her signature feet shots and eccentric art direction; this time around it involves a puzzling equestrian theme). Anyway, if you know Doris and like her take on gonzo sleaze, "The Amazing Transplant" is gonna be a fun time. Similar to "Bad Girls Go to Hell" "Deadly Weapons" and "Double Agent 73," this movie is, in its awfulness, pretty consistently funny. My only real complaint with "Transplant," as an unintentional comedy, is that the sex scenes are way too long. (Picture a 5-min scene between two ugly people, most of which comprises shots of the guy's bare arse. Yeah...). That said, expect to fast forward through some parts. It is worth it, though, because almost every scene is laughable in some way. (The scene with the killer's mom, whose dress sports multiple mustard stains, had us laughing heartily). If you are new to Doris Wishman, and feel up to the task of viewing some of the poorest film-making imaginable, I'd start with "Bad Girls Go to Hell," because it showcases all the signatures of the Wishman style, minus half the sleaziness of "Transplant." If you had a good time with "Bad Girls," and weren't offended or anything, queue up "The Amazing Transplant." This is unintentional surrealism at its sleazy finest. Further proof that Wishman was, alongside Coleman Francis, America's most inept film director.

Do you wanna see some REALLY cool architechture? Rent this movie. The structures and buildings on display are unlike anything else on Earth. Antonio Gaudi (1852-1926) was a believer in naturalism, and his structures utilized a lot of organic principles. The buildings showcased, (and their subsequent interiors), are almost otherworldly, and they often look like something from Tolkien or Giger. (Think Middle Earth). Almost all of the film is devoted to showcasing Gaudi's work, which included apartments, homes, offices, outdoor structures, and fantastic cathedrals. Hiroshi Teshigahara, himself a student of art and ikebana (i.e. Japanese flower arrangement), was a highly visual film director, and his treatment of Gaudi's work is brilliant. There is essentially no narration, but the film's ambient score and breathtaking visuals work to reinforce the true genius of Gaudi's architechture. I was awestruck by the magnitude of this stuff, and the film takes you very close to the work of this incredible genius. Gaudi and Teshigahara are both on high display here, and the result is an entrancing, memorable experience. Highly recommended.

Blaze Starr went nudist, all right, and it was a look that really suited this fit, 38-24-37 Burlesque topliner. Starr is a bountiful physical spectacle in this movie, and less the bizarro caricature (and stunningly inept actress) as otherwise similar Wishman compatriot Chesty Morgan (e.g. "Deadly Weapons," "Double Agent 73"). (Unlike Chesty, Starr was sizzling hot, and her ineptness as an actress is balanced by an endearing, even if hopeless, effort to be presentable). If you like campy acting, ridiculous dialog, and shamelessly naked people, this odd and somewhat charming sexploitation film is worth checking out. As a whole, this is probably Wishman's most polished movie, and the overall experience feels more the work of David Friedman ("Blood Feast," "She Freak," etc.), himself a friend of Wishman, than a typical Wishman film. Scenes flow naturally from one to the next, and the camera-work is heads-and-shoulder's above typical Wishman fare. (We're not talking high art, mind you, but at least scenes are framed and in focus). Similarly, Wishman's patent feet shots and bold-faced filler are largely absent. As expected, the story and acting are deplorable, but the film's innocent spirit and camp factor make for quaint sexploitation vintage. If you are curious about Doris Wishman, the "Female Ed Wood," as she is often heralded, "Blaze Starr Goes Nudist" is a solid choice. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

You will enjoy this movie the more you appreciate Werner Herzog. As a lover of Herzog, I thought "Burden of Dreams" was wonderful, but the film's true merits as a documentary are, admitingly, somewhat average. Herzog fans shouldn't miss this movie, though, and about a third of the film is devoted to scenes with him, while he and his team are on location filming "Fitzcarraldo." There are some priceless scenes in this documentary, particularly a few minutes of footage of Herzog and Kinski aboard the steamship during the famous scene when the vessel careens down the treacherous rapids. Herzog and crew had one shot at filming that scene, and watching their reactions while in the course of creating such a masterpiece is terrific. Herzog has some good dialog here, and, as always, his pontifications are intriguing and insightful. Herzog talks about art, the duty of filming his dreams, and the tribulations of such an arduous undertaking as "Fitzcarraldo." You'll learn a lot of cool behind-the-scenes stuff, and the end result should be an even greater appreciation for both Herzog and "Fitzcarraldo." Herzog and crew faced incredible problems: native Indian attacks, political intrigue, cast mutiny, and the dryest rainy season in recorded history. Like so many of Herzog's works, the story behind the film is just as interesting as the film itself, and "Burden of Dreams" takes you up close to this inspiring man during the high water mark of his incredible career. Herzog fans, this is one you SHOULD NOT MISS. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

This film starts out wonderfully, with a great, hokey premise; silly dialogue, a cute newlywed couple, and a guy in a gorilla suit. In fact, after the first 15-min or so, "Bride and the Beast" began to approach classic, almost essential, 1950's B-film territory. However, the story takes a sudden and unwelcome turn when a seemingly innocuous subplot, which involves 2 Indian tigers escaping from captivity and entering into a killing spree upon several unseen African villages, balloons out-of-control and cannibalizes the main storyline for a full 30-minutes, wherein we are given seemingly endless stock footage of these tigers, both in the wild and on various studio "jungle" sets. (Admitingly, a lot of this stock footage is excellent, but it was way overdone). It isn't until the final 10-minutes that the story returns to the original plot line, which involves the newlywed couple coming-to-grips with the wife's past life a powerful gorilla queen, de facto overlord of the jungle and her subconscious desire to return to the wild, as well as her instinctual attraction to her husband's pet gorilla. The overall story is sort of a childish metaphor about the animalistic nature of man. In the end, we're basically presented with a question: "who is the real beast, man or nature?" Pretty decent stuff, really, considering the pedigree. In fact, this is probably Ed Wood's third best screenplay, IMO, with the top spots reserved for the delicious and untouchable "Orgy of the Dead," and the slightly lesser, but still wholly classic "Bride of the Monster." I like "Bride and the Beast," but its ultimately too average to recommend to anyone but Wood's completists. Man, this could have been a real classic, though. Oh well...moving on. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

This newer Guy Maddin project tries admirably to be progressive and inventive, but ultimately falls into the oldest movie pitfall of all -- that of dullness. Viewers hoping to revisit the brilliance Maddin showed in "The Saddest Music in the World" will probably be disappointed, as the story and characters in "Brand Upon the Brain" are hopelessly lifeless and under-developed. Essentially a very hyperkinetic silent film, "Brand Upon the Brain" tells a semi-autobiographical tale about a younger Guy Maddin, who, after hearing word of his mother's ill health, revisits his families' private Canadian island to paint its special lighthouse, as well as bury the ghosts of childhood lost. This is primarily a story about family, forgiveness, and burying the hatchets of past indiscetions. The story seems to say, basically, that you can't pick your family, and its important to love them despite problems and indifferences. Its a pretty noble and well intentioned film, really, but also a curiously lifeless one. The movie's exaggerated Expressionism and frenetic style quickly become repetitious, and it is difficult to feel attached to any of the characters, as each is on screen for only seconds at a time. The film has its moments, I suppose, but they are drowned out listlessly in the tide of repetition and general tedium. This one was a disappointment. (PS: This film toured major cities as a live performance, with guest narrators and symphony accompanyment. Included on the DVD are about seven of these taped narrations, essentially giving the film eight possible audio tracks). I admire what Maddin was trying to do here, but I can't argue it worked. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

"Body Rock" is GOLD. If you have any appreciation for cheesy 80's movies, break dancing, or the importance of keepin' it real, please don't pass this one up. Watching Lorenzo Lamas sing, crooner style, while sporting face glitter and a leather & chainmail vest is worth the price of admission alone. However, you get so much more with "Body Rock," and the picture is chock full of awesome 80's staples, including about ten music video montages and the obligatory "slow clap" sequence. The story involves Lamas and his crew of breakdancers ("Body Rock") trying to make it big in the entertainment business. A chance meeting with a promoter leads Lamas to stardom, but he's torn between the money and keepin' it real. The whole movie is essentially great and, more importantly, it continues to top itself, seemingly impossibly. I mean, some of the sequences in this one are just unbelievable. Expect completely over-the-top fashions, Brooklyn streetscapes, killer 80's synthesizer music, and LOTS of break dancing. This movie essentially floored us. "Body Rock" is an unintentional comedy masterpiece. A new all time favorite. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

This is a consistently boring, gonzo-style, shot-on-videotape slasher movie and it is amateur in every way. That is, until the final 10-min, where it becomes decent. However, by that point, you will have surely abandoned all hope. This movie is TERRIBLE, people, and not worth anyone's time. Although fairly heavy on the T&A (the women are mixed), most of the scenes are unacceptably dull and the male lead is incredibly annoying. (Picture a 115-lb David Lee Roth wannabe, who insists on showing off his embarrassingly tiny arms sleeveless for most of the movie. (That is, when he isn't wearing only bikini briefs). I spent an hour debating how much I'd pay to see him get clotheslined). Anyhow, as a slasher movie, "Boardinghouse" is 90% unconvincing, but also thoroughly unfunny. Expect about seven fairly tame murders (e.g. electrocuted in the bathtub, drowned in the pool, stabbed in the dark, etc.), with the majority of the first 90-min spent on filler dialog sequences between the girls and a range of coked-up wimps. In the accompanying interview featurette, the filmmakers claim that the project was originally made as a horror comedy, but the distributor reedited it into a slasher film. Although I don't buy it, this might explain some of the poopiness, but it doesn't explain most of it. Even for gonzo, this one is difficult, and it rubbed us the wrong way. I think the main deal was seeing the cast having so much fun, while we, the frustrated audience, ground our teeth into powder. In a word: excruciating. O.5 star. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

This movie was basically awesome: consistently statuesque women, exquisite castles, campy acting, ridiculous script, plenty of nudity, six murders, Richard Burton, and a pervasive, Euro-style charm that made even the sleaziest moments really fun and laughable. We ended up getting this as a Sybil Danning/Raquel Welch fan, and were really blown over by the film's consistent campiness and general Eurosleaze greatness. As far as Eurotrash goes, "Bluebeard" is double platinum. This was a really big budget production, and a lot of money went into the art direction. That said, expect great looking costumes and sets, which often rival the women as overall cinematic eye candy. I have to mention the ladies again, because they are stunning. Listen to this cast: Raquel Welch, Sybil Danning, Joey Heatherton, Virna Lisi, Nathalie Delon, Karin Schubert...."Bluebeard" plays out like a virtual "Whos Who" of A-list 1970's bombshells. Anyway, the script is ludicrous and silly, as is Joey Heatherton's performance as the female lead, but Richard Burton does a terrific job holding everything together. Raquel Welch plays one of the murdered wives, (and a nun to boot), and she's in the film for about 10-min. Sybil Danning plays a prostitute, and she has a pretty dank lesbian scene, but her screen time is similarly brief. The film's mystery elements are pretty predictable, but the whole affair is campy and attractive enough for it not to matter much. It is a bit long, and there is a tasteless hunting scene where a range of animals are shot, but I can't discount how fun most of this was. A Eurosleaze classic. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

OK, look, this is a Jess Franco flick, so know - up front - that it is tacky, Eurosleaze garbage. (Even Franco himself calls the film "s%@#" in the DVD's interview feature). Taken within the confines of the genre, however, I suppose "Bloody Moon" delivers an interesting blend, as a gaillo/slasher hybrid, but the film's dreadful B-movie script and zero believability place it somewhere between camp and outright refuse. The picture has the standard Eurotrash cachet (e.g. retro fashions, pencil thin people, synth-pop soundtrack, etc.), but with more attractive women, a surprisingly clean print, and pervasive chauvinistic undertones. The girls are quite hot, really, and genre fans might recognize the lead - Olivia Pascal - from her role in the infamous "Emanuelle" clone: "Vanessa." Expect about five topless scenes, five gory kills, and endless scenes of Olivia gasping in terror, only to find out her fear is unfounded. Typical Franco calling cards abound, including marginal camera-work, wacko scene direction, and general Eurosleaze tastelessness. The dubbing is terrible, which makes much of the already preposterous dialog sometimes quite funny. Here is an exerpt: (Girl): "Angela - this is Antonio - our gardener, tennis ace, and the best piece of property in Los Olvidos. That's not all! As a lover, he's fantastic. Antonio - am I wrong or right?" (Antonio): "If you'd really want to see, try me out one night.....You're not bad at all, why don't we go inside?" Beautiful....Ultimately, though, and despite some very hot girls and funny moments, "Bloody Moon" was pretty darn pointless. It wasn't boring, really, just a little too average for my tastes. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

This is a really dumb, entirely suspenseless, early 80's slasher movie that takes itself way too seriously. Largely an oddity, "Bloody Birthday" differentiates itself from other slasher flatsom by having its killers all adolescents. Sounds good...but unfortunately, it really isn't. Aside from some eclectic casting (e.g. Joe Penny of "Riptide" and "Jake & the Fatman" fame) and a seemingly risky premise, "Bloody Birthday" is terminally average. Expect 4-5 entirely tame murders, a couple topless scenes, and an abandoned mystery subplot, which builds throughout the film's first half, only to be completely discarded later. (Likely due to poor editing). Anyhow, the child acting is surprisingly decent, but the film suffers from an essentially worthless story and a pervasive disdain for realism. (There is something distractingly unrealistic in almost every scene). It isn't ever really funny and it certainly isn't scary, which leaves one ineffectually indifferent. I wasn't completely bored with this movie, I guess, but I couldn't help but see how low the aim was. In the end, I'd say "Bloody Birthday" is like polenta. It sounds exotic at first, but it turns out being really bland. It isn't terrible or gross or anything; its actually quite edible. However, I doubt it'll be anybody's favorite. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

This is a super sleazy, gory, and overtly misogynistic exploitation satire from the height of the 42nd Street boom. The film has a pretty notorious reputation and its well deserved. "Bloodsucking Freaks" has tons of sadism, torture and mutilations, almost all against women, who are almost always naked. The storyline is structured as a sort of black satire, although most folks will likely appreciate it only as pure exploitation sleaze. I think I see what the filmmakers were trying to do, namely, create a very black, comedic statement about the power of art to control society and societal institutions, but the presentation was too unrestrained and offensive to deliver anything but laughs. Most people will be totally offended and shocked by this movie, so I'd caution that its definitely a "buyer beware" type deal. However, if you like really offensive black comedy in the line of "Pink Flamingos," you'll probably really dig "Bloodsucking Freaks." It wasn't really my cup of tea, but its definitely memorable and I can't say I "hated it." As an aside, the commentary of the film proves, beyond any defense or doubt, that Eli Roth is 100% full of @#$%. According to Roth, this film influenced everything from mainstream 70's fashion to the films of Martin Scorcese. He argues ad infinum of the director's genius and perception, including the prediction of corporal punishment in Korea and the explosive growth of strip malls in America. What a hopeless, incorrigible hack. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

Ouch...."Bloodrayne." Look, this is a zero star film from a notoriously low-browed hack director (Uwe Boll). The story is rubbish and the actors have abandoned all hope. Michael Madson's performance is a full-on joke and I don't even know where to start on Meat Loaf's scene. (Unbelievable). Nonetheless, for me, "Bloodrayne" was GOOD AND CRAPPY. I really liked it and was laughing more than usual for garbage of this grade and vintage. I guess I've got a soft spot for Boll, because I also really liked "House of the Dead," which is equally juvenile, clichéd, and craptacular. However, this Director's cut edition of "Bloodrayne" had way more gore and a lot of it was pretty well done, thus earning an extra half star. If you like bad movies, Boll's ouvre is one to visit. He makes stupid, clichéd, hammy trash that just might grow a little on you...if you let it. Boll is a hack and he knows it. We know it, too, so people need to get over bashing the guy. He sucks as a director, yes. BUT THAT IS THE POINT. He makes a movie called "Bloodrayne," that is based on a crappy PS2 game. Duh! Um...sorry about that little rant there. I, uh.... 7.5 stars. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

Unlike the first Bloodrayne, this direct-to-video sequel fails to deliver laughs as an unintentional comedy. I think we got one good chuckle out of it, but spent the majority of the time rolling our eyes and counting the minutes. As a plus, I think this is one of the worst Westerns I've ever seen and its also one of the lamest vampire movies. Unfortunately, though, its just too lame and unfunny to be worth most peoples' time. Expect to see the juvenility and incoherence that defines a Uwe Boll project, but also a drab story that limps along with the help of tired clichés. It isn't really campy; it just sucks. You can skip this one; its totally forgettable. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

As a kid, we considered this movie as one of the funniest things ever, and it was a neighborhood sensation for about half a Summer. Essentially a direct (and abysmal) clone of "Bloodsport," "Bloodfight" was made the same year, and features the same bad guy: Bolo Yeung. (Who, strangely enough, plays the same CHARACTER as he did in "Bloodsport"). I hadn't seen this movie in 15-years and was pleased to discover that it remains as cheesetastic as my memories....Anyway, the movie is dreadful, almost continuously incoherent rubbish, but has its moments as an unintentional comedy. The acting is TERRIBLE, and some of the film's more dramatic sequences are laugh out loud funny. (Some segments had me questioning whether the lameness was intentional, but I don't think it is). There are some definite pacing problems, and the editing is so bad that the story is essentially broken and unnavigable, but there are a few pretty classic parts. If you appreciate the sublime comfort of late-vintage, bottom-of-the-barrel Hong Kong actioners, and need an easy one to laugh at, this one's OK. You'll have to fast-forward through some parts, but just know there is funny in here, friends. LONG LIVE THE KUMATE! ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

This film features terrific art direction & costuming, but suffers from uneven acting performances and overzealous use of digital effects. Overall, Coppola's "Dracula" isn't a terrible film, but it isn't a great one, and nearly every scene has some noticeable flaw. Perhaps most importantly, many of the acting performances are simply not convincing. (Read: Keanu Reeves and Wynona Rider). In addition, Coppola seems insistent on oversaturating the viewer with Judo-Christean and sexual symbolism that, all too often, comes across as hamfisted and gratuitous. I think Coppola could have done more with less in this area. On the positive, Gary Oldman provides a fresh and multi-dimensional performance as the Count and Anthony Hopkins makes for probably the best Van Helsing I've seen. Lastly, I thought several of the scenes were very well conceived and totally memorable. The result is a very unbalanced, somewhat messy, but wholly entertaining piece that is, at times, unintentionally funny and, at other times, completely terrific. The script is, I'm told, quite true to Bram Stoker's novel and it should appease those seeking a more faithful adaptation. In total, Coppola's "Dracula" is one of the best recent adaptations of the famous Dracula story. It isn't perfect, by any means, but it definitely isn't garbage. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

This is a difficult film to review succinctly. I didn't really enjoy it, but the film is well-made, well acted, and the underlying message is still poignant. At the time, "Boudu Saved from Drowning" was quite controversial, with Michel Simon's portrayal of the antisocial, uncompromised tramp (Boudu) inciting audiences to actual riot. (In fact, the film was apparently pulled from theaters by French police several days into its screening). Essentially, "Boudu Saved from Drowning" is an attack on liberalism, as well as a sort of black satire about societal class differences. Through their interaction with Boudu, a stereotypical Burgeouise family showcase the consequences of liberal idealism, as their efforts to help and reform Boudu all backfire unpredictably. Boudu is an irredeemable, unchangeable, and uncompromised outsider and he is happy as such. In the words of Jean Renoir, "...Micheal Simon was more than a tramp. He was the personification of all tramps." In other words, the lower class. Michel Simon does a great job with the part and the Boudu character is memorable. However, the rest of the characters are unlikeable (e.g. a perverse, overweight philanderer; his unabashed housekeeper mistress, a caustic wife, etc.) and the film's narrative is just, well, stuffy. I'd probably appreciate a film like this much more at 60 than I do at 30. For a film from 1931, "Boudu" does seem pretty fresh and the print looks terrific. Nonetheless, I didn't find "Boudu" very engaging. I can't recommend this one. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

This obscure, genre-blending Spaghetti Western is hammy and fun, but fails at being very exciting. Nonetheless, it wins points for originality, and the picture is rife with interesting characters and happenings. The print is surprisingly good, considering the film's age and obscurity, and fans of more lighthearted Spaghetti Westerns should be pleased. Lee Van Cleef is star material here, and he hamms it up more in "Blood Money" than anywhere else I've seen. This really is a different performance by Van Cleef, and he lets loose a refreshing side of himself that fans should enjoy. Directed by personal fave Antonio Marghereti, (with help from the Shaw Brothers), "Blood Money" was essentially an exercise in blending a Kung Fu film with a Spaghetti Western, and while the result is still a Eurowestern, the martial arts exchanges and Eastern characters prove amply refreshing. Overall, "Blood Money" is pretty solid, although a bit sloppy, and it reaches a comfortable medium between strangeness and familiarity. The story involves Van Cleef, a safecracker, becoming intertwined in the story of a deceased Chinese aristocrat and his missing estate. After escaping the gallows, Cleef teams up with the Chinese man's nephew, and the two begin their search for the uncle's missing gold. Luckily, the dead man tattooed clues to his riches on the tails of four women, and the unlikely pair must see each girl to unravel the mystery. There were a few parts that dragged, but only briefly, and we left the movie feeling pretty good. This is a solid, if offbeat, comedic Spaghetti Western. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

OK, please believe me when I say that this is a terrible, terrible, sci-fi movie. Its done so poorly that much of the film plays out as unintentional surrealism and its absolutely a 100% waste of time. Awful, but somehow also deeply unfunny. I watched this as a double feature with "Recon 2020: The Caprini Massacre" and although "Battlespace" WAS an incredibly superior film, that's not saying much. The plot of "Battlespace" is so completely convoluted that its impossible to follow. The narration is cryptic, often nonsensical, seemingly endless, and thoroughly exhausting. Literally half the film is duplicative scenes of the female lead, who looks like Brian Bosworth, walking through the desert. The movie actually starts out pretty cool, but then nosedives into pooptown and somehow continues to deteriorate, minute by minute. Absolutely horrible and truly an Absurdist Endurance Test. Zero stars. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

"Battle Creek Brawl" had a lot going for it, but ultimately, ended up being pretty mediocre. Its got an early career Jackie Chan, Mako, and the guy who played "Luca Brasi" in "The Godfather" (Lenny Montana). Its got a big, exhibition-style street fight down in Texas, where a group of totally archetypal toughs duke it out for the screaming, crowded streets of Battle Creek, a sort of small town Americana-anywhere, reminiscent of the Dead Kennedy's alternate "Frankenchrist" album cover (1985). What bogs the film down is primarily poor editing and pacing, with a few completely unnecessary sequences given significant screen time, while other seemingly crucial plot elements are allowed to fall through the gaps. When its all over, "Battle Creek Brawl" leaves some significant issues unresolved and the film had a good amount of general plot holes throughout. Also, the sound was dreadful. This is one of those movies where you constantly have to adjust the volume to compensate for the very quiet dialog and very loud music and sound effects. Jackie Chan was quite entertaining and provides a good amount of slapstick-type humor, along with general butt-kicking throughout, but I can't say the choreography was any better than most of his other films. I'd say about 35% of "Battle Creek Brawl" is fight scenes, which has to be a big plus, but the story moves too slowly to the final set piece, meandering around for a full hour before things really get going. Overall, "Battle Creek Brawl" falls squarely into the realm of early 80's Martial Art Film mediocrity. It wasn't terrible or anything, but Jackie Chan has been in much better stuff.