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seanwilson2
Reviews
Alien 51 (2004)
The worst thing I've EVER seen in my life!
Oh, where to begin my review of this, um, "movie" (if you can even call it that)...
Well, first and foremost, and like my summary states, this is the worst thing I have EVER seen in my life (and I've seen Roseanne naked*)!! This piece of crap is SO bad, I wanted to kill myself because of it.
Why did I rent Alien 51? Well, my friend and I wanted a cheesy "horror" movie to watch - You know, something we could laugh at (ala MST3K). NOTHING could have prepared us for what we were about to watch! First off, we should have known that it was going to be horrible when we found out that Heidi Fleiss(sp?) starred in it. And second, we should have known that it was going to absolutely and humiliatingly bad when we saw that, on the cover, there was a "creature/monster-thing" that was in another, unrelated movie that was made by the same "directors" (I put the word 'director' in quotation marks here because I don't mean to take the grand title of Director in vain). By the way, the other movie was called El Chupacabra; If IMDb.com has it on it's, well, DB, then I'll write a review for that movie as well. But back to Alien 51...
This movie LITERALLY brought us to tears! And I've seen some REALLY bad movies before (i.e. xXx, Fast & Furious, etc.), but this one takes the s***-cake. Hands down!! We couldn't even suffer through a quarter of Alien 51 before ejecting the DVD and burning it (NOT making a copy, but actually burning it!) - And it was a RENTAL!!! So what does THAT tell ya?!
In any case, avoid this pile of nonsensical s*** at ALL COSTS!! Please! For the sake of your sanity, do NOT watch Alien 51!!!
*I have never actually seen Roseanne (thankfully) and I hope I never have to (Hey, I'm crazy, not stupid!). I just wanted to give you some amount of reference as to how damaging, disturbing, and vomit- and tear-inducing Alien 51 is.:)
El Chupacabra (2003)
Oh man! What was I thinking when I watched this pile of crap (and how much did I drink)?!
Well, what can I say besides "utter s**t." This is, literally, a pain-inducing movie!! How ANYONE can stand to sit through this tragically long (by being more than five seconds long) trainwreck of plot-holes, confusing characters-that-come-out-of-nowhere-and-are-NEVER-explained, to the ass-tastic camera work is well beyond me!
Goddamn, I hate this movie! My friend and I rented it because we wanted to rent a cheesy horror movie to watch late at night and be slightly scared (but most likely just end up making fun of it, via MST3K)*. Guess which one ended up happening! That's right- the latter of the two (good job! You get a gold star!). But we really didn't need to make fun of El Chupacabra because it is SO freaking horrible, that we ended up laughing simply from watching the movie (and believe me, we did NOT laugh at the so-called "humorous" moments in the movie). We laughed at how appallingly sad and deplorable El Chupacabra is.
Well, if you want to torture someone, tie them up to a chair and force them to watch the movie that cockroaches, lice and diseases avoid - El Chupacabra.
*If this sounds familiar, it's probably because you've (unfortunately) read my review of Alien 51. Sadly, both movies were made by the same two "directors" (that's right, TWO DIRECTORS! I guess they had to get two dumbasses to come up with enough bull***t to fill El Chupacabra and Alien 51).And please avoid both movies at ALL COSTS!!!!