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The Great Land of Small (1987)
Canadian "Nightmare Fuel" Classic!
From the same "Tales for All" series which mentally scarred Canadian children for life with the infamous Peanut Butter Solution comes yet another trippindicular kids film bound to disturb anyone under the age of 12.
The Great Land of Small tells the story of Jenny and David, two fairly bratty kids who appear to work in the circus with their mom. The fatherless family takes a vacation to spend some time with Granny and Gramps in countryside, where the kiddos encounter Fritz, a diminutive denizen of the Land of Small, a realm existing in "innerspace" on the other side of the rainbow. Fritz goofed up in the woods by dropping his magic dust, allowing a sinister tavern owner to chance upon it. Fritz lets the bad guy take the dust with a warning, taking the opportunity test human responsibility. Of course things go wrong, so Fritz and the kids have to team up to set things straight. Their journey takes them over the rainbow to the titular Land of Small, where things get really whacked out.
For those of you who are purely reliant on plot and spectacle, The Great Land of Small will wear out its welcome pretty quickly, but if you have a taste for this sort of thing, I think you'll dig it. The camera-work is actually rather nice for a kids film, so it was no surprise to see that this was a French-Canadian/Czech production. The music is fun too -- lots of ultra-saccharine, twinkly synth-pop for kids.
It's not a high-budget film by any means, but it's full of quirks and peculiarities, which reach a climax when the kids go to the Land of Small, which is like a low-rent version of Little Nemo's Slumberland. The set is actually (I'm pretty sure) the stadium Canada built for the '76 Olympics, which is a very '70s futuristic all-white building with lots of sloping curves. Add lots of fog, populate it with brightly festooned Cirque du Soleil performers, and film it with some Dutch angles and you've got the Land of Small. This loopy land is ruled by Fritz's twin brother, played by Twin Peak's Michael J. Anderson in a dual role. His queen is played by the same actress that plays David and Jenny's mom, which is really weird. Hanging out in the Land of Small ain't so bad until the trip goes sour and David and Jenny attend a bizarre ritual. The Smallians start chanting "Slimo", summoning an ugly, moon-like creature out of a foggy crater. A dwarf and a giant are sacrificed (willingly?) to Slimo by sliding down a chute into a squishy pit. Slimo spits some gold dust into the pit and these folks are reincarnated into butterfly people. David and Jenny narrowly avoid the same fate. Long story short, this scene is really creepy and Slimo kinda looks like the scary moon from the game "Majora's Mask".
Anyways, if you are the kind of maniac like me that enjoys weirdo kid flicks with awkward dubbing, imaginative sets and more than a dose of creep factor, check it out!
Yin Yang Insane (2007)
Despite being only 40 minutes long, one of the supreme endurance tests I've ever encountered.
Oof... and I thought it was hard making it through Rollergator.
I will eternally sing the praises of Donald G. Jackson on the merit of his 1986 feature, Roller Blade (an insane post-apocalyptic nunsploitation flick that has to be seen to be believed) but after the '80s Jackson and Scott Shaw developed "Zen Film-making". The idea is nice - make a film without any script or ideas and construct it via editing - but since Shaw and Jackson regularly employ actors with little talent and seemingly even less imagination, the results invariably fall flat. These Zen films are excruciating; more like endurance tests than entertainment. Granted, I haven't seen all of them, and the Zen films that take place in the Roller Blade universe are fun for those with a high tolerance level for ineptitude, but Yin Yang Insane in particular is an Olympic event. Don't let the 40-min runtime fool you. The film (more accurately, "video") consists of a number of extended takes of Robert Z'Dar driving a crappy SUV through the desert and muttering to himself. The plot is incredibly bare bones, so simple ideas that could be conveyed in a single line are cycled through endless variations.
"What's that up ahead?... A detour... Now I'll be late... They're always doing construction... never when you want them to be... my wife will be wondering where I am... can't believe I gotta take this detour... I've been driving so long... just wanna get home... another detour..."
AND ON, AND ON, AND ON. It's almost Beckett-like, really. Basically the first 15-20 minutes are a static shot of Robert Z'Dar's face as he says nothing interesting. There is a short scene at a gas station, which is the only part that "picks up". Then the final 15 minutes feature Robert Z'Dar slowly walking around an empty ranch, looking into each horse stall.
The best thing I can say about Yin Yang Insane is that it reminded me of the silly camcorder movies I used to make with my friends when I was a kid. But heck, even my 12-year-old self had the decency to make a cut once in a while. So if you are ever tempted to rent this for $2 on Amazon, just go to Youtube instead and watch some home movies. You'll enjoy them much more than Yin Yang Insane.
I've given Yin Yang Insane 2 stars instead of 1 because
1. I like the ridiculous title
2. It's not, like, morally reprehensible
3. The scenes where Z'Dar's doppelganger laughs were funny
Model by Day (1994)
This silly superhero fantasy is predictable on the surface, but the fun is in the details.
Perhaps it's because I started watching this right after finishing Donald G. Jackson's "Yin Yang Insane" (possibly the most unwatchable film I've encountered thus far), but I actually found this schlocky Famke Janssen superhero flick rather enjoyable. Janssen stars as Lex, a mega-famous supermodel/tae kwon do blackbelt who starts dishing out vigilante justice after a model friend gets carjacked in the park by a couple of Canadian thugs. Lex, donning an outfit that looks like if The Phantom was kinda kinky, becomes Lady X by night, delivering flurries of high-kicks to mustachioed minions of evil. Basically every superhero cliché ensues: Lex falls for the lieutenant assigned to tracking down Lady X; Lady X is framed by a copycat; mobsters want her dead; etc, but that doesn't really hinder the fun. For one thing, the art direction by Linda del Rosario and Richard Paris is really fantastic, featuring all sorts of early-90s (late-)postmodern / post-Memphis design quirks, so if you love postmodern design in films this is a pretty good one to check out. I especially loved Lex's apartment with the freestanding glass shelves, curly red accent chairs and wacky sculptures. Somewhat later in the film is an action piece that takes place in a dim sum restaurant that seems to be doubling as a warehouse for over-sized carnival decorations. It's the type of place the Joker would lure Batman to for a particularly creepy showdown. There's also a really great club scene featuring lots of chain-link fences (you always see this in movie clubs, but never in real life!), chandeliers, strobe-lights, and flaming cars.... yep! They are using flaming cars as ambient lighting. Definitely one of the most insane clubs I've ever seen in a movie. Additionally, there is one quick scene where Lex visits a friend in the hospital, and the room is conspicuously all-white, employing that creepy variety of post-modern design usually relegated to dream sequences and the like. I unfortunately can't think of another good cinematic example (maybe Closet Land?), but I like this somewhat rare aesthetic and wish the scene went on longer.
Being a film set in the world of fashion, there are some good wacky outfits too. Maybe a little underwhelming considering how wild they could have gotten, but Sean Young in particular rocks two crazy get-ups during the film. I actually can't remember the point of her character (plot-wise) but her wardrobe is memorable.
Besides being visually exciting, the music is charming too, especially if you have a soft-spot for really cornball early-90s music like I do. The club scene features a Flamenco-infused Euro-house jam, for example. There's a slightly Balearic track during a ridiculous scene in Beirut (which is derailed by a belligerent German tourist). Other songs feature pan-flutes. You get the idea.
Another reason this film is fun is because although it is set in New York, it was filmed in Toronto. As someone who loves goofy action and sci-fi movies from the 80s and 90s, I've developed a bizarre taste for Canadian-shot films. (For a good primer on these, check out Roddy Piper's films, or anything featuring the Twin Dragons.) I'm not sure if it's just the movies I'm watching, but Toronto seems to have a wealth of fun postmodern architecture (check out the background of Lex's date scene). The best parts of Canadian films are the villains and the extras. Unlike the intense, musclebound American heavies that hang around villains' lairs in, say, NYC, Canadian heavies are typically short, stocky middle-aged men with bad haircuts and facial hair. Not really strong-looking, just sorta thick. Hockey fans, I guess. Canadian street thugs also crack me up. They always have perfect grammar and no accents. Whenever they deliver profanity it always sounds forced, so you can tell they were probably raised in nice polite Canadian families.
I suppose I'll also mention the T&A which many other reviewers seem to latch onto immediately. There is no shortage of attractive women in the film, but much of the actual nudity seemed a bit out of place, and thus the film does teeter queasily between vaguely feminist (in a moderate-yet-butt-kicking kinda way) and all-out lecherous. It's the kind of film that could have been PG were it not for scenes randomly taking place in changing rooms. Still, it's not the kind of "let's discuss this in the hot tub" variety of titillation found in lesser films. So, in summary, if you are expecting The Dark Knight or something, you'll be sorely disappointed, but this silly, colorful romp should appease random VHS collectors, "bad movie" enthusiasts and design dorks.