Reviews

All I can really say about The Room, the debut feature of visionary filmmaker, actor, producer, and hair extension enthusiast Tommy Wiseau, is that nothing like it has ever before been made, and probably will never be made again. Raw and fearless in its exploration of human desire and despair, this film unabashedly glares into the souls of its audience and asks that most timeless of questions, "Do you understand life?" After seeing this film, you will.

Wiseau stars in the film as Johnny, who may at first glance resemble a slab of undrained deviled ham, but who quickly wins our hearts with his easy manner, quick wit, and tendency to greet everyone he meets with an enthusiastic "Oh hai,(character's name)!" Johnny begins the film with a seemingly perfect life- he is a successful San Francisco banker, has a best friend named Mark who, for unexplained reasons appears to be 20 years his junior, and is a favored customer at the neighborhood flower shop. His days are filled with whimsical activities such as tuxedo-clad football in Golden Gate Park and making "cheep cheep cheep" noises with his pals. To top it all off, he has a stunningly beautiful live-in girlfriend named Lisa, who may be a little bit chubby and a little bit whorish, but whose beauty and sexiness shine through by the sheer force of Johnny constantly reminding us how beautiful and sexy she is.

Unfortunately, Johnny's life is not all tuxedo football and lingering shots of San Francisco landmarks. The film wastes no time getting into its deeper themes, namely that women are all horrible soulless bitches whose idea of a good time is to suck their man dry of all happiness and will to live. In spite of Johnny providing Lisa with the financial stability that her femaleness prevents her from securing for herself, Lisa is quick to turn on him when he fails to get the promotion he so clearly deserved. As a result of her increasing boredom, Lisa seduces Mark, then continues to toy with Johnny's emotions by feigning pregnancy and accusing him of abuse. Johnny's unraveling at the hands of his evil harpy reaches its tragic climax when, broken down and defeated, he reaches to the heavens and cries out the immortal line, "You're tearing me apart, Lisa!" In a stunning sequence of ironic visual metaphor, Johnny proceeds to tear apart the titular room and put a gun barrel in his mouth, thus reaching the tragic conclusion of his descent into mania. At this point the audience's collective heart is ripped in two as we are forced to gaze upon this senseless loss, and the only salvation we receive is the sight of Mark and Lisa staring down at Johnny's lifeless body, only now understanding what their actions have done to this poor, beautiful soul.

Though the film's conclusion will undoubtedly leave any mentally functional viewer weeping uncontrollably, it is in service of a vital message. Namely, that even though being a wonderful person will not stop those you love from screwing you over without hesitation, them sons of bitches will sure be sorry when you off yourself. Poignant moments of truth such as this are abundant throughout The Room, and are illustrated by the films cast of memorable side characters. For example, in one of the film's most romantic scenes, Lisa's friend Michelle and her boyfriend, Michelle's Boyfriend utter the unforgettable truism that "chocolate is the flavor of love". It truly is.

There are a few laughs in 'Horrible Bosses.' Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston, and Colin Farrell seem to be having fun playing the titular bosses. And Charlie Day is enjoyable, at least when he can stop shrieking long enough to spit out a decent line. But beyond that, there's not much to enjoy in this lazy, forgettable attempt at a black comedy.

The movie focuses on three ordinary guys, played by Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, and Jason Sudeikis, who plot to kill their bosses for no reason other than that their bosses are jerks, and they can't simply quit because, like, it's a recession and stuff, and it's bad out there ya know? Like, so bad that their former investment banker classmate is giving out $50 handjobs! And loudly announcing that fact in his hometown bar, because that is what a recession does to people. Look, I get that the concept isn't supposed to be taken seriously. We're just supposed to sit back and roll with it and wait for the humorous and outlandish consequences that will inevitably result from this wacky scenario. Yet the movie goes to great lengths to rationalize the protagonists' decision, which comes off as a lot of clunky exposition in which the characters do a lot of sitting around and bluntly stating things that they should already know about one another. The result is an odd mix of tones, where the film tries to stay grounded when it would really do better to just commit to being wacky.

Another problem with this movie is the "raunchy" humor. Raunch has been done to death, and let's face it, it's just lazy. When we first meet Jennifer Aniston's character, she's talking about fingering herself to Penn Badgely. Haha, shock value! Jennifer Aniston is totally playing against type! And then, the joke just goes on and on, with the raunch escalating in every scene. Aside from the disturbing double standard being employed here, in which the audience is expected to find hilarity in a female boss aggressively sexually harassing a male employee, the joke is just plain lazy. As are the endless series of dick jokes that only 8 year-olds would find funny. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a well-crafted dirty joke, but I also don't believe that "dirty" is always an acceptable alternative to "clever". But maybe that's just me.

Issues aside, 'Horrible Bosses' isn't altogether terrible. Like I said, it's good for a few laughs. But mostly what you've got is a pretty lame black comedy with a predictable plot, leads who are enjoyable but have zero chemistry with one another, and a whole genital-oriented humor. But hey, Colin Farrell's got a bad combover! P.S. If Colin Farrell's character routinely held hookers-and-blow parties in his office, how hard would it have been to just tip off the cops and get the guy arrested instead of killing him?

After making the woefully regrettable decision to pay money to see "Epic Movie", I had vowed to stay far away from this movie and any other with the word "Movie" in the title. But, because I am faint of heart and/or an idiot, I allowed myself to be talked into watching a leaked version online because A) it was actually pretty funny, according to friends who had seen it already, B) it was only about 70 minutes long, and C) this Edward was actually hot. After watching it for myself, I would agree on all three counts (especially C….daaaaamn). It's no great cinematic achievement, but for a devoted Twilight hater such as myself, it was worth a chuckle or two.

Sure, "Vampires Suck" meets many of the same pitfalls other parody movies do. It operates under the delusion that anyone out of diapers thinks that a character being bludgeoned over the head time and time again for absolutely no reason is comedy gold. It often relies on stupid pop culture jokes (Look! A Jersey Shore reference! It's funny because it is a Jersey shore reference!) and unoriginal gross-out humor (it's funny because you want to vomit! Haha!). But, so help me if I didn't find myself laughing at the way the film mercilessly mocks everything laughable about the Twilight movies, a series that, let's face it, lends itself pretty easily to parody. In fact, all "Vampires Suck" really had to do was recreate the first two Twilight films pretty much scene-for-scene, tweaking here and there to make the scenes only slightly more ridiculous than the originals. The result is actually a pretty clever send-up of the ludicrously over-the-top melodrama that Twilight lovers eat up. This film holds a mirror up to pretty much everything laughable about the series that proves that a wildly successful book/movie franchise does not necessarily need a "plot": the rabidity of its fan base; the shameless parade of shirtless males; the idea that teenage Stephanie Meyer…er, I mean, Bella, would be the object of every hot guy's lust despite being a mopy sourpuss with no trace of a personality; the insistence that Robert Pattinson is "sexy". The actress who plays Bella, or "Becca," as she is renamed, does a killer job parodying Kristen Stewart's mannerisms (hair-tucking, downward gazes, constant lower-lip biting) by which I mean she mimics them exactly and everyone laughs at them because they are stupid. Mocking Twilight is not exactly hard to do, but I have to say this film does it quite cleverly at many points. I'll even say that the ending is magnificent.

Needless to say, "Vampires Suck" is for members of Team I Want a Boy Who Doesn't Want to Kill Me only, as I'm sure Twilight fans would not appreciate being forced to acknowledge that the thing they love is dumber than a sack of fruit fly larvae. However, since like I said the movie is pretty much just a re-creation of the original Twilight movies, many of the jokes are best appreciated having actually seen them. So you'll probably like this movie if you are not a Twilight fan, but have actually seen the movies because A) you were dragged there by a girl whose pants you really, REALLY wanted to get into, B) you were stoned, walked into the wrong theater, and failed to realize that it wasn't The Hangover until it was too late, or C) you are self-loathing and willingly subjected yourself to them out of morbid curiosity (like me).

So if you hate Twilight and everything it stands for, take a break from your violent (yet strangely erotic) fantasies about Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner and go see "Vampires Suck". It will ease your tortured soul, and maybe, just maybe, restore a molecule of faith in the parody genre. It couldn't possibly be worse than "Meet the Spartans".