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Bi-mil-eun eobs-da (2016)
Superb, fantastic acting, ridiculous IMDB rating
This is a terrific film, never boring. The female lead gave an absolutely terrific performance. She is the mother of this child and has the strength and determination that is riveting to watch. If this wasn't a foreign film I could see her nominated for a best actress.
Without ruining the film, you've read the premise and much of the film is about the mother's indomitable will and spirit to find her daughter and who was responsible for her sudden disappearance. Her determination is unwavering and while there are disturbing truths, she prods on where the police unfortunately have not bothered to pursue for a variety of reasons. If there is a weaker point, i didn't quite grasp the entire reason why that would be the case. But these things do happen.
This is an excellent movie and I highly recommend it to all. As to the tale, it might be just a little bit of a stretch but it's all very reasonably credible and nowhere near what Hollywood tries to pull off and fails. It's not your usual tale you'd expect from Hollywood and Korean films can be a bit dark and often have a bit of a twist, which is what makes them interesting. I cannot even fathom why there is such a low IMDB rating for this film. I can only guess that some don't like subtitles and who are not at all familiar with Korean culture might not appreciate that this is more eastern mentality and that people can actually act like this.
Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens (2020)
Especially funny if you live in New York
After the Golden globes I decided to take a look at this show. There is occasional raunch which isn't my thing but I did have some good laughs during the rest of the show and it grew on me. Nora is a cute slacker in a world of overachievers who lives at home in her twenties and both coping with and avoiding life's challenges. She will sometimes ramble trying to rationalize, which can be very funny. You don't need to be familiar with Chinese families and New York, but if you are, you'll recognize a very clever flavor of humor. I think some might also miss that this is something of a Seinfeld for millennials.
Reading some of the reviews it appears there's some serious hating going on from people who sound pretty angry. Even if you don't like this show, a 1 is ridiculous. One person says they get that there's humor... but still votes one. Another insists none of the writing fits the characters, which is really funny if you read a little background about the show. I don't like avenue 5 either but that's because the characters are really not likeable. This show is completely innocuous. And to me, contrived reality TV is the worst scripted no effort TV. Nora is like a bicycle. Stick with it a little and it's a fun ride.
Demon House (2019)
Hilariously underdelivers
This is pandering to the desperate, those who want to believe what they want to believe. It may be a demon house but demons have not been seen. Just reenacted. Is that a portal to Hell? No, just a hole in your wallet and a shameful waste of time.
Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)
Worse than I imagined, instant sequel not worth seeing
I was wondering whether the torrent of terrible reviews was some type of trickery because so many critics claimed to have loved this film. My first thought when it ended was "what the hell did I just watch?" Without spoiling the film, here's a list of everything why this film was such a clunker.
1) If you've ever watched the first 3 films that started this story, you have to wonder whether the writers ever did. The personalities simply don't match.
2) There are so many "wink wink" nod to the past film moments that it becomes laughable, making you wonder whether they ran out of money and the writers just said "aw hell, let's just recreate the same scenes and some of the dialog from prior films! Fans will love it!" Ummm.... no. It's contrived.
3) Many of the numerous jokey scenes fall flat on their butts.
4) Far fetched escapes is suspending disbelief. This film has repeated miracle moments and made for drama. Must totally disconnect brain for this film. Entirely.
5) The rules of the force and logic are broken repeatedly. Stuff happens when it does because it needs to. And it's obvious.
6) The ending of the movie, which I won't give away, is simply made for a sequel. And it ends the way it does because, if it didn't, they'd have to figure out a whole new sequel and excuse to keep this rubbish afloat.
7) I now understand why Mark Hamil was so outspoken about this film with criticism over treatment of Skywalker. It was hilariously bad and pitiful. The word "lame" has been redefined. They could have had the story go in hundreds of different directions. This one felt like they couldn't figure one out so they chose the one that took the least effort.
8) I don't know whether the director wants to promote some type of romantic connection between these new young lead characters. It seems like Rian Johnson wasn't sure either. And let me tell you that what they've got feels ice cold.
9) I disagree that casting a woman as a Jedi was a bad or forced idea.Daisy Ridley does a great job given what she was given. She might be the only thing half keeping the movie together. But ultimately there is really nothing behind all the mumbo jumbo. And as the film goes on, you realize that her job is to sound strong, act cool and be a good baddie. I'm not sure what she really does.
10) Either characters were written into the script to do someone a favor (Benicio Del Toro) or this has to be the laziest job of script writing I've seen in a long time. You could see certain plot points happen from a mile away. You almost wanted to scream at the characters in the film about what you're seeing as the audience. That's not a good place to be.
There is a lot more I could say about this film and the best I can say is that the visuals make this film look beautiful. But it is a painful watch. There is only one thing for sure. This is the last Jedi as you've known it. It seems like Rian Johnson wants to take this brand in a different direction but now it's as generic as any other space war film. I think too many of the critics didn't want to anger Disney too much with a bad review, which is why you saw a ridiculous number of laudatory reviews.
Passengers (2016)
Frustrating. Great premise, many well done parts, laziest script ever
The film look great. Lots of excellent special effects to make it convincing. Excellent cast. Compelling story. Very funny parody of what life may be like in the future. But boy does it ever fall flat as a board towards the end. And the ending is rushed, lame, pitiful and quite unbelievable.
The first hour is set up in a little quickly but it works, in spite of some stilted dialogue and scenes that should have been redone so that they didn't feel as if they were scripted and unnatural. But that's a minor quibble given how much I liked the premise and much of where the story was going. Pratt plays a man on a 120 year or so trip to another colony in space to live in luxury. This premise is completely absurd for many reasons (such as what you'll see in the movie.) During the journey he awakens very early after an asteroid strikes the ship and causes a malfunction. And he can't go back into hibernation (why... good question. Perhaps they thought the ship would never suffer the problem.) And he finds himself alone... very alone. And as a result he must make some difficult choices.
Jennifer Lawrence obviously appears in the film. She does a great job with what she's been handed. Michael Sheen as the bartender is perfectly cast although very little is done with him. The real problems are contrivance that begin to work their way into being positively annoying and dumb when "the twist" happens during the film that changes the course of everything. It's the kind of mistake that shouldn't have been made because the character wouldn't make such a mistake. And from there the film ends up traveling at light speed towards phony. It never recovers from that fatal misstep.
It's unfortunate that a film with the potential for so many great directions falls so flat in the second half. And for this reason I've given the film a very generous 6. You may really enjoy the atmosphere and the premise. But when it fails you may feel cheated by a very lazy effort. It's disappointing. Could have been a top film of the year.
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016)
Laughably funny dialogue out of Sin City
This is an unintentional comedy. Here are a couple of lines between hero and villain.
Good: Let's finish this. Just you and me.
Bad: I'm gonna have some fun with your pretty little girl.
Good: I'm gonna break your arms. I'm gonna break your legs. I'm gonna break your neck. What you hear is excitement.
Bad: Nice try. I found a way to hurt you like you never hurt before.
The whole movie is like this. It's straight out of Sin City without the fun, wit and memorable characters. And the cinematography. It's Cruise being Cruise, the baddest, smartest and most kick-ass guy on the planet. He only has $40 in his pocket but somehow he's always being able to afford a half decent lifestyle. This is the stuff of dumb pulp fiction, without any of the appeal.
The acting is terrible. The female lead is stiffer than a redwood. There is zero chemistry between Cruise and the female lead making the premise of this film preposterous. And the deadliest villain of all is about as menacing as he is eloquent. (See the dialogue.)
There is a reason why this film flopped at the box office. Because it's horrible. Even the story of how Reacher got into "the twist" is too dumb to be believed. No wonder no actor of repute would take this dud. They should never have gone back to the well. It was dry in the first place.
Taken (2008)
Action Porn with Liam Neeson, Step up from Chuck Norris
The first half hour of this film is the set up. It's difficult which person is more detestable - Neeson's ex-wife for playing the part of the narcissistic, condescending b-word or the daughter for being the self-obsessed, over the top, annoying spoiled teenage brat. You hope either or both get offed and quickly. But it doesn't turn out that way because Neeson cares about both of them, including holding the candle for the ex for reasons that aren't clear.
What follows is some action porn as the daughter gets taken and it's time for Neeson to spring to action with his "special set of skills." He does a very good job of playing the action hero with superior skills and also capable of making the bad guys miss every time, including with their automatic weapons. As poor as this film should be, Neeson somehow carries it the rest of the way which is about 50 minutes of sheer action and pretty fast paced fun.
Some didn't like the political ploy of using the bad morals of the middle east to portray. Bear it or go to one of those countries and you'll begin to accept the sad reality that things like this aren't really that far fetched as crazy as that may seem and might be a little over the top.
Overall this gets all the stars for fun action. The dialogue during the set up is laughable and painful. But the last 50 minutes make it fun. Don't worry if you make dinner during the first thirty and then enjoy the best part. This one is all Neeson.
Eye in the Sky (2015)
Unrealistic, bleeding heart rubbish
Things started out somewhat unrealistic in typical Hollywood fashion. Cool weapons and super drones that are helped by CGI because we all know they don't exist yet. But let's just go with the fantasy. Proceed to tracking a terrorist with a drone and then comes the question of what to do when a terrorist that is going to wipe out dozens of people is in the vicinity of a adorable Muslim girl. Basically the world stops completely for the possibility that adorable Muslim girl may be collateral damage.
Proceed to endless talking about legalities, as if these things happen during a mission, not before. The talking is interminable. Some important things that happen are ignored when the story doesn't want you to think about them, like the innocent man on the ground whom I won't discuss. He just disappears for a good part of the film even though he's the most likable character of all.
This could have easily been a stage play that requires 4 sets and rotates between them. The compound, the air crew, the war room and the local intelligence room. That's it. And for an hour it's just about endless bickering while the imminent danger just stays on pause because... well.... the story couldn't be dragged out into showing how endless bureaucracy is. Preposterous. Unrealistic. Silly. Stupid. What a waste of Helen Mirren and the young talent of the man on the ground. A very sad last film for the great Alan Rickman, also great underused.
Truly terrible and a waste of time. Ridiculous claptrap.
Now You See Me 2 (2016)
Reviews are fake, big names don't help a bad movie
How this movie even received a 7 rating is a good example of how the studios clearly pay people to stuff the ballot boxes. Don't be fooled by the great cast. This one is straight to VOD and everything in this film says "cash in on the mild success of the first." What makes fun is the "how did they do that?" question. But in this one, they tell you. It's only possible in a movie like this where you get the help of CGI and ask you to believe that the dumb things you see and know couldn't happen just happen. They will definitely not make a third.
The first movie in this series was something of a failure because it decided to foolishly allow it's "heroes" to pull of feats of wonder that were simply impossible without help from CGI. Hollywood seems to think that pushing the limits beyond is a good thing, forgetting that most of us with a brain get bumped right out of movie land magic once a movie shows reminds us of how false of a premise it is. The suspension of disbelief is gone and you're left just with disbelief.
So this film has a problem that is evident early. How can we top the preposterous nature of the first film with something even more improbable and ridiculous? Ten minutes into the film they use CGI twice in one scene that is so absurd that you can't help but feel insulted. No!!! It really IS magic! THIS is what you should expect from this movie. And if you can buy this lazy effort and pretend as if the totally super cool amazingly impossible is somehow possible -perhaps you'll like this film. It's the kind of magic that only superheroes can pull off. And that only works because it's never meant to be real like this is.
I hated it. I only stayed with it because of company. Save your money. And even if it's free, save your time. And if you're really curious, just wait for that scene 10 minutes into the movie to decide whether you really want to be dumb enough to waste another hour plus. The script is bad enough and the acting lazy so that you can make that decision easily. At least I've helped you gauge whether you want to watch this film or plan on having an alternative plan to escape from this movie.... like magic.
RED 2 (2013)
Pretty bad. No. Very bad.
Sequels. Sadly most of them are just excuses for lame opportunities to cash in again. This is just that.
You know a movie is going to be bad when Anthony Hopkins dials in a terrible performance. His over the top and dial by numbers character isn't believable from the moment he enters. This is a dial it in buddy buddy film, where every scene is predictable in that it will introduce yet another character or a familiar old face just at the right difficult moment. Plot is irrelevant. Make it up as you go along. Just stick to the same formula repeatedly.
If you loved RED, you might be amused by the sequel. Just be aware it's more of the same, more unoriginal and the characters you love will need to be around for the next sequel. I give it a generous 5 for some reasonable efforts, a high production value and the immense talent that is wasted in this farce.
Now You See Me (2013)
Would be good if it didn't deceive the audience
I wanted to like this film and it did show some early promise. But for a film that relies upon illusions, this one provides the worst fraud of all - the CGI that is responsible for pulling off the most of the tricks. The entire film is predicated on these guys being the greatest magicians of all and they couldn't even pull off the simple ones without some help from Hollywood.
And then came the ridiculous trick about moving money between bank accounts. Who came up with this garbage? Anything is possible in this film because anything is possible in movie land. While it has high production value, it's all wasted on a pitiful script. If you want to see some strange magic inspired movie, see something like The Prestige. At least that is honest to its inspiration, unlike this one which is virtually all made up rubbish that only exists in movies.
Intolerable Cruelty (2003)
Most bad reviews come from people with below 100 IQ
This movie is a hilarious, searing caricature of divorce lawyers. Unfortunately most of the bad reviews you're reading are from people who clearly didn't get any of the jokes. If you're at all familiar with divorce and lawyers you'll be rolling.
Is it predictable... parts of it are meant to be predictable although there is a hilarious twist. It's meant to be about the ride, not necessarily about the ingenuity of the plot twist, which there is.
In short, Clooney plays a divorce lawyer totally in love with himself. He earns a ton of money and will clearly make up anything he can in order to win a case for his clients, even go so far as to the ridiculous. The facts aren't important - only what the jury believes the facts are.
Catherine Zeta Jones plays a sly sexy woman whose sole goal is to be like the other shallow women in the movie - to marry a rich husband and catch them in some act of wrongdoing so that they can leave with lots of money.
The courtroom scenes are hysterical. There are parts that are accurate and others are clearly caricatures, purely for laughs lampooning the truth of what really does go on in courtrooms.
If you enjoy smart, highbrow humor, you may enjoy this film. If you also have a legal background, you'll probably love this film.
It Follows (2014)
Hysterically bad, someone slept with the reviewers
Was on cable and came to the IMDb for reviews. Shockingly good rating all around. The story seemed ridiculous and watching just five minutes made me laugh that this ever got funded. The writers came up with yet another dumb derivative of the "if you do this, the thing will stalk you." But hey... let's make this happen if you have sex!!! People will want to see the movie for the naked action!!!! Well... get ready for disappointment all the way around.
The writers didn't bother to create any story. None. They came up with this concept and basically said "let's try to keep this crap going for like 90+ minutes" without bothering to explain what is going on, no reasons, no rules, no boundaries. And that's a good thing because there is no explanation for what goes on because then they'd have to make sense of it all. So why does "it" follow in super slow motion to make sure that victims can get away in time to infect another person to keep the story going. Well... except of course if you want to tease with a shocking scene that is enough to induce laughs (you'll know it when you see it.)
The only thing this movie is good for is to show young teenagers that premarital sex is bad bad bad. You never know what can happen... like this. Be scared. Of movie ratings. Scary amount of manipulation going on.
Scarface (1983)
Pretty terrible acting by Pacino, entertaining if you get by it
Way too long, way overrated and this movie is only saved by performances of every actor except Pacino. Nobody knows what accent he's trying to emulate and his attempt to wear a perpetual frown comes off as comical, cartoonish. It's too bad because this otherwise overlong movie is saved by a cast of fantastic character actors that raise the amperage all the way through the movie.
This movie is about the rise and fall of a nobody immigrant with a mean streak who hails from Cuba. Being honest, I had a hard time listening to Pacino opening up his mouth and grimacing, trying to act bad and angry. Many worship this movie as if it's a lesser Godfather but it's hard to put it aside with every scene that Pacino sounds like an Italian who swallowed a Spaniard with speech impediment. You just have too laugh.
Even the famous lines from this movie are meant to be laughable, over the top moments, the same you'd have from your average B movie, which this is with just MUCH better production value, actors and sets. This isn't anywhere near a Top 250 movie of all time albeit it's much better than your average B movie. Take it for what it's worth.
Conspiracy Theory (1997)
Mel Gibson is really a poor actor
Not sure what happened but after the wheels came off of Mel Gibson's reputation, it seems everyone has had a better look at his films with a fresh look. For the most part Mel Gibson is a horrible actor. If he's not playing the part of Lethal Weapon Marty Riggs or some martyr who endures ungodly pain, he's got nothing. This film could be worse but Gibson's melodrama at certain parts is so forced so as to leave it with a terrible rating. Gibson does his "crazy man Riggs" mode in parts of this film and Patrick Stewart, Julia Roberts do what they can to save this mess.
In short, Jerry is obsessed with a government agent. He has theories, conspiracy theories. The big question is whether it's all a big conspiracy theory and will she believe him? Well... what do you think? Which way will this movie go? I dunno!!!
Predictable and, without spoiling the forced acting at the end, I can say that it's one of those "nothing else is on cable" movies. It's completely forgettable and, worse, it's not even a fun ride to get to the end. Patrick Stewart is good but wasted, given awkward lines that he does his best with and a resolution which is really unsalvageable. If you must watch, make sure you multitask so you won't regret the time investment.
2047: Sights of Death (2014)
INCREDIBLE film. The cast is amazing. A must see.
This is a must see for just 10 minutes. Hang around if you wish. The cast is truly stellar. Every aging actor was a household name at some point and a bona fide star. One has to wonder whether they all met at AA or debtor's anonymous and they just needed the money. This movie sets the all time record for wasted talent, horrible music, laughable script and just must be seen to be believed.
Daryl Hannah is virtually unrecognizable, appearing to have injected her lips with all the fat from Kim K's butt. Rutger Hauer, like Daryl and Madsen and Baldwin all seem like they are working out of the old age home, too tired to convincingly recite their lines. It's an effort, every line. And let's not forget Danny Glover.
I took a look at the director. He has virtually no credits. How on earth did this guy con 5 world famous actors into doing this film? He and the writers have maybe a dozen credits for Italian short films. One has to wonder whether this represents the acting group that blew all their money on cocaine. Why else would they stoop so low so as to agree to do a film that is this preposterously ridiculous? It was a disaster you could see from just reading the first few pages of the script. Yes, it really is that bad.
Martyrs (2008)
Badly acted, laughable script, excuse for torture porn
The opening of the movie presents a very compelling promise for the film within. A girl escapes what seems to be an empty building that held her captive. The little girl Lucy is being helped at a nunnery and befriended by another girl Anna. She has a secret that she won't share except that she screams out that monsters are coming for her that only she seems to be able to see. Sounds good. But after the first scene which takes you 10 years later, the movies goes downhill from there in a big way and becomes a bad excuse for torture porn with a wicked silly reason.
SPOILER AHEAD
So you want to know why the Lucy shoots this family dead whom she claims to be her captors? In short, the entire town is a cult that believes that if they torture people who have a will to live that is higher than most, they will hang on to the end and share the secrets of what lies beyond death in their final moments, whispering it to the preacher. And by brutalizing people to within an inch of their lives, they are able to see "through the cracks" the angels and demons and afterlife details that we cannot. Martyrs on the cross have died this way, tortured to the extent that pain will allow them to stay alive and, in that state, they see the beyond. That's it.
So you can guess what follows. Girl calls 911 to help her friend. But the entire town is in on this torture show so they capture her, drag her to their dungeon to commit atrocities for the pleasure of the torture porn audience repeatedly. Lucy is tortured to the point where she is about to die. Anna sticks around to be tortured and told all of what is happening because if she wasn't, the audience would think that this is just badly acted torture porn with bad dialogue straight out of bad B-movies.
Anna hangs on enough to get a gun and try to save Lucy during the ceremony before her death, crucified on the cross. She tells the priests of the cult to cut Lucy down. They refuse. Lucy tries to speak something and Anna and a priest hears. The head woman of the cult demands Anna tell her what was spoken. The priest said he heard and he takes a gun and kills himself. Anna shoots the head woman, everyone runs. And in her wounded state, Anna lies down with the "martyr" Lucy and we assume they die together. That's it.
I'm guessing what Lucy says is "what a bunch of suckers you are for watching this whole movie." The dialogue is pretty bad and the adult girl who plays Lucy is not convincing at all. Part of this has to be the wooden dialogue, which is at it's worst during the "meet the cult" part of the movie. Watch this if you must. Be prepared to fast forward to the end and be surprised when you see how poorly this is acted. Don't say you weren't warned.
The Signal (2014)
Technically excellent but ultimately just a 90 minute smokescreen
A movie that starts out promising gets very strange as you move through. Unfortunately while the film's appearance, editing, design and overall product seems much larger than its budget, it ends up being just a pointless 90 minute exercise.
I'm not going to spoil the big reveals. But I will say this much before you decide to invest time watching it. If you try to make logical sense of this movie then you're going to be utterly disappointed at the end, frustrated that you thought the parts were supposed to add up. All I could make of it was that it was designed to keep you guessing for the 60 minutes in between and that's about it. You'll read some reviews saying that readers were looking too deeply into the film but ultimately it's difficult for them to admit that it didn't add up. As many have said, they feel as if they were suckered into staying along for the ride.
Ang-ma-reul bo-at-da (2010)
South Korea silences the lambs
This might be one of the greatest horror films I've ever seen. What's frightening is that the characters are real people and not the caricatures that they are such as Hannibal Lechter, who somehow knows everything as if there is some secret computer and pipeline that feeds him knowledge he could never know. This movie is about the transformation of a police officer who is traumatized in the process of hunting down a true psychopath. And in the course of his transformation, the righteous transforms into the righteous hunter seeking revenge and not only justice.
Everything from the script to the music to the production is at the highest level. And let us not forget the actors who are top notch. Gripping, edge of your seat and rewatchable. This is one of those few international films where reading the subtitles is mandatory because voice overs will not suffice. And you simply get lost in the tale as it moves along and gets more complicated and ugly.
There really isn't anything I can compare the film to because it stands alone. And thankfully there is no prequel or sequel. And the best part is that the film provides the kind of ending that is visceral, satisfying and certainly not cliché. This is truly a rare gem and even if this isn't your cup of tea, I'm sure you'll enjoy the main course, as dark as it is.
Oldboy (2013)
Hard to believe bad, especially with this cast
You look at the cast - Samuel L Jackson, Josh Brolin and Sharlto Copley and say "wow, this film has to be at least decent because these guys would never sign onto a project that could be a total dud." This is an example of a one trick pony director (Spike Lee) who built a name around race-based films trying to actually do something other than his usual shtick and having his agents hook these names onto a project which they all probably regret.
IMPORTANT: WATCH THE ORIGINAL FIRST. THEN START THIS FILM, WATCH 10 MINUTES AND THEN DECIDE IF YOU REALLY WANT TO TORTURE YOURSELF FOR THE ENTIRE RUNNING TIME.
Mistake #1 - You've got to be pretty darn arrogant to think you're going to do at least a good job if not better of remaking one of the greatest original films made. Why would anyone even try remaking Casablanca? The Godfather? Bladerunner? They nailed it perfectly - writing, editing, acting, casting, etc. Chances are you're going to fail.
Mistake #2 - Trying to change the story to put your own trademark on your film. I couldn't understand why Spike Lee would bother with his own additions other than to sit back and enjoy seeing the pleasure of his own work where the black man has the upper hand. It's awkward, poorly scripted into the story, poorly acted and blows valuable running time to further Lee's conceit.
Mistake #3 - Changing the most important parts of the story to put your own trademark to create a twist which desperately needs chemistry to work but failing miserably to generate it at all. This is a twisted film. The original is done very, very well. I would advise anyone NOT to watch this film and to watch the original so as to enjoy the entire movie and the way the reveals play themselves out. This steaming pile is tossed together with characters that really don't have chemistry and is disturbingly contrived.
You will not be able to thank me enough times for telling you NOT TO WATCH THIS FILM AND TO SEE THE ORIGINAL FIRST. You see so many people saying the same thing and there is GOOD REASON for it. Not only will you LOVE the first film's style and execution but you won't be able to sit through the first 15 minutes of this film without being between a laugh and a retch. You will then save 90 minutes of your life. The rating on this film is only in the 5.x grade because Spike Lee clearly had his marketing people stuff the ballot box.
WATCH THE ORIGINAL FIRST
The Expendables 2 (2012)
Painfully bad, including the fake punches
The synopsis here: "Mr. Church reunites the Expendables for what should be an easy paycheck, but...."
Well that was an easy paycheck and the story ends! This is bad B- Movie entertainment with a big budget. Too much money and too many stars for it to fall this flat. It's made for Mystery Science Theater 3000 as a film to talk back to the screen and laugh at as the really bad jokes flop, one after another.
I knew we were going to have a problem when Stallone, now well past his prime, goes into a bar with Statham and take on the really, really huge guy. You can see one of them flop to the ground after Stallone visibly swings wide and completely misses the target. That scene epitomizes this film. You are left wondering whether there was editing and, if it was edited, they just said "screw it. These idiots who came to see our first movie won't give a damn. They are here for the big names, our recycled dumb lines, big explosions and bad villains we hate. Plot? We don't need no stinking plot! Let's just serve us up a sexy Chinese woman and we are golden."
What a stinker. Humor is forced right down your throat that is painful. Leading to action scenes that looked like they were staged on a set in Hollywood. Nobody in the street but 100 guys with submachine guns taking on a handful of our heroes. Thousands of rounds are fired and yet not one of these idiots can even come close to hitting our heroes. Even massive artillery doesn't help with their aim. The film should have just treated itself as a total comedy right from the start.
It's really that bad.
Altered Minds (2013)
Excellent film, don't listen to the jackass in film school
I really enjoyed this movie, which was much better than I thought for a very low budget film. I was curious to read reviews and then caught the one entitled "Beware the hype for a morbid failure" that will probably be above mine that tears up the film - and incorrectly. I felt like it deserved a response from someone who did some acting but didn't take it the full route but has an educated eye.
1) Genre: There is nothing wrong with the genre. Without ruining the film, there is nothing wrong with not being sadly predictable from the moment the reel is in motion.
2) Technique: Shot with the wrong camera. This clown evidently didn't see the budget and the overwhelming majority of people - especially the average movie goer - will never be able to tell the difference. He then says "this monetary decision..." - as if a film is not worth doing at all unless it has a huge budget to be able to get the alleged camera of choice. What a snob, probably a frustrated director.
3) Acting: The clown can't decide whether ONE of the actors was somehow "incompetently played" but fails to say how. What happened was probably intentional because it makes sense in how the film plays out.
4) Deus Ex Machina: Makes you wonder whether this clown was ever truly competent in film. Doesn't know what this is and there is nothing that is pulled out of a Roman Deity's buttocks to save the day. Perhaps he shouldn't be lecturing about film school 101 because you don't need to be a director to understand the term.
5) Pretentious: Seems like someone has a serious bug up his bum, talking about how something may have been subliminally inserted into the credits. And then he rambles on about the film's showing at festivals... well... if you don't have HUGE money to pay for all those fancy cameras then you have to work very hard to get people to see the film, especially the right people. Could this LOR from New York, NY be a bigger turd? Sounds like it's par for the course in the entertainment industry.
6) Signs of the Amateur: This clown had to try to belittle the director even more. My guess... a former employee who was terminated. His complaint is that there were lots of thank yous in the film. Well... when you're a small time film maker on a small budget who is grateful for all the people who contributed to making this tiny budget look MUCH larger than it is, you MUST include them in the credits. That's business and relationships 101.
Overall I really enjoyed the film and didn't look at my watch once. For a low budget film that looks like it was only 6 figures and MAYBE just into 7 figures, it was great. It is SO MUCH better than the shlock I see on Cinemax, Showtime and other cable channels that get rerun over and over. And the bottom line is that it did have an interesting story line and believable ending. And the fact that this impish film student or former employee didn't even bother to discuss the film and just went for unrelated issues that a movie goer couldn't care less about tells you that there really weren't any significant complaints with the movie itself to warrant criticism!
So on that note I enjoyed it. I saw just a handful of things I might have done differently but I thought it was miles better than the shlock you see on low budget films and shaky cam reality movies. Worth the look and no regrets.
Mindhunters (2004)
Leave your mind at home
If LL Cool J is in a film it means that acting skills are optional. The rest of the film requires you to believe that someone had the remarkable ability to set all the events up knowing the script in advance. Because the events that occur could only have happened if you could see the script in advance. So these clowns are supposed to be FBI agents. Yet vending machines magically dispense things in a highly suspicious fashion and the agent is not surprised by this? This is a true idiot's delight.
Sadly this has every type of amateur associated with it. There are truly horrible elements created solely just to create screams from the audience. It probably took a crew time to set up that scene, but somehow we're supposed to believe that the killer was able to set up this entire elaborate scene all by himself. And then the great finale, which would have made Jacques Cousteau envious. It's a comedy in the absurd. Leave it to these clowns to take exaggeration to the max. It takes a special type of low talent hack to come up with this pitiful waste of film.
I give it a 3 for the actors who try to do what they can with this script. They weren't terrible, just made to do some very dumb things.
Relatos salvajes (2014)
Off the wall and different
Like it or not, you can't say that Wild Tales isn't at least something a little fresh in the lame movie industry.
This is a Spanish film which should be seen with subtitles if you don't understand Spanish. It's just a couple of stories taken during a moment in time that are over the top situations of what could be real life encounters. I personally thought that the first was the best but that didn't detract from the remaining fun. There are some famous names in there that I recognized from Argentinian films I have seen before.
There are six stories, each one about a specific situation that plays out. In the opening it is about a woman who is sent a plane ticket for a free flight. On it, a flirting older man discovers that he has something in common with the beautiful catwalk model. In another tale we meet a man in a Mercedes who gives a lousy driver a harsh rebuke while driving. How far does road rage extend? A young waitress in a restaurant discovers she is serving a man who, many years earlier, was the reason for her father to die and is an otherwise vile human being running for a political position. A demolitions professional finds himself besieged by the frustrations of a car towing company and the corrupt city that is mostly after the towing and parking ticket fees. And the grand finale is a wedding where past secrets make their way out into the open. There are a couple of good laughs throughout but it's mostly a dish best served cold. An enjoyable ride.
Secret in Their Eyes (2015)
The horror is having watched the original and seeing this
Leave it to Hollywood to try to take a great original film and jazz it up with their politics and false polish.
First let's toss in an interracial relationship and class structure to give everyone a teaching moment. Then lets change other details to make things seem even more compelling, dramatic and extraordinary. That's because the original film, which was great, just wasn't amped up enough.
In the original film we watch a detective who has had a friendship with the DA. There are questions about "what if" regarding a current between them but, what drives the film, is the retired detective haunted by a crime he could not solve. A beautiful woman is raped and murdered in a terrible fashion and her lover is overcome with incredible sorrow. His reinvestigation into the murder also connects him with his loose end in his search to answer both questions. And the cast and script is riveting.
In this film that doesn't happen. The person murdered is the daughter of one of the investigators, which goes unsolved. And then a team member returns many years later to reopen the case and question about the grieving mother and former team member and her zeal to find the murderer.
I give it 1 star because I have to. I give it another star for the fact that I've seen much worse. But it is a tragedy that this film tears down the greatness of the original. On the bright side it isn't as pitifully bad as Spike Lee's Oldboy remake, which could be one of the worst ever. This is along the level of the remake of Spoorloss into "The Vanishing." Rip the essence out of what makes the movie great and try to throw your spin on something that really doesn't need fixing at all.