Reviews

If you, like me, have a problem with one on one violence, yet are quite happy to watch the wanton dismemberment of an entire squad of assassins, then Kill Bill Volume One is a film best seen as having two halves.

The first half features lots of unpleasant solo inflicted violence, mostly by The Bride. The second half is so blatantly over the top that you can suspend your disbelief and squeamishness, and just enjoy it for the masterfully crafted piece of filmmaking that it is.

Uma Thurman is unfortunately not the best actress in the world. She seems too harsh, too unlikeable to ever really fully deserve empathy. Admittedly she may be a mindless killer, but she just looks kind of weird at times, thus the necessary special something is lacking.

Tarantino is a vastly over-hyped director, but credit where it's due, by completely ignoring the linear storyline and bringing in the surprising cartoon sequence, he shows himself to be a filmmaker of intense vision and bravado.

It is the House of Blue Leaves that this entire film revolves around, a wonderful demonstration of the ability to use types of shot, shading and above all, kick-ass fighting. One of the most impressive shots, completed without an edit, is the roving camera that drifts throughout the club and into the toilets. Not even an action piece, it shows just how innovative a director Tarantino can be. Even better that he follows it up with all the black and white, and shadowplay that follows.

Unfortunately, without the House of Blue Leaves, Kill Bill Volume One wouldn't really be that special, just another film about killers. Let's be thankful that it is there and just enjoy it.

My Rating: 8 out of 10

So, there was this monolith and a spaceship and a talking computer and some apes and ... er ... actually I have no idea.

It would probably be better if I had read the book, but I didn't understand what the hell this film was about, and it bored me senseless. Sorry Stanley. Even more sorry Arthur.

That said, it did have Leonard Rossiter in it and South Park later did an amusing parody of Hal, so it can't be all that bad. Can it?

Well yes. But then I've probably missed the point entirely. If there was one.

My Rating: 3 out of 10

Forget everything you know. Forget the well paced emotional dramas, the big budget action epics, the humourous animated extravaganzas. Rush Hour 2, and I'm going out on a limb here, is one of the best films of the new decade.

Laugh as you may, but Rush Hour 2 has just about everything a good movie should offer. Jackie Chan doing impossibly clever fights. Chris Tucker doing surprisingly good jokes. Big stunts. Funny fights. Everything that is requisite to an enjoyable film.

Jackie Chan has not been a huge success in his American film career. Up until the first Rush Hour he'd made only several poor dubbed actioners, that could have easily been brought over from Hong Kong. It wasn't until the first Rush Hour film that Jackie gave us something to admire, namely a good comic pairing with an actor one would expect to be incredibly annoying, and some of his usual innovative fights. It was one of the better buddy cop films of the time, a theme he repeated with slightly less success in the decent Shanghai Noon.

But it's Rush Hour 2 that really has unleashed his full potential. Able to do comedy on the same level as Tucker, but wisely sticking to his own strengths, Jackie provides plenty of punch for his fee.

Consistently funny and action packed, Rush Hour 2 is the best film of 2001, and you can quote me on that.

Although I can't quite bring myself to give it a ten.

My Rating: 9 out of 10

Having seen and being bored to tears by the first and second Matrix films, Equilibrium showed me just how good they could have been. Utilising far better actors, better fight scenes and an intelligent storyline, Kurt Wimmer's film is a corker.

Whilst the story has obviously been heavily influenced by Brave New World and 1984, the idea of an emotion supressing future is a clever twist on the totalitarian regime. Christian Bale gives a very measured performance as cleric John Preston, looking a lot more suited to his role than the cardboard cut-out that is Keanu Reeves ever did to Neo.

What really impresses about Equilibrium is the quality of the fight scenes. I firmly believe this is one of the best films for fights of the last 5 years, blowing you away with it's unique martial art, the gun-kata.

Visually impressive, although slightly limited by it's emotion supressing cast, Equilibrium is one of the best ignored films of the decade. Someone tell the Wachowski's this is how it was meant to be done.

My Rating: 8 out of 10

This movie is bad. Very bad. It wasn't funny. It wasn't entertaining. It was crass, downmarket and not clever in the slightest. The movie montage is very annoying, the characters are unlikeable, the storyline is degrading and non-existent.

Cameron, why did you submit yourself to this disaster. At least Charlie's Angels had some great action scenes in it, and the odd amusing cameo. This film is just... well, I'll leave you to fill in the gap.

My Rating: 1 out of 10

Being a big fan of Pixar, I was slightly disappointed by the quality of Finding Nemo. It doesn't come near to the knowing humour of the Toy Story movies, opting rather for the more 'seen it all before' Shining jokes and others. Those sea turtles seemed so funny in the trailer, yet in the film, they get very annoying very easily.

Thats not to say there isn't anything good in this film. The man-ray teacher was definitely my favourite character, there was just something funny about the way he sang. The Ocean's 11 style escape plan was great, as were the seagulls, who reminded me a lot of the dodo's in Ice Age.

The problem Finding Nemo suffers from is that it's just too Disneyfied, a trap A Bug's Life fell into. So while it is better than the insect take on Pixar, it doesn't match the fun of Monster's Inc or the Toy Story masterpieces.

Roll on The Incredibles.

My Rating: 6 out of 10

As a young child, K-9 was one of my favourite films, and although my tastes have matured with time, this is still a very funny film, with one of the most underrated actors ever, James Belushi. Playing the superb Bill Murray deadpan style, but usually as a cop, rather than Murray's humorous loser roles, Belushi is a likeable dodgy cop. The end scene in the hospital is the best man and dog conversation ever, although Jerry Lee jumping in the poodle's car runs it pretty close.

My rating : 9 out of 10

So the Rock is never going to be an Oscar winner, but who cares? He's the Schwarzenegger for the new generation, the Van Damme who people will actually want to see. Nobody raises the eyebrow better than The Rock since Roger Moore, although heaven forbid that he play James Bond one day.

This film is little more than a showcase for The Rock's ability to kick the crap out of everyone, but it's so knowingly over the top, you can't help but enjoy it.

Deserves to be seen by millions... and millions of the Rock's fans.

My rating: 8/10

As a film student, I have to watch a wide variety of films, both good and bad. This has to rate as the worst film on the first year of my course, and one of the worst films ever made.

If you like your drama to be slightly slower than normal, then this may be for you, but even those who appreciate thought provoking over action will still be bored senseless by this absolute tripe.

I have never seen a film slower than this one. The largely static camera barely helps, admittedly an intentional move, but I doubt intended to bore us that much.

Yes this film sucks, and you'll be wishing the lead character would drive his car off the road, just to make it end.

My Rating: 1/10

Let's get one thing straight: Batman and Robin is no masterpiece. But to hell with it, it's still enjoyable. So it's appallingly acted, badly scripted and absolutely sucks. Who cares? It goes so far through the barrier of crapness that it actually becomes good. I do mean in a laughably crap manner, but still, if you can't laugh, what can you do?

I loved Batman Forever, but the same trick can't be pulled off here. It aint as bad as everyone makes it out to be, but I will admit it isn't that great either.

My Rating: 5/10

I wasn't a fan of the first Matrix film, so it was pretty inevitable I wouldn't like this one, but I do have legitimate reasons.

1. None of the cast can act - Keanu is still one of the worst actors in history, Fishburne is still unconvincing as an inspirational hero, Moss is still capable of looking puzzled and Weaving can only grimace lots.

2. The Wachowskis cannot write dialogue. Keanu sitting on a bench confusing the hell out of us, a French bloke in a restaurant confusing the hell out of us, and pretty ropey stuff connecting it all.

3. It's too dark. On does not look cool in a full length black jacket, that is too tight around the neck. Too many people wear black, and the whole thing looks rather dingy.

4. Nobody can properly do a decent CGI human being. The computer generated Keanu looks more like Bruce Campbell, which would actually be an improvement.

Yes there are good special effects, but a series of nice looking scenes alone does not make a good film.

My Rating: 4/10

South Park is the greatest television programme in history. Forget The Simpsons, this is the show that dares to tackle the gritty subject matter, and the film is no different, trying to offend as many people as possible in under 90 mins.

Some people find this show offensive, but they are missing the point entirely. We laugh because it highlights the one-sided attitude of society, and how we are ready to mock anyone, but look down on anyone else who does it.

There is stupid humour and the songs are just ace, the whole thing melds together into one great cartoon.

So good in fact, that I wrote my A-level media studies coursework on it.

Anyway, if you can't laugh at other people, what can you laugh at? South Park is there to show us that a completely censored life would just be dull.

My Rating: 8/10

This is the worst film I have ever seen. I absolutely hated it. Nicole Kidman plays the most diabolical film character ever. Apparently if you despise a movie villain, that means they've done a good job. However, if that was the case, you would have to empathise with the supporting cast. In this film , they are all the most undeserving of sympathy in cinema history. Who cares who dies? They all should, at least that would have left me with satisfaction. The best movie villains are the ones you can like, or have heroic individuals who you can support up against them. Instead, you get an egotistical lead, some slimy support and a detestable backing cast. Told in flashbacks, which is never a good idea, this film is appalling.

My Rating: 1/10, but if the site would let me 0/10

If anyone would like to claim that the Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the greatest horror film ever, you really need your head examined. This is not scary, just sick. And when your heroine spends over a third of the film screaming, you don't care whether she survives or not come the end. Anyone stupid enough to draw attention to themselves by yelling at the top of their voices whilst their running away from a madman deserves to be chainsawed.

This is not amusing, not well made and not very good. The principle is scary, but the execution (pardon the pun) sucks. And besides, I would class a massacre as several thousand dying in a war, not a couple of teenagers dumb enough to knock on the door of a group of country throwbacks in the middle of nowhere.

When is she going to shut up?

My rating: 2/10

I have never fallen asleep at the cinema, but The Matrix is the closest I've ever come to doing so. Quite frankly, the first hour of this film is the most boring hour of film ever.

Keanu Reeves cannot act, neither can Laurence Fishburne, Carrie Ann Moss doesn't do much better. The whole thing is too dark, and let's be honest: If you've seen the trailer, you don't need to see the film, as it shows you all the special effects there anyway.

I've been more disappointed by other films, but I fail to see how this uninspiring and badly acted mess is hailed so much by fans. Any old fool can string together a series of special effects, the trick is to link them with a good story and enjoyable characters. The Matrix does neither.

I'll admit it picks up a bit in the second half, but I was so completely and utterly appalled by the first hour, no amount of bullet time, however impressive, can save this film.

My Rating: 4/10

What can I say that hasn't already been said. Casablanca is the Perfect movie. Superb script, packed with memorable dialogue and one-liners. Fantastic characters, Bogart being one of THE great cinematic heroes. Scenes of dramatic tension and heart-stopping romance. It may be cliched and rely on narrative coincidences (guess who wrote a film studies essay on this film), but when all the elements combine, who cares? This film is timeless, being as superb today as it will be tomorrow, and the day after that, etc.

My Rating: 10/10