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Reviews
Batoru rowaiaru II: Chinkonka (2003)
Confusing mess
Boy, was this movie a let down or what? The original and the book are somewhat guilty of drawn out death scenes, but this movie takes it to a whole new level. Every (major) character seems to be able to reel out a 5 minute gasping speech before finally kicking the bucket, despite the fact they've been permeated with bullets. Is this meant to have the same "profound" effect upon the tenth time of seeing it? It wouldn't be so bad if they were actually saying something interesting, but instead they just seem to jabber on. I was actually praying for the quick deaths of some of the characters.
The movie starts off well enough, despite the fact that it's awfully similar to the original Battle Royale it includes a "storming the beaches" scene. However the movie soon turns into a pretentious lesson about the nature of warfare and the adult/youth dichotomy. The movie plays out exactly like this for most of the latter part: fighting scene -> monologue about something -> fighting scene -> etc etc. I could accept it if these long monologues were actually insightful or made any actual sense. Often the "insights" presented in them are convoluted and confusing, and beyond all they're said in such a way to make it seem like it's some great revelation. I'm still not exactly sure what Shuya's aims are.
Shuya doesn't look like a Terrorist; he doesn't look like a guy who's been through hell. He still seems meek and quiet. Are we meant to believe that this guy is threatening the ruling Government so much that they have to resort to all sorts of crazy methods to kill him? I was expecting a hardened Shuya, what I got was overplayed and somewhat cheesy.
This brings me on to the end of the movie. Oh boy. In one of the final scenes we see Shuya and Takuma as the only survivors left, along with 5 other girls and a few children who've escaped from the Island through an underground tunnel to the main land. The island has been completely overrun by hundreds of soldiers and it looks like a hopeless situation. Shuya gives Takuma the last AK47 they have in their possession, arms him-self with a pistol and then runs with Takuma up a flight of stairs towards the oncoming soldiers. At this point we presume to their deaths (I should also note that at this point Shuya has already been shot 3 or 4 times). The screen fades to white. Cut to 3 months later and we see the escapees from the Island collected around what looks like some sort of tank in the desert, supposedly waiting for something. A spluttering car comes around the corner and stops just down the road, and who gets out? You guessed it, Shuya and Takuma. How!? How did they escape the hundreds of soldiers wanting their blood on the Island? Did they kill them all, hide? I can't believe either. It's all an insult to the viewers intelligence, that they can pull two characters out of nowhere from a seemingly impossible situation. It's ridiculous at best. Then to add insult to injury who turns out to be with the escapees? Yep, Noriko...WHAT!? This final scene sums up the entire movie; a frustrating, irritating and confusing experience. This movie would be the Swiss variety if logic was cheese.
Land of the Dead (2005)
As much as any Zombie fan could have wanted.
Well, what can I say about this movie. For a zombie movie? Near perfect, for a movie on its own? A few flaws but overall greatly entertaining.
I must begin with saying that Romero has taken a new direction with Land of the Dead. For this movie isn't just about a group of people struggling for survival, on the contrary, the Zombies themselves are given character depth and quite a lot of screen time on their own. Now this may seem odd, how can a Zombie have a character? They just shamble around eating every living thing in sight right? In Land of the Dead however the Zombies are learning. It's been 20 years (or so we think) since the beginning of the Zombie holocaust and the Zombies finally have something to show for it.
As for the movie itself? The direction is top notch as usual, all of the characters turn in great performances (including the Zombies). The movie is well paced and the writing well balanced. A lot of over the top gore, to which I was surprised they let pass with a 15 rating in the U.K.. Some nudity, but little bad language. If you're a zombie fan, or even if you're not, I definitely recommend this movie.
Eraserhead (1977)
Dark, perhaps a little too dark for some.
After watching this movie I felt physically drained. Not through boredom however, but through the pure emotional onslaught that one experiences whilst viewing this movie.
The dark humor in this movie is relentless. I use the term 'humor' loosely as it will take several viewings to pick up any at all, and when you do see it you will probably not laugh at it.
This is one of those rare movies that can be considered to be "art" in its purest form. If you can endure this movie from beginning to end you will probably feel some type of emotional response, which is more than can be said for some of the more "traditional" movies.
After viewing this movie you will either see it for what it is an "artistic" vision or you'll miss what the point of this movie entirely, that there is no pre-defined "point", it is up to the viewer to make of it what they will, and for that it is a true piece of art.
10/10
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
An excellent conclusion to the trilogy.
I must of enjoyed this one of the most out of the 3 LOTR movies. It has it all action, story, drama, the list goes on. You feel yourself forming emotional bonds with the characters and when its all over you find yourself feeling sad that the journey has finally come to an end.
Peter Jackson has created something truly monumental here, and dare I say the best Trilogy ever made, If you can call it a trilogy as it is in essence one movie.
I urge you to see this movie as soon as possible.
The Alien Within (1995)
Decent "The Thing" Rip-Off
OK this movie does borrow from The Thing, heavily. In fact it is more like a cross-breed between Alien and The Thing. Despite Its un-orginality and a bit of wooden acting overall it is a good B-Movie and well worth a watch if you are into this sort of thing, mind the pun.
I'll give it a *** out of 5
Dawn of the Dead (1978)
Excellent.....
This is a true must-see for Horror fans and any directors hoping to create there own horror movie.
This has it all suspense, plot and a bucket load a gore all topped off with a truly unique style.
George A. Romero out does himself here i'll give it a **** out of 5
Underworld (2003)
Not as good as 'Blade' but still worth a look...
OK this type of action cross horror movie isn't a new thing.
This movie doesn't attempt to take this genre any where different.
After establishing that, what's the movie like? Well I'll be honest, it is entertaining!
The plot itself is a bit sketchy at times, and even though the reasons for the war are explained it doesn't really explain the history between the two species that well.
The acting for the most part is ok, even though some characters appear a bit wooden. The action scenes are quite well done and are entertaining to watch with pretty good special effects to make them more effective.
Overall a good action movie, but not much more than that, there's one or two cheap shocks but if you want scares don't look here.
Definitely worth a look if you have a spare couple of hours.
Session 9 (2001)
Underated...
After looking at the score for this film I must say it certainly doesn't deserve it.. It deserves something far better.
"Session 9" has been for me one of, if not the best Horror/Thriller movie of the millennium, if not for the last 10 years.
This movie doesn't conform to the regular rules of horror however, but sets out to achieve something completely different than your average slasher flick, it sets out to leave you with that feeling under the skin, even after you've finished watching it.
To begin with, this movie contains no monsters, no ghosts occupying the deepest recesses of the asylum, No mysterious things that go bump in the night. On the contrary the only monsters and ghosts in this movie are in the human mind. This monster can be called many things and we never really find out exactly what it is, whether it's insanity brought on by the building, or stress by events outside of the building. This monster is given the name of "Simon" in this movie but whether "Simon" is an actually demon driving people to insanity or just a figment of the imagination isn't explained.
This movie combines creepy images of dark decaying corridors with excellent lighting, specifically on the restraint chair shown on the cover. It really gives an ominous feel. The directing is excellent with wide angled shots conveying the size of the asylum and how small the cleaning crew is. There are a few heart pounding moments , for example when Henry is being chased but apart from that dread is a bigger element in this movie. The voices in Gordon's mind and the Session tapes all add to this.
The movies slow pace is vital to the effect it has on you after you have finished watching it, as when it all comes to a head towards the end of the movie it's like a sudden release on tension.
One of the most original and inspired horror movies in a long while, I guess people aren't finished with Freddy Kruger and Jason to move away from hammer horror and onto an intelligent movie such as this.
Resident Evil (2002)
Semi-Entertaining action movie
Overall "Resident Evil" is way above average as far as video-game to silver screen goes, however the movie itself only provides enough entertainment to cover you watching it maybe 2 or 3 times after that the movie becomes kinda boring.
The first thing you'll notice about this movie (if you have played the games, but also if you havn't) that this isn't scary, at all. It is an action movie with a touch of gore now and again. There's a few cheap thrills which manage to make your heart jump for a second, but beyond that this movie has more in common with something like "Aliens" than "Night of the Living Dead". The script is mediocre, better than Romero's but still filled with wasted potential. The acting again is mediocre. In places this movie does get kinda stupid. The dog sequence comes to mind where she manages to kill 5 or 6 zombie dogs with one bullet each.
The zombie sequences potential for some heavy action and gory scenes were again wasted as 4 of the team going into the hive to find out what happened are killed straight away by the Red Queen which means the film has to be more conservative with who lives and dies later on in the movie. Those characters went to waste in my opinion. The use of the Red Queen in the movie removes any horror elements remaining in the movie concerning the unknown of exactly what has happened as the Red Queen explains it all. There is in fact little or no atmosphere maintained in the movie, no where do you feel anxious or claustrophobic , and by no means does this movie inspire dread.
All in all a below average action movie that tries to be something it isn't and disappointing for the game fans.
The Incredible Melting Man (1977)
View the MST3K version and only the MST3K version....
I managed to grab a viewing of this with the aid of MST3K, and oh boy, even with the riffing this movie was excruciatingly bad. Imagine someone whose competence with a camera could be out done by a monkey.
The highlights (what little there were) came from the special effects, which were "OK". The acting for the most part was also "OK"; though nothing special, it was of a higher quality than other B-Movies I have seen in the past.
The rest of this movie is dismally bad, The camera work often looks like they've just put the camera man on roller skates and pushed him along. The story (if it can be called that) is so full of holes it's almost funny, It never really explains why the hell he survived in the first place, or needs human flesh in order to survive. The script is poorly written and the dialogue verges on just plane stupid. The climax to movie (if there is one) is absolutely laughable.
If you can't find the MST3K version, avoid this at all costs.
The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)
3 words to sum up this movie : bad, bad, bad
After watching the MST3K version of this I can safely say that even with the aid of MST3K this movie is lost and should not be viewed by the public.
The plot (what plot? You may ask) goes something along the lines of Dr Javorsky (Tor Johnson) is running away from some Henchman that are looking for something that we never find out. Anyway they are chased into Yucca Flats where a shootout ensues, not just a shootout though, the worst scripted shootout I have ever seen where they are basically wandering around wondering what they are going to be having for tea and pointing the weapons at each other, half-heartdly hiding behind cars while the sound guy adds gunshot sounds over the top. Talk about delayed reaction syndrome these guys take about 15 seconds after the noise of the gunshot has been played to fall over and die, the death scenes arn't even realistic with no bullet holes, no blood, nothing.
Anyway Tor escapes and is having a leisurely stroll through Yucca Flats, when oh no!, there's a nuclear explosion killing everyone except Tor. Yucca flats is a nuclear test sight! In the middle of the united states, not far from a town. Anyway the rest of the movie is made up of Tor and a bunch of other guys wondering around the wilderness doing nothing. Tor kills once or twice but apart from that it's either them walking up and down rock formations shaped like buttocks or running away from Choppers because there's some idiot cop flying around shooting anyone that so happens to be in the wilderness thinking that they are the killer "Shoot first ask questions later". All the while there is the most stupid dialogue being said in the background about the price of progress and flags on the moon (what?).
Anyway apart from the severe bord-em you'd feel watching the non-MST3K version of this there are several other factors which should convince people to avoid this movie at all costs. The first is the acting. This movie has to have some of the worst actors ever to hit the movie business. These actors are so bad they could not portray any sort of emotional response, even if they wern't acting. The section where the father of the two missing boys is running away from the chopper doesn't seem to mind one bit, it looks almost as if he is enjoying the exercise (if he were capable of expressing enjoyment). The continuity is non-existent most of the people in this movie must be using warp drive or something because they seem to be able to cross several miles of area in just a few seconds. This can be noticed in the helicopter scene, where he basically out-runs a chopper. The only one infact that doesn't seem to be able to go anywhere very fast is Tor Johnson who chases people with a large stick.
If you want a good laugh then by all means get hold of the MST3K version of this, but otherwise if you try and watch this without that aid you will be doing anything but laughing.