Reviews

I've come to the conclusion that Marvel comics and anime should never mix. After watching this and Iron man the anime and giving up basically part way through. First things first, the opening credits music and closing music is bland heavy metal music with nothing really to it. Apparently they couldn't afford any performers for the openings or closings to these things like regular anime.

The second thing, I'm not really wanting to make this a main point, but this anime is so tame, it's basically PG-13 compared to the movies with Wesley Snipes. I realize with some comic book characters like X-Men/Iron-Man, I don't expect massive violent content or anything. But Blade the anime involves vampires and it's mostly bloodless. You can at least try Japan to skirt the boundaries with this title considering the content.

Third thing, the vampires have human agents everywhere in this damn thing, it's rather unbelievable, the second episode is guilty of this of having nearly everyone in the Japanese law enforcement of a major city being human agents for Frost and other vampires, including the Lieutenant of the police! And they imply even further up the scale to the government. This is never brought up again as they just move out of Japan and drop this little bit full of possibilities next episode. It's even funny that the police guy in the second episode literally once he finds out his partner is another freaking human agent for the vampires, just punches him out after he threatens him once.

Kudos to them for researching different type of vampires from Asian countries instead of having him just battle vampires, no it has to be harpies or something in one episode. Oh and killer felines in the second episode. This gets to be rather silly. Where's Whistler? Oh wait he's been replaced by a Van Helsing character.

A lot of Blade's origin is covered again, because apparently no one has seen the Wesley Snipes movie at all. Well it's OK considering all the stuff involving Blade's past is the only emotionally interesting stuff to happen in the anime in the episodes I've seen.

Makoto's stupid grudge against Blade is rather cliché. The animation is good well that's about it, the music sounds like stock cues from a DTV movie. Again, mostly the anime is way too PG-13-ish in it's content, I mean you can put some mature content in it. Instead most of the vampires don't bleed or anything they just bust into ash or burn away when stabbed or killed.

The show also seems to jump over anything to do with Dracula from the comic books but that's OK. I mean it would have been nice if Dracula showed up as a baddie in this too. But I guess we are just on Frost still.

Not much in the way of background of much of the characters besides Blade and Van Helsing. Otherwise the others are rather cardboard. The action scenes aren't that spectacular either.

I'm sure Rape Town would probably would have not been a good title for this thing. Considering it happens a lot in it though. Hell Town's fine though.

The shocking second OVA in the adaptation of Go Nagai's rather grim series has Jack helping a group of models who live in a survivor community that is in three sections A,B,C. All of this underground. The first section is sort of civilized group of supposed normal men, but really they are just as evil as the 2nd section which is some kind of Road Warrior-esque gang that looks like they escaped from Fist of the North Star.

What comes next is a lot of disturbing stuff. But keep in mind this is suppose to be taking place during an apocalyptic earthquake that has leveled Tokyo. Grim stuff is going to happen.

And this OVA certainly is not going to shy away from even Child Murder in parts to show the grim reality of the situation.

The rape content is equally disturbing and there's even a added crop of cannibalism and necrophilia shoved in to make the OVA extra grim.

Which is of course why it was refused classification in Australia. And censored by Manga entertainment at first.

The most surprising thing about the acting of the whole thing, at least in the Japanese voice casting is the guy who played Jack in this one.

As usual the series of 3 OVAs cycled out Voice actors for Jack and this time didn't go with Tessho Genda who did it in Harem Bomber. But instead went with Kiyoshi Kobayashi. Now Kobayashi is actually more famous for playing Lupin the 3rd's famous right hand man Daisuke Jigen in Anime for years that it's kind of odd hearing his voice coming out of a ultra-brutal killer hulk of a monster like Jack.

Equally strange is the fact he would play the bad guy in the 3rd OVA not long after that.

It's still shocking this guy has a listing on this site. He and the rest of the TGWTG gang are about as z-level in the reviewer game as you can get. This guy reviews nothing but porn and splatter flicks, not to mention anything weird he can get his hands on. Then tries his hand at actual mainstream movies. To mostly act like a hormonal teenager about with his gang of current friends. Most of these reviews are lacking in even the basic professionalism of most reviewers. Profanity ridden and rather immature in spots with raspberry sounds being made by the man himself several times.

It's sad people take this seriously, I mean it's not even funny, it's pathetic and lame. At least that Jake guy got canned recently, his schtick was getting uncomfortably angry after every kids movie and Adam Sandler flick he went to. I don't think that was really funny, but then again some people have a sick sense of humor now these days.

The man's comment section on the site is rather frightful, all his fans are rather protective of their idol, which is rather unsettling. And he doesn't respond well to criticism of what he does on the show and ultimately his responses are about as immature as his actual reviews.

Some of them are actually plain rude and mean, like he feels like he doesn't need to explain certain things to people and so forth. Oh well. What are you going to do. This guy's got a 8.5 on here for some reason on this show for a badly shot show in a poorly lit car after midnight movie reaction show that stinks like rotten cabbage.

I mean he obviously has his own personal problems with this anime. I mean his review is so slack jawed in the lame nitpicker category. It's actually just plain stupid how he goes about ripping into titles like this like he's an actual anime fan. Pfft. I don't understand his hatred for this even more after the review is done. He babbles about how he hates the character type of Golgo 13 and nothing more and then nitpicks the whole anime because he is so disinterested in the character type or whatever that Golgo is. He has zero background in the character. I mean he would know that this came off at least two live action adaptations of the same character and he doesn't even say that or mention it. He's not at all informative about anything here. It's sad.

Why does this guy pretend to like anime again? And he watches these in those awful English Dubbed versions all the time too. Which I guess gives him extra stuff to groan about on the show. He's not even funny.

I really don't know what to say about this show. It's awful. I've never seen a guy who really hates anime actually try to act like he does like anime. And it's kind of sorry. I mean this guy, Bennett whoever. His reviews are nice I guess for just seeing certain unknown anime titles I never knew existed. Well some I did know existed, like Wicked City, Golgo 13, Akira etc.

Mostly it's lame nitpicking of things throughout these titles. It's rather stupid. And some of his problems come down to personal problems he has with the Anime. Like his Golgo 13 review, which just is so lackluster and come down to him just having personal problems with the main character being the way he is. I mean sometimes, I do agree with him, I think Genocyber and Jungle De Ikkou he did. I could understand those. But most of the others, nope.

It's like some film school reject tried to review anime and act like a fan of it afterwards. It's really sad. Plus the man chickened out on reviewing Violence Jack like a fool. I don't get that. Especially since Discotek released the whole OVA now on DVD. The chicken needs to review it now and stop being a baby about it.

And how negative can this guy get about most anime? I mean with the exception of maybe 5 to 6 titles, he is relentlessly tearing into the anime he's got on there. And his Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie review was well, divisive, probably not going to get him any places of great appreciation in the anime community.

And even when he likes a title, he still tears into it like a jerk. I'm actually surprised this guy has a IMDb page. He's pretty forgettable and not famous or anything.

I know two faced in my review of this movie. On one had, it's rather dry as far as Jack Ryan movies go. Hell, it doesn't have a football stadium blowing up in it like Sum of All Fears.

Chris Pine is good, Kevin Costner is excellent, Keira Knightley is playing sort of a damsel in distress at parts of this?!! OK, this kind of blindsides me after years of Pirates of the Caribbean movies where she could kick some person's ass if she wanted to.

The director is the bad guy. Oh wait, sorry Spoilers! He's actually not bad as a sleazy Russian extremist terrorist. His end is however a letdown.

The action scenes are great, but again the whole movie as a whole is a meh. I would watch it again, if I need a fast paced Spy Thriller to watch.

I can see why this bombed and it never saw a sequel.

If you took a rather long book and crammed it into 51 minutes of plot and action, you'd probably get this. A OVA released through Manga Video in the early 00s that was really something from the early 90s and something that only got a VHS release in it's native country of Japan. There is beautiful animation done that is extremely well done, if not extremely quick too. This OVA moves quite fast with things, which is a similar problem one reviewer on here noted and I can tell, if they had slowed down and developed the OVA out more than 51 minutes, it would have been better. It's interesting still to watch, it's no Wicked City or Ninja Scroll though. But it's interesting to say the least, and I can tell that possibly the English translation on the subtitles is a little daft but anyway. Some of the plot elements are confusing based on cultural (I guess) reasons. Also, the nasty habit of the editor to start switching back and forth in scenes sometimes not revealing bits til later after the fact. Very weirdly edited. Plus, not to spoil anything but the Doctor has lousy luck with women. And is able to punch through things with his laughable magic powers.

If there's anything I love more is a Tarantino Wannabe, well some of them. Not Things to do in Denver when you're Dead or Guns, Girls and Gambling.

10 Cent Pistol is one big Kickstarter funded Tarantino Wannabe from the writer of Brooklyn's Finest, which while being I guess an OK movie, (I personally didn't like it much, Wesley Snipes and Vincent D'Onofrio wasted in one movie like that is just disappointing), this is better though. A tight crime movie about a robbery gone bad and the different angles of how it goes bad, the betrayal and the double crosses and even the triple crosses. Containing a lot of cussing and blood soaking shootings that actually looked professionally done without the bad CGI muzzle and whatever effects I found in Michael Madsen's latest opuses sometimes.

Rather low budget, but the scope photography makes it look more than it was probably was. It is not boring, which I can say is the best thing about it, yeah, it's a Tarantino wannabe, but it is a short one, that is well acted anyway.

Though I am just a sucker for these types of movies, I did like John Cusack and Robert De Niro in The Bag Man, I know, bad me, bad.

A pretty good thriller, unfortunately let down by a lame finale/ending. A hit-man is killing people working late at a massive law firm and it's up to a recently fired worker played by Max Minghella to stop him. And uncover a secret conspiracy involving a omnipresent pharmaceutical company?

I know, what the hell? A drug company is bigger than the government according to the ending of this movie, bigger than the police. It's hilarious. Most of the movie was a normal thriller involving hit-man JJ Felid doing his best Christopher Walken impersonation, prowling around the office building murdering coworkers of Minghella.

I can see why this movie was shuffled from release in 2012, not just that the movie is 75 minutes long, but the ending is complete nonsense and leaves me going what?

And it made me think, is there a whole reel of this movie sitting somewhere that got cut out by Universal that had the complete resolution of this thing on it.

Poor Minghella who was actually a notable actor from things like Social Network, The Ides of March, The Internship, Syrianna, Art School Confidential, Horns had to star in this. And the big claim to fame on the DVD box was that Jason Blum produced it, which is true, but I don't think he's too proud of it, considering the DVD had zero special features and was just slapped on there.

Oh and that one girl who plays Max's girlfriend might be familiar to people who remember her from Fifty Shades of Grey playing Dakota Johnson's friend.

Joe Johnston makes a movie that actually succeeds in being worse than Jurassic Park III, so well there's that. It's not awful, awful, but it's pretty one note, and the ending makes me go huh. I can't state that enough.

Yeah, don't expect Days of Thunder from this movie. The cover lies so badly about this movie being some Le Mans, Days of Thunder, Grand Prix style racing movie but is more just a character drama with Al Pacino, Marthe Keller. And a travelogue through the backstreets of Europe. The fact the critics gave it a trouncing is surprising. They probably should have liked it. But this movie is certainly no winner. Al seems lost touring around Europe, getting concerned about a fellow driver who died on the track and why it happen, why it matters, is ultimately never explored. After all he meets this new dying sick crazy woman(Keller) at a hospital in the mountains seeing a fellow injured driver and acting depressed. Keller ultimately is able to bring Pacino out of the shell he's in figuratively, basically him being like a turtle as she says. Stuck behind his sunglasses and not responding with too much life. Plus, his brother shows up with a scene of possible problems within his family. I guess half of the scenes of Pacino going around places in Europe could have been edited, but that probably would of ruined the art appeal. It's OK, Pacino still does good. Though he's not hamming it up yet, hell, he doesn't even yell until a scene where Keller goes hot air ballooning and he pretty much loses it with her weird ass behavior. And yes she is really weird. Even for someone dying of a disease.

Angel Cop would seem like any other dark and extreme Japanese anime from the late 80s/early 90s. The thing that makes this movie infamous is the sudden final act of the OVA, the inflammatory, crazy reveal that turns the show from a mundane action show to a laugh riot of obscene wrongness. People with extreme politically correct attitudes will probably not approve and neither did Manga Video. They censored the long winded conspiracy theory rant from the police force leader at the end of the OVA to remove heavy themes of Anti-American and plain racist talk in a final part of the OVA. But really it only comes from the obscenely wrong police force leader who let's face it isn't good either. No one's good in this story. Or innocent. It's still an inflammatory and offensive scene that turns the otherwise action packed and somewhat character driven series off the rails to crazy land. It's laugh out loud hilarious in the true meaning as well as the dubbed take of it.

It's honestly if the final reveal was written by a Anti-American, Neo-Nazi conspiracy theorist.

And it would have been one thing if it was just Anti-American conspiracy theories.

Made on the cheap, the awful Michael Madsen/Dennis Hopper combo floats for 90 minutes with Hopper covering his daughter's accidental hit and run incident. Slimeball Ron takes advantage of this to get Hopper to do something for him. Hopper threatens Ron and nearly strangles him to death in a bathroom, except he comes back to the bathroom to find him dead. He proceeds to throw the body out the window of the bathroom and try to cover the body up with a trash bag. Madsen rolls up as a lively and somewhat interesting serial killer. Though mostly it's Madsen's lively over-acting that makes it enjoyable. Madsen offers to hide the body in his car and that he's seen Hopper throw the body out the window. Hopper slowly decides to go with this madman after the Madsen's car gets the attention of the cops. This leads to a rather pointless and sole car chase action scene that looks like it was the probably the best they could afford.

Hopper discovers that Madsen is a rather prolific serial killer, picking up random women and killing them. It's at this point that the movie stops being a thriller or interesting because it bogs down in a road trip movie with Madsen and Hopper driving around and musing about murder and their boring childhoods that have no real effect on the plot. This also has pointless exploitational scene of a peeping tom homeless guy who goes back and forth listening to Hopper and Madsen's ADR'ed conversation and watching a woman strip in a changing room. It's one of the most laughable scenes I've ever seen, as the director seems more interested in a peep show then the actual characters in the movie.

Other lame scenes including pointless flashbacks to both character's childhoods that really explain nothing and go nowhere. We don't need to know anything about their childhoods. We don't need to know Madsen burned his father alive as a kid. That's rather hard to care about considering we already get the point he's a serial killer. All those scenes exist to just have Madsen crone on and try to convince Hopper that's he's no better than him in the killing department. It's awful, the suspense is finally brought back when Hopper is made to cooperate with Madsen in a massive cover-up mission that involves wiping phone messages off of Ron's home phone recorder (Madsen destroys it) and getting rid of the victim's car and his daughter's wrecked, bloody car that was taken by Ron as leverage to get him to do something for him.

Unfortunately, both of them are not counting on Ron's current girlfriend who is sneaking around trying to find him and is ultimately done away with by Madsen. Madsen's instructions are not followed to the letter and he goes after Hopper and reveals that he set him up in a WTF twist that will leave your head swimming and the bigger twist that ends the movie rather anti-climatically is that Hopper has invited the police into his home and they shoot an armed Madsen dead in the closing moments of the movie. And right to credits. Seriously, it's a lame ass thriller and only recommended to people who want to watch Dennis Hopper act nervous, yell at people and ADR things.

Madsen plays a Mr. Blonde clone with a John Deere hat, and may be quirky and interesting for a few moments but little is done with him when having him sit and describe his childhood. The rest of the actors are community theater level and atrocious. In only 90 minutes the movie has succeeded to annoy me and bore me all at once.

Plus the weird product placement that was not blurred out for some reason. Yes, South Park shot glasses support drunk driving and hit and run. Also, Hefty is the only trashbag you should use to put dead bodies in according to this movie.

Odd scenes where Hopper is seeing into the future trial of both his daughter and him complete with a lesbian prison inmate getting abusive with his daughter.

And Ron the kindest blackmailer and slimeball you've ever seen who comes off more as a used car salesman or a door to door salesman selling life insurance than a slimeball conman with an agenda.

Further odd scenes of Hopper watching home movies of a little girl that's suppose to be his daughter and looking concerned while he ADR's his thoughts into the scene. The movie is just odd and not even really enjoyable. It's not as bad as Chasing Ghosts though, as far as Michael Madsen movies go.

Slow and boring and long with the feel of a more vulgar version of CSI with Madsen wasting his time more playing a dirty cop who's involvement in Michael Rooker's death is apparently leaving him with sleepless nights or something, we just have flashback shots and Madsen in bed shots to really show for anything and he doesn't look too disturbed. Corey Large is awful as his new partner, a typical rookie role that's a twist that I don't mind revealing, he's the murderer. Yes, Madsen is on his typical "last case" cliché and it's a supposed serial killer of mob men or people involved in criminal enterprises and pictures left to taunt the detective and his staff. Hell they even have a funny autopsy/coroner whatever guy like CSI too. Gary Busey is wasted, he isn't even given a final fight scene or any dialogue besides a flashback scene that is inter-spliced into the movie at several points to be Madsen's nightmare. And even then the scene is not shown fully and so don't get a full clue on what happen til the final half of movie. And Busey is just not even given much of chance against Corey "doofus" Large who easily murders him. That's just lame. Busey is never one to go down without a fight regardless of the movie. And his death in this is rather stupid and anti-climatic.

Danny Trejo gives a good performance as does veteran actor Tom Wright but they are lost in a sea of shitty other performances. Meat Loaf is there too as the superior to Madsen and is also barely in the movie. The end is bad and Large gets away with everything, why? I don't know. This movie is dumb and boring. And I have a feeling scenes are missing from it, like maybe nearly the whole ending is missing.

Michael Rooker is also wasted in this movie. So many wasted good actors in this movie, it's a shame.

I would have liked this movie well enough and all if it was not for the casting of bad actor champ Chuck Norris. Yes ladies and gentlemen he's here to be praised like a god by all the other action stars, talk about an ego. The fact that Stallone has to kowtow to him in this movie and say "he's the greatest" basically is laughable. The rest of the movie is an alright mix of action and plotting. Though I find the sudden disappearance of Jet Li to be another ouch for this movie, but it compared to Chuck Norris being treated like some deity is small potatoes. Plus, Mickey Rourke being gone is another negative and Dolph lacks much substance to his character this time out. It was rather great the first movie actual had some substance with the characters. But not this one.

But yes pretty much a OK sequel that sunk itself big time with Chuck Norris jokes and his lame ass showing up to the Good, the bad and the ugly theme?!!!

Final Destination began out as rather thrilling Scream clone in the late 90s. It just seems like a Scream clone, all the actors are pretty boys and girls from the WB like Urban Legend, Cursed, Dracula 2000, all those Scream sequels. But there is a level of intelligence involve in this, instead of another masked killer, we have a force of nature. A thing that can't be seen that comes calling to take teens to the grave. Death. A force more powerful that a psychotic killer or even Dracula. That marks a difference from many other of it's Scream-like brethren. It's more original, and it spends more time talking philosophy with teens about Death and fate then the other entries in this franchise did. The series honestly became more of a slasher as it went along, which is OK, but certainly lost some of the great aspects of the first one. It's also ironic that this is the least gory one of the series, though still squirm worthy and horrific in it's deaths.

Not really the most perfect adaptation of Stoker's novel and not as engrossing as either the 1931 versions. Donald Pleasence is restrained somewhat more than he was usually back then. Laurence Oliver was playing the same Doctor from A Bridge Too Far basically as Van Helsing. His Van Helsing is nearly useless, nearly taken down by his own vampire daughter and dies violently impaled unlike most versions of Van Helsing. Frank Langella is the star interest of this movie, his performance captivating with wide eye stares of seducing women and being greatly foreboding. Most of the other cast aren't really as good as the three main actors of Langella, Oliver and Pleasence and the movie falters because Harker, Mina and Lucy's actors and actresses are serviceable but not impressive. The movie feels like a late late Hammer production that couldn't cast Cushing or Lee. It was a pretty alright movie but not a touch on the outlandish 1992 version or the classic 1931 versions of either language, English and or Spanish.

The R-rating of this movie seems only for violence. I guess it was for the impalings, the dead baby, the head twisting neck break on Renfield and Dracula digging his fingers into a ship crew member's neck. But other wise the movie isn't as graphic as one would think, even the disintegration scene of Dracula is rather tame. And no nudity is present in the movie or greatly sexual scenes.

Made on the fly in Los Angeles, Las Vegas and Beverly Hills, is the cheapest version of the Departed ever made. Crooked cop and Mark Whalberg impersonator Stephen Cloud is the main character with the only two good actors resorted to minor roles. By that I mean Madsen and Roberts. Though Madsen is pretty much omnipresent through the whole thing with his weird badly recorded narration that is trying to be Casino. Meanwhile Michael Masini is playing the Leonardo Dicaprio role of this movie as a undercover cop working with Madsen's mob buddies and the plot goes into a messy series of incidents that lead to a lot of people dead and me feeling irritated. Mostly the movie seemed to be shot with a camcorder in someone's home and has that feel through several scenes. Other times bad ADR on Russian Gangsters rears it's ugly head in one scene. And to spoil something Eric Roberts' character dies pointlessly for some reason at the end of the movie. Something that really wasn't needed. And how come Michael Madsen got off with Jail time at the end of this movie? Stephen Cloud is the hero or anti-hero of this movie? What gives? This movie is cheap, it has a cheap car chase scene. Apparently the cast rented out strip club dancers and used those too. Yo Boy or ya boy needs to not have a career in rap. The guns don't even have a flash or muzzle smoke to them, just sounds of guns going off and no squibs. That's how cheap this movie was.

This movie is so cheap and shallow that it's not even funny. I found out the reason why this movie bombed so badly. It wasn't entertaining or even well made. It's main character is a horrible killing machine with no distinct character traits even. Cheap South African,(And I don't mean disrespect to South African made movies, District 9 is pretty good and well budgeted, as is Chappie) Cannon Like production of an Action movie reminded me of Superman IV nearly. Or one of those other 21st Century Comic Book movies like Captain America from 1990. Obviously the budget was only limited to a few sfx shots of the city that might as well be stolen from Blade Runner. Our hero is no hero, he's a thug and a killer with no sympathy or humanity.

It's version of Dredd is Robocop without any of the humanity or background. We are forced to have to sympathize with his partner Anderson who is merely there for titillation and half hearted attempts at humanity. Other wise you get Lena Headey's bored acting, she learned nothing from being equally terrible on Game of Thrones. She reads lines with no energy and with no real characterization but hey evil. The script was written by an Academy Award Winning writer, could have fooled me. It seems written by a teenager in puberty who just learned the art of cussing and who maybe has anger management issues. Our bad guys are even more faceless than the ones in Assault on Precinct 13 and that movie is a freaking masterpiece.

It's just so mind boggling how this movie gets praise. It seems more just a movie to rub people's faces in unpleasant violence and shallow, wannabe-cool dialogue. Maybe Garland thinks himself Tarantino. I know The Raid had violence in it, but even it wasn't as laughably bad as this movie. And it's characters didn't need to say shallow, wannabe cool dialogue. They didn't feel the need to dress like cos players taking a break from comic-con. People may think that Evans stole from the script of Dredd. Quite frankly I don't believe this. Evans took an old story device and used it as his own. Same as Dredd did, but The Raid actually made use of it and wasn't really reaching for all this grand, wannabe epic, cool BS. And our main characters in that weren't psychotic killers or thugs with Nazi regalia on.

And please, Stallone did more with this material in 96 minutes than this movie could even dream of doing. The writers of the comics just need to get over the precious changes he made. So what about the Helmet. What was that helmet? Important? Not really, it's not like it wasn't featured in the movie. And to further the Robocop allusions, Robocop took off his mask during the last part of his movie to symbolize his humanity the same way Stallone does. Clearly this movie seems not to care about this symbolism. It's hero is a guy who has lost his humanity and shows few hints that we care not to know about in a sequel.

In short, this movie is terrible, cheap looking, boring with long scenes of slowmo and drug inhaling. Violence and death is glorified even worse than most movies and I can usually stand some glorification of violence. Not Recommended.

PS. Slowmo is one of the lamest drug excuses for doing fancy slow motion shots in your movie I have ever seen. It's stupid, why the heck did you need a drug in the movie to explain why scenes were in slow motion, writer? Just have slow motion in your movie, it doesn't need a drug to explain it being there, it just seems like a excuse for you to have it. And a lame plot device. You couldn't have come up with some special future drug that was like a mixture of heroin,ectasy crack, cocaine, weed or something? No, you had to create something that I'm surprised the actors and actresses could say with a straight face!

Well, Len Wiseman made another faceless PG-13 drone of an action movie, if Live Free or Die Hard was his best than this is his worst. And honestly, Live Free or Die Hard in its unrated state was decent but dear god the rest of his movies. This time he remakes Arnold's sci-fi action movie into a boring pedestrian repeat with Colin Farrell looking on for his paycheck. That an Bryan Cranston, what can you say about this movie that isn't obviously sad to watch. The poor PG-13 action scenes and lifeless, humorless remake of a movie that actually had a sense of humor. Or the fact that I have to suffer through lines like "I give good wife", and not think of wanting to cry. Even Jessica Biel can't save this movie and she is pretty hot. If I said the worst of the year 2012 was this movie, I would not be exaggerating, it's poorly done and lifeless.

And the award for most annoying performance in 2009 goes to Dakota Fanning. Who proves that once you have the ability to tell the future, you will never shut up about it. Dijimon Housou, sorry if I'm misspelling his name, plays a character that seems like a rip-off of Samuel L. Jackon's character from Jumper but just less menacing. Seriously, this movie seems like it's trying to out do Jumper but even Jumper didn't have this many annoying characters. It had a typical horrible Hayden Christensen performance but it didn't have annoying Fanning. Camilla Beale portrays the love interest with all the compassion of ice and the acting ability that would make Megan Fox seem good. I don't know what's she suppose to be really cold or sociopathic. Chris Evans is the only guy in this movie, I seemed to enjoy enough, but even he isn't worth it enough to save this turkey. Add that to pathetic CGI effects and complicated final act. And you get a movie I really don't like very much.

It's the movie that spawned that Aerosmith song to be stuck in your head for the bulk of 1998. And it's a movie with a more divided group of opinions ever seen. And it's directed by the man people called the devil and the Antichrist. It's Armageddon the second of two asteroid death movies released in 1998 the other being the kind of really boring realistic one with Morgan Freeman as president being the only crap I remember about it. This one is much more memorable, I don't it's less depressing to watch and Armageddon has all these good quotes that I remember from it and Deep Impact doesn't. I mean I know the movie knows nothing about how science works and blah, blah, blah. People, don't always go to the movies for extreme realism you morons and that's what Armageddon does it tells a exciting story that you may find annoying or improbable but it's exciting. I like the characters, it's my cup of tea sorry, I don't expect much out of big blockbuster disaster movie, it isn't going to change the world you idiots. I just find it better than Deep Impact and certainly better than most of the negative opinions and I think they should lay off on Bay and stop this crap about him. It's old and tiresome the amount of crap and ridicule I hear about him, it really is.

Well, Green Lantern is as disappointing as they get for superhero adaptations mind you it's not as bad as say Batman and Robin. But it's just kind of bland, average movie directed by the guy who directed Goldeneye and Casino Royale of all things, two of the best James Bond Movies and he makes one of the most disappoint superhero movies I have ever seen. Ryan Reynolds is like acidic poison to most superhero movies anyway, this is the guy who poisoned Blade: Trinity and X-men Origins: Wolverine. And he drags this promising superhero movie down to through the gutter, I mean I was disappointed by Amazing Spider-Man but not as badly as this film. I mean I know they can't all be Batman and Christopher Nolan, but you can at least be as good as Captain America or Thor or Iron Man or The Incredible Hulk but Green Lantern can't. It's so mediocre that it can't even get over the every mild manner superhero movies like these. And it is a failure to watch.

I really don't get the problems with Transformers 2, I mean this is way worse people. People can argue all they want, oh Gamer wasn't high budget, budget has nothing to do with this. And then they pull up the length issue, yes Transformers is over two hrs but crap Gamer feels bloated for it's 90 minute runtime. Gamer craps the bed before the 60 minute mark. What could be a good fine R-rated action movie is really just over the top and I thought I would never say it really over inflated with sex and violence. I mean I get it I like strong violence in my action movies sometimes, and I'm all for some nudity and sexual content. But then there's Gamer where we take even the established over the top levels of Crank 2 and move it to disgusting level.

And of course I refer to the direction of Neveline and Taylor who at least did a better job in those. Or maybe because Chev Chelios was a better character than, Arnold repeated from Running Man played by Gerard Butler and even worse a little punk who gives Shia Lebeouf a run for his money on the douche annoying factor. Most of if not all the characters with the exception of poor Butler are miserably annoying jerks or really off their rocker like Michael C. Hall giving a kind of Dexter level performance. And how does people like Kyra Sedwick and Keith David end up in this movie, or John Leguizamo for that matte They all do respected acting work and must have taken one look at this and never took a look back. And in David's and Leguizamo's case are just supremely wasted. I mean folks give me Transformers 2 any day. But at least it didn't have shaky cam action scenes like this piece of sh-, I can't tell crap in these action scenes for the bad camera work and the flash strobe lighting and don't get me into the naked fat guy and rape porn. Ludicrous (I know I misspelled his name) shows up in a role that was like a rip-off of Ice-T from Johnny Mnemonic, which is surprising that people even remember that movie. Look I get it, the humor in Transformers 2 wasn't good, but at least I can take it over the bad rape humor. But I mean for god sakes this movie such a piece of crap. It's a hypocritical Running man rip-off that rolls around in it's extreme violence and sexual grossness that while I'm all for is sometimes too much of a good thing for a movie like this and maybe just maybe we need some moderation. I'm not saying I enjoy PG-13 action movies, but please this is opposite of some of humor in Transformers this is gross bullshit that makes juvenile fart humor and sexual innuendos seem harmless upside it. And don't even get me into the action scenes, where the camera is shaken to absurd digress to apparently heighten up the effect of the action. And I find it absurd when reviewers think these guys got this from watching Michael Bay or Tony Scott movies, last time I checked even those guys didn't shake the camera around so much in their movies. And furthermore their characters were ten times more sympathetic than these psychotics.

God, for me this has to be the worst, the worst in the world. And no, please don't tell me I'm overreacting here, it's bad, folks real bad. It's unwatchable, and its long and over 4 hours of torture scenes interspliced with horrible droning history lessons on Japanese Brutality during World War II on the Russians. That's all to this stupid movie, torture scene, torture scene, droning lecture, torture scene, droning lecture, weird freaky crap. Hostel had less torture scenes. Complete with horrible actors and actresses doing the torture scenes and the recreations and horrible looking fake gore. And it's all this really pretentious bullshit. Stay away, avoid like the plague, you won't get through it, I didn't I shut it off after two hours in. Please, watch anything else, anything else, don't even watch out of curioisity.

Yes, literally the Jean Claude Van Damme direct to video movie is a tad bit like watching a Jackie Chan movie without Jackie and with Jean Claude instead. There's all these comedically scenes, and the movie has a somewhat jokey tone about it. And then it has these fight scenes that seem like ones you saw in one of Chan's movies. The movie is a fun flick, a lot more fun than Heath Ledger's The Order. And definitely better than anything Seagal has done in direct to video. I definitely recommend it, especially for the weird Charlton Heston cameo that makes no real sense and his character is killed off way too quickly for us to even care for him. Hell it's just worth it to see a car chase involving Jean Claude Van Damme and Charlton Heston.