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Star Trek: Discovery: Red Directive (2024)
Season 5, Episode 1
2/10
Director confused, thinks he's working on Star Wars or Cowboy Bebop or Fast and Furious
2 May 2024
Wow. I think this is the worst Star Trek episode I have seen in years. Possibly since that time Enterprise decided to retcon half their universe.

In my estimation, this episode's issues are mostly down to the directing work. Yeah, the dialogue isn't the snappiest we've seen in this show. But all in all the writing is not utterly terrible aside from overly focusing on action scenes.

Meanwhile, the directing is so bad it's managed to make usually good actors look really bad. Wooden and weird and just plain uncomfortable. And what's with those shots? The poor cinematographer must have gotten dizzy! The random cringe split screen? That really did me in!

All in all, it seems like the director mistaken thought he was hired for a Star Wars episode and then just decided to stick with the style rather than try to hit the mark for Star Trek. 😉
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Mafia Mamma (2023)
10/10
I snort-laughed!
19 April 2024
I don't know why this has so few stars. I'm just going to have to assume that the average imdb user doesn't care for women-led and -focused films. Because every damn minute of this movie was thoroughly entertaining!

Toni Collette is, as always, a star. She goes from awkward unsatisfied scorned wife to panicked woman thrown into the deep end to rage-filled revenge monster and then to suave boss who leads with kindness (well, some 😆) without a flaw.

Monica Bellucci is still absolutely gorgeous, yes, but what's even better is that she has amazing comedic timing and her an Collette are hilarious together. If anything, I wish they'd had more shared screen time.

The story is fun and well-paced. There was a twist I didn't see coming, which is a rare treat for me - I presume I was too distracted by the hilarity. Lots of good jokes that didn't make me cringe. And at one point, I legit snort-laughed!

I should give a slight content warning for gore because sometimes it gets a little violent. But it's easy enough to look away for that. Don't let that deter you from watching this wild enjoyable ride.
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Mean Girls (2024)
1/10
I don't think I'll make it through this
21 March 2024
This remake of the iconic 2004 movie Mean Girls takes everything that was great about the old movie and then takes a hammer to it until it is flat. This version of Cady is painfully cringe (as opposed to Lindsay Lohan's excellently relatable cringe) and has zero likability for me.

I can see how making this a musical was not an entirely nonsensical approach - it seems like a smart way to survive the comparison with a beloved original. But not for Mean Girls! Musicals give insight into people's minds. And it makes absolutely no sense to give an audience insight into Regina George's inner life. On the contrary. That's not how her villainy works. Furthermore, the songs are pretty meaningless, like they just tried to created the usual song selection musicals have and handed them out to characters willy nilly. They don't give any valuable insight into characters nor do they drive the story forward. And the music is mediocre at best. And I'm being kind here. Also, Auli'i Cravalo, Renee Rapp, and the actor who plays Damien are the only ones who can actually sing. Some others decently hold a tune. But some are actually atrociously terrible.

Speaking of the cast: I genuinely love some of the actors in this so not liking it is a disappointment to me.

But I think worst of all is that the original's biting critique of society's shortcomings has not been updated at all. And that is probably the biggest reason that it feels so flat.

So to tie this all up, I'm now 50 minutes into the film and I stand by the title of my review: I'm not gonna make it through this.
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8/10
Enjoyable light rom-com fare
29 February 2024
I am willing to bet that most of the bad reviews here are just getting their knickers in a twist about the fact that the story takes place at a gay wedding. And that people are having sex before marriage. When people say "it tries too hard to be modern", that's just code for "someone's gay or someone's having sex for fun", whether they're consciously aware of their bigotry or not. I've seen the same type of review on countless Hallmark movies where there were either gay couples involved or - gasp! - someone had sex before marriage.

As for the film itself, I actually found this a much more believable enemies-to-lovers than that trope usually is - because they already initially liked each other. They just had a misunderstanding or three.

Yeah, there are some cringe moments but also some laugh-out-loud funny ones. There's a cute Australian Shepherd (the dog breed, not a human shepherd). Plus, the cast includes awesome folks like Michelle Hurd, Rachel Griffiths, and Dermot Mulroney!

Just enjoy yourself and learn to be okay with people who maybe aren't exactly the same as you. Your world will be richer for it.
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Saltburn (2023)
2/10
Pretty cinematography with not much else
19 January 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Like most people, I went into this with no idea what I was watching. Unfortunately, it stayed that way throughout the film. It's absurdist, sure. Which just isn't my thing. I like a well-told story and if the logic is missing, it's not a well-told story imho. So, fair enough, I'm not the target audience. To me it was just some really nice cinematography and a bombastic soundtrack. But I find myself thoroughly bored by seeing disjointed stories about entirely unrelatable characters.

That said, I read somewhere that the director thinks audiences would side with Oliver and that gave me pause. Why the hell would people side with a total narcissistic psychopath? Are y'all okay? 😂

So why did I waste two hours on this? Very simple: the actors are great, and I'll watch anything with Rosamunde Pike in it. She is, as always, incredible. Plus, I felt it would be disingenuous to rant about the movie without having finished it. 😅
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3/10
All over the place, gets to the point way too late
10 October 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Was this *meant* to be uncomfortable? I genuinely can't tell whether it's supposed to be cringe or if it's accidentally cringe. But I definitely cringed a lot watching this (the singing, especially). It's neither the comedy nor the romance it claims to be. No chemistry between anyone, and the immature "jokes" definitely do not land.

Now, I love Alison Brie as much as the next person but I have genuinely never seen her this bad. Her acting is stiff and uncomfortable, and in this character, her slightly too high, ethereal voice becomes grating within literal minutes. Honestly, all of the acting is over the top and fake, so I blame writing and directing for this more than the actors themselves.

Speaking of the writing (in which Alison Brie was apparently involved): The plot is predictable but not exactly relatable. "My Best Friend's Wedding", which some people have compared this to because of the plot, works because Julia Roberts is enchantingly irresistible even when her character makes terrible choices. Alison Brie's character in "Somebody I Used to Know" unfortunately ain't that.

For the main part of this film I couldn't really tell if they wanted the viewer to be on the lead's side or whether this was *meant* to be an unlikeable main character situation. Brie's character definitely oscillates between Manic Pixie Dream Girl, creepy ex, and "girl, you should really be in therapy instead of doing this". She 100% has main character syndrome, and the messiness isn't entertaining.

The only reason I gave it 3 stars is because the ending finally does manage to make a point on female empowerment and body positivity but, good grief, it could have gotten there in much better ways than it did.

One additional random thing that turned me off it is the homophobic subplot with Cassidy's parents. What in the...??? Why? So unnecessary!

All in all, the real highlight in this entire film is Danny Pudi, who is a breath of fresh air.
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Time Is Up (2021)
1/10
I couldn't finish it
10 October 2023
I merely wanted something to watch on the side while I got some admin tasks knocked out but this movie couldn't even make it past that extremely low bar. To be quite honest, I didn't even finish it. I think I was 30 minutes (maybe even 40?) in, and nothing consequential had happened yet.

What had happened instead was some seriously wooden acting and an unexplained Italian accent,... geez, I think that's all that stuck with me, really.

No one had any chemistry. The plot was disjointed. I don't know who wrote this, who cast this, and most of all, who greenlit this entire endeavour. I assume they must have been under duress or something. And then I realised I wasn't under duress. No one was forcing me to watch this. So I blissfully turned it off.
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10/10
The coming of age/love story trans youth need
29 September 2023
This is what we need to see more of. A normalisation of trans love stories that just makes them... love stories. The story picks up on some important issues we face but it doesn't make it all about that. It's about these two teenagers falling in love in an adorable way. It also leaves so much room for trans joy!

It's well written, well acted, and the production values are much higher than I expected before I realised Billy Porter was behind this. Also yay for a racially diverse cast, although I would've loved to see people with disabilities represented as well.

All in all, I love the film. It's so important for trans kids to see themselves represented on the screen like this. And it's probably, definitely, healing something inside of us older trans folks too, showing us the teenagehood we should've gotten to experience. <3.
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Wolf Pack (2023)
9/10
Sarah Michelle Gellar flexing her muscle memory
28 July 2023
I enjoyed this first season of Wolf Pack. It starts a bit slow - I was initially watching it on the side while working, but as it picked up I found myself watching it only when I could give it my full attention. That usually means something has managed to reel me in. I did enjoy the werewolf lore used here, especially as not everything is exactly the same as we're used to from other shows; there's a nice little mechanic that I, at least, hadn't seen before.

As a neurodivergent person, I find myself rarely surprised by the turns shows take, so it was a nice change for me to not be able to entirely predict the plot of Wolf Pack.

One small issue I had with it all is a bit of an iffy conversation about one of the characters who is autistic. Another character alludes to "curing" the autism through werewolf transformation, and that left a foul taste in my mouth. It was only a small moment and wasn't followed up on before the end of the season but it certainly made me wary. So I've deducted one star for that. Hoping that was just a glitch and that, if they get a season 2, they stay far away from that ableist potential storyline.

That said, I thoroughly enjoyed watching it. As an old-time Buffy fan, it's nice to see Sarah Michelle Gellar doing her thing again. The first time she does a bit of fighting, I was immediately transported back. You can tell that these moves are still in her muscle memory, even all these years later. And given that she looks like she's barely aged, it definitely had a Buffyesque feel. I really am hoping it'll get a second season.
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1/10
Note to self: Skip the British Christmas movies
22 December 2022
I really think we shouldn't let the Brits try their hand at Christmas movies anymore. Love Actually was different; I'm talking about the Hallmark-style Christmas movies here.

So, I don't expect much from a Christmas movie. I'm here for the beaten-up tropes, the inane nonsequiturs, and even the absolutely nonsensical decision-making done by characters. But I am not here for the absolute cringefest that is British Christmas movies. The horribly unfunny over-the top acting is painful. The storyline is barely there. The poop jokes sure are, though. It's got everything about British humour that I dislike but if that's your thing, then you'll probably love this.

People in the reviews are saying this is a kid's movie. Well, then maybe Netflix should not have suggested it to me based on my entirely non-kids viewing behaviour. But either way, I'd like to think smart kids wouldn't enjoy this either. ;)
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Our Flag Means Death (2022–2023)
10/10
This show has destroyed me - in the best way possible
1 May 2022
It's about love, friendship, loyalty and, well, piracy. It has just the right mix of comedy and depth. It's anti-colonialist and so wonderfully queer. What a reprieve to see sexuality and gender be such a complete non-issue!

Unfortunately, it's so good that you get attached to all the characters really quickly, and then your heart gets broken and you're anxiously awaiting the show's renewal.

I loved every second of Our Flag Means Death, and, I hope, so will you.
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1/10
Gave up halfway through
17 April 2021
I thought I was going to watch a heist movie. I thought, with that cast, what could go wrong? Ended up quitting halfway through as I've rarely been this spectacularly bored by a film. Should've watched paint dry instead. It's honestly still a mystery to me how this is possible with that cast but it is.
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Puzzle (II) (2018)
3/10
Snoozefest
11 February 2019
I wanted to like this but actually didn't make it to the end of it. The pacing is terrible. Macdonald, whom I usually adore in everything, is woefully miscast, and her fake American accent is just plain painful. The trailer looked so promising but was completely differently paced. They hired a better trailer editor than writer or director, I guess.
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Post Grad (2009)
1/10
Would have, could have, should have
20 April 2014
Warning: Spoilers
avoided this film like the plague. But no, I thought it would at least be a nice fluff film for a lazy Sunday. And it was okay, for a while there. BUT THEN THAT DAMN GIRL QUITS THE JOB SHE ALWAYS WANTED IN ORDER TO MOVE ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO BE WITH A GUY! Seriously? And her father thinks that "it's a kick-ass idea". Uh, I don't think it means what you think it means.

Now I'll know to trust my instincts and to avoid all future films written by Kelly Fremon (I am burning that name into my memory so I won't stumble into another one of hers, ever). I can't actually believe a woman wrote this spineless story with that unfeminist dud of an ending. Keep in mind that I read all of the Bridget Jones books and suffered through a fair amount of moderately unamusing rom coms – so I have a relatively high tolerance for exasperating women in fiction. However, "Post Grad" just made me go, "Hulk smash".

The only stars I did give to this are for Jane Lynch, Carol Burnett and Michael Keaton. Unfortunately, they'll have to share one, because "Post Grad" is simply: Awful.
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Shopgirl (2005)
9/10
Quiet movie about loneliness and human connection. Probably not what you'd expect from the poster or the cast
27 March 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Three things:

1. If you expect typical Steve Martin, don't watch this.

2. If you expect typical Claire Danes, probably don't watch this either.

3. If you want an excellent quiet film about loneliness and human connection, then go ahead.

The poster is misleading, I think. It is too glossy and too focused on the triangle. It would lead you to expect a different film, so in the beginning I was a bit puzzled as to where this was heading. But once I went with the weird it just got better and better.

In my opinion it's not so much about the love triangle as it is about the loneliness of three different people and how they're trying to connect/avoid connecting. It's not some big dramatic chase after the girl but the drama happens WITHIN the characters: her depression, his inability to connect, her unrequited love.

While Steve Martin's usual roles do have the tragedy underneath the comedy this one comes without the top veneer of fun. It's refreshing! And Martin is actually fantastic in this, touching, heartbreakingly lost and lonely. It is such a joy seeing him playing a serious character. And in fact, the only truly tragic character in this movie. Danes and Schwartzman end up making a connection, he never really does until it's too late.

My only problem with the movie was Jason Schwartzman's character: He does bring some comedy/levity into it but his cluelessness is almost too cringe-worthy at times. I mostly felt embarrassed for him. Hence only 9 out of 10 stars from me.
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In Time (2011)
4/10
"In Time" remains a brilliant sci-fi concept that just doesn't deliver
16 March 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I am torn about this. I like the original idea which could've made for epic sci-fi cinema with some decent language puns thrown in. However, the plot is seriously anemic and a lot of the language puns don't work out and end up being horribly corny.

The action sequences seem a bit contrived, the romance somewhat unmotivated, the main character nauseatingly goody two-shoes. And then there's the random number of bad guys thrown into the mix to keep things interesting – until you don't need them anymore and can dispose of them equally randomly. And sometimes things just happen because they're convenient that way, explanations be damned, as if they're just the ramp needed for more action scenes.

Better writing could've also coaxed better performances out of all the actors. Both Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried seem at times completely oblivious as to what they're supposed to act. They barely have any chemistry together.

As for Seyfried's character: Is she the rebellious daughter or rather the clueless, wide-eyed girl that falls for a guy from the other side of the tracks? Is she both? Who knows? In any case Sylvia isn't even remotely as three-dimensional as she could be and despite showing some initiative she ends up being merely a doe-eyed damsel in distress.

Of course the movie does not pass the Bechdel test. In fact, it's infuriatingly white male- focused with the women mostly intended as eye candy. Every single person in this film is either male or if female clearly in the damsel/mother/sister/daughter trope corner.

Who is indeed wonderful is Cillian Murphy. Granted, I will watch that man run in a black leather coat any day, but quite besides my personal preference Murphy does prove once again that he really can play anything. The underlying maturity he infuses into his role as Timekeeper is a joy to watch. This is the same guy who was a vulnerable Kitten in "Breakfast on Pluto" and a considerably scary Scarecrow in "Batman Begins" - and again he immerses himself deeply in his character who actually ends up being the only one in "In time" who resembles a three-dimensional person.

At the end of the day "In Time" is just a brilliant sci-fi concept that could have made for a much better movie if only for a better script and some decent direction.
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Last Night (I) (2010)
10/10
Fantastic movie about the little things that remain unsaid
7 March 2012
With "Last Night" it's all in the details. The quiet undertones, the things unsaid, the contrasts of loud backgrounds and quiet conversations; the ways a hug can be so different from another one while on the surface they're both just a hug. The fact that these details stand out so strongly in this film points to some excellent scriptwriting and directing. The dialogue is effortless, the cinematography takes it's time without being forcefully artsy.

The cast is also quite fetching, and Keira Knightley is the best I've seen her in a long time. She plays Joanna's straightforwardness and honesty in conversations with a little lovable oddness but never over the top.
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