nanohead's Reviews

American Crude (2008)

2/10

15 January 2010

I almost never bother to review films, as there are always plenty of opinions out there already. But this one was so incredibly bad, that for some reason, I feel compelled to say something....

First off, there are so many terrific players in this movie, that I have to imagine they never knew what they were getting themselves into. They probably all thought this was going to be another cult underground hit that they could be associated with. Maybe on Mars....

I kept waiting for something to happen, but it never did. Michael Clark Duncan made this worth it for me to wait till the end, but other than that, it was so patently absurd, that I cannot imagine how many decent movies didn't get made because this waste of electrons, protons and neutrons wasted all that funding.

The script had zero touches of brilliance, which if it had, might have been enough to hold it together and make it at least a mediocre mess. But then, the "director" seemed to decide that the only way to tell this story was to make everything insane. And then finally, the editor, either was the worst ever or the best ever, but we'll never know what they had to start with in terms of raw footage.

All in all, this was a colossal waste of time and effort on everyone's part, especially those who burnt the 2 hours of their lives to watch it

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Baby on Board (2009)

1/10

Just rubbish, plain and simple, been done 50 times already

26 July 2009

I just don't know what studio people are thinking when agree to make something like this. The general storyline has been done 100 times.. you know, philandering men, women who are insecure, dysfunctional relationships, an upstart in the office waiting for her big break, lots of cursing and bad sex jokes, seductive goldigger wives, divorce court drama, etc.

But this film was even worse than it sounds. I can usually watch almost anything, even total c grade junk. But this looked like even the players were in pain trying to say their lines. Lara Flynn Boyle looked more botoxed out than Joan Rivers, the men in it are all snakes and liars, everyone is cheating on everyone, and not one line is funny. The fart jokes are even horrible (which is pretty hard to screw those up) All in all, this was another horrible waste of perfectly good celluloid. Not sure what Heather Graham was thinking here either, as she has now added to her list of atrocious films.

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Gone Baby Gone (2007)

6/10

Amazing local characters, some miscasting, a decent job of capturing Lehane

10 July 2009

As a fan of these Dennis Lehane novels, I was intrigued to see this film. As the Afflecks are actual Bostonians, it looked like the basic needs of the deep local Boston culture could be captured by these brothers who know the town and its nuances.

Unfortunately, Michelle Monaghan as Gennaro was simply awful casting. The character in the books is very Italian sexy through Patrick's eyes, which is a wonderful part of the Boston ethnicity of the whole book series. Nothing against Michelle Monaghan, but she was just wrong for the role. Casey Affleck on the other hand, wasn't bad, as he clearly understands the local flavor. Ed Harris was simply amazing too.

The folks who made this film though, did some amazing casting of local Boston actors to really capture the poor underclass of what the neighborhoods are like.

Lehanes books are sometimes frenetic, and the filmmakers tried to capture that here, but all in all, it was so so. Its hard to capture the richness of the characters developed in a book within the limited time given to a feature film, as we have seen zillions of times over.

There are so many cartoonish characters in the Lehane books, and there could have been a tad more done to introduce some of the bizarre characters that inhabit the books (Bubba for one).

All in all, a fair first shot at a complex book. Not the best, but not the worst.

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Prey (2006 Video Game)

10/10

WOW!! What a trip. Groundbreaking, awesome, original.

3 August 2006

Warning: Spoilers

Each year, I wait for something to come out to blow me away. FEAR was the last one that I actually could not get enough of. Now PREY appears, and WHOA, what a ride. Fantastic visuals (I mean FANTASTIC). Great dynamics in control of the characters, cool weapons, the anti gravity stuff and portals are mentioned quite a bit by most who comment on this game, but they are just part of the whole thing.

The voice acting is almost uniformly great (with the exception of Jen sometimes), and the story is mostly original, save the overall plot, which we've seen a zillion times before. But the characters are new to the genre, (nope, no super human marines, or master gunfighters) and treats the traditions of the Cherokee with respect and dignity.

There are some moments where it feels like some other games, an occasional dopey boss battle, and too many elevators, but wow, the overall pace, artwork, character control, and AWESOME MUSIC makes it the most movie like video game I've EVER played. Yes, even more than Half Life 2. The health regeneration is a little annoying at first, but then you learn to appreciate it somewhat, as it is less disruptive than having to go back 2 or 3 saves and start over.

One more comment on the music. I was amazed at how cinematic it was. I felt like I was in a live action movie sometimes. Just awesome.

My library of PC games numbers over 100, and I've played them all. But this one is in a class by itself. Yes, its somewhat short, but the work that went into it was intense.

I can't wait for more. Kudos to the developers and artists that built this thing. What a piece of work

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Troy (2004)

4/10

Tried to live up to Gladiator, turned out lame

23 January 2005

Fascinating, how lots of decent people involved with this train-wreck didn't help it get over the finish line. This was more like a bad cartoon than an epic movie. I'm sure the studio believed they would capitalize on the success of historical epics, most recently Gladiator. What they failed to remember, as most of these boneheaded studios nearly always tend to, is that you need a script that tells a good story, and everything else gets attached to that.

But they decided to focus on Brad Pitts pecs instead of the richness of the story. The music sometimes, like when Achilles was shown on his island fighting with his cousin, reminded me of a spaghetti western. And all those beautiful people everywhere, geez, made we want to be an ancient Greek. I was truly impressed by everyones perfect manicures. Wolfgang Petersen has had some great accomplishments, as well as few stinkers, but this one has to be the biggest dud of his career.

Better luck next time

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Around the World in 80 Days (2004)

7/10

Good for kids, somewhat weak and slow for grown ups

26 June 2004

The first part of the movie was pretty slow and weak, but the kids seemed to like it. It seemed to be missing lots of connector footage and context setting in the story line. Maybe there is alot more that is on the cutting room floor.

By the time they reach Governor Arnie, I was about to fall asleep. But when they get away from him, it starts to pick up and it actually ends pretty well. The first half of the film is somewhat of a dud, but the second half makes it worthwhile.

It reminded me of another way out fantasy, Baron Munchausen (sp)... But that film was much more complete, and didn't leave you wondering how the part you were now watching was connected the previous part.

My kids, all under 12, really liked it, as it was a display of different places around the world, and was somewhat funny to boot. Jackie Chan was good, although the kids had a hard time understanding his accent (I had to translate). But overall, not bad. A good DVD to own for kids, but not worth $40 bucks at the theater for a family of 5

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The L Word (I) (2004–2009)

This show is AWEFUL. The world does not need this dribble

17 March 2004

I love edgy TV and movies, but this show is totally useless. Miserable people with miserable lives full of miserable stories. Who cares. It should be cancelled. Straight or gay, these people are terrible and boring. They have no lives, they are not interesting. I don't care to see them all have sex. It is a waste of bandwidth on showtime. They should show re-runs of stargate instead.

It appears as though the writers and producers are trying to make a statement to the homophobes. Unfortunately, they are not helping their cause. They could be doing much different stories, content, and ideas, but they are sticking to boring, soap opera type story lines that just happened to be populated with lesbian women and the occasional bi sexual. But there is no creativity, no edge, no originality. Its all stuff we've seen before a zillion times with lesbian characters as a gimmick.

Viacom, get a grip

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Brother Bear (2003)

Generic unoriginal coming of life disney product, even my kids were bored

6 November 2003

Another massively disappointing animated film, totally generic disney "product" from the unimaginative disney folks. Its like eating the same piece of food every time with these people. Other than the emporers new groove and hercules, these people haven't had an original idea in years. My 3 kids were bored and commented afterwards that it was a mix of Ice Age and Lion King, which I agree with. There was even some identical dialogue from those films. Pathetic.

First film in years that the kids didnt ask to buy (other than the aweful Kangaroo Jack)

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Freaky Friday (2003)

10/10

Great, Fresh, Amazing Jamie Lee, Fun

8 August 2003

I was expecting another terrible Disney dribble flick, and I basically cannot take Disney anymore under any circumstances. As I have 3 small kids, it is sometimes a challenge though. I usually love Jamie Lee, she's funny, and bright... a great plain girl actress. I saw the poster and trailer for this film, and I was ready to stay 10 miles away.

However, my kids really wanted to see it, and it got tons of good reviews from even the most cynical, non parent, child hating, nasty film culture snobs, that I figured I'd give it a chance. I was stunned. This thing was great. It was no milestone in filmaking, but in a summer full of action movie sequels, and minimal creative products from a panicked studio system that is going through another period of zero originality, this was a blast.

Jamie Lee was simply amazing, she WAS the mother/daughter, and Linsday Lohan was great. It was great family fare, and generally fun for everyone. I will even buy the DVD. This was not just another body switching thing. Direction was perfect, not heavy handed. No special effects, great writing, crisp dialogue, just a plain fun movie, like the studios cranked out for decades, before they became what they are today.

I would recommend this to anyone with a family, any adult with a sense of irony and humor, and anyone who just wants to get away from all those action sequels (which I admit, I also really like)

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The Steel Claw (1961)

5/10

B-grade, but surely has some meaning and context

7 August 2003

This is a typical b-grade film from the era, however, there seems to be a lot of effort to create the feel of being in the Phillipines during the dreadful Japanese occupation. The thing that this film does deliver on, is showing how the Filipino resistance was so passionate about being in the game, taking sides with the Americans where it was possible, and working as guerillas against the Japanese occupation.

Interestingly, women are presented as guerilla leaders and fighters in this 1961 piece. The version I saw had terrible audio sync, and was obviously taken from a brittle celluloid print, so there were some missing moments, but overall, a worthy effort on an obviously small budget

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