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Bad Johnson (2014)
1/10
Bland boring unfunny tedious awful movie
31 August 2014
Warning: Spoilers
I would venture to guess any review submitted above a 1/10 is submitted by people involved with the film. This is a film no one will enjoy. The type of person who would want to see a movie about a talking penis wouldn't want their main character to be an unrelatable stud. The type of guys who would like a movie about a stud guy who gets all the chicks and works out all the time are not the type of guys who would want to hear long winded speeches about how sleeping around is bad because women are people blah blah lame speech you've heard in 9 million other bad movies. Women wont like this movie that treats them like they are fleshlights who can never have more than 3 lines of dialogue in a scene. Its really bad but Its not so bad its good. its just unfunny cliché and bland bad. This movie is for no one.

It doesn't even have the premise the poster and title say it does. his penis is not replaced with a man who talks to him. There is just a full grown guy walking around who says he's his penis but rarely says anything that would lead you to believe he's anything other than his lousy brother. If you were to miss the unbelievably horribly acted scene where his penis calls him on the phone while wacky music plays and he acts like it makes some sense that his penis could call him. I guess he lives in a world of magic and wonder that we only see glimpses of in that every woman he meets wants to have sex with him after 1 second like in a porno.

The jokes aren't even jokes most of the time they don't even make any sense a lot of the time. Nothing in this movie is funny. sometimes gross things are mentioned which is not a joke. he mentions a girl had hairy nipples' that's gross and not a joke and makes me hate the movie. he said his "privates look like a Japanese mans armpit". What does that look like? thats not a common thing most people can relate to. a guy says oh "its like carrot top people go to see him but no one wants to sleep with him" Thats such a stupid thing to say carrot top is known for only having 3 somes because he has so much sex because he has 100 million dollars. oh that reminds me

That carrot top line was said while a character explains not to go to the hospital after his dickis cut off because hed be put on TV shows and exploited by the media. That's dumb logic even by this movies standards.

This movie sucks its painful to try to get through it. Its maybe the worst movie iv ever seen i mean there is nothing to like for anyone for any reason. its just lazy, unfunny and boring.

boo
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Bindlestiffs (2012)
8/10
A mix of The Hangover and Superbad and really funny
25 June 2012
This Movie is about three teenagers who go on a wacky adventure with sex and other wacky junk. The idea has been done before but in most movies they feel really scripted, here the vibe is a lot more real. Like it has that feeling that videos you made in high school with your friends have.

It works because the kids are really funny. They have a lot of Jokes based in being too young to understand things, sex jokes, quick jokes, and a lot of dry wit. There are not any corny jokes. The situations fall into that 'woah look how crazy this is' sort of hangover style Junk. But even if a thing they are doing feels unrealistic or edgy just to be edgy, it works because the dialogue is so funny.

The movie kinda looks bad visually. It looks like it was made by amateurs (it was) So If you need your movies to have great cinematography to enjoy them, you wont like this. The editing for a few parts is a little sloppy or loose which can make it drag here and there. I never stopped being aware of the look, it didn't keep me from enjoying it but it might bug other people.

There's a subplot about the school security guard. There is supposed to be a tension with his character that he might harm the main characters, they were getting at that but I never really thought they were in danger, also these subplot parts with the guard are just kinda fine. They are not really funny they are just OK. I thought it was funny that the movie doesn't tell us what happens to the guard at the end, like who cares movies over.

Overall I enjoyed the hell out of the movie. It's pretty clear that if the guys who made this get a real production crew and some money they'll make some amazing stuff. It's a very funny, energetic movie with jokes and scenarios you've probably not seen before and in the end nothings really taken too serious. If you love Superbad you'll love this. See it.
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