Reviews

There is a smoke detector with a low battery in their house the entire movie. Beeping, and beeping and beeping.

I want to send them a 9v battery.

It's forgettable.

I love sci-fi and first contact scenarios so I tried it. This does not satisfy. If you like scifi and science in the shows that you enjoy watching, you won't find it here. The only redeeming quality about this show is to watch it for how bad it is.

I made it through the first season and mostly looked past the absolutely genre breaking stupidity. Episode after episode it continued to word salad science and sucked at it. Obviously not a single writer on staff that gives one duck about science other than using it to bullshirt their way through a story.

The only thing that makes sense to me is that the writers are being stupid on purpose to make a point about how dumb some audiences are. I can't imagine any good scifi being this bad, with this production quality and number of people involved, unless it's a joke. You can't parody the science in this show because it's already a joke.

I've continued to watch it because I want to see what stupid thing they do next. Maybe I'm a masochist, but I kind of enjoy a disaster. So congrats show, you earn 2 stars with a suggestion to watch it if you like hating yourself. But unlike smelling your own farts, this show poops right Iyour nose.

I reached my breaking point at season 2 episode 4 when there is a pilot is on a crash course with Earth because of a faulty FTL jump. This pilot tells the ship computer to "angle the ship towards Venus". The computer responds that they will now "impact with Venus in 10 seconds" to which the pilot says they won't crash, instead they will use Venus's atmosphere to slow down. If that doesn't sound stupid to you then we enjoy sci-fi differently.

(Ok, I had to do some math. First off, it takes over 8 minutes for light from the sun to get to Earth and Venus could be on the other side of the sun. Regardless, if we assuming Venus is at it's closest to Earth, orbits and stuff, the closest distance between the two planets is about 60 million kilometers. If it's 10 seconds to impact Venus, as stated by the ship's dialogue, then the ship is moving at a minimum of 6.0 million km/s. For reference, speed of light is 0.3 million km/s (somewhere around warp 2.5 for those STTNG fans). But its sci-FICTION, with FTL drives and whatnot, you might note. To which I reply that in the episode the pilot asks how close to Earth they are the computer responds "236,584 km". I must point out that this is less than 1 light second away. The episode continues and in true soap opera fashion its almost 10 seconds of concerned looks and drama later before the pilot tells the computer to steer at Venus. This is when then the computer says they will impact Venus in 10 seconds. Do you see the problem? They have to be going 20x the speed of light to get to Venus that quickly. I feel like I'm being overly critical of this, but that is %1000 the problem with this show. They give 0 ducks about this stuff. They could have had the pilot turn at the moon and "slingshot" them selves into the "earth-moon gravity well to decelerate" or some other codswallop and I wouldn't batt and eye. But instead they steer the ship at another planet potentially half a solar system away and use it's atmosphere to slow down. WHY? Space is big, unlike the brains of these writers. Why avoid hitting Earth just to aim right at another planet? Why not avoid Venus by steering towards Pluto, etc. It's such stupid drama. Just steer away from Earth in the first place and the contrived problem is solved. Why does a ship that can FTL need to slow down using a planet's atmosphere unless your just crap at writing? Here is a fun science fact: Mercury is closer to Earth, on average, than Venus is because it orbits the Sun more closely. Sadly, it doesn't have much of an atmosphere to slow you down in an emergency though.)

Much like politics in America, the ratings on this movie are split. Don't be duped, vote no on this "comedy". Even if you try to watch it ironically like I did, vote no.

I had to make a review because this movie doesn't deserve the 6.1/10 rating it had when I watched it. I think the positive user reviews for this film have skewed those results. Strangle most of the positive reviewers only have 1 review.

2/10 because I did laugh a couple times, but mostly because I had fun with friends talking about the other things we could be doing instead.

It's like Neil Breen with friends, and edited while wearing mittens.

This crazy mess will have you stumped and oddly fascinated. It is not a good movie, but it is fun to watch as a good bad movie with some friends.

'Pizza: the Movie' is no technical masterpiece. It doesn't have million dollar actors. It's not full of special effects or crazy, mind splitting camera work. In fact, I've never heard of the director. At first thought, a glace at the website and based on the title, I expected very little.

Then this package came in the mail. And, that in and of itself, is no big thing because I get all sorts of packages (do you hear that FBI), but this package I wasn't expecting. It was 'Pizza: the Movie', an incredibly well packaged and produced DVD. The quote on the back summed it up oh so perfectly... "It's better than I thought it would be." Barbara Gregory, the director's mom. Damn that made me chuckle. And that wasn't the last laugh either.

I'm not going to get into a detailed diatribe about what was wrong with "Pizza: the Movie' (because it wasn't much in this humble reviewers mind, just typical but forgivable indie problems), but what I will say is what was so great. It's a great premise that doesn't go where you would expect it to go (Hollywood style) and isn't too over the top. It's enjoyable to watch and is full of humorous parts, some that I wouldn't have expected. The characters are enjoyable (although one character is the like 'em or hate 'em variety) and well balanced, reminding me fondly of my days in college. It's paced well, and believable.

'Pizza: the Movie' was not only a surprise, it has inspired this independent filmmaker to aim higher.

8/10 slices of pizza.

Oh, and lastly Donald, next project, be sure to let me know so you can quote me. 'It's a… Movie?' Ryan Foss, some idiot filmmaker online