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Blood Beat (1983)
I did it! I sat through it!!
Well, what can I say. It was terrible. But somehow the nonsensical rubbish was strangely compelling.
This movie had it all, terrible acting, terrible script, terrible characters doing stupid things. Non-coherent plot that centred around (I'm sure) the director finding a samurai costume.
There was classical music, gregorian chanting - the soundtrack was as weird as the film.
I marvelled at how Gary could have such a great beard, but yet, in one scene - he was entirely hairless! Not even underarm hair. What the? Yes, this is where my thoughts went.
At least there was a smidge of nudity.
Awful, awful, awful.
But strangely watchable.
The effects reminded me at time of Boarding House, but at lease this was .. watchable.
Good luck! A three star flick that earnt one more for the fact that I made it through.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
Stupid characters making stupid decisions
As a fan of the original, I was excited at the prospect of a new lease on life on the old leatherface.
What we have received is a poor, ill conceived movie with a terrible setup and even worse characterisation.
Terrible, dull. They're weeping for an old lady who died that only met 10 minutes earlier.
The timeline to the original do not meet up.
What a waste of a once great legacy. To the film makers, please let sleeping monsters lay forever dead.
Awful.
Invaders from Mars (1986)
Flaccid, dull, unnecessary remake
Just think, in the year that brought us James Cameron's Aliens... we also get this slop. Poorly directed, overlong and the main cast kid is just dreadful. Acting like he's on the set of a school play, flapping his arms as he runs in the action sequences. Karen Black over-acts but is pretty in her own unique way and was just about the only thing that kept me going. Watch the original, this version is a paint-by-numbers remake that offers nothing new. I view it as an extra long Twilight Zone episode of the same era.
Army of the Dead (2021)
Army of the You'll Dread Watching This
Cliched, stupid characters. The story started so promisingly, and I'm talking the opening 10 minutes. The trouble that I have is when there's a whiff of 'intelligent' zombies, couple that with the zombie romance subplot and I'm rolling my eyes all the way through this. Terrible, terrible movie. What a shame.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
A Wonder Woman movie with almost no Wonder Woman
Following the first film (which I thoroughly enjoyed), this was almost unwatchable. Why did Diana wish for her boyfriend to come back? Why didn't she wish for her Amazonian family to return? Then at least we would have more than the 10 minutes of these amazing women in action. Gal.. is beautiful, no doubt.. but I was so perplexed as to where her boyfriend re-appeared from, it took some time to realise that she had wished him back - this was so jarring and out of character. Hated it.
The Haunting of Hill House (2018)
Felt so empty and alone when it ended....
I was waiting and waiting for the show to turn for the worst (fearing too many previous Netflix disasters), but it kept up with my expectations and I loved every moment. A modern horror classic. My wife watched it after me, and I couldn't sit through the final episode again, with her. This was so moving... I felt so empty when it ended, I can't explain. What a brilliant show, thank you!
Extinction (2018)
The cure for insomnia
Fell asleep 3 times trying to get through this movie over two nights. Never finished it. Another rubbish Netflix sci-fi attempt.. the idiot characters may as well have been developed by Eli Roth, stupid decisions all the way. Boring, dull, unconvincing.