Change Your Image
Scream_Meister
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Letto numero 6 (2019)
Contempt for the genre + contempt for the audience = Letto Numero 6
The mystery at the core of this "Italian Horror" is... how the hell did they manage to scrape together the financing for such a contemptuous letter to a once glorious genre? Everything in this snooze fest feels amateurish, even a few name actors with a proven track record succumb under the rubble. The final diagnosis leaves no hope for the fate of Italian horror cinema. The script is riddled with cliches and an extremely underdeveloped central character whose unlikability is her only defining characteristic. The only chills are provided by the quality of the film's third-class screenplay. I usually try not to speak of my cinematic disappointments, but this one really rubbed me the wrong way. The only truly horrific elements of this disastrous spaghetti horror are the staggering levels of incompetence displayed by both screenwriter and director. A real stinker!
Non mi uccidere (2021)
The De Sica family name yet again dragged through mud.
It pains to watch such drivel carrying the De Sica family crest into the 21st century. Long gone are the days of Umberto D and The Bicycle Thief, and after Christian De Sica's embarrassing career as the King of Cinepanettone, it's time for Andrea to take the helm of this poorly scripted and abysmally acted Warm Bodies meets Tre Metri Sopra il Cielo hybrid (with just enough Twilight sprinkled on top for good measure) where in spite of being filmed in Trentino Alto Altige, most of the cast faces the daunting task of coming to grips with their unequivocally Roman inflections/accents, FOR CLARITY, imagine Woody Allen in a Tennessee Williams play and you'll get the gist of what I am trying to convey. Scary but not in a satisfying way. To be avoided at all costs.
Good as You (2012)
Petulant Narcissists on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown
Dreadful acting across the board for a farce that ticks all the boxes of:
1) over the top buffoonery 2) childish horseplay 3) crude characterisation 4) ludicrously improbable situations. Four separate tales of criss-crossing (and lukewarm) desire that fail to ring true with any real feeling or emotion and not even the slightest connection to the abysmal state of affairs of LGBTQ rights in Italy. What aspires to be a zany and irreverent comedy quickly chokes on its intentions delivering a D.O.A. Almodovar knockoff completely void of either purpose or vision, and in spite of all the antics what we're left with is a lifeless relic that I'm sure will provide all "talent" involved with cooky showreel clips for years to come.
Afflicted (2013)
A One Note Joke that managed to surprise me, in a good way.
I must be honest, I am watching this right now on Netflix, and I am really overwhelmed by frustration, the one-note joke wears really thin around the 45;00 mark.
Pity since with all its limitations (number one being lack of originality) this little film has some very effective moments, showing that the filmmakers are not completely untalented... but with a relentlessly lazy script, it is a true test of endurance and patience that I am not sure I want to brave till the very end...
And then...
As the action crosses the Italian/French border and it becomes a quest for Audrey... the film becomes unexpectedly good, so much so that I forgave the filmmakers for what they put me through up to that point.
Final verdict? Although with some very strong initial reservations, I ended up liking this little movie quite a bit.
Aftershock (2012)
A nihilistic little romp - CONTAINS SPOLERS
Started watching this with extremely low expectations, as far as I'm concerned the mere association of Eli Roth's name to a project is a guarantee for awkward pacing, misfired attempts at cheeky humour, inability (or maybe unwillingness) to build up anything close to tension. And even this time around Mr Roth - although not entirely at the helm - manages to tick all the boxes, and yet... somehow this little unassuming little romp, a not so original variation on the canon of the innocent abroad catapulted into hell (for once not of his own making) it's only on the surface what it seems to set out to be. As it progresses, making the point of how death is really the great equaliser, it really manages to weave a nihilistic tapestry of human despair, proving the point of how no good deed goes unpunished and how cosmically irrelevant we really are. Eli's character does not eat shell fish, so I guess that makes him a good Jew, and yet, he still manages to meet a horrible death. The point being, there is no god, or if there is, he/she's really got a messed up sense of humour. And to the ones objecting to the fireman's about face during the climax, well, actually it makes sense. It takes all sorts of rejects to fill up a prison, and the guy was clearly a sociopath. I kinda liked it.
Stage Fright (2014)
A fantastic musical romp with knives
I just read the figures of the US release and I am speechless, it bombed miserably. What when wrong? I would like to know.
Is it destined to become a cult classic? It is in my book! Saw it last night at FrightFest in London, the cinema was packed and everybody was having the time of their lives. I seldom enjoy a film as much as I've enjoyed this one. I love musicals and I love horror, so this one ticked all my boxes. It delivered on both fronts, aplenty! The songs sounded right out of a West End/Broadway production and the gore was Fangoria-licious.
I strongly recommend it to anybody in the mood for a chop-em-to-pieces sing along!
Open Windows (2014)
Just sat through this at London's Frightfest
OK, the most frightening aspect of this film is that it was actually included in today's line-up at London's Frightfest.
Not scary, not thrilling, just extremely tedious. The director got caught up in his gimmicky virtuoso approach to a sub-par screenplay with a mildly interesting premise. At one point things got so convoluted and ludicrous that he attempted to claw his way out of the plot contrivances hole he dug himself in, not with one, but with two car chase sequences.
During the Q&A people left 'en-masse', brutal but necessary payback.
What a stinking mess!
Il compleanno (2009)
Italian variations on Eros and Thanatos
CONTAINS SPOILERS. Queer themed Italian cinema needs to grow up, this recent entry in the canon is all the further proof we need. Not nearly as god-awful as Ferzan Ozpetek's critically revered and homophobic HAMAM, DAVID'S BIRTHDAY is not immune to the sacrificial lamb syndrome. The "controversial" twist is all in on who will get butchered this time around, because we all know that homosexual desire is harbinger of doom. Slow paced and poorly written, often the case with publicly-funded Italian cinema, the film plays out as a cross pollinated low rent hybrid of Visconti's "Death in Venice" and Malle's "Damage". Such high influences are clearly stated over and over again, but high art - or even simple lyricism - are definitely out of reach for Marco Filiberti's fraudulent hands.