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The Babadook (2014)
7/10
Indie-horror of the best sort
11 April 2024
British Reviewer.

I love Australian cinema, they have a courage to go to places on screen that America and Britain have lost the nerve for.

The Babadook is an intense, psychological analogy for grief and lone-parenting and isolation. Or that's my takeaway from it. The ending is a bit abstract and more open to interpretation than the actual haunting, I believe it's about making peace with the shadows that lurk in all our cellars (unconscious, subconscious) and feed them worms...

The two leads are excellent. Both utterly believable as a strung-out, barely-coping widow and an autistic, troubled brat! If that young lad is actually 'normal' by societies standards then his is probably the most incredible performance by a child actor I have seen.
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Napoleon (2023)
5/10
Bloated
26 March 2024
British Reviewer.

I definitely like this take on the rise and fall of Napoleon until I watched some historically accurate, informative programmes about the man.

No wonder the French are furious because Scarpa and Scott have done the man dirty!

Granted, NB's dying words were "France, Army, Head of the Army, Josephine" but I fancy the writers have run with this frustratingly all-consuming sub-narrative of his quest for an heir with his wife. Having now seen the awesome range of his military strategy (60 victories) and his sweeping changes of the rights of voting age men, citizenship and the liberation of other Europeans from serfdom, I'm somewhat appalled at the angle the writers took.

However, they guy did anoint himself as emperor and cost the lives of tens of thousands of troops, so maybe lampooning him is the de facto way of taking attention away from his patriotism and humanitarian accolades.
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6/10
Thoroughly unforgettable
26 March 2024
British Reviewer.

Firstly what a bloated and ostentatious cast. I don't think Russell Brand uttered a work until 40 minutes in - and it seemed really, really weird seeing him speak as an actor and not his YouTube persona. You see, Death on the Nile was filmed well before covid hysteria gripped the Western Hemisphere, when Brand was still an actor and not an activist. Let's not talk too much about Armie Hammer's sex crimes either!

I don't know the plot of this particular Poirot story, but I did watch Brannagh's re-imagining of Murder on the Orient Express and A Haunting in Venice and this one is the worst of the three by a mile. Was Poirot really a fan of smoky, bluesy blues in Agatha Christies original texts? I don't know, but having just seen American Fiction the inclusion of Sophie Okonedo and Letitia Wright seems tokenistic, although both gave good performances.
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9/10
Laughed and cried
26 March 2024
British Reviewer.

Yes America, you DO remember how to make films. I've been so worried about you.

I had no idea just how much of an emotional rollercoaster American Fiction would turn out to be. I was crying in the opening act and if you've seen it you'll know the scene(s) I'm referring to. I'm so grateful to Cord Everett and Percival Everett for sticking two fingers up at white, middle-class bourgeois who are clearly as racist as the deplorables they smugly condescend.

Ironically, I live in a homogenously white area of the UK and sat with a uniquely white and quite middle-class small audience at the Galeri Caernarfon. But I think everyone enjoyed it immensely. It's only the ending which was a bit weak.

8.9/10.
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Argylle (2024)
6/10
Dragged
5 March 2024
British Reviewer.

I took my niece to see this at The Reel in Wakefield and we were the only ones in the whole screening - makes me fear for the viability of the cinema but that's a different story.

At it's best Argylle was really, really fun. We were buoyed along nicely by the pacing, action and comedy in the first quarter and then it just went on, and on, and on. The same joke (I love cats incidentally) and at least two set pieces that should have been edited out. Even the finale on the tanker was drawn out.

It was an interesting choice to make Bryce Dallas Howard so... frumpy. I suppose that was in keeping with how you'd imagine a mid-lifed author? Body positivity! Saying that, they'd even made Henry Cavill look a bit weird.
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True Detective: Night Country: Part 6 (2024)
Season 4, Episode 6
1/10
Third time lucky.
3 March 2024
Warning: Spoilers
British Reviewer.

It says something about the toxic battle going on right now that I am re-writing my review of Night Country Part 6 for the third time. If anyone looks at my reviews they'd see that a) identity has nothing to do with whether I love a piece of TV or cinema (Moonlight is one of my all-time favourite films) and b) the language I use is specific to my cultural heritage - if I disparage a piece of cinematic output I don't use offensive language.

Firstly, the good parts. Night Country looks pretty good, it sounds alright and the choice of opening song is inspired. The casting is great, Kali Reiss is brilliant, so too Christopher Ecclestone despite the most awkward, cringe sex-scene I have ever had the displeasure of watching (which is pretty damning considering Hounds of Love, Once Were Warriors and SCUM spring to mind).

The problem with Night Country lies with Issa Lopez I'm afraid. The script and screenplay she has concocted is in no shape or form developed enough for production and certainly, unequivocally not polished enough to merit being part of the brilliant True Detective franchise. Somewhere, someone said that as a writer you can create the most incredible reality and readers will go with it but you have to follow the rules you set out otherwise you will lose all credibility. Or something to that effect. I was fully on board with Lopez and the horror/supernatural angle. The first 2 or 3 episodes were pretty good, or at least passable enough to keep interested in but then, frustratingly, the writing went off a cliff. It's interesting to note that in the later episodes the producers brought more writers in to save their investment.

I've actually said a lot there without really discussing the problems with this particular episode. If you're like me you'll have already upvoted and read the reviews which score the episode low and if you're one of those brave souls who downvotes any of the same reviews, you'll probably not be reading this anyway as, like I said previously, this TV show, this episode has transcended from being merely a poorly written piece of television into the latest skirmish in a culture-war that most non-Americans don't understand.

I digress - there's just too many plot-holes and deviations from logic and common-sense in TDNC5.6, like characters falling several metres from a great height onto that most unforgiving of surfaces - solid ice without injury. Danvers overcoming what would have been severe hypothermia in an instant. The lack of equipment Danvers and Navarro set out with. Torturing a suspect, murdering suspects. You see, I don't think Lopez realised just how odious, repugnant and incompetent she'd written our protagonists. I read an interview with Issa Lopez where she confessed to doing all her research on the people and location via social media, and boy does it show. There's no connection with the darkness, the cold. Everyone just walks into each others houses, the character development non-existent.

Ultimately this season is a big mess. I would love to see a show written by Issa Lopez that didn't have the pressure of the True Detective label. I'd love to see the show where there's no supernatural element and it's the indigenous Alaskans protesting and fighting against the polluters/destroyers of their natural habitat and customs.
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Predestination (I) (2014)
3/10
Disgusting
2 March 2024
Warning: Spoilers
I can't believe the creators of this thought that John would love herself to the extent that she would impregnate herself, unknowingly creating herself! Utter drivel.

We were actually enjoying Predestination up until we had 35-40 minutes of the dullest exposition where John explained his backstory then followed an unknown bartender into a dark cellar, with a gun, who padlocked them in! Just some advice ladies; if a bloke lures you into a basement office, has a gun then locks you both in together on the premise of time-travel revenge please don't follow him.

If you want to watch a decent interpretation of this genre watch the first season of Dark (German) or 12 Monkeys.
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9/10
Guilty Pleasure
1 March 2024
British Reviewer.

I have to confess for having a huge, huge blind-spot to the flaws MJB might have. It's hardly a ground-breaking setting: uber-rich media mogul comes to terms with his demise. But the way in which Brad Pitt's character forces our protagonist, Bill Parrish, excellently played by Anthony Hopkins really makes an enthralling tale about how, in the end, you have to let go.

I acknowledge that this won't appeal to the types of folk who seek DEI in their cultural output but if you consider that this a film produced, in hindsight, what was a golden-age of modern cinema, it can carry you along. The cinematography is wonderful and the score by Thomas Newman is evocative and memorable.

The way in which the director, Martin Brest has melded an intriguing love story with a supernatural element and, when you stop to think about it, shades of horror. With an excellent main cast, and supporting cast is excellent and the runtime of 181 minutes flew by.
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Halo: Contact (2022)
Season 1, Episode 1
4/10
I haven't played the game, but love sci-fi.
22 February 2024
An extremely generic opening episode, I don't know what I expected having not played the game but also how Hollywood has butchered The Last of Us and Witcher I am not surprised.

The best part about this episode was when the group of youths (drugs are bad) discover the craft in the side of the cliff and promptly get blasted to high-heaven apart from cliched survivor.

These Covenant monsters looked quite good but now entirely impotent from the first episode onwards due to the advantage the Spartans(?) had over them in battle. Also why does every single enclave look like United Colours of Benetton? If they filmed Black Hawk Down nowadays Mogadishu would look like downtown New York City!

I'll trawl the reviews to see if it's worth persevering with the series.
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True Detective: Night Country: Part 5 (2024)
Season 4, Episode 5
2/10
Dropped off a cliff
14 February 2024
Warning: Spoilers
British Reviewer.

Firstly I'm not a hater, I gave the 2nd episode of this season 7/10 because I genuinely thought it was good. So believe me when I say my criticism is not without just cause.

The warning signs were there. The episode before this had an extra writer, this episode is credited with 2 extra writers and boy have they made a mess of it. I can only imagine that is the producers panicking over how this show will get wrapped up.

I like the ideas that Issa Lopez has brought to the show, I mean, it's not True Detective in any shape or form other than on the poster but this melange of The Thing... and Eastenders and maybe Erin Brokovitch is interesting albeit unoriginal.

The editing is awful, the sound and cinematography are good. The casting is great, even self-insert Kali Reiss but the directing is woeful and the screenplay is absolutely amateur and should have gone through a rigorous editing.
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Ikiru (1952)
9/10
Near perfection.
14 February 2024
With brutal honesty I admit that despite loving Japanese cinema that love hasn't extended much beyond Ghibli and some early Manga (Akira) but I've read quite a few Japanese novels and I've had the pleasure of travelling around Japan for 5 weeks.

There's something wholly cleansing about the childlike honesty and purity of Japanese culture that's an antidote to the excesses of western consumerism. This heartfelt tale Watanabe and his coming to terms with the vagaries that confront him will enrich your life.

Kurasawa is a proper film maker, unapologetically hegemonic and all the better for it. If you're sick of Hollywood watch this.
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True Detective: Night Country: Part 2 (2024)
Season 4, Episode 2
7/10
Much, much better than the opening episode.
13 February 2024
British reviewer.

I think once you get over the shock of the genre-change and if you can forgive the writer/director for shoehorning her misandry then there's a great little story cooking away in the background.

Personally I really like the horror element, I'm not wholly convinced they know just what they're creating - perhaps they watched The Thing and thought let's create a bit of that.

Night Country is far from perfect, it's completely different to the Nic Pizzolatta writing and it's unfair to judge it through that lens (they shouldn't have attached the True Detective label) but there is enough going on here to make me want to watch the next episodes and I was a whisker away from giving up on it after the mess of episode 1.
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True Detective: Night Country: Part 1 (2024)
Season 4, Episode 1
5/10
Not Nic Pizzolatto
7 February 2024
Started off really promisingly but that good will dissipated quite quickly when the writing descended into tedious political commentary. When you use the medium of creative arts to extoll your political message it becomes propaganda. But by all means focus on the creation of good characters and a good story and any political messaging will feel a natural and rightful part of the narrative.

I did fear the worst when I saw based on the works of Nic Pizzolatto... in the opening sequence. And why can't Hollywood write good female characters who have likeable or relatable traits that aren't at the expense of the stories male characters?

Nice touch having the DVD of The Thing on the shelf in that research centre. And we already know TUNGBAQ!* is the murderer.

*Watch the first season of The Terror for context!
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Crawl (I) (2019)
4/10
Balderdash
3 February 2024
British Reviewer.

Wow, where to begin. I'm puzzled at what redeeming qualities the viewing and reviewing public saw in Crawl that lead to it being so relatively highly rated.

The premise is preposterous, actually, no. The premise is quite good but the logic that resulted in our protagonist being under the house alongside the dad is idiotic. And don't even get me started on any human out-swimming an alligator ~ especially one who'd been chomped on the arm, and the leg and barrel rolled by a huge reptile.

If you can suspend your desire for logic and cohesion I suppose you'll enjoy Crawl more than the sum of its parts. But if you find it jarring when all intelligence drains out of the narratorive ie. Lazy writing then you'll probably find this one as average as I did.
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8/10
The horror, the horror!
17 December 2023
British Reviewer.

Although a score of 7.8/10 is quite high for an overly long, ridiculously Hollywood-ified version of Charles Dickens' novella A Christmas Carol. The sheer will and effort of Jim Carrey smashes this one out of the park and makes it a Christmas classic.

Zemeckis really dragged out some shots, like the scene with the sign above the shop. The car-chase with a miniature Scrooge went on for AGES, I mean, Ebenezer is clearly terrified already by the prospect of his imminent demise. Does he really need pursuing by a carriage pulled by hell-beasts?

Lastly, the grotesqueness of the characters is likely the most accurate portrayal of Victorian poor people but hilariously this is almost certainly a shortcoming of the animation style they chose to use.
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7/10
What the heck was that nose-flick right at the end!?
17 December 2023
This is a brilliant little film in parts so maybe my 7.3/10 is a little harsh but that is only because the creators of this film missed the morality. There's clearly something to be said about rampant consumerism in the loveable Amondola family coming into money and immediately buying swanky clothes, furniture and even a polar bear/radio. If this sardonic commentary on consumerism was the creators intention, and I missed it, then perhaps it was too vague for modern audiences.

This opening reads like I am critical of The Great Rupert, when in actuality I found it heart-warming. I do love classic cinema before Hollywood took to heart modern politics.
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4/10
DNF - Oh Dear
24 November 2023
British Reviewer.

Wow, what a surprise. I'm not someone who leaves early: nights out, books, football matches, trips to the cinema. I'll always (99.9% of the time) stick it out. I sat through the whole of Enys Men, I've read The Illyad. And yet, with two hours yet to play out I walked out of KotFM.

The DP has done an adequate job, nothing too flashy. The score was forgetful, the editing adequate. For me, personally, the casting was what let the film down: Leonardo DiCaprio cannot play an unintelligent character, his whole visage evokes cunning and cleverness and as a consequence the character he was portraying lost all of its cruel naiveté. Desirous was on form and perfectly cast as an aged sinister antagonist.

From a narratorial perspective KotFM was just incredibly boring and I don't use that word lightly. I checked my watch several times in the 90 minutes I did sit through. It is painfully slow and it's not cohesive. Scorcese's ego is too big and the producers/studio didn't have the bollox to advise him that he needed to tighten it up; lose 60 minutes at the least!

Finally, the politics. White guilt is a very peculiar cultural exportation by America. I surmise this MUST be because the American military industrial complex is doing, right now, the travesties it portrays to other indigenous populations. No, this type of allegory does not forgive the sins of your modern day atrocities. By remonstrating and flagulating, rightfully, the atrocities of the past don't buy into the propaganda of how America wants to export itself morally to the rest of the world.

With great power comes great responsibility and as an Englishman don't I just know it.
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The Innocents (2021)
7/10
7.4/10
14 November 2023
Firstly, fair bloody play to the casting and director from getting such brilliant performances from these children. And to the children too, fair play for such compelling acting.

The Innocents is a creepy but not too horrific Nordic tale of psychic powers in children. Hopefully that does not give too much away (I'm sure the synopsis details as such) ~ it reminded me of The Midwitch Cuckoo's a lot.

On a final note, it felt a bit weird seeing such diversity. Is this what Norway is like now? Was this United Colours of Benetton level of representation reflective of Norwegian society? Does that even matter and if it doesn't would it matter if there was no ethnic diversity on screen? A part of me wondered if the downward spiral of Benjamin and his portrayal in the film was analogous to a deeper mistrust of non-whites in Norwegian society.

Oh, and if that many child murders had occurred in a community as small and as tightly knit as that there's no way any parent is letting their kids go out to play on their own!
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8/10
7.8/10
5 November 2023
I found the opening 20 minutes quite tedious and wondered if I'd be able to tolerate sitting the whole runtime - but, alas, after the United Colours of Benetton children buggered off the story kicked into gear and became rather enjoyable.

The casting is good, although Michelle Yeoh felt to me a bit shoehorned in as Miss Reynolds. Kenneth Branagh is a capable Poirot but nothing on David Suchet and (a small complaint) if you're going to persevere with this ridiculous moustache then make it so you can't see the glue in the opening scenes.

What the film got bang on was the DP and the editing, they were flawless and this has to be one of the best visual films I've seen in a long time.

I didn't know whodunnit, I don't really try to guess and was pleasantly surprised by the twists and turns. There are quite a few jump-scares, but it is, let's be honest, a hallowe'en film.
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4/10
Did the people who made this film even play the game?
1 November 2023
OK, I admit it, I've never played the game but have got a 10 year old nephew who is incredibly excited to see this film because he loves the characters. I have to surmise that the games involve sneaking around the diner while avoiding the menacing glare of the animatronics?

To be fair most studios who try to adapt what makes computer games so successful onto the screen fail. I'm thinking of you Street Fighter 2, The Last of Us, Super Mario Brothers, Tomb Raider, Mortal Kombat, *The Witcher, Resident Evil - the problem is that playing a game is incredibly immersive, as should be watching a film, and video games have much, much more license to take their time in getting you to bond with the character and story you're telling.

I digress, massively. Basically, FNaF's is slow, boring, predictable. You do not spend any time with the monsters (hardly) and I get the feeling the storytellers couldn't decide if we, the audience, were supposed to sympathise with them, or fear them.
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6/10
Disney doing Dirty
31 October 2023
I may have watched this as a child, it's there somewhere in the black hole of memory. Certainly the robots looked very familiar; Vincent and Maximillian triggered some infantile recognition. But for this nuance of recollection I essentially watched The Black Hole as if for the first time.

Without any warmth of nostalgia, and on the face of it, The Black Hole is a drudgery, a mess, and banal as it stands in the shadow of Star Wars. But on closer inspection The Black Hole is much darker with horror and suspense much more dominant themes. With a better script and better actors this could be a really good film, but alas, Disney toned down the spook and that sadly diluted the gruesomeness.
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Strays (2023)
7/10
6.8/10
24 October 2023
I honestly put this on as a piss-take to watch with the GF but as soon as we saw the bong-smoking owner we knew that this film wasn't going to be what we expected at all.

When all is said and done this is a buddy/road-trip movie with some moderate character development however, we laughed a lot during the agreeable 90 minutes run time. I think it's because we did not expect such puerile humour, we were ambushed by a comedy that pushed our humour buttons quite nicely.

I've never seen Ted, or Ted 2 and I don't know if Greenbaum is connected to Rick and Morty at all, or Family Guy but that was the vibes we got from the script.
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Carl's Date (2023)
6/10
When the music hits.
9 October 2023
There's only so much you can achieve in under ten minutes and Pixar would normally nail it but this little piece of cinema didn't hit the right notes ~ apart from when the sad music begins.

The premise is really, really simple: Carl is asked out on a date and is then bombarded by an incessant stream of the dog prattling on. I'd completely forgotten about the collar from the 2009 original.

Anyway, I wish the writers had given us more time with Carl contemplating the emotional pathway to letting go yet keeping Mrs Carl in his heart. For me, the dog spoiled that tenderness, because it wasn't funny.
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The Wheel of Time (2021– )
2/10
Dafuq?
7 October 2023
In the shows defence I've only seen the first episode and I felt that was enough. I watched it with the GF who has listened to the Robert Jordan audiobooks and she didn't enjoy the episode either.

I just found it incredibly dumb and prosaic and far, far too 'clean'. All the characters, bar Gandalf, I mean the travelling merchant looked like they'd been lifted from a GAP commercial. I thought the beastmen looked alright but that final battle dragged on and on.

Finally, if you can't get a decent tune out of an actor of Rosamund Pike's calibre then you know something has gone majorly wrong at the adaptation stage, or the production stage.
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Ahsoka (2023– )
5/10
Probably fine if you can disengage brain.
5 October 2023
But I couldn't, well, not to the extent that I could overlook some awful, uncredible writing.

The positives about Ahsoka is that it looked good, or the first half of the season looked good and I'm wondering if they ran out of money - and that's about it for the positives.

To the negatives, and this review is coming from someone who is a casual Star Wars fan; I've seen the first couple of seasons of the animated one. I've seen all the films and obviously only really love the first three (i.e. IV, V & VI) but I also loved Rogue One. So, I'm not exactly unqualified to commentate on the quality or lack thereof of this latest Star Wars offering.

There's something really fishy going on in Hollywood, I don't understand how you can pour billions of dollars into an industry and so hopelessly get the most important part of telling a story wrong: that being the screenplay and the script. Actually, in retrospect, the 'dark arts' of telling a good story is probably the only part of the production process that money can't overtly influence. Whatever the problem, there is a huge problem and I watched Andor and thought the same. I watched The Mandalorian; the same.

Disney and Hollywood have forgotten that their modus operandi is about telling good stories, not espousing the socio-political issues of the current era. I reckon Disney, and to a large extent Hollywood, knew and respected their audience - it's an easy transactional relationship to keep intact: create content that your audience can relate to. Let, for 90-120 minutes, your audience be transported to a faraway adventure where they can see themselves as the hero. Disney Star Wars is failing this and is imploding before our very eyes.

To qualify this, I am not against representation in cinema - Moonlight is my favourite love story. The problem is is that Disney and Hollywood are hiding their narratorial deficiencies behind a culture war that most cinema-goers want to part of.
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