Reviews

The concept of this movie is incredibly simple: a surfer on a secluded beach gets attacked by a shark and has to survive stranded on a small rock poking out of the water. With a simple concept like that you can't really expect much in terms of dialog, characters or deeper meanings, it's meant to be a way to kill some time and for what it is I think it's well made.

By limiting the setting to that one small rock island, just a few hundred meters from the safety of the beach; coupled with plenty of areal shots to show off exactly how small that rock is, hammers home the isolation and exposed position of the main character. Add a shark set on taking revenge on humans and the fact that the main character has been seriously wounded serves to build up tension towards the action sequences. Pacing is good too with some calmer moments to let the audience breathe between action scenes. Sure, some elements of the movie are rather unrealistic but that's fine because they get a reasonable explanation within the movie universe.

After seeing various shark related B-movies like Sand Shark or Sharktopus, it's nice to see one where the movie makers have actually put a bit of thought and effort into it. If you have a bit of time on your hands, definitely check this out, it's a good thrill ride.

Hereby I declare that I only gave this movie  one point because the scale does not go lower. I suggest IMDb add zero to the rating system for seriously unwatchable movies such as this one.

Superbabies has made a thing of filming some toddlers, then adding poorly synced voice-over to make them "talk". Turns out, this is not inherently funny, in fact, it's mostly annoying. To not just make a movie about a couple of babies having a nonsense conversation, they make the toddlers do things, by the use of some pretty lackluster special effects, not bad enough to be funny and not good enough to be believable, just bad. 

And what do the film makers do with these walking, talking babies? They have them be the main characters of the most annoyingly anti-funny, excruciatingly inane action comedy I have ever seen. Example 1: The "evil henchmen" (my heroes) have cornered the main character, but instead of shooting him (and ending the movie early), they engage him in stupid comedy fist fight. Example 2: When the "good guys" (the villains in my book) manage to steel the CD of doom (or whatever) from the evil mastermind, they don't just destroy it (and end the movie), instead they have another "comedy" fight over it. Unfunny slapstick action starring babies, repeated in ad nauseum seems to be the recipe for this entire film.

I actually felt slightly sick while seeing this movie, I implore you, don't make the same mistake I did, see any other movie than this one, heck it could even be another movie off the bottom 100 list.

I don't know what this is, if it as documentary, a mocumentary or a fictional story, or maybe a bit of all three. The main character in the movie is the androgynous popstar and runner up of German Idol, Daniel Küblböck, played by himself. The movie showcases several of his performances which I assume to be real.

So far it's more of documentary than anything else, then the fictional part breaks in with a wizard running around with a tuba in his hand, and a trio who hate Daniel and plan to kill him. Since these parts are shot in home-video style they might as well be part of a mocumentary about some idiots trying to kill a popstar.

Confusion of genre apart, Daniel himself is fiercely annoying with his shrill voice and flamboyant mannerisms. Wikipedia tells us he was voted most annoying person in TV in 2004, and this movie really shows that side of him. A documentary, or whatever this mess is supposed to be, with focus on an incredible annoying pop star is not a niece experience.

When the would be killers had Daniel at gun point around the middle mark of the running time, I was so glad we get rid of this awful guy, but they wussied out and as a result of which, I had to suffer through another 40 minutes of him and his grating voice.

Since i saw the film in German, without subtitles, I will give it the benefit of the doubt, and award it one point.

Well, with such a large amount of reviews already, I'm not sure it's worth to review this, but I've promised myself I would review every IMDb bottom 100 movie, so here goes.

Manos: The Hands of Fate is kind of like an early proto taking-a-wrong- turn-and-ending-up-in-a-creepy-house horror movie, only without any horror. It seems that the director has tried to build up suspense with long pauses in the conversation (seriously, you could grab a quick cup of coffee in any given pause), and lots of "creepy" piano music. It doesn't work.

And when the evil Master is finally revealed little more than half way in to the movie, it turns out to be a pale man with a fantastic mustache, dressed in a black and red robe, with a (not particularly fierce) dog at his side; and his collection of wives, not so scary.

The real star of the movie though, is caretaker Torgo, a somewhat menacing yet pathetic evil henchman stereotype who moves spasmodically and talks with a stutter. Despite these silly rather than scary elements it is not a very entertaining movie, mostly because of the unbearably long pauses.

This is kind of like a cheap-o version of From Dusk Til Dawn, you get the criminals and their hostage who end up in a bar in the desert full of sexy women. The women and a bunch of other patrons turn out to be vampires, so they end up fighting for their lives to escape.

What makes Seven mummies unique (and also quite confusing) is that the bar is actually the saloon in some kind of magical ghost town full of people dressed like cowboys. As our anti-heroes escape from the bar, the sheriff and his deputies come after them while non of the vampires do. Strangely enough, the sheriff and his men opt for using fire-arms rather than sucking their blood so I guess they are not vampires. Well what about the mummies of the title then? They do show up, more than an hour into the film, and it turns out they are martial art, Christian monk mummies. The criminals manage to run away from the karate monk undead, only to bump into the sheriff - who seems to also be the priest considering his monologues - and have to escape from him. It's just a big mess.

Other than that, the pacing isn't the best and there is a general amateurish feel to the whole thing. I think, with a more clear story line, less vampires and ninja mummies, it could have been OK, but the confusion breaks your concentration and you end up being rather bored.

This movie is supposedly about some kind of monster but I had some real trouble seeing one, perhaps it was because i kept nodding off from boredom, but I did watch several scenes more than one to make sure I did not miss anything.

The point is, in a feature length film about a monster, the monster only appears for about a minute or so, the rest is mostly just the narrator telling us about the monster. As for the a-go go part, that might just have been the more or less random dance scene, or the thirty seconds of bikini girls, the monster itself never did anything remotely a-go go.

Fact of the matter is, very little happens in this mind numbingly boring, inaptly named movie. Just people talking about stuff, an narrator babbling on in the background.

Considering the low score, I did not expect much from this movie, seeing it I was pleasantly surprised, at least for the first hour or so. It had all the elements you need for an at least watchable movie, a working plot, decent acting, a fair budget and so on. There were also a few fairly random song and dance numbers which I found kind of weird. But then I suppose that is part of the Bollywood aesthetic, I'm just not used to that kind of thing seeing as I've only ever seen a handful of Bollywood films.

That said, there are some problems with the movie, chief among which is the confusion, caused by a number of different factors. For one, the plot is a bit disjointed with no clear flow or direction, but that is only minor. What is far worse is the cinematography, the camera keeps moving around like the cameraman was drunk, and when it stays in one place for any length of time it tends to be dark, with one bright source of light and lots of dust. It's hard to know what's going on, simply because you cannot see.

Moreover the tone of the movie is very inconsistent; one moment we get some hard core gangster stuff full of torture and psychological terror, and the next we get comedy hi-jinks and over the top romance. The abrupt Bollywood dances contribute to this duality.

I could stand with all this for a little while, say up to an hour and a half but when it turned out this thing is a whooping two and a half hours, it got too much. The story drags on forever and the director keeps cramming unnecessary stuff in, which only adds to the confusion. At normal length, with fewer sub-plots this would be a pretty good movie, all the problems put together drag it down to the low end of the scale.

I think Final Justice deserves a much higher score than the current 1.8, in fact it doesn't even belong on the bottom 100 list. That said, Final Justice (just one more justice, please)is by no means a good movie. It is almost exactly average.

Joe Don Baker is kind of like the poor mans Steven Seagal, but without the martial arts, his acting, is just about average. The plot of the movie is likewise pretty straight forward 80's action plot. The action is pretty mediocre, not silly, but not very exciting. The villain, love interest and so on are all pretty typical action movie characters, not too stereotypical, but none too exciting either. The weird thing, is that the movie isn't actually cheesy like most B-movies would be, it plays everything more or less straight, and watching it, you end up feeling oh so meh.

The point i'm trying to get across here is that you cannot get more mediocre than this, it is the absolute definition of mediocrity.

This is one seriously silly Japanese space movie. It is Undoubtedly awful when judged as one would normally judge a movie, but it's so ridiculous it's actually kind of enjoyable. Here are a few of the exceedingly silly events that happen in the movie:

-Some Japanese kids, poorly dubbed into speaking English discover a space ship and some cone head Neptune men who try to kill them. Space Chief, a guy wearing tights and a stupid helmet lands his rocket powered golf cart, and starts jumping around in a silly fashion, cone head guys fall over, and run away.

-People start noticing strange things and alert the scientists, the scientists talk science jargon about science, then do some science...SCIENCE! Politicians however do politics, feel skeptical about scientist warnings.

-Jump cut to cone heads watching TV broadcast about alien invasion, apparently jump cut covers transition from general skepticism to belief. Suddenly the cone heads attack in their space ship, conveniently, the scientists have put together an "electro barrier" to stop them.

-The cone heads attack, shoot flaming farts, the electro barrier deflects flaming fart rays, hilarious action sequence ensues, with cone heads falling over due to electro barrier. Defeated by this ridiculous barrier thing, the cone heads wimp out and go away.*

-The ever present bunch of little kids from the start of the movie run around chattering incessantly, they stumble on a space probe thingie that contains a threatening message from the aliens.

-The aliens attack and there is a scene of lots of silly looking running around in panic as people try to escape, however, the Aliens infiltrate japan, disguised as soldiers and almost manage to kill the bunch of annoying little kids.

-Suddenly Space Chief is back in the movie, he shoots a couple of the cone heads, chases after two other into a building then promptly explodes(?). This causes lots of general running about in a big panic.

At this point the movie suddenly changes tone and becomes somewhat serious. The government make an announcement that the word is under attack, and that people need to take shelter, which of course causes some proper panic. This is followed by a slightly less silly scene of the cone heads attacking earth with proper explosions and everything. Then Space Chief is back, this time actually doing some space battle (or rather lower atmosphere battle) flying around in his rocket golf cart thing, shooting the alien ships.

After this sequence has gone on for a while the big moment comes, the moment when your jaw just drops and you can't help but utter a big WHAT! There is billboard of Hitler doing a seig heil. Unmotivated Hitler, just like that.

The movie then goes on like nothing happened, recycling the same scenes of the battle between the cone heads and Space Chief, until it suddenly stops. Cue the scientists preparing "Alpha Electron Rockets", there is a tense moment as they count down, then Kablamo, no more cone heads, the end.

*Somewhere around this point in the movie, there is a lot of talk about something called a Roji Panty Complex, I have no idea what that is or why it is mentioned.

There are two types of zombie movies; the undead plague over running the world zombie movie, and the dead person turned into a zombie by voodoo priests and taking revenge zombie movie. I am not a big fan of the latter type, unfortunately Zombie Nightmare falls into this category. Bias aside, I think this is a pretty OK film, and by OK I mean, very mediocre, but it doesn't deserve the low score it has.

The plot is a bit silly, considering that a) there is a local neighborhood voodoo priestess, and b), when the hero is run over, his mother doesn't even attempt to call an ambulance, but goes directly to her local voodoo priestess demanding she turned her son into a zombie for revenge.

Other than that, I find the pacing rather poor, lots of film wasted on non essential scenes, and (perhaps as a result of MST3K editing) a bit disjointed, a lot of scenes end kind of abruptly, and jump to another one with very little connection between the two. There is also a kind of all pervading feeling of cheesiness about the whole movie.

Except for that, the movie would be, well watchable, but the bad pacing, disjointed plot, and overall silliness draws it down to just above bad.

Oh, the pauses, there are so many pauses in this movie. Touch of Satan is pretty much just dialog interspersed with a few scenes of action. The problem is, said dialog is exceedingly slow, and the actors keep making pauses, like they are afraid to sound rushed or something. When there is no flow in even the simplest conversation, there is really no flow in the movie. You could actually make this movie as a series of stills, and lose non of the pacing.

In most other aspects, I guess this film is sort of OK, just slightly below mediocre. The slow pacing just kills it.

Oh, and another thing, the music; there is an abundance of creepy music in the film, probably to heighten the tension, but when played over a scene depicting a guy skipping rocks over a pond on a sunny day, it doesn't really work, it just makes the movie makers seem slightly incompetent.

This is an absolute butchering of the tragic story of the Titanic, there are so many things wrong with it I hardly know where to begin. To start with, animals, a whole bunch of Disney style anthropomorphic animals wearing clothes and carrying luggage, they even get their own gang way for some reason. Then you have the main character, a sort of Cinderella type ripoff with her stepmother and evil step sisters. There is also a Sherlock Holmes type detective, some 101 Dalmatians type crooks and a bunch of other ridiculous characters that have no place on the Titanic.

Character introductions over, the ship casts of and a multitude of different subplots get on the way, the main character does her best Cinderella impression, the Dalmatians crooks bumble around trying to steel stuff and Sherlock Holmes keeps popping up everywhere indifferent disguises, but by far the strangest, and least appropriate is what goes on with the animals. One of the dogs starts rapping for no reason, spontaneously dressed in sports jersey baseball cap on backwards, the Mexican mice play an awful, slightly offensive Mexican stereotype song, full of bad rhyming, and so on and so forth.

When the ship strikes the iceberg and starts sinking, it gets even worse, not only do the whole group of major characters end up in the same life boat, they even stop to pick up people from the water, the risk of tipping the lifeboat is mentioned then completely ignored. The animals even get saved by dolphins and, despite thousands of people dying, have a "yay, dolphins" moment.

To top it all off, the movie ends with a happy-go-lucky, recapping of what happens to all the characters, no mention what so ever of the thousand people who died.

This movie is just full of ridiculous characters, inane subplots, weird looking animation, but worst of all, the biggest passenger shipping disaster in history is played up like it's no big deal.

This is pretty much just your standard sea monster movie of the 80's, you have a monster attacking and killing random people that have seemingly been put there for that very purpose. You have the local sheriff concerned with the safety of the towns residents and the evil corporation who want to capture the monster and sell it to the navy as a weapon; there is the marine biologist who helps the sheriff locate the fish, and the bikini babe who just sort bikinis around. Strangely enough it is not the sheriff who is the hero, but instead it is marine biologists engineering type friend who pulls off his shirt and goes into battle with the monster shark.

Naturally the monster was released by the evil corporation and they want to recapture it, the odd thing is, a disproportionately large part of the movie is spent on the cover up involving a couple of goons killing people who know too much. Other than that, it is pretty much the same as every other shark movie out there. That is to say, it is not actually a good movie, but a pleasantly predictable, rather silly, bad one.

Here is a movie that pretty much just list all the teen movie stereotypes, then takes them to the very extreme. You have the traditional high school cliques, but the concept is taken to a level where these groups will not form by themselves, you will be assigned a clique on the first day, and cannot have friends outside it. You have the rich, snobby, beautiful student body president who becomes the movie's obvious villain. You have the four girlie girl protagonists whose only interest seem to be shopping. And so on, and so on. That's really all there is, the worst teen movie stereotypes, crammed down your throat without the least bit of subtlety. Well, at least the movie had a budget, the actors kind of knew how to act and such, technically this movie is OK, just the contents is horrible.

Red Zone Cuba is the story of three small time criminals who join the army to escape justice, get captured while trying to invade Cuba, escape just shy of execution, then go about rural USA robbing and killing people. A simple enough plot, yet I found this movie very confusing.

Much of the confusion is caused by bad cinematography and bad editing. A large part of the movie is shot in the shadows so it's hard to see what going on. When you can see what's going on, the jump cuts are so abrupt it's almost impossible to understand the connection between one scene and the next.

Apart from that, the director seems to have take the old movie makers adage "show, don't tell" a bit too literally because the characters barely say anything, which gives the story very little drive forward. Except for a few action scenes, they mostly just sit around doing a lot of nothing, driving a car, flying a plane, driving another car etc. Together with the abrupt jump cuts it makes the movie both boring and confusing.

Despite the name, this movie is only ostensibly about skydiving, it is actually a kind of love...um...some-geometrical-shape-maybe-a-hexagon drama (there are far too many corners for it to be a love triangle), set at a small airfield/sky diving club.

The movie is also somewhat of a paradox as it demands concentration to understand what is going on, but it is so mundane, I find it really hard to concentrate enough to understand it.

Let me expand: except for the two women, most notably the one with a solid helmet of hair, most of the characters are so lacking in charisma, pop up so suddenly, and look so much alike that you keep mixing them up with each other. The plot sort of meanders about for most of the movie as these indistinguishable characters are unable to drive it forward, which means you will readily get distracted by the smallest things an sort of zone out. This is cause for great confusion as to what is going on when a dramatic scene suddenly pops up out of nowhere.

Ben and Arthur deals with gay marriage in America and the issues surrounding it with religious groups opposing legalization and so forth. Obviously, Sam Mraovich cares greatly about this issue as he has made it the painstakingly obvious main theme (perhaps only theme) of his movie. I say his movie because Mr. Mraovich wrote, directed and starred in the movie himself. The problem is that he is not very good at either of these roles, and frankly, neither are the other actors at theirs.

Another problem is that Sam Mraovich has taken a very childish, oversimplified approach to the issue in the main theme. They could have had the characters actually discuss the issue, talk it over and have different characters with conflicting views, you know, some drama. Instead, the protagonists overly religious brother decide he must stop them at any cost, and goes to kill the gay couple, and with the that the movie goes from what could have been a decent drama, to a poorly executed action thriller.

This movie is kind of like Top Gun except nothing, and I really mean Nothing, ever happens. That's the whole review right there, however, IMDb demand that you write more than one line so let me expand a bit.

A couple of you air force pilots start training with a new type of jet, one of them meets a girl then, more training. The rest of the movie is just stock footage of airplanes on training missions. That is the entire movie, spoilers and all. Do you see why it's hard to make the required number of lines? There is nothing to say.

Oh, if you are going to see it, see the MST3K version, you might die of boredom otherwise.

This film so weird, it doesn't really make sense. The concept is simple enough, a bunch of social outcasts girls get bullied by the hot rich girls, social outcasts become friends and plot vengeance, hot girls organize big party, social outcasts take revenge by showing everyone films of hot girls in embarrassing situations, everyone (except hot girls) get what they want, end of story.

For some reason, the film makers have failed to make this very simple concept work. The problem lies in two things, one, the narrator, why a brain dead film like this even needs a narrator is beyond me but anyway. The narrator is no one but the obviously evil queen hot chick and the narration is right along the lines of her stuck up personality. Essentially, having a jerk be the narrator doesn't work.

The second problem is that the movie, or at least the first half of it, is filled with jokes that are not only childish and unfunny, they are also very strangely executed and really rather haphazard.

Combined these two things make the first half of the movie veeeeery cringe worthy. The second half of the movie is also cringe worthy, but what stands out is that it is very inconsistent, it feels like he movie makers forgot to record several scenes and just skip straight to the end. Narrator suddenly, and for no reason, becomes good, tells everyone about her background yada yada ya, then everyone lives happily ever after, including evil hot chick - so strange.

The title Zombie Nation must be Ironic, it cannot be for real. Firstly, black makeup around your eyes does not make you a zombie, especially if you walk, talk and act like a normal living human in all ways; perhaps inspired by Gothic fashion, but not zombie. Secondly, even if you count people with black around their eyes as zombies, you cannot have zombie movie where the zombies don't show up until the last half hour. Thirdly, five zombies does not make zombie nation, notwithstanding a references to possible others.

Apart from the movie being nothing like what the title advertises, it is a pretty mediocre movie. Sure it's low budget, sure the actors seem to be acting class dropouts, sure there are lots of unmotivated flashbacks to a man being spanked, sure the story is somewhat confusing a points. However, on the whole it's not all that much worse than your average, mass produced Hollywood tripe. It's mostly the broken promise of the title that puts it at such a low grade.

The most obvious problem with Kis Vuk is the awful animation. It looks like something made by a high-school student, alternatively, like a 3D game from the late nineties.

The second most obvious problem is the rapping crow. At random intervals - I first thought it was when something important happened, but that seems not to be the case - a crow starts rapping for no apparent reason, delivering some rather inane commentary on the story. Listening to this attempt at rap is just embarrassing.

The third big problem with Kis Vuk is the story. Perhaps I was a bit tired when I saw it, but I just couldn't figure out what was going on. There was a fox, a circus a love interest girl, a villain woman and a bunch of side characters, and they where playing out some kind of generic kids adventure. However, perhaps due to the bad animation, none of the things going on make much sense. You might see that there is supposed to be a connection to a generic story of some kind but, but it never really works, it's all a big, confusing mess.

The movie starts with an exceedingly inane narration overlayed on some kind of nature show about fishes. It then moves on to show the narrator, a scientist type guy, who bumbles about his bleepy, bloopy blinking lights laboratory doing sciency stuff. He then strips (not a pretty sight) and immerses himself in a pool full of red water, by which he is turned into a hilarious looking "walking catfish monster" (guy in ugly rubber suit).

Said monster then spends the rest of the movie bumbling about in much the same way science guy did, only the monster kills people instead of doing science, all set to swamp sounds like "wuuuh" and the like, plenty of clips of water creatures spliced in for good measure.

Meanwhile, hero type and love interest girl have shown up in their camper van and red jumpsuits, accompanied by overly dramatic music where ever they go. It takes them a good half an hour to figure out who the monster is and where to find him, then hero type spends the rest of the movie stumbling through a swamp in search of the monster and his kidnapped girlfriend. Final fight ensues, the end.

As you can tell, the film is mostly a lot of boring stumbling and bumbling, not really moving in any direction. When anything does happen it is often rather ridiculous, and the monster, which is the main focus, is ridiculous all the time.

It has literally only been a few minutes since From Justin to Kelly ended and I am already having trouble remembering anything that goes on in this movie. There are...um...some guys, I guess, and um...some girls and, well, one of them is Kelly Clarksson, and they uh, go to the beach and there is singing, and also dancing, and I umm, I guess they fall in love, perhaps?

Taking a look at the plot summary, we learn that Justin and his two friends go to Spring Break in Miami where they run into Kelly and her two friends. Despite a complete lack of chemistry (and acting ability) Kelly and Justin apparently fall in love, even though Justin is a party guy, and Kelly is a shy guy. Kelly's friend tries steel Justin away, drama ensues, Kelly confronts friend, drama ends, Kelly and Justin live happily forever after.

Now, I understand that a musical movie like this will have a simplistic plot, the focus being on the relationship between the characters and the music but like I said, the relationship between the characters is pretty lackluster and you will be hard pressed to find someone singing along to the music.

The only thing memorable about the movie is the awful, awful rendition "That's the Way I Like it" that is used as a finale.

One thing I find to be very confusing about The Hillz is the choice of main characters. The introduction scene shows them harassing a store owner, and generally acting like jerks to more or less everyone around them. For a moment I thought this was a brilliant move on the part of the director, to portray these thugs in an honest way without turning them into heart-of-gold anti heroes. Turns out however, that these were supposed to be our protagonists, the guys we were supposed to root for, the director was simply unable to make them look even the least bit sympathetic.

Another strange thing about this movie is how violent it is, how casually it deals with violence, and how little consequence there is to said violence. thug leader Duff goes around arbitrarily shooting people for no reason, without so much as a hint of emotion, and the police are nowhere to be scene. It could be a reflection on our society's blasé attitude to violence, but it is more likely he was just not able to portray violence in any serious way.

When you get down to it, The Hillz is just a badly acted portrayal of a bunch of deeply unsympathetic characters (that goes for both protagonists and antagonists alike) engaging in some light-hearted random violence. How that is not more exciting is a mystery to me.

The Final Sacrifice is a very low budget movie about a geeky kid who goes on a quest to find a lost city, while trying to figure out what happened to his dad. He gets chased by a villain who looks a lot like a stereotypical gestapo agent, and a bunch of incompetent, mask wearing, machete wielding henchmen. He gets help from a homeless man named Rowsdower (great name) and Yosemite Sam type character.

It's pretty badly done, I guess due to a low budget, the plot is way too simplistic, the characters are pretty goofy,and the acting is on school play level. However, it is not (surprisingly enough) spectacularly bad, just normally bad. And with the simple plot, you would think it would be pretty straight forward, and lots of opportunities for bad action scenes, but the end is actually kind of confusing, and the movie as a whole is pretty boring.