Reviews

Honestly? - Are the reviews here real, or are they members/friends of he film crew?

I don't wish to sound indelicate here, but this is a truly awful film. It is a film made of a great story, but it falls short on so many levels. The acting is sub-par, the dialogue is tenuous, the action is moderately interesting and the visuals are woeful.

I had been waiting for this film for a long time and like many other Dickian's, I relished the thought of a new addition to the world of PKD. However, this is by far, one of the worst adaptations that I have seen, yet.

I am genuinely astonished that it has garnered 5.9, moreover though, are some of these reviews fake? I cannot for the life of me see anything of merit in these reviews, other than obvious bias.

There is so much wrong with this film, I feel cruel listing them all. From writing to filming, from filming to post, from post to release - It is obvious that this film has had troubles from the start.

I would implore Simon50 to keep hold of the rights to the novels that he has bought - And I would ask him to leave it to the professionals.

Okay, I need to prefix this with a twelve facts. 1: I am a Gilliam fan. 2: I am a critic. 3: I didn't give it as much time as I probably should have. (Sorry Syfy) 4: Generally, I don't watch the Syfy Channel. 5: ....

(Okay, so I can't think of any more facts to put this review into some context for you as a fellow viewer. But I think it's important to give every review a bit of context.) The first quarter of the pilot seemed to go quite well.

It had fairly decent production standards, it kept the main characters from the film and it had a familiar setup that anyone who has watched the film could relate to. However, from then on, make-weight Jessie Pinkman and Sarah Connor-lite (The real one), begin a journey that tails off, skirting around the edges of programs that deal with Time Travel.

It feels, exactly what it is - a cheap attempt to rope in a cult-fandom, on the premise of "smelling a bit like" the source material. The dialogue is amateurish, the acting is Ham and cheese (Hello Goines), the action is rushed and the plot is so self-aware that you don't care what they are going to do next. It looks like Terminator (Yes, the original), it feels like Heroes (Series three was it?), it smells like Lost, and it tastes like Star Trek; at least the Star Trek with time traveling plot devices anyway.

Let us not mince our words, this is an adaptation of a film that is an adaptation of a French film; and it is a bad adaptation at that. The problem with adapting such a well told story, a finely tuned plot and interesting characters with depth of persona is that you have to manufacture a good deal of plot to pad up the narrative; and boy have the started already.

One of the easiest ways to pad up a program like this is to introduce three things: (A) Non-descriptive word(s), a love interest and a Delorian.

The non-descriptive here is, in this case, 12 Monkeys (Think Scilla, Sona); which can refer to anything they want it to in time. A love interest, which can take any turns the producers want to keep the audience entertained, and a Delorian to shift back and forth in time and in turn, bend everything that may have happened in previous series'. What we have here folks is another program that is going to drag you along with the promise of giving you answers, when in reality, it will pose only more through its own butchery - the cattle in this case, being the source material. 12 Monkeys was… is, a masterpiece in filmmaking; however, what any fan (and the producers of this rendition) knows is that it opened up a world of wonder. Fans, filmmakers, critics, writers alike, have pondered theories here, there and everywhere. Scholars have penned reams of material on the films logic, characters, design and premise. Thousands of Monkeys have made love and spawned families and generations of our simian brethren. And the producers of this show want to take all that away to make a bit of coin. Just think about that for a minute; what is more important, your precious time, or their bottom line? – I would recommend anyone reading this to wear a cynic's hat like me in the name of artistry, conservatism and goodwill. Don't watch this bilious fog of greed, unoriginality and sheer boorishness.

I chose to turn this off mid-way through the second episode due to the actor who plays Goines, chewing up the scenery like a cartoon character out of Ren and Stimpy. I could just about bare Jessie Pinkman's attempts at dramatic tone and I was getting used to the supporting actors attempts to act with the timeline. But the characters make the program, and tinkering with a an already diluted formula by making the cliché'd casting decision that they did gave me the instant need to use the toilet. If you want to waste away 40 or so minutes a week on mindless shark jumping then give this a go. If you would sooner listen to 'Revolver' than the entire back catalogue of Oasis albums - then go and buy 12 Monkeys (The real one) from Amazon and save yourself from being infected by whatever it is that the army of the 12 Monkeys are going to do this time around.

I'm going to summarize here:

This "film" bears about as much connection with modern society as KFC represents the life of Chickens. Not only is it the most cheese filled pap ever, it's a walking cliché and the people in it, even say the word "LOL" rather than actually laughing, in one scene; one person even rolls around the floor laughing when she is told a joke by her friend, and it wasn't even funny.

The entire dialogue in this film looks as if it has actually been written on a Nokia 3310 by a 10 year old boy, who has ADHD, no offence to people who actually HAVE ADHD, but seriously, it's like they've given a child three things:

1. MDMA.

2. 90 Blank Sheets of Paper and a typewriter.

3. 2 Days to complete it.

The acting is below par and even in one scene, it is blatantly obvious that the actress has forgotten her lines, so she seems to make her line up on the spot. How on earth did Demi Moore get roped into this? Demi Moore has made some god awful movies in her time, but this will be a black hole on her CV for many years to come and I imagine she is only kicking herself to the loony bin for partaking in this absolute rubbish.

Then I have to mention the obvious fake posts on here which are condoning and praising this teeny bopper movie, which is obviously made to capitalise on fans of the girl out of this, kids who are grounded and have to use their phones as a social outlet, LOL, and teen kids who have nothing better to do with their money than go and see how the media thinks they should live their lives.

Anyone paying to watch this god awful trash should take themselves and get counselling, go and see a doctor, because whilst there are thousands and thousands of good script writers trying to earn a living, thousands of actors trying to break through; and thousands of budding directors just aching for a chance to even get 1% of this budget for their work; production companies are still lying and pulling the wool over our eyes with pap like this.

If you are fan of the girl in this film, think about it, and think about it hard!!!

If you actually like this girl, then you will NOT go and put money into the pockets of the greed ridden pigs who are actually trying to exploit YOU as well as your idol. So I'm not going to give you grief for liking this girl; like most will, but seriously think about it before you part with your money. If this film does even remotely well, the fat corporate pigs will only release more pap with her in, to try and prize YOUR hard earned money from your hands, and in turn, the big wheel of fortune will grind away on YOU and ONLY YOU!

It says something when a production company pull out of post production marketing like they did on this kids, they want to BURY it without trace, because they know how terrible this film truly is!

Fair enough, watch it on cable (it will be on there soon enough), download it from some kind of torrent site, but whatever you do, do NOT go and spend a penny of your money on this, you will regret it for years to come.

Long live the free thinkers.

I'll start off with the title.

This title is not only spelled like some kind of pre-pubescent kid, entering his student film into IMDb via a Nokia 6310, but also whilst at it, creating the credits with it as well.

The "clever and witty" title attempts to chuck a meaningful pun-like sly dig at the idiots who:

A> Download this. B> Are in the "British Indie Film Industry". C> Spend hundreds of pounds and even more hours into small budget productions. D> Anyone other than the people who 'star' in this "mockumentary".

When I say attempts, I am actually being quite generous, because what it really is, is someone we've never heard of, speaking of problems within the industry that no-one else experiences apart from him; walking around with his dog and watching his mate drive a car.

The resolute message within this thing is essentially given within the first few minutes of it, two minutes later I had forgot it due to the absolute banal presentation of that message. The vapid space that this product inhabits is a dark and lonely place for the director. A space that any potential independent filmmaker may have experienced in one point of his/her career. The difference being that the director here has a unintelligibly created a mish mash of walking, talking and driving whilst inside that vapid space. Whereas thousands of independent filmmakers around the U.K, strive and work to better their knowledge and understanding of the business of filmmaking, building an audience for the right reasons and slowly chipping away at the business.

To summarise, the message and argument that this product attempts to propose is a very real and plausible point, but miserably and unfortunately falls flat with any basis at all. However, if it tries to antagonise the independent film market, congratulations it will, for all of 1 minute.

Don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.