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House of the Dragon (2022)
Amazing reviews so far, guys!
We're two epsiodes deep into House of the Dragon so far and people are rating it as though they've watched the entire thing. It's absolutely disingenuous to critique an entire season of a TV show based on two episodes unless that season is two episodes long which this clearly isn't). Do people not realise you can review each episode? (Hang on, I know you can rate each episode but can you review each episode? I best check before I continue, eh? ANSWER: YES YOU CAN, PEOPLE! HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THAT? Noobs!)
Anyway, the first two episodes are perfectly fine and mostly in keeping with the story "The Rogue Prince". The thing about TV shows is over the course of a season they build momentum (if they're any good or unless each episode is a self-contained story which this isn't). What did we know after two episodes of GoT? That Jaime and Cersei like a bit of the old nookie and aren't averse to pushing kids off buildings to hide their illicit liaisons. That, and there's some greebly stuff going on just beyond the wall. Upon introduction, not a single one of GoT's characters could be related to because we hadn't learned nary a thing about them yet. Most reviewers on here completely confound me. So far, HotD has recreated the world that John and Danaerys would later inhabit to a T. The political processes are equally intriguing and for those that forget, it was the political wheeling and dealing that made GoT so good in the first place. It was exactly the politics that brought upon the season's denouement that made season one so special: the separating of Ned's head from his neck.
No one has any idea the quality of this first season of HotD because none of them have seen it. Save your reviews for either each episode or, if you want to review the season as a whole, watch the season as a whole.
I shall return to this after the season ends to edit the score and provide my actual review. Thank you. Typing this has been marvellously exciting and filled me with great joy (not greyjoy. Lol, GoT puns. Gottem!)
Host (2020)
Wild!
This is an absolute thrill ride. Perhaps it's because I watched it in the dark with headphones but at the end I felt like I'd been on a rollercoaster. And I think that's what they wanted it to be. Certainly there are illogical actions taken, especially carrying around their laptops to capture what's going on, but would you have preferred them to have wandered out of shot so we could stare at n empty room? No. Stop being pseudo-intellectuals and just appreciate the madness. Best horror I've seen since Martyrs. Loved it.
A Quiet Place Part II (2020)
3/4 of a sequel
It's good. Cillian Murphy brings some heft to the acting and there's a fair bit more action but is it as good as the original? I would say not quite. The main issue is there seems to have been a good deal of it left on the cutting room floor which only undermines some of the character motivations as the plot unravels.
For instance, deaf girl says, "Enunciate... remember?" Remember what? Neither the word nor the actual principle of enunciation has never been mentioned in either movie up to that point as far as I'm aware, and it certainly hasn't been pointed out to the character she's asking to remember it. So it just seems... odd... and out of place.
A lot of this sort of stuff happens and it really pulls the foundations out from under the characters' ability to act logically or reasonably. Some actions taken by them seem so wildly irresponsible, absent sufficient reason, that we tend to think of them as idiots that deserve to get hacked and slashed and I'm quietly confident that's not what the film-makers were going for.
Anyway, other than that it's still better than most. If only we got to see the entire film, it might actually be top notch.
Unhinged (2020)
Groovy
It seems some reviewers, both professional and amateur, have forgotten that some films can be created simply to entertain. These days it seems preaching the new religion is all that's worthy of acclaim. As this film doesn't do that--indeed, a woman is punched in the face a few times by a hulking behemoth of a man (sin and shame!)--it's to be labeled 'nasty' and 'vile'.
Of course, that's exactly how the antagonist was supposed to come across--nasty and vile. Those are the very characteristics that lend credence to the idea that he's a dangerous, demented, and despicable individual. Perhaps he should have gotten down on bended knee and apologised for his toxic masculinity, his whiteness, and his privilege, for that would have given us quite the villain indeed.
Anyway, as thin and paint-by-the-numbers as the plot is, I found myself not wanting to look away, even as I reached for a chocolate and this is a very rare occurrence in this day and age for a film. For a movie to have me glued to it for its entire runtime something entertaining must be going on. And it is. It's entertaining, fast-paced, and enthralling. It's neither Shakespeare nor is it Robin DiAngelo (thankfully), and it doesn't pretend to be. It's just a bloody satisfying way to spend 80 minutes or so if watching a movie is something you feel inclined to do.
Jolly good, clean fun. Consider this your courtesy tap (I can do in-jokes).
The Invisible Man (2020)
Intelligent
... this is not. However, if you just shut down your brain and ignore the preachy #meToo subtext it's a serviceable movie.
Uncut Gems (2019)
Brilliant
This is the best movie of 2019. Joker was good but it wasn't this good. The Irishman is a quality film, but it's not quite on this one's level. The Avengers finale was great fun, sure, but it didn't have the sheer grunt this movie has. The Safdies, who did Good Time and lit the screen up using Robert Pattinson against type, have surpassed even that top-notch film with this one. This is a nerve-jangling slide into an increasingly soul-destroying abyss and Sandler is as good as I've seen any acting job this year if not better. He truly is note perfect. If you liked any movie this year you should see this one because it's just superior. What's that? Parasite, you say? Yep, even better than that fantastic movie. Get on it.
6 Underground (2019)
Jolly Good Fun, Chaps
Fast, jagged, stylish, amusing, and most importantly, fun. I'm not a huge Michael Bay guy and, in fact, I've denigrated him most times he's come up in conversation, however I thought I'd give this movie a quick peek regardless and I'm pleased I took the time. It's like a Tony Scott movie (Ridley's brother, kids) in many ways but it's all turned up to eleven which is saying something if you're even marginally familiar with Tony Scott stuff. If you're in the mood for anything heavily cerebral but think you'd prefer some mindless escapism of the highest order, give it a look. Unless you're one of those movie-watchers-pretending-to-be-an-actual-critic types, then you should just go pretend to watch and enjoy 'The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie' for the twentieth time just so you can engage in some highbrow and studious dinner dialogue with your oh-so-charming and intellectual colleagues who pretend to like it too.
Game of Thrones: The Iron Throne (2019)
Average
... but average relative to every other show out there is poor relative to how Game of Thrones began.
What began as a rich tapestry of well-written characters with their own agendas, operating within their own worldviews and ambitions devolved into something one could only describe as a parody or caricature of their former selves.
Contrary to the beliefs of those who state that the people who don't like it are people whose ideals for the conclusion of the series weren't met, who won the day was one of the lesser priorities. How they won the day was what was important, and how this played out was little more than shortcuts that belied previous character traits and motivations. That's what people are annoyed by (mostly). It's as though D and D said, "What's the quickest way we can get from A to B?" rather than "What would this character do in this situation?"
This first became apparent when Littlefinger's story arc resulted in him arriving in Winterfell. From then on, it became more and more glaring.
And that's also where the slide from brilliant Game of Thrones to average viewing fare began only to end... here, with great CGI, excellent acting, quality production values, but a story that seemed to mostly be arbitrary.
Halloween (2018)
Hacky
Most of the good reviews seem to have been posted right after the Toronto Film Festival. I have no idea what they saw but surely if it was Halloween, it was a much different version to the one I just watched. The one I saw seemed like a bunch of dissonant ideas hacked together with little rhyme or reason, no better than any other half-baked slasher movie of the past thirty years.
Exceedingly ordinary.
Revenge (2017)
Absurd
At least the things that happened in I Spit on Your Grave had some semblance of realism. This thing's a fairytale. Take peyote, recover from being impaled on a tree branch. Oh, and relieve yourself of being impaled by setting fire to the tree you're impaled upon. I'd go on but there's no point. If you can suspend your disbelief (you probably won't be able to) you may find it a bit of light fun with a bunch of blood. If you can't, I think you'll find it sucks.
No idea why this is considered a good movie by critics. It's utterly absurd.
Hell House LLC (2015)
Better than it had any right to be.
As the title says, it's better than it has any right being. If you have an aversion from found footage or documentary style fictional films, I don't think this will redeem them for you--although it might. If you don't care one way or the other, as is the case with me, take a look.
The "no name" actors are actually quite convincing, it's mildly unsettling, and it's creepy. Note my Oxford comma there. That was pretty neat too.
I have to write ten lines before it accepts my submission? Well, that's not delightful at all.
So anyway, much better movie than I thought it would be.