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Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (2023)
There is no word for how bad this is
This movie was and is a hot sticky mess of ideas that a child of five or a group of chimps could write.
I know it is a reboot of the franchise but if they are trying to write Bay's franchise out of history they are going in the wrong direction. This movie makes 'Transformers: The Last Knight' look like a Scorsese movie!!!!
The script is terrible and the movie is underwhelming due to its appalling casting of unknown and terrible actors, apart from the voice actors of the decepticons and autobots.
The story doesn't even make any real sense, the GC is not good! The CG from the original 2007 movie is twice as good and like I said the performances are terrible and annoying.
There is seriously nothing good about this movie. It only gets a three star score as I got to see it free on streaming.
I get the feeling it was made for the sake of being made and the production team didn't really care about the project or were really inexperienced.
When the only thing you can do to get everyone's attention is kill Bumble Bee then that is a cheap shot made by inexperienced, amateur film makers.
The Old Oak (2023)
As usual Rubbish!
It's about time someone stopped giving Ken loach money to make, dreary, depressing trash, that one cannot relate to. It's about time he learned to make something that someone can watch without wanting to drink them selves into a stupor. This is terrible TV level trash.
This movie has is so horrific, to get the point across I have cut and paste the same review below
It's about time someone stopped giving Ken loach money to make, dreary, depressing trash, that one cannot relate to. It's about time he learned to make something that someone can watch without wanting to drink them selves into a stupor. This is terrible TV level trash.
Eden Lake (2008)
Worst worst worst movie ever
This has got to be the worst pile of poorly written, poorly acted claptrap I have ever had the misfortune to see. It's terrible on all levels as most British horror movies are. This goes beyond to become more torture porn, which is the lowest common denominator of a movie. It just means the writer has no imagination.
The production value is terrible and the child actors are all terrible. There is no real story in or any real pay off. In fact the message this movie sends is if I want to go into the woods and do the same, I could get away with it. So this is what we are teaching the kids that see this. That it's ok to be violent and criminal because there is no consequences. So it's ok! That's the message the writer wants to send is it?
Hostile (2017)
Waste your of time
Biggest pile of garbage I have ever set my eyes on and I have watched a great many movies both bad and good. This movie contains nothing of any worth. The acting, cinematography and script are utterly tedious and terrible at once.
I wish I could say something nice about this movie other than I was thrilled at one point...... when it ended. The ending was an obvious trope that has been done and copied many times in several different genres over different decades of cinema.
This is not only a very thin story but also a very cheap movie that is terribly made. Watch this at your own risk at loosing 90 minutes or so of your life.
The Misfits (2021)
Cheap Cheap & Tacky!!
This movie is the worse kind of movie you can end up watching. It pertains to be something and makes promises of bountiful surprises! Then like the steaming pile of bovine waste, it stinks !!
These types of movies never deliver because they are clones of other movies. The writer and producer get an named actor to star in it! But they are generally washed up and dirt cheap to hire as they haven't worked for ages. Enter Pierce Brosnan! He leads the movie but this movie makes no sense. It's about as tidy as a 5 year old eating spaghetti!
The story is all over the place, the characters are clones of characters from other movies or stereotypes! The movie is full of old tropes! The action if you can call it that is broken by poor directing!
This movie is poor because it doesn't know what it wants to be or say! Is it fast and furious? Is it the Italian job or simply a rip off of Oceans 11? We will never know because not even the writers and producers know themselves!!
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power: A Shadow of the Past (2022)
What an awful show
The first episode felt like it took three hours to play out. An episode where nothing really happens and these idiot characters played by apalling actors with terrible lines just wander about for no reason and no script direction. The build up has been better than the end result for this show.
In fact! Rather than what I have just watched! I would have rather watched the story they skipped over in the first 6 minutes of the episode. The north of the elves, sailing to middle earth! Fighting Morgoth and then defeating them (none of which appeared on screen) Then Morgoth was defeated, once again not on screen. Sauron then took the lead, but as powerful as he was decided to disappear! Then hundreds of years passed as Galadriel searched for Sauron! That would have been a great episode or even first season.
But no the highly intelligent writers skipped over the best part of the show with a couple of clips and a voiceover... skipping hundreds of years and a great story idea in 8 mins or less.
Then skip to elves struggling up a mountain. Elves don't struggle they run and skip and jump! Do the writers of this show actually know anything about these characters. What a way to burn more than £50 million per episode or whatever it breaks down to!!
The Survivalist (2021)
Terrible Terrible Terrible
This is one of those movies that starts off with a decent idea. The idea won't stand to a 90 min movie but the writer won't admit to that and the director hasn't got a clue what they are doing. The result is this hideous dollop of waste that they dare call a movie.
The plot goes absolutely nowhere, the story has been done before, soo many times. It really doesn't explain why they are all after the girl in question! The set pieces barely leaves the farm. I find it hard to believe that someone so well trained as the FBI character doesn't have any better weapons or defences!
At one point the FBI character sends the truck away and walk back to the farm. Someone with his training wouldn't drop their guard that easily. This just does not make any sense what soever. Watch this steaming pile at your own risk......
The New Mutants (2020)
Worst kind of tripe
This film doesn't know what it wants to be. It is the worst kind of tripe. It is really a movie about teen angst and romance, set to the backdrop of the Marvel / X-Men universe. This is not the place to make these type of movies. If you want to watch this type of rubbish watch one tree hill, 90210 or Glee!! Leave
Sci-Fi & Marvel out of your terrible ideas.
This movie was a total left down, if I wanted The Breakfast Club meets AHS / Cuckoos Nest I would watch those timeless classics that don't need this kind of rubbish trying to be something it's not.
No Time to Die (2021)
Bad bad bad bad....!
This is possibly the worse bond movie ever made! Breaking rules and using story devices never used in bond but mostly used in 'B' movies. The script doesn't make sense and is full of plot holes, the cinematography is poor and it appears the director took most of the shoot off! It's a god awful fractured mess. I thought Quantum of Solace was bad!! This spits in the face of Skyfall and Spectre which were great movies! How can they make Skyfall soooo good then spectre is good then this steaming pile of dung that they call a movie!! Worst of all it was not necessary as the end of Spectre tied everything up!
Spend the next three hours or so watching this at your own risk!!
The Titan (2018)
Titan Copy Cat
Is it just me or does this not seem like the story line on 'Architects of Fear' from Season 1 Episode 3 of the Original Outer Limits.... Only the Outer Limits was a lot better and 50 years older!!
Also the story well ok has more holes in it than Gouda Cheese? How can that one being exist alone after landing? Would it have made more sense had they not killed the female of the 'Erectus-Titania' Then they could have continued as a species. Him dying alone on Titan makes the journey (movie) pointless!!
3022 (2019)
3022 days is what it felt like watching....
This is a terrible movie in all the ways I can think, scripting, acting, direction..... The title is misleading and the plot full of holes and questions unanswered. Truly great example of how NOT to make a movie, unless they were going for Terrible!!
The 100 (2014)
The mighty fall
I liked this TV show from the beginning. Seasons 1-4 were very good with lots of character development and the story leading to the next episode and the next season. Season 5 was a little off the line but still
Interesting and took us to a new group and threats.
I then left it thinking the show had finished or was cancelled. Later in 2020 during covid lockdown I was home a lot and found the show was still running. I watched season 6 and found it odd and alien to the other seasons. It was disjointed and clinging on to the characters to drive the otherwise failing story line.
Then came season 7 far worse than season 6. Disjointed / fragmented, badly written, poor direction and the acting was atrocious. Never in my long life have I struggle so much to keep watching a TV show. It is appalling in the worse sense. The people who wrote and created this season should be ashamed. It's like each episode was written by someone different and that they had never watched the show at all. The story is jumbled and poorly put together if you can call it a story. It was a last ditched attempt to keep the show alive and instead destroyed its credibility.
Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021)
Less Spiral more Splat
This is supposed to occur in the world of the saw franchise. It actually feels more like a really bad remake or cheap rip off in the style of the 'Asylum' movies. It is not scary and the outcome was obvious as was the new 'Jigsaw' type. However it's not cohesive and the story is confused. This is before a really poor performance by Chris 'I have no range Rock. Please avoid and if you feel the need for saw watch the original.
Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)
Don't waste your time
Don't waste your time with this... The back story for Sonic and Robotnik changes from their game background. The animation is not good and the basic script / story is oddly loose and has no real direction.
The story itself has no real soul and as much as I hate to say this, I think Jim Carey is a good actor but he is really poor in this with Tonnes of over acting!! The is oddly poor in a slew of really bad movies of recent.
Red Notice (2021)
Poor attempt at an action movie with poor direction
First off the bar let's get this aired, Rita Arya couldn't act her way out of a paper bag. This completely ruins the films aesthetic as her presence in her scenes is one dimensional at best. The movie is a mashup of other movies that makes it obvious and predictable.
Ryan Reynolds is entertaining as usual and Dwayne Johnson is as always doing an impression of himself.
The action is over the top in the Fast and Furious era. Put it all together and you have a confused blur many action scenes that attempt to carry the movie through
the poor acting of both Rita Arya and Gil Gadot.
Invasion (2021)
Apple Does It Again
Yet another overly expensive, overly glossy production from Apple TV that remains a poorly produced, written and acted. It's slow and I mean overly slow movement leaves you wanting to skip through rather than watch it. The first two episodes do not really take you anywhere and the show so far (6 episodes) remains relatively uneventful. There are plenty of shows and films with a similar theme that are 50 years older and are more entertaining.
Why do Apple constantly throw out overly hyped, expensive shows with long drawn out themes and very arty direction that does not hold the viewers attention. Are they making a point or making a product for their viewers? This is coming from a person who can sit through three hours of silent, black and white, foreign language and art house movies.
The Purge (2013)
Can't get behind the family
The major flaw in this movie is the seemingly odd family who are the main characters. They are dislikable and irritating, especially the children.
The children question, challenge, ignore and go against their parents at every turn. They are entitled and have no awareness. The kids show no accountability or awareness of the outcome of the f their actions. The parents then reward them for being mindless idiots.
The entire family make odd, illogical and seemingly stupid decisions for the entire movie. I was behind the strange group that are trying to get into the house.
The four main characters should be likeable but they are not. Which makes for an annoying movie. If I watch the franchise, which has many good moments I generally skip this movie.
Breach (2020)
Where did it go wrong
This movie rips so many movies off I don't know where to start. But the acting was appalling, the cinematography was atrocious and the sets badly built.
However the one remaining problem with the movie is the characters lack of sense or intelligence and the writers complete disregard for the laws of chemistry and physics. I mean an escape pod being ejected forward of the ship while at light speed!!!
The ending is also very obvious and this trope has been used in many movies before. Please save your time and watch something else. Maybe one of the movies that it rips off......
The Quiet Hour (2014)
Lost for words
Well I cannot even review this movie as it is soo bad.
There is little to nothing to say.... I cannot even find a word that is bad enough to describe it!!!
Oh yes.... Less than amateur, abominable, atrocious, diabolical, incompetent, pathetic, abysmal.
Monster Hunter (2020)
Good Hunting
......for anything of any worth in this movie. Although the CG is decent it is never great. The story is about as transparent as a car windscreen. You can see everything coming. The fun is sucked out of the movie with long lulls and no creature action. Normally that would be ok! But this is called Monster Hunter!!
This is trying to be something different and it fails on each count. When you sell the movie on a cast of soldiers battling monsters in a desert, it fails when all the soldiers die in the first 15 or so minutes to the same monster over and over again.
Think pacific rim meets tremors, but without the big robots. So why oh why watch this when there is better content to be seen.
Day of the Dead: Bloodline (2017)
Ray of loosing faith
I have one question....! Who pitches this story and manages to get someone to part with lots of money to fund it? Who then watches the dailies and doesn't pull the movie? Ok that's two questions.
I have seen better acting in year four nativity plays than in this movie. You know that adage that if you put enough chimpanzees in a room with typewriters they would eventually write something. They did! They wrote this script!
It's truly terrible on all levels, the characters make really odd decisions and don't listen to logic or sense. The only positive thing about this movie is that eventually it ends.
Gemini Man (2019)
....more like cancer man!
No the disease but the star sign cancer..... Like the crab!! This movie is much like a crab. You expect it to be great and tasty but just disappoints at every turn.
Less Gemini more cancer the crab. Will Smith manages to make another two dimensional, uneventful and tedious movie.
Foundation (2021)
A Poor Foundation
Having read the books and soldiered on through the first three episodes of this show, it is clear that Apple
Has spent a lot of money on production but seems to have hired writers who don't know the first thing about scripting, dialog or the subject matter. It's a beautiful show but appallingly put together. The time line is everywhere. They characters are two dimensional and unfortunately this is the story for most Apple TV shows.
What If...? (2021)
They did it....!
What if Marvel just left it alone. There was less than three good episodes in this show. Many of the others were confused and made no sense, even for an alternate reality in the multiverse. Some of the episodes even contradicted themselves and the writing was weak! Do yourself a favour and ask 'what if.....' I did something better with my time!
Black Widow (2021)
I Feel Like a Widow
I feel that after watching this Marvel have widowed me! This movie does not know what it wants to be or wants to say. The characters and timelines are confused and this origin / solo movie is years to late. Especially as it does not add to the original three phases at all. It supposedly takes place after Civil War and before Black Panther. Not only do we experience new characters that she has never mentioned before, but they are not that interesting or well developed / written.
There was a little hope at the end when the general and his fleet of cars arrived to arrest Black Widow. Then for no reason before he reaches her the screen goes to black and it's weeks later. That makes no sense story wise. The writers coped out there and didn't know how to end the movie. More evidence that this movie was a poor production.