Reviews

I don't do this thing often, but this film really needed a review written by... well, a metal-head. I mean, just like many of you, I was hooked by the poster and, of course, the film's name. That's exactly what they want,except for the fact that this was just the first one of a series of really big mistakes. First of all, if you want metal- heads to come to watch your movie you better make a movie they like or at least show some respect. The plot is as cliché as it can be: a 12 year old girl has to deal with the lost of her older brother, who happens to be a metal-head. Then guess what? Yes: she becomes a metal-head herself in the name of the fallen brother! I think I got something in my eye, excuse me... Don't get me wrong: at this time I was excited about the idea and really happy to watch a hot chick wearing Slayer and Megadeth shirts the whole time, but eventually it all went down. Hera (the metal-head) is a confused teenager that really hates everyone and everything. And I guess the idea is that you have to feel sorry for her and understand her pain, but you just can't do it. Unlike other movie anti-heroes, this girl is just so annoying. She's not charismatic at all. She makes you want to slap her all the time. Then there's the other big problem: it seems that the director is trying to tell you all the time that becoming a metal-head is only for confused heart broken people: if you find God, get closer to your family, grow up and start to deal with your child traumas, eventually you'll be cured from that teenage-weird-disease called "Heavy Metal". And that is pretty much what this movie is about. Really. Oh, and let me tell you about the priest: this is the best priest in town... maybe in the world. He's is a metalhead himself, he's got tattoos, he's comprehensive and he won't succumb to flesh temptations. The man is a true man of God, but you, metalhead, are just too stubborn to open your heart to him and talk. But wait, 'cause then there's the other big fat mistake: they had to mock the Black Metal inner circle in the dumbest way possible. By the end of the film and out from nowhere you suddenly have three new characters: Øystein, Per and I'm not sure about the other guy, but obviously they're "Mayhem". The Wayne's World version of Mayhem. That was completely unnecessary and stupid. I'm not supporting the church burnings in Norway, but man, I felt like they where telling me all the time: "Hide your kids from metal and TV; keep them in the God's herd; give'em love, talk to those confused creatures and eventually the'll be 'normal people'". The scene where this black metal version of Beavis nd Butthead help to rebuild a destroyed church while the priest mock them is just too much. What do you expect us metalheads to say after the film, Mr director? Really. "Damn it! Thank you God! After watching this touching film I ran home to talk to my family with my heart open and now I'm fu++ing cured, I'm not a metal-head anymore!" You have to be kidding me... Don't waste your time.