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Reviews
Bones and All (2022)
Did I miss Something?
I read the novel by Camille DeAngelis years ago and I loved it. I found it lyrical, ironic and very sly. What I just wasted $6 and 131 minutes of my life on was none of those. Oh yes, it looks gorgeous- and how could it not , with the mercurial beautiful Timothee Chalamet chewing the scenery (u, literally)!
The plot is about an "eater," a young cannibal named Maren who goes too far at a party one night and nearly chews off her friend's finger. Maren and Dad have been on the run since Maren ate her babysitter when she was just a toddler. Dad has enough one days and just up and leaves her. He leaves Maren's birth certificate for her, which has the name of her mother on it, and decides to track her down.
On the road she meets a creepy older "eater" and ends up splitting on him. She meets Lee (Chalamet) in a convenience store and they decide to go find Maren's mother, hoping she'll have the answers to who and what they are.
So yeah, it's two young cannibals in love on a road trip.
Eli Roth would have had a field day with it.
Monster High (2022)
Not so subtle metaphor
I've loved Monster High and I really thought they did a great job bringing it to life. And you'd have to be undead to miss the messages of inclusivity and diversity that affect our young people today. It's funny too - Ceci as Frankie steals almost every scene they are in. As a mom to a non-binary kid I really appreciate seeing non-binary characters on screen. (And they have some great comedic timing.
I loved the coffin shaped phones and lockers and the special effects were awesome. The makeup is well done as well.
Cute punchy soundtrack. Great dance sequences. I'm looking forward to the sequel!
Goodnight Mommy (2022)
Another toothless American Remake
The original movie has one of the most horrific endings I've ever seen. This remake is saved only by the young boys playing the twins. They even had to overly sexualize the mother and go out of their way to make her unlikable so that she almost deserves her fate. Typical American tropes. This belongs to the same hole with the American remakes of Martyrs and The Vanishing. Just go watch the original. Subtitles won't kill anyone!
Since I'm now being told my review is too short, and I dig why - so people who review bomb something- and I agree.
So here be spoilers for both movies- in the remake the mom died from a fall in the barn and is dead when it burns. Not so in the original... the kid somehow manages to super glue Mommy to the floor and sets her on fire deliberately. Well I did say horrific!
Funhouse (2019)
It's like Squid Game on Meth
Heavy handed social commentary aside, this tale of 8 life losers/ celebrity hasbeens competing for $5 million is more violent, gorier, sick and twisted than Squid Game. And man, that ending! This isn't for horror newbies or for the squeamish. In fact it makes you want to take a shower to wash it all off.
Bunnyman Vengeance (2017)
No stars
I'm a hardcore horror fan and I've sat through Human Centipede and Martyrs without an eye blink. At least those two movies had a point.
This is 100% pure garbage and seems to imply that Black people are savages who murder white people for jollies and it's racism offends me.
I should have turned away from any movie that opens with a little kid being set on fire- again for jollies- after the first second. Anyone associated with that movie should be ashamed.
AVOID.
Ghosts of War (2020)
The Perfect Ghost Story... almost
Ghosts are actually far more believable than the biggest wtf ending ever. The ghosts were actually scary, the acting was great and then it all went down the drain. In hindsight the clues were actually all there for the twist but the kicker is the last line is infuriating. SMH. This could have been a masterpiece.
The Lie (2018)
If I could give it negative stars I would
First of all, the lie is that this is not a horror movie, unless you think stupid people doing stupid things is horror.
It is so unlikely that the daughter would continue with a prank once police get involved, but she did and lied about her neighbor on top of it.
This has to be one of the worst movies I've ever seen.
The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018)
I Only Gave it A 1 Because I Can't Go Any Lower
This isn't a horror movie: it's a HORRIBLE movie. It commits the cardinal sin of being boring. Nothing is done to make us care about the family, and they all acts dumber than rocks. They don't know what trailer their relatives are in? They leave their cell phones unattended? After the kids come back describing a brutal murder, do they get in their van and leave? It's just lame and tame, a disgrace to the genre.