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kevinm1
Reviews
The Cat in the Hat (2003)
Filthy Degradation of a Literary Piece of Art (Spoilers)
First off, I'd like to say i'm a very Anti-Censorship, Liberal person, but this movie is inexcusable
Next, I would like to comment to the People who say that the Cat in the Hat is a "kids movie". That Lame, stupid, easily refutable "argument" won't work here. It's a kids movie that's filled with seedy, inappropriate, garbage that needn't be put in a movie that's guaranteed to attract children. People also say that "Kids won't get the jokes". I Say "Why put them in to begin with"? They only serve to degrade one of the Most Cherised Pieces of Children's Literature of the 20th century, and It's author, Dr Seuss. (one of the Best in his field and always demanding perfection for his books) into a generic Writer and Illustrator.
The Movie itself, is terrible. The Cat abandons rhyming in the first 5 minutes of his first appearance. The Cat himself, instead of being the Anarchic, but sweet, Merrymaker he was in the 1957 book, is now a Vulgar, jaded perversion of the original. Profanities are partially censored to dupe the Easily duped MPAA (Was the Hayes Office this gullible?). The Subplot injected into this movie (Involving the Kids' Ditzy Single Mom and a smarmy boyfriend) is entirely irrevelent and does nothing to enhance the book (Unlike the Moss-Covered-Three--Handled-Family Gredunza in the Cat in the Hat TV Special). The Song are Generic and plain not catchy. and Disgusting Bathroom Jokes are all Over the Place.
If the Cat in the Hat book was slightly Longer, Would Dr. Seuss Put Such nasty and obscene jokes in his book? NO! IF the TV Special was longer than 30 Minutes, Would Dr. Seuss Allow Chuck Jones, Hawley Pratt and Friz Freleng (Writer, Director, and Producer, respectivly) to include such horrible jokes? NO! Seuss had RESPECT for his Characters. But Bo Welch and Brian Grazer don't.
1/10. 100 years from Now, the Book will still be enjoyed by Adults and Children, while the Movie is deteriorating at the bottom of the ocean.
CatDog (1998)
Nickelodeon Falls into the Pits of Hell
Catdog is THE Show that made Nickelodoen fall into the Pits of hell (They were at rock bottom before this). Viacom did a great job of scraping at the Bottom of the Barrel to Find Catdog, but The Show is not even fun to insult. Basically There is an Uptight Cat and a Stupid dog attached to each other. The Show itself is an unfunny watered down version of Ren and Stimpy (Which is ultimately superior to Catdog), and the "jokes" are more aggravating than unfunny. The Supporting Characters (An Annoying Blue Rat, A Group of Gang Dogs, and a Stupid Rabbit) have nothing to offer the show, and the Animation actually makes Pokemon (another show i hate) look like a Walt Disney Silly Symphony.
Bottom Line: I can understand why Nick put such a crappy Lowest Common Denominator Show on its Channel, but what i can't understand is how people (Which includes several IMDb users, much to my chagrin) can enjoy this show.
Rating: -100/10. Thankfully, Catdog's Been Cancelled, But the Episodes should be destroyed so no one can find out of the crap pile that is Crapdog.
Barney & Friends (1992)
Each TV Genre has a Lowest Common Denominator to Pander to, and Educational Children's Programming is no exception
Barney helped spark a tradition of Corporate Suits slapping together bottom-of-the-barrel scrapings and calling them "Educational Children's Programming" While using Naziesque brainwashing to both Keep kids docile and quiet for 30 minutes and begging parents for Barney Junk being peddled by said Corporate Suits, rather than people like Fred Rogers and Jim Henson, going out of their way making a Educational Children's show where Kid's actually having fun while Learning. Barney Talks to children like they were Mindless Idiots, and that's not hard in a show that's so PC and sugar-coated, that it staggers the imagination. That brings me to another point; Individualism and TRUE Imagination is frowned upon and shunned in Barney, and it seems that the Kids can only Use Imagination or do any conceivable task if Barney Tells them to, and the kids seem like they can only imagine what Barney tells them to. Barney is mostly a haven for Parents who are so desparate for 30 minutes of Peace and Quiet, that they'll put on the first Kid's show, and they're stereotyping themselves in the process.
In Conclusion, You'd be doing your kids a much better, longer-lasting service if you just ignored Barney Altogether, and showed kids reruns of Mister Rogers' or Sesame Street