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Reviews
Marco Antonio, rescate en Hong Kong (2000)
What's with the lips?
I think this is supposed to be an action comedy. Perhaps it was when it was in Spanish. In English it is just plain awful.
The animation style is flat and weird. Little Red Riding Hood may well ask - what big lips you have.
Cleopatra is kidnapped by the Red Dragon who is in love with her. Her son, Marco Antonio, who has special powers heads off to Hong Kong to rescue her with, what I think, is his black nanny in tow. We then have another baddie, the Red Dragon's sidekick, who wants to destroy all television in the world. Quite frankly if this is the rubbish that is going to air on it then he is welcome to.
Save your kids, save yourself.
Olentzero y el tronco mágico (2005)
Avoid unless very desperate
Avoid, avoid, avoid.
I have just sat through 40 minutes of a very badly English dubbed version of this story. I couldn't bear to finish it. I can't say if the English translation is good or not but the dialogue is dreadful, plus we have a poor song. This is beside the fact the animation style is horrible.
Olentzero is Father Christmas by any other name, with a donkey for a sidekick instead of reindeer. There's a preposterous story of a stolen wooden log, the destruction of a village's forest to make way for a ski resort and a runaway orphan.
This wouldn't hold the interest of children for more than a few minutes at best.
Mansfield Park (2007)
Just what the world needs (not)
I've read plenty of Jane Austen in my time and approve of several cinema/TV adaptations but this one we just don't need.
Rating is a 2 as I wouldn't say it's awful just so boring you will feel like you've wasted 90 minutes of your life. Dull script matched by even duller acting. I've heard Billie Piper is OK in Dr Who (not a fan so can't confirm) but in this she just sucks. There is absolutely no chemistry between the leads. This is Austen, it's supposed to be a romance!
Please don't let this put you off Austen or historical dramas. There are plenty of better programmes to view.
Boa vs. Python (2004)
You'll get more action playing snakes and ladders
Don't waste your time on this sad bunch of characters (not to imply there is characterization)unless you enjoy watching giant puppet snakes. You can tell this is definitely a TV movie with laughable script, bad acting, no thrills, and the special effects department on holiday. There's a sorry attempt at a romance with less than zero chemistry between the leads. Just a shame the snakes didn't eat everyone at the end
Beware - director obviously tried to spice it up with unnecessary nudity and slightly amusing oral sex scene with one the snakes.
You'll get more action playing snakes and ladders.
Turbulence (1997)
Where did it go wrong for Liotta?
I like Ray Liotta and think he's an excellent actor. However, here he is just collecting one more paycheck as he plays another psychotic killer. What could have been an interesting plot twist - did the cop frame him or not? - fails from the start (this is not a spoiler as Liotta doesn't even try to look innocent). This cliché driven action movie is short on suspense and thrills but does have an over abundance of hammy acting. I don't expect a lot from action movies such as believable plot etc but I do want to be entertained and this fails even on that level. See Con Air if you want to watch convicts run amok on an airplane. I give this 3/10.