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5/10
Worse not Better
5 May 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Maybe I'm in a minority but I really didn't think this was an improvement on the hugely disappointing Phantom Menace, in fact I probably enjoyed this less. Star Wars shouldn't be boring but the first two episodes of the prequel trilogy most definitely are. Apart from marginalising Jar Jar Binks, Lucas again produced a lacklustre movie that failed to live up to the high standards of the original trilogy. It's amazing how everything came together for the original trilogy whereas this time Lucas makes one bad decision after another- probably not helped by yes men such as producer Rick McCallum. After unforgivably starting with Anakin as a child in the first prequel, Lucas then fails to pick an actor without the necessary gravitas or spark to breathe life into the character, instead we get Hayden Christenen, just as wooden and charmless as Jake Lloyd. Of course the actors job isn't helped by the appalling dialogue and Lucas surpasses even himself in writing some of the most vomit inducing lines ever to be inflicted on an audience. The romance between Anakin and Padme suffers the worst, with some truly cringe worthy scenes that are painful to watch. A far cry from the Han and Leia relationship which was a million miles away from the forced and charmless union of Ankin and Padme. One of the main reasons I looked forward to the prequels was the chance to see the hinted at Clone Wars. After being denied that in the first movie the audience is again left to rue a missed opportunity. Instead the film takes forever to set up the Clone Wars with Obi Wan Kenobi going on some dull mission which makes no sense to most viewers, whilst there's a lot of politicians on Coruscant arguing about whether they should or shouldn't have an army. To add insult to injury we find that when the Clonetroopers do finally appear their CGI'd rather than the good old fashioned real living breathing Stormtroopers of old. The effects on a whole seem to be worse than that of The Phantom Menace. There's a lot of shoddy effects,with the end battle feeling like a computer game. Christopher Lee pops up as Count Dooku and gives the film some much needed weight, but its a case of too little too late. The simple fact is the prequel trilogy could and should have surpassed the originals, it has a stronger story, a greater character arc, tragedy and a boot load of action, instead Lucas has frittered it away. The man who's genius bore the story of Star Wars makes a real mess at creating the fall of the republic and the rise of the empire. If he had worked with a good screen writer, got the script polished and used different directors like he had before I'm in no doubt the Prequels would have been a triumph. Sadly that was not to be.
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6/10
The wait wasn't worth it
5 May 2006
Warning: Spoilers
It's a sad state of affairs when there's more excitement and thrills in a movie's trailer than the film itself, but unfortunately that was exactly how it was with the The Phantom Menace. The hype for the film was absolutely huge, this was the most anticipated film of all time bar none. The prequels promised to answer so much, like every Star Wars fan I remember watching the original trilogy and dreaming of what the mysterious 'Clone Wars' would be like and who Anakin Skywalker really was, what Obi Wan would be like as a younger man. Unfortunately George Lucas totally failed to create the magic that the first three films had in abundance. Instead of jumping straight into the Clone Wars with an adult Anakin we have to endure a peck kid who's acting is as wooden as an oak table - I don't want to see Darth Vader when he was a sprog he's annoying and not very cool! The story line is turgid and dull from the start, you know your in trouble when the opening crawl talks of tradedisputes. Perhaps dialogue has never been Lucas' strong point but boy does it show here, there's some great actors in this but they all come across stilted and uninterested, the charisma and charm of Han Solo is a distant memory. That's the major downfall of The Phantom Menace, where the original films seemed to have a purpose and zipped along at break neck speed with crackling chemistry this episode is more of a chore. It was so important Lucas got the story right for the opening episode but he makes major misjudgements, by concentrating the whole film on events that ultimately have little to do with the overall story he wastes valuable time, thus ultimately effecting the pacing and characterisation in parts 2 & 3.There are good elements to the movie, Darth Maul and the climatic lightsabre fight at the end for one, but overall it's a crushing disappointment. There will be those who argue its great but most fans cant help feeling 'It could have been so much better'.
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1/10
One the worst films ever!
13 March 2006
Wow this is a truly excrementious film! For any movie fan watching this is the equivalent of being force fed a cold bowl of sick. After flicking through the TV channels I found this and unwittingly decided to give it a go once I noticed that Vernon 'Bennett' Wells was in it. Within a matter of seconds I realised my will to live was being drained by this ungodly creation. All those involved should hang themselves or their heads in shame. It's about the Loch Ness yet it's blatantly not filmed in Scotland and I don't think anyone of the cast has been to Scotland, let alone comes from there! The accents are atrocious, but there are so many other things that will leave the viewer opened mouthed at the sheer crapness of it all.

Avoid like the plague!!!
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1/10
Pathetic cash in on Hilarious original
27 February 2006
Was this movie necessary!? This is a truly terrible film, woefully unfunny to the extreme. Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels were excellent in the first film and in a different league to the two actors in the roles as the young Harry and Lloyd (the guy cast as Lloyd does look like Carrey, except for the blue eyes). If there was ever going to be another film about these two characters it should have been a sequel starring the original pairing, instead we get this stinker. Dumb and Dumber hardly had an Oscar winning story line but gave us some great characters and a hatful of ball bouncingly funny gags, in the 'prequel' the weak story collapses under the weight of even weaker jokes! So uninspired is this movie that there are even rehashes of jokes from the original, just done slightly differently but in a totally inept manner. Dumb and Dumber is a classic, this is a pile of steaming doggy doo doo's. Do yourself a favour stick with the Carrey film and avoid this limp fish at all costs.
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5/10
A poor ending for an otherwise entertaining franchise
23 January 2006
The ball was certainly dropped for this movie and the blame lays squarely at the feet of David Goyer, the very man who reinvented the character of Blade and made him such a success. The first two blade films struck the right tone, a cool menacing atmosphere, exciting pacing, action packed sequences, gore and characters you could root for - this movie has none of these things! Wesley Snipes IS Blade, it was a role he obviously relished and totally owned so to find him shunted to the sidelines as two new younger characters are given the attention is criminal and the main downfall of the film. Not only are they totally unnecessary to proceedings but Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel's characters are also incredibly annoying and unlikeable. There are too many unfunny over the top wise cracks from Reynolds to mention, he ruins any kind of tension, Biel mean while severely undermines the back story of Whistler and is so devoid of personality you wonder why she gets any screen time at all. Whereas the previous Blade films had some memorable scene stealing bad guys Trinity is badly let down on that front, Dracula who is the King vampire isn't scary in the least and the guy playing him should be a background heavy not one of the main actors. The other various bad guys are forgettable and offer no real danger to the hero's. Trinity is a toothless movie, potentially with a few rewrites and a more capable director it could have been a worthy addition to the franchise but unfortunately that didn't happen. It has no distinctive style and even the blood letting is scaled down significantly! Anyone hoping the action will make up for it will be disappointed, the fight scenes are badly handled - uninspired and choppily edited, whilst the product placement is blatant and crass! All in all one must feel sorry for Snipes for having his most famous character ripped away from him so unceremoniously, Blade deserved to go out with a much bigger bang.
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Troy (2004)
6/10
By Zeus what a disappointment!
19 January 2006
When will Hollywood learn that if its not broke don't fix it! So many times great books and stories have been defiled and defaced beyond recognition by film makers thinking their improving on the original. The Famous story of Troy and the Iliad has lived on for nearly 3000 years, yet in their infinite wisdom Hollywood decided to 'improve' it. I was left bitterly disappointed but the final product, it has no soul and the changes to the events leave a bitter taste. A strong cast cant make up for the lack heart and tension, whilst Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom are woeful as Achilles and Paris. It's the character of Achilles who takes centre stage yet Pitt has none of the gravitas of Russell Crowe's Maximus, instead he just furrows his brow a lot like he's taking a dump. There's no room for the interfering God's and memorable character's such a Diomedes, they have all been cut out for a typically turgid Hollywood romance between Achilles and slave girl Briseis, BORING!!! Despite quite an exciting showdown between Achilles and Hector the other fight scenes are totally uninspired, if only Ridley Scott and directed this! Hats off to Sean Bean who makes an excellent Odysseus, sadly he is not given nearly enough screen time that he deserves - one can only hope an Odysessy film is made with him in the lead role. The film's music is terrible and grates after a while. A musical score can raise a film this one does the opposite, why Gabriel Yared's original score was scrapped is a mystery. The finale is just damn right sacrilegious! Talk about a Disney ending!Obviously screen writer David Benioff had no real consideration for the legend of Troy because all the key events have been changed so there can be an upbeat ending. The less said about the song accompanying the credits the better, Rambo: First Blood anyone? All in all a movie that had the potentially to be a classic but ended up a rather average affair. Hopefully in the near future someone else will attempt at bringing this amazing story to the screen and do it justice.
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3/10
'What a load of Rubbish!'
16 January 2006
When I initially heard about the planned movie version of 'The Football Factory' I was looking forward to seeing the story up on screen having read the excellent book by John King. I seem to remember in its early stages the film had Sean Bean and Dougray Scott attached, but due to the film having financial difficulties they departed the project. Luckily them it seems because this film was total crap! Where do I start? For one the actual story and characterisation has been changed considerably, one of the main reasons I liked the book so much was because you got under Tom's skin (the lead character), you felt his disaffection for his drab, dreary existence of 9-5 work and the mandatory booze sessions at the weekend. The rush and adrenaline from being in a football firm gave him the adrenaline and excitement he craved so badly. Men feeling marginalised in society winning back their masculinity and identity in an extreme way. The film has taken the very basically skeleton of the story but nothing else, I didn't really recognise any characters from the book, instead there was just a lot of bad acting and several story strands that were just utter toss and totally irrelevant - what the hell was the story on his grandad about!? The production values seem cheap and the fight scenes are nothing worth mentioning! What made the book better than a run of the mill football hooligan story was that it made you like/understand the character of Tom, the film doesn't do that at all and I don't even think it bothers trying. I thought Green Street was a much better film and that was middle of the road! Avoid!
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