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jkgeer
Reviews
LOL (2012)
One line from the movie sums up how much this is worth
"I don't care about the population of China or the division of cells, all I cared about was Kyle!" - Miley Cyrus, trying to justify why her report card sucks.
Yeah that's pretty much it
Also, it's called 'LOL' because Cyrus' characters name is Lola and she goes by 'Lol' for short (how dumb is that?) but the characters keep forgetting that and calling her Lola the whole movie.
Also Demi Moore is Miley Cyrus' divorced mother and she keeps sleeping with her ex-husband (Lola's father) throughout the whole movie but Lola and her dad never actually have any on- screen interaction.
There's also a scene where Cyrus is vacuuming a hardwood floor as punishment and to clean up for her mess but she's not actually vacuuming the messy part. She can also hear her brother saying one line to her mom over the roar of the vacuum
Really bad.
Puzzled Love (2011)
Definitely a foreign flick
So this movie is just paced weird and is just weird all around.
So Sun is this Asian-American from Chicago who speaks fluent Spanish and 'studies' abroad in Barcelona. Lucas is from Mallorca (an island province of Spain) who also is studying in Barcelona. The film starts with them both going to a flat that only has one bedroom available so they flip a coin and Lucas 'loses' to a trick. Sun and Lucas fight before this and so the film starts with them disliking each other. Suddenly, the flat now has two rooms available. So now Lucas can move in too. The first morning he just waltzes in naked to the main room and doesn't see Sun who sees him naked and laughs. Then Sun reaches up to get coffee and her shirt pulls up to reveal she's not wearing panties so now it's been like 12 hours and they've seen each other's parts. So then they're mad at each other but the flat tenants have a party that evening and suddenly they're having sex in the bathroom.
Then Sun's boyfriend from Chicago comes and they start hooking up but she stops him to go get water and instead has sex with Lucas in the shower with her boyfriend literally one room down, which he waltzes in and finds. That's pretty messed up if you think about it, as the dude has just flown from Chicago to Barcelona just to spend time with Sun and he's all excited because he just got a job.
So Sun and Lucas start hooking up on the reg, which violates the flats' owners' rule about not hooking up with flatmates. They call it the 'most important rule' at the beginning of the film so you think it's going to be a source of conflict but it turns out no one cares and they essentially say, 'Nevermind, you two like each other so go ahead and have sex' which makes the scene about the 'most important rule' totally worthless.
Then Sun leaves to go home for Christmas and surprises Lucas by saying she's not returning only to surprise him in the movie theatre where he is and having sex with him.
Anyways, they have sex again one night and that morning Sun wakes up to a phone call from her dad about something. She ends the conversation by saying she loves him and Lucas hears that and gets jealous and they get in a big fight in which they throw flour and coffee grinds at each other. Then they make up and a fairly graphic sex scene ensues with coffee grinds getting wet and it's pretty gross to be honest. You also can see breasts and testicles in this scene.
Then Sun goes to a rave and takes acid and has a bad trip and Lucas comes to pick her up but she's so wasted from alcohol and the drug that she tells him off then they make up and presumably have sex again.
Then their car breaks down on a road trip and they find a hidden beach which they get naked (again a fairly graphic scene), get in the ocean and have sex.
Then suddenly they're about to leave each other so Sun can return to Chicago and Lucas to Mallorca. They have a tearful goodbye in the airport and then Sun stops her flight from taking off and runs to find Lucas but Lucas has already left...actually he suddenly returns from his flight also and they kiss and the movie ends. Of course we have no idea how they're going to stay together, where they're going to go and how one or the other is going to get a job, but love prevailed I guess.
Really weird movie that was pretty much 'Look at all the different places these random people can have sex.'
Sex is cool and all but this film isn't really based around anything but it. Also in the very first scene there's canned audience responses (laughter, gasping and the like) but that just disappears the rest of the film for some reason and we're never really told why it was there to begin with.
Nobody Walks (2012)
What happened?
There were so many random, asinine and completely nonsensical plot turns, characters and scenes that I don't know where to begin. I'm not even sure what the story was, if there was a denouement, a resolution or an ending. I'll try to summarize the movie really briefly.
So a random girl named Martine comes to LA and the movie opens with some dude she evidently met on the plane kissing her passionately and starting to unzip his pants right in the airport parking deck in the middle of day. From that, I assumed this would be a comedy. Anyways, she ends up at Jim from the Office's house I guess? At first, I thought this was some sort of home for certain people, or an orphanage of some sort. There's a bunch of random aged people living there and the script has you thinking that they aren't related but some little girl gets poems accepted somewhere while Jim from the Office works on a Hollywood project that they never really talk about. So I'm assuming it's some sort of commune for artsy types. Turns out this girl is making a black and white film of ants. Not about ants, just of ants. At one point, voice actors come in to voice the ants. Then they leave and Martine gets sassy. After that, there's never voices with the ants, just synthesizers and random noises.
There's a bunch of random, weird scenes. Jim from the Office is capturing sound of various things and he tells Martine to close her eyes and guess sounds. He points the microphone towards traffic, his hand rubbing on a wall, and Martine's breath and nothing really comes from the scene. Also Martine has a crush on Jim from the Office's assistant and says she doesn't want to kiss him, then does, then straddles him, then gets out of the car while the little poem girl is jealous but also is maybe being sexually assaulted by her Italian tutor. Why she's getting tutored Italian, we don't know other than she says she's taking the Italian SAT. Why she's taking the Italian SAT 2, no one knows. These scenes with the Italian tutor rapist aren't connected to any other part of the movie and none of the characters, barring Martine at the very end where she speaks in Spanish to him then tells him to leave, interact with him.
Also Martine and Jim from the Office have sex and one point, but Jim is evidently married to a redhead and has the poem girl, but she's not his biological dad. The real biological dad is in the movie for all of one scene where he just disses everyone and is supposed to come across as this cool guy I guess? But evidently, Jim from the Office's wife, thinks he's a loser but also the cool guy boyfriend. She also talks smack about him to his own daughter, and although it's her daughter too, it's still kind of messed up.
Also Jim from the Office totally goes after Martine and starts awkwardly dancing with her at a Weed Party with his kids and wife there and he's not exactly hiding it. The poem girl is in 2 scenes with some glasses kid who we never really know who he is. But he asks for the Science section of a newspaper, then goes with poem girl into a private area and kind of reaches up her dress just a little bit, and then they kiss while she's drinking wine.
Anyways, the wife is mad but also almost has an affair with one of her patients. She's a psychiatrist, and her patient is a Hollywood screenwriter. But it doesn't really matter what he wrote, I guess. They are also in a separate gazebo at the same party and he kisses her neck a bit, then she puts her arms up like she's on the cross, but then they just stop and she walks off.
They also have a young son, but he doesn't do anything except ask to swim with Martine late one night when she's in Jim from the Office's pool. She takes him back to his room and notices his glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling. She says those are cool, but she had birds and bees. Which just makes the scene, with this 6 year old kid, totally creepy.
Anyways, it ends with the wife telling Jim to send Martine home. But it turns out Martine was already going home anyways so nothing really happens and Jim makes grilled cheese. The end.