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joshua-kennedy
Reviews
Metalocalypse (2006)
Ugh
Despite the general ballyhoo surrounding this cartoon, I was left wondering exactly why anyone would even enjoy the show. Then I realized that metal has now entered the realm of "get it, ha ha ha!" humor, which includes such lovely chestnuts as Chuck Norris, Pirates, Ninjas, and Monkeys. "Metalocalypse"'s central conceit is that inherently, metal is incredibly funny and that alone should cause everyone to bust a gut. Sadly, when an individual does not find metal hilarious at mere mention, one is left wanting.
I mean, what else is funny aside from the "metal is funny" premise? A drummer named Pickles? A jingle about coffee? A cough Phil Specter cough clone suffering from the bends for what seems like an hour? Fart jokes? I want to like this show because I like Brendon Small, but the warmth and awkward humor of Home Movies as been replaced by a giant hammer smashing your skull. Oh I finally get it! Metal is hilarious (but only ironically...I don't listen to real metal out of musical enjoyment)
The Last Halloween (1991)
real bad candy propaganda
I know everyone tends to get nostalgic over The Last Holloween; it aired back when I was a kid too. A recent viewing of this film revealed the sad truth: things from your childhood are generally awful.
It's not even worthwhile to bother with the plot. This thing is over in 20 minutes, with 15 additional minutes devoted to Mars candy advertisements. The film follows two ugly moppets who are still bemoaning the untimely death of their mother several years ago. Life sure sucks for these two. Dad's candy factory, which employs the entire town (!), has gone belly up due to the mysterious disappearance of the lake (plot point). Meanwhile, Rhea Pearlman and Richard Moll earn their 50 dollars by playing a batty old hag and her retarded henchmen, respectively, and their lame plot to find the elixir of eternal youth by sucking out bug extract provides the film with its climatic action scene. Geez, I hope someone can stop those madmen. Perhaps....a couple of CGI Martians??? A couple of cutesy Martians crash land on earth. Their mission? Get Kobi, a beloved substance whose supply has lone been depleted. The cute children decide to help out the aliens and, after about 2 minutes of thinking, figure out what Kobi is. I don't want to spoil anything for the five of you who may actually want to watch this film, but let's just say that arriving on Halloween night proves to be a boon for those dumb aliens. Oh, and this was sponsored by the Mars corporation.
That's pretty much the plot. At 22 minutes or so, the film barely even registers, which is probably why most people don't even remember it. However, for fans of god-awful special effects, the aliens are well worth a look. As fake as Gollum might look in Lord of the Rings, he's a model of Realism compared to these fellas. Geez...
Series 7: The Contenders (2001)
sloppy satire
Despite the potentially fascinating premise, Series 7 is weak attempt at attacking reality television. Aside from its bargain basement production values, which present an eyesore 10 minutes in, the overall tone of the film is misguided. Several reviewers have attacked the acting in the film, but I think the real problem is this lame attempt to make the film into a farce. Aside from the fact that the jokes are not funny (a pregnant woman swears a lot, a young girl gets a bunch of guns), it doesn't gel with the overall tone of the film. Had the makers actually made Series 7 to bear a striking resemblance to actual reality TV-colorful yet hollow edits, lame sound effects, sweeping camera motions-maybe their point would have been more solid or at least more palatable. Instead Series 7 meanders through the already harried world of death and game show. You can just imagine the director slapping himself on the back for stating the obvious