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Reviews
Bird Box (2018)
Nothing new here
Have no idea what all the hype was about. Sure, the acting is quite terrific, and the basic premise was interesting. However, those are the only things in this movie worth mentioning. The rest was a complete waste of time. Linear, unremarkable storyline. No real climax. No satisfactory ending, plot twist, or explanation.
I get that they tried to increase the scare factor by not explaining anything, but it just doesn't work here. Not knowing what was in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction worked because we were given just enough details for it to be intriguing. When you're given nothing, it just gets annoying.
Some better ways to spend your time (should have watched these again instead of wasting my time with this dud): Book of Eli, The Road, Gravity, I Am Legend, A Quiet Place.
Overlord (2018)
Confused mess with a big marketing budget
Disclaimer! I'm a big war movie fan, and I quite enjoy zombie related TV and cinema. Everything from somewhat serious stuff such as World War Z and The Walking Dead, to the funny, cheesy, campy ones like Warm Bodies, Shaun of the Dead, and Planet Terror. Plus, I love the Castle Wolfenstein game franchise.
Overlord is one confused mess. It's almost like they convinced Spielberg to make a Saving Private Ryan prequel, then ran out of budget after the first 30 minutes and for the rest of the movie, decided to randomly pick things from Wolfenstein and every other zombie/horror movie.
Even that could have been done in an entertaining way, but I guess everyone had already given up by then. Just throw in lots of jump scares, indestructible monsters, deus ex machina, pure good vs pure evil; every movie cliche in the book, and hope some of it sticks.
Why waste money on good writing, character development, and talent, when you can blow it all on special effects, marketing, and favorable reviews?
Annihilation (2018)
Two hours of my life annihilated
A fantasy adventure movie that stars Natalie Portman, together with Jennifer Jason Leigh, Benedict Wong, and the undead bear from Game of Thrones. What could possibly go wrong?
For starters, the adventure part was missing from 98% of the movie. And apparently someone's definition of fantasy is throwing together some cheap CGI and hoping some of it will stick.
If you like watching depressed people mope about, occasionally throw around frivolous explanations of why some plants are growing a certain way, and spontaneously start acting irrationally, then you might just enjoy it. If you expect a movie with some semblance of a plot, character development, and a conclusion, you would be better off skipping this garbage.
Pretty sure the R rating is to prevent minors from becoming lifelong drug addicts after watching this excuse for a movie.
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)
Another legend ruined by CGI and bad writing
I watched this due to be being a fan of the Arthurian legend. The tale is one that inspires love, passion, and the triumph of good over evil. Arthur is venerated as an ideal king who is noble, just, and chivalrous. This movie rolls over all of that and turns him into a comic book superhero.
Many of us cringe every time Hollywood takes an adventure story, and forcefully inserts a romantic sub-plot where it doesn't belong. Well this does the complete opposite. Guinevere and the chivalrous Lancelot are nowhere to be found. Female characters are treated as cannon fodder, and barely get any screen time. And the plot seemed like it was conceived by a 10-year old.
As for the CGI, if you're a fan of the trend of blending everything into shades of teal, and turning action sequences into a fast, blurry mess, then good for you. They both work well when used sparingly, and in the right context. Not for two whole hours in what is meant to be an inspirational, romantic tale.
I'm all for experimenting with a new take on an old tale, but this strips away the best parts of the source material. Furthermore, there is little to no depth to the characters, despite the best efforts of actors such as Jude Law.
Last Knights (2015)
The right ingredients without execution and ruined with clichés
A "historic" piece about knights, castles, emperors and power struggles, starring the likes of Morgan Freeman, Clive Owen and Cliff Curtis. Sounds pretty amazing. Except, it is a confusing mess of the most overused clichés.
Clichéd and wooden dialog, predictable storyline and overused effects. Everything is shown as pure good or pure evil. Complete waste of Freeman's talents. Little to no character development.
I get that it's a fictional place and time, but the main aim of the whole movie appears to be political correctness rather than telling a good story. Randomly putting people of different races in different roles, then randomly assigning them costumes and weaponry from different cultures is not political correctness.
Had to keep watching because of a friend who despite the obvious, couldn't guess how it would end. Would highly advise skipping this one.
Autómata (2014)
Couldn't wait for it to be over and wish I had missed it.
What a terrible waste of time. And that's coming from someone who would usually watch anything. Being a fan of sci fi and Banderas, they really made an effort to disappoint me.
Plot is unclear and lacks creativity. It feels like they borrowed random bits of random sci-fi movies (Blade Runner, A.I. and I, Robot come to mind) and just jumbled them together into a boring mess.
And if you went in for the action, CGI or scenery, you'll be sorely disappointed.
Good guys are pure good. Bad guys are completely bad and a little too trigger happy for a future with a small human population. What a waste of Tim McInnerny's talents, especially with that awful accent.
Nothing new and exciting about this. Couldn't wait for it to be over and wish I had missed it.