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Reviews
Good Boy (2022)
I apologize - I loved this
I tend to not do spoilers, so I won't spoil. Within 5 minutes, I was absolutely captivated. It's rare to watch a movie that I picked at random and say to myself "WTF?.... Oh, yes!".
Now, that may suggest there is something wrong with me, I'm not sure - but all I can say is that Good Boy is a rare find. It's truly original, not necessarily in a good way, but original.
This is not only a sick film, twisted in so many ways, but the acting, direction, plot twists, and well - the whole thing is something to be enjoyed. Excellent production quality and the scenery is quite lovely from an American's view.
All I can say is that I think you will come away loving your dog even more - although I'm not sure that has anything to do with anything.
Antrum: The Deadliest Film Ever Made (2018)
Should be called: The Most Ridiculous Film Ever Made
I'm being generous with 3 stars. This is perhaps one of the worst "watch and die films" I've ever seen.
I gave +1 Star for mentioning Cigarette Burns, which is actually a classic if you don't ruin it by reading the reviews or the plot before you watch it.
This? I don't get it, the credits are in some Slavic dialect, the main characters seem to speak English, there are frame inserts that are just stupid. The plot is horrible, the acting is just this side of horrible, and the direction? I could have done better in my back yard.
Will you be scared? No
Will you be disturbed? Maybe if you already are.
After writing this review I dropped it one star to two, I'm sick of low budget horror movies, particularly these "real" movies. I mean give it up. Blair Witch and Paranormal Activity were one time things - stop ripping off the genre and come up with something that isn't awful.
I can't actually add spoilers since there's nothing to spoil - this is pure garbage, which I did watch start to finish just so I felt ok with my review.
Alone (2020)
How to do everything wrong on the road - no spoilers
First, rest stops at night are sketchy.
Second, if someone talks to you on a road and seems sketchy, they probaby are.
Third, I can't speak for every trucker in the US, but if you ask or tell you one you need help you're likely to get help,
I am only 27:minutes and I've watched every mistake in the book on solo road trips.
Tell someone where you're going, check in regularly and tell them where you are.
If at all possible only stop at gas stations or truck stops with people around.
I've driven across country several times, north to south on both coasts and up and down the middle. I'm a big guy and even I follow these rules.
Great movie, well acted, directed and filmed. Just watch it as a what not to do.
Leave the World Behind (2023)
Garbage
Julia Roberts, who has always been meh to me, but her character is just ridiculous and over the top. No one acts like that is a decent human being.
Ethan Hawke, who is a personal favorite, is abysmal. He's embarrassing, insulting, and obviously pandering.
The only scary thing about this movie is who the producer is and the knowledge he may have about the future.
Do I recommend you watch? No - just go the book or a synopsis and save yourself some time.
It's very obvious the bent this takes, I mean - he had the keys to everything - and well of course let's see who produced.
Save yourself some time, watch ANYTHING else.
Last Seen Alive (2022)
Made you look, I won't spoil anything
This is purely the GB show, he actually tries, he gets 4 stars
Jaimie Alexander also seems to try, and is amazingly georgeous 4 stars
Ethan Embry does a great job in the few scenses he's in 1 star
The director and writer get 1 star
Machvegas is not a real estate developer's dream -1 star
No one seems to notice that he's got a slight accent and lives in Manchvegas, developing real estate
Some scends look like they were filmed with a camcorder or whatever they use to make LMN movies (production maybe?) 0 stars
It's an interesting combintation of Breakdown and Vanished 1 star
As a film, it's a solid 4* without Mr. Butler and Ms. Alexander
Watch it if you are a die hard GB fan, as I am.
Dave Chappelle: The Closer (2021)
WIll Bring You to Tears
If you are one to berate, blame, or insult Dave Chappelle for being Dave Chappelle - YOU are the problem.
This was both touching and hilarious at the same time. I laughed so hard I cried, I cried some I was so moved.
Dave Chappelle is a fierce intellectual force and a genius in how own right.
If you part of the cancel culture - do us all a favor and turn of your internet and electricity permanently.
Get Out (2017)
A conservative review
I gave this movie 8 stars, which for me is high praise indeed. On my first watch, I would have given it 2. That said, now that I have viewed this title several times I can truly appreciate what Jordan Peele is going for. It's not just a "black and white" film, and if you think it is - you miss the point.
Peele captures much of the ridiculousness of modern American society while also playing to those that think everything boils down to race. Is this is an oscar contender (little o intended) - who cares? All the film awards do is help already narcissistic overpaid morons celebrate themselves.
Does this film look at some serious stereotypes while making fun of so many of things we preoccupy ourselves with? Yes! To appreciate the humor and "thrill" of the film you must watch it more than once. Again, I consider myself a very conservative individual but still appreciate the humor to be found throughout this film.
If you didn't like it the first time, try it again - you might find some very clever things you missed. I have actually watched it about a half dozen times and find something new in every viewing.
The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence) (2015)
So bad I had to review
If -100 was a score, it would still be too generous.
I don't review movies, this was SO bad I had to.
It's rare that I don't at least make it 15 minutes into an absolutely awful "horror", this insults the word, movie - but I couldn't do it.
The acting is horrific.
The direction is horrific.
The casting, you ask - horrific.
The script - what's a word that's more horrifying than horrific?
The only thing not horrific about this film is.... Hmmm... Nothing.
OK, so maybe this is a horror film. I actually found myself feeling insulted by the stupidity. If you like a "movie" that actually disgusts you from the first scene and continues to slap you in the face with stupidity and poor acting - watch on.
I love bad movies - this thing is an insult to bad movies. Everyone associated from this tripe should be banned from film for eternity.
I could go on, but this title isn't worth it. Oh wait, your first clue should be that Eric Roberts is in it. After this, he should have his SAG card pulled - assuming he didn't after his last 50 atrocious "on screen", cough "home video", appearances. No offense to Mr. Roberts, but I mean come on - he has to know he's a terrible actor on his best day.
Garden of Love (2003)
Utter Crap
So, I ignored my better sense and watched this disaster of a film. It's not funny, and even the gore is ridiculous and shot so poorly you can't even enjoy that aspect.
The acting is funny, it's horrific and not in a good way. I used to think freddy got fingered was the worst movie ever made - then I watched this. If I had't been on a plane with nothing better to do I would have stopped watching after the first 5 minutes. But I watched it to the end, and no it doesn't get any better.
The story is stupid, the direction is pathetic, there are 6 year olds that act better than any of the "actors" in this movie, and the script is literally so dumb I was wondering if there is a country somewhere where people actually talk like the actors in this film.
It's bad - really bad - like so bad I would rather have been cleaning toilets than watching this movie. Ignore the good reviews, it's crap - I only gave it 2 stars for the "plot twist" at the end and even that was cliché.