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1/10
Not Scary, Not Entertaining. Not Worth Watching
1 November 2014
Mischa Barton couldn't act her way out of a wet paper bag. Viewing her performance in this travesty was actually painful.

Michael Clarke Duncan brought himself down to her level. He should be ashamed of himself.

The supporting cast was an odd mix of irrelevant and absurd.

The plot (what there was of it) made very little sense. I suppose if this story had been handled by a competent director with actually talented actors at his disposal, then the end result might not have been so embarrassing to watch.

As it is, I very much want all those associated with this production to be banned from the industry. (Well, I really want them dropped into an active volcano, but I suppose that's too much to ask...)
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Devil's Pass (2013)
2/10
Paranoid Nature Doc, Zero Scares
27 June 2014
I want back the time I wasted on this. Seriously. All the characters are idiots, assholes, or idiot assholes. The one seemingly redeeming feature--the very pretty nature shots of snow covered mountains--are NOT the reason that I chose to watch a (supposedly) horror flick. It's not unusual that I route for certain characters to die, but when I want them ALL to DIE AND THEN DIE AGAIN AND THEN NEVER BE BORN... well, that marks a special occasion in bad cinema. The friends who recommended this flick touted the excellent twist... I'm not friends with those morons anymore. There's no twist. There's abuse of night-vision camera footage. Abuse of CGI. Abuse of all my senses. Abuse of... UGH. Everything. This movie sucks. People compare it to Blair Witch. I wasn't wild about Blair Witch, but at least that last scene gave me something for my troubles. This drags for even longer and then gives gives NOTHING. And the last scene is predictable, disappointing, and all-around unsatisfying... Basically, if you want to watch morons run around and die in the snow, this is your jam. Otherwise, you're better off spending the time doing... literally anything else.
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Bad Meat (2011)
5/10
About Half of a Good Movie
23 April 2014
Warning: Spoilers
While I did enjoy this movie, I found myself absolutely enraged by the nonsensical cutoff. This slow-burn, small-budget, small-cast outbreak/zombie flick has its problems, but is over all entertaining. If you don't mind the completely unsatisfying, nonsensical ending. The acting isn't amazing, but it is decent and not too hammy. The special effects clearly aren't high caliber, but who can resist a (MINOR SPOILER) ... ... ... dominatrix zombie, complete with strap on and accompanying zombie gimp. However ... ... ... (MUCH BIGGER SPOILER) ... ... ... all the characters die off screen! What the hell kind of ending is that?! You never find out what happens to anyone! All the major characters still seem like they're in play when the movie ends, even though the flashbacks say that there is only a single survivor! ... ... ... (END SPOILERS!) I don't know if this is a case of a insufficient funding or insufficient story telling, but there was no satisfaction to be had! I highly suspect that these very competent filmmakers just cut together half a movie and called it a day. Hopefully, anyways, because the alternative is that they really think an ambiguous ending is the same thing as NOT FINISHING YOUR FREAKING FILM!

So, in conclusion, half a rating for HALF A MOVIE!
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