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jamrom4
Reviews
Land of the Dead (2005)
Physics bendingly bad
It finally happened. Cinematographers FINALLY made me hate them so much that I can no longer express it with real words, I have to make them up now. I choose "omniloathe". Just once I'd like to see a movie that had even a slight grasp of the factual. I was giving them the zombies. "All right," I said, "the dead are walking. I'll give it to them." Then the worst happened, they decided to ignore all scientific laws. Zombies were running around, (and by running I mean slowly shuffling) people had a good fifty feet head start and were running their little legs out. Who won? Obviously the zombies, obviously the dead are just supermen.
Speaking of the dead being better then the rest of us, shouldn't they be... you know... weaker then us since... you know rigor mortis.
Then there was the defaming of my home town. Set in Pittsburgh in the "future" several things were, shall we say, misplaced. I am of coarse referring to the rivers. Our three rivers are very fast moving. Any slow moving things that fell into them would be quickly swept downstream. Also, there is no point in any of the three rivers in which anyone could stand. And even if they could (lets say the rivers dried up and so much mud was piled up that they maintained their original height) there are no steps leading from the river to the city. We have ladders, in case someone falls in and needs a way out. But not steps.
This leads us to the use of money, yeah
In a post apocalyptic wasteland with no united states to back up the funds or any way to keep the various populous from looting countless banks thereby all becoming billionaires, it is cold hard cash that is still used. Instead of things like bullets or food or anything useful, they use money
and somehow keep the amount in check
and exclude the lower class from buildings
in a city full of empty buildings, the lower class are forced to live in
none of them.
All and all I'd say this movie was bad, real bad.
Fatty Drives the Bus (1999)
Worse than "Manos"
This is the single worst movie I have ever seen. I cannot express how bad it is. I honestly wanted to kill myself several times through this atrocious experience just to have the pain end. I recommend instead of seeing this movie, you bathe in acid then you will at least know a fraction of the pain without all of the scars.
I had such high expectations when I read the back of the DVD case, and when in the beginning it added that Jesus was following them I was so excited... then by the end I wanted to kill myself. I mean a twenty-three minute introduction to the most annoying characters in the history of cinema... JUST PAIN! Monkeys could have done a better job editing this trash. At least they would have thrown feces and blurred some of the garbage. It would have made it better to have not seen any of the horror.
It wasn't that I didn't get the jokes, it's that they were not only not funny, they repeated themselves like twenty times. Apparently, something isn't funny unless you see it like a million times.
Do not under any circumstances see this. People have rated 'Manos the Hands of Fate' as the worlds worst movie. I have seen that too and agree that it is bad... but ALAS it is only the second worst. 'Fatty Drives the Bus' is by far worse.
This deserves all kind of harsh language, but I can't write that here so just imagine I swore a whole bunch.
Ginger Snaps (2000)
Even a bad movie has it's good points.
This movie was bad... real bad. As if the twisted-crazy-Gothic-sisters movies haven't been out in force enough lately, yet another comes along. To fight the curse of the wear wolf, two sisters (only one really wants to do it, the other is content being a wear wolf after a while.)have to trust a marijuana growing high school drop out. The heroes in this one don't even close to make you care about what happens. After a while, I kinda wanted to see the whiney girls die. But as I said, it has its good points. In the opening picture montage, there is some of the best costume and makeup effects I've seen in years. I'd just like to say: "good job," to Lea Carlson and Sarah Fairbairn.
Hulk (2003)
Horrible, simply horrible...
For the love of God, stop with the comic book movies already. This movie was just plain bad. The special effects looked as though the movie was made for kids. The best acting in this whole film was the cameo by Stan Lee and Lou Ferrigno, that says a lot. Most of the time Eric Bana was on-screen, hilarity ensued... but not because it was a comedy. Was Nick Nolte's character even given a name? It was doomed from the beginning. There haven't been any that were even passable as a good movie. The writers (Schamus, Turman, and France) didn't seem to have even picked up any of the comic books in their research. The movie did have very good camera work though. I hate to admit it, but the camera work was some of the best I've seen in years.