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Black Lake (2020)
Not for the Fast and Furious crowd
This is a fantastic movie with exceptional cinematography and stunning music selections...but its going to require you to pay attention, think and use your feelings. Imagery in this movie is everything. Metaphors abound. If you're looking for flash and glitz and pew pew pew and zoom zoomie cars, this won't be your movie. But if you don't mind a deep cultural dive and maybe a little homework to learn what's going on, this will be very much worth your time.
If you watch this movie and think nothing is happening you aren't paying close attention. Or nowhere near close enough attention.
It's subtle, there is the significance of the element of water, spirits and possession...possession of possessions, various fears from not knowing what's going on, bad dreams, are you dreaming or are you awake, after effects of violence, something getting inside you and taking over...so much happens!! There are more levels to horror than a maniac randomly killing random people having premarital sex and the gore of rubber intestines falling with a splat to the floor. A big modern social commentary that will slap you in the face if you're willing to listen...and that's more horrific.
Left Behind (2000)
Laughable
Lol...this is horrible. It's also not how The Rapture would happen. If a person were to be taken by The Rapture, it is as if they never existed. If they never existed, you would never remember them, have known them, and the vehicle they were driving was never driven by them so it wouldn't crash.
Kirk Cameron's attempt and being a zealot.
Patient 62 (2016)
Bloody awful
Former provincial premier, Brad Wall, must have had visions of this movie being made that resulted him ending the Film Tax Credit and killing the film industry in Saskatchewan where this...piece of work...was made.
Reece Wagner, the primary protagonist, is painful to watch. His acting is bloated and smug. The guy himself is pretty smug and self important as he makes the most ignorant comments on Facebook. But he knows everything because he was on this movie and pretty important now.
Glenn Lapointe is so overly dramatic and laughable. Unfortunately, the guy also alienated himself to anybody and everybody everywhere he went because all he did was talk about this movie...that nobody cared about or lost interest in because he talked their ears off about it.
Tyler W. Toppings. Lol. All those initials are missing is a vowel...pick one...a or an I.
The girl in the movie, Anna Seibel and the other girl, Christy Mozyliskywere the only watchable people.
Skip this movie...or do tequila shots every tine you roll your eyes at something in the movie.
Suspiria (2018)
A fascinating remake and movie on its own
Get past the idea of "a movie nobody asked to be remade" or any of the usual self important complaints. Enjoy this for what it is, much like the interpretive dance demonstrated in the movie, a reinterpretation of original art. Ever wonder why a coven of witches would hide and practice in a dance school? And accept students? This movie does an amazing job of presenting the idea of dance movements as a way of performing an incantation or casting spells rather than the hokey rhyming phrases and boiling some witches brew.
Tilda Swinton plays 2 rolls magically....lol.
Using the muted winter colour palette and expanding the story really makes this movie something of it's own and worth the watch.
The Car: Road to Revenge (2019)
This Car should have been repossessed by the film company.
Took a great concept of a mysterious car terrifying a small desert town...weeding out its sins...and turns into something stupid.
In the process, it rips off concepts and elements from;
The Dark Knight
Johnny Mnemonic
Robocop
Lethal Weapon 2
Christine
Nemesis
Ooh...tried to kill somebody with a pencil ala John Wick.
And rehashes cool scenes from the original The Car.
The Car in this movie is far from ominous and intimidating. Poor engine sound effects and it sounds like it has a bad rocker tick.
Pretty low mileage movie that could use a huge bottle of octane boost.
By the end, it rips off Austin Powers by making a Mini Me.
Speed Demon (2003)
Stuck in 1st gear...
What a hunk of unmitigated recycled poop.
I have seen other DeCoteau movies...and...yes, they are bad. But not THIS bad.
This is horrible.
Main character finds his dads Satanic supplies for worshiping the car demons...and says...are ya ready?? "I'll be damned."
Plenty more cheesy lines that smell worse than Limburger cheese.
Bad...ooh..bad...bad oh.bad...stink...bad..
I need 10 lines of text to submit to tell you this is bad.
Bad. Bad. Bad. Worse than bad.