I am in a movie club at my school and I was forced to sit and watch this utterly dismal film. The film's story is not dismal, but the entire movie itself is exceedingly dismal. The acting was absolutely dreadful. The children were overly whiny. A metal pole could have done a better job. I wanted desperately to fall asleep, but because the television was so loud, I was kept from peace. The monkey's are neither cute, nor are they funny. The drama is laugh-worthy. I cannot remember when I saw a more dreadful film. The story is weak, thin, predictable, and completely fake. The adults try to be good actors, but they just can't seem to break through stereotypes. The girl even appears to want to leave the film via falling off a hill during the movie in order to leave it, I don't blame her. Micheal Anderson should publicly apologize for this film. Not just to me, but to everyone else who was forced to sit through this awful film. In fact, I apologize to you. Even if I had nothing to do with this project, I apologize for this film, because this means at least someone will. This film even surpasses the dismalness of films that of Rob Schneider and the Cheetah Girls. I would even go as far to say that it is even worse that Hilary Duff's collection of films, but that's pushing it. Just please don't see this film, or else you'll be pushed to write a review similar to this one on how awful this film is. I'm very sorry.
Reviews
5 Reviews
A stunning display of Talent and Art!
18 December 2004
Warning: Spoilers
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, when I first viewed the T.V. spot, I was overjoyed that there was to be a movie based off the first three wonderful books. And it was a plus that Jim Carrey was playing the villain Count Olaf, and although most thought Carrey would ruin the role, I kept my head up. And When I entered the theater to see this movie, I couldn't help but be excited.
The books to which this movie is based on are written by Daniel Handler A.K.A. Lemony Snicket. And every book has a fantastic feel of darkness but that yet, has a fun and darkly comic lining. and by the looks of the trailer, it seemed to keep that feel. But enough about that, and on to the review.
The movie starts off in an unexpected way, but I do not wish to tell you more, because it would definitely ruin the surprise for you, all I'll say is that you'll probably think you are watching the wrong movie. Then, when the movie actually starts, you are introduced to Lemony Snicket (the voice of Jude Law) who warns you that this movie is not a happy one, and he warns you to turn around and view another if you wish to view a happy movie. We are then introduced to the Baudelaire orphans, Violet (Emily Browning), Klaus (Liam Aiken), and baby Sunny (sisters Shelby and Kara Hoffman). They are on a gloomy -looking beach when Mr. Poe (Timothy Spall), a close friend to the Baudelaire parents, who tells the youngsters that their parents have perished in a terrible fire that has destroyed their entire mansion.
They are then sent by Mr. Poe to live with their third cousin four times removed, or maybe it's their fourth cousin three times removed. This man is Count Olaf (Carrey) who they soon realize is after their massive fortune. Olaf's house is barely a home for them, for he is cruel to them and his house is an absolute wreck. When Olaf is officially pronounced their new father, he puts his car on a set of railroad tracks, with them in it! He as well has taken out the locks so they cannot escape. After they save themselves from being smashed by the train, Mr. Poe finds them in the car, and takes them away from Olaf for a reason that is not the reason he should, he took them away because Sunny is sitting in the drivers seat. But it's still good because they are at least away from his at last right? WRONG!
The children then go to live with their Uncle Monty (Billy Connolly) who is a very nice herpetologist, but before they know it, Olaf is disguised as an Italian assistant there to help Monty with his work. This disguise fools Monty, but not the kids. And before you know it, Monty has been murdered by Stephano, who is later revealed to be Olaf. Olaf then escapes.
The Children then go to live with their Aunt Josephine (Meryl Streep) who, although she means well, is afraid of every thing she sees, making her less than a perfect parent. But, then again Olaf shows up disguised as a sailor, and again, everyone is fooled but the kids. And at this time a hurricane is coming their way! After a long rumble of leeches, hidden clues, and caves, Olaf, dressed as his normal self, pretends, right in front of Mr. Poe, pretends to save Klaus from the hungry leeches. So, because of this, Olaf is put back as the orphans parent.
He then forces the children to be in his play in which he plans to really marry Violet in order to get her fortune.
Filled with stunning visuals, eye candy sets, and stunning performance by Carrey and all the other actors in here, this movie really takes you out of your cozy room and puts you in their world so you feel as if you are there with the kids trying to escape from Olaf and his plans. A brilliant triumph!
10/10
The books to which this movie is based on are written by Daniel Handler A.K.A. Lemony Snicket. And every book has a fantastic feel of darkness but that yet, has a fun and darkly comic lining. and by the looks of the trailer, it seemed to keep that feel. But enough about that, and on to the review.
The movie starts off in an unexpected way, but I do not wish to tell you more, because it would definitely ruin the surprise for you, all I'll say is that you'll probably think you are watching the wrong movie. Then, when the movie actually starts, you are introduced to Lemony Snicket (the voice of Jude Law) who warns you that this movie is not a happy one, and he warns you to turn around and view another if you wish to view a happy movie. We are then introduced to the Baudelaire orphans, Violet (Emily Browning), Klaus (Liam Aiken), and baby Sunny (sisters Shelby and Kara Hoffman). They are on a gloomy -looking beach when Mr. Poe (Timothy Spall), a close friend to the Baudelaire parents, who tells the youngsters that their parents have perished in a terrible fire that has destroyed their entire mansion.
They are then sent by Mr. Poe to live with their third cousin four times removed, or maybe it's their fourth cousin three times removed. This man is Count Olaf (Carrey) who they soon realize is after their massive fortune. Olaf's house is barely a home for them, for he is cruel to them and his house is an absolute wreck. When Olaf is officially pronounced their new father, he puts his car on a set of railroad tracks, with them in it! He as well has taken out the locks so they cannot escape. After they save themselves from being smashed by the train, Mr. Poe finds them in the car, and takes them away from Olaf for a reason that is not the reason he should, he took them away because Sunny is sitting in the drivers seat. But it's still good because they are at least away from his at last right? WRONG!
The children then go to live with their Uncle Monty (Billy Connolly) who is a very nice herpetologist, but before they know it, Olaf is disguised as an Italian assistant there to help Monty with his work. This disguise fools Monty, but not the kids. And before you know it, Monty has been murdered by Stephano, who is later revealed to be Olaf. Olaf then escapes.
The Children then go to live with their Aunt Josephine (Meryl Streep) who, although she means well, is afraid of every thing she sees, making her less than a perfect parent. But, then again Olaf shows up disguised as a sailor, and again, everyone is fooled but the kids. And at this time a hurricane is coming their way! After a long rumble of leeches, hidden clues, and caves, Olaf, dressed as his normal self, pretends, right in front of Mr. Poe, pretends to save Klaus from the hungry leeches. So, because of this, Olaf is put back as the orphans parent.
He then forces the children to be in his play in which he plans to really marry Violet in order to get her fortune.
Filled with stunning visuals, eye candy sets, and stunning performance by Carrey and all the other actors in here, this movie really takes you out of your cozy room and puts you in their world so you feel as if you are there with the kids trying to escape from Olaf and his plans. A brilliant triumph!
10/10
Halloweentown High
(2004 TV Movie)
A Good Way to Complete the Trilogy
9 October 2004
I watched this movie knowing how much of a chance it had to be awful. The most recent Disney Channel original movies have been complete crap (case and point, The Cheetah Girls). And this movie is the third of two great movies already, and I was shocked to find that it was actually good! The only complaint I have is that there is no mention of Cal or Calabar, the villains from the first two. The story starts out with Marnie (Kimberly J. Brown) and her grandmother Aggie (Debbie Reynolds) are planning to bring kids from Halloweentown, disguise them as humans and have them attend a high school in the mortal world, to prove monsters that live in Halloweentown aren't dangerous. But of course, there is a problem, if Marnie can't prove to the humans that the monsters are harmless, she, and her family will lose all their powers.
When the monsters start attending the school, they all stick together and aren't interacting with their fellow human schoolmates, so Marnie suggests they do different extra curricular activities. Then, they start making friends. Then, they sign up to make a haunted house for their school Halloween Carnival, but they make it so it is a wax museum with wax monsters sitting, drinking tea, and eating cookies trying to how that monsters mean no harm. No kid at their school is amused by this. And during this whole time, the monsters are being chased down by evil knights, which leads to a surprising revelation. This Disney Channel movie has surprisingly good computer special effects. Considering their latest effects-laden original movie, Zenon: Z3, had the worst computer effects I've ever seen. Another thing great about this movie is that Disney seems to have a knack for getting the same actors back for their sequels to their original movies. Kimberly J. Brown, Debbie Reynolds, Judith Hoag, Joey Zimmerman, and Emily Roeske are all back, and have been in all three Halloweentown movies. If you haven't seen the original Halloweentown movie and its sequel, I would see those first, because there are some things that might not make sense. You have to see them in order to get the entire story. All in all, this is the best original movie Disney Channel has produced in quite a while. 9/10
When the monsters start attending the school, they all stick together and aren't interacting with their fellow human schoolmates, so Marnie suggests they do different extra curricular activities. Then, they start making friends. Then, they sign up to make a haunted house for their school Halloween Carnival, but they make it so it is a wax museum with wax monsters sitting, drinking tea, and eating cookies trying to how that monsters mean no harm. No kid at their school is amused by this. And during this whole time, the monsters are being chased down by evil knights, which leads to a surprising revelation. This Disney Channel movie has surprisingly good computer special effects. Considering their latest effects-laden original movie, Zenon: Z3, had the worst computer effects I've ever seen. Another thing great about this movie is that Disney seems to have a knack for getting the same actors back for their sequels to their original movies. Kimberly J. Brown, Debbie Reynolds, Judith Hoag, Joey Zimmerman, and Emily Roeske are all back, and have been in all three Halloweentown movies. If you haven't seen the original Halloweentown movie and its sequel, I would see those first, because there are some things that might not make sense. You have to see them in order to get the entire story. All in all, this is the best original movie Disney Channel has produced in quite a while. 9/10
The Cheetah Girls
(2003 TV Movie)
Awful and Stupid
9 October 2004
Warning: Spoilers
This movie has to bee one of the worst movies Disney has ever made! Only small children will enjoy this awful movie, because only small children would believe stuff like this could actually happen. Like the girls win a talent show they withdrew from and when a dog gets stuck in a vent, everyone in New York worries about it and the news has a field day with it. And how the girls seem to solve every one of there problems by just singing! And how at the end, they start singing and the downtown turns into a big stage. And how by seeing this, the stupid record company owner is put to shame. PU-LEASE! I've seen more believable things in a Harry Potter movie! This film is racist, stupid, and unrealistic. Like when the girls are trying out, and the mom comes and is trying to hide, she brings her dog, WHAT? Who would bring a dog to a talent show try out?! And when the dog runs onto the stage, neither the teacher, nor the girls seem to realize since the dog is there, so is there mom. What, do they think the dog ran from there house to the school? Trust me, you can find better things to do with your time. I only gave it on because i couldn't give it a zero 1/10
Spaceballs
(1987)
Best Parody EVER!
26 September 2004
Space Balls is the best parody movie I've ever seen, Blazing Saddles was good, and Young Frankenstein was a bit hard to follow. But this movie is so simple, yet so entertaining. Lonestar (Bill Pullman) and his associate Barf (The late, great John Candy) are asked by King Rolland (Dick Van Patten) to save his daughter, Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga) from the evil clutches of Lord Helmet (An incredibly funny Rick Moranis).
Princess Vespa was kidnapped because President Scroob (The Director, Mel Brooks himself), Dark Helmet, and Colonel Sanders (George Weiner) are in need of air because they have foolishly wasted all their air. So they make a plan to kidnap Vespa so Rolland will give them all the air on his planet, Druidia.
After Lonestar and Barf save the princess in a hilarious rescue, they crash their flying winebago (yes, a flying winebago) on a desert planet. Their, they meet Yogurt (Brooks again)who teaches Lonestar how to use the mystical power of the Shwartz. But, then, Vespa is kidnapped by Helmet again, so now Lone star and Barf have to save her once more, can they do it?
Filled with hilarious parodies on Star Wars and Star Trek, this film is a comedy gem. It also has hilarious themes like everything having merchandising rights, and a drop dead hilarious scene with Dark Helmet playing with Action Figures/Dolls. Although it is a bit hard with language, his film is sure to please anybody looking for a great comedy!
10/10
Princess Vespa was kidnapped because President Scroob (The Director, Mel Brooks himself), Dark Helmet, and Colonel Sanders (George Weiner) are in need of air because they have foolishly wasted all their air. So they make a plan to kidnap Vespa so Rolland will give them all the air on his planet, Druidia.
After Lonestar and Barf save the princess in a hilarious rescue, they crash their flying winebago (yes, a flying winebago) on a desert planet. Their, they meet Yogurt (Brooks again)who teaches Lonestar how to use the mystical power of the Shwartz. But, then, Vespa is kidnapped by Helmet again, so now Lone star and Barf have to save her once more, can they do it?
Filled with hilarious parodies on Star Wars and Star Trek, this film is a comedy gem. It also has hilarious themes like everything having merchandising rights, and a drop dead hilarious scene with Dark Helmet playing with Action Figures/Dolls. Although it is a bit hard with language, his film is sure to please anybody looking for a great comedy!
10/10
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