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The Substance (2024)
Relentless body horror with a clear message
Oh man, I loved 'The Substance' for 90% of the runtime. It was more or less locked into a 10/10 for me with half an hour to go. Then the film found a way to undo a lot of the hard work. The ending they went for didn't work for me, and it's a real shame because this is an otherwise excellent film.
This is some of the most relentless body horror I've seen. Three separate groups all walked out while the film was still going, something I have never seen before in a cinema. The film has no fears of going overboard or showing anything shocking whatsoever. I absolutely loved it in that regard.
The film has a clear message and for most of the run time it gets it across very effectively. I can't help wondering whether the 140 minute run time was a little too ambitious and it just didn't know how to keep the momentum going for all that time. Don't get me wrong, this was a very good film. But there's no doubt that with the icing on the cake it could've gone down as something truly special. 9/10.
Hotaru no haka (1988)
Heavy heavy heavy
Well, those were 90 of the most depressing minutes I've had in a while - in a good way of course. This film is heavy from start to finish. It starts with a kick to the teeth and doesn't relent from there on out.
The animators and voice artists did a truly fantastic job. The work put into making 'Setsuko' possibly the cutest and most likeable kid ever put to screen was incredible. It plays a huge part in keeping you invested and caring about what is happening on screen.
Whether you want to or not, a film like this leaves you thinking pretty hard about decisions that were made back in these war times. It's pretty sobering that a story like this is true. It breaks your heart but it's also important not to forget, and so films like this will always be vitally important. 8.5/10.
Sous la Seine (2024)
Don't take movie recommendations from Stephen King apparently
Stephen King gave 'Under Paris' a glowing review on X (formerly known as Twitter) and I can only think he was paid to do so, because this is not the kind of film you finish and think - I'm going to recommend this film to people. This was a hard slog to get through.
Shark movies have two options: Take themselves very seriously, or lean into the absurdity of it all. 'Under Paris' finds an awkward middle ground. It's clear that it is trying to take itself seriously, but it's such a ridiculous concept that it comes across in an absurd way. The problem is, because it doesn't know what it is, it is never able to build any tension, but it's also no fun whatsoever.
Look, a lot of shark movies are doomed from the get go. There's only so much you can do with the concept and chances are we have seen it all before. That's what 'Under Paris' feels like, a film we have seen a thousands times over already. 3/10.
Speak No Evil (2024)
Shouldn't have been made
This may be the toughest review I've ever had to write. And there's no way I can do it without spoilers. So please note there will be spoilers for this film and the original 2022 version. I absolutely love the 2022 version. I think it is nothing short of a masterpiece and I couldn't stop thinking about it for weeks after seeing it. So when most people hear there was going to be a remake of one of their favourite films they would be happy, right? Not me. I was very worried. And my worries were justified.
The sad thing is that this 2024 version of 'Speak No Evil', just on its own, is a very fine film. People who haven't seen the original (and probably even some who have) are going to see this and have a great time. The problem in my opinion is that that's not fair to the original, that people know this story for the watered down, pandering English-language version, when there is an absolutely masterful 2022 version going un-watched. If you are remaking someone elses story you should be obligated to tell the same story from start to finish. Make changes to details and the way things happen, sure. But don't make major changes that completely change the outcome of the film.
I can imagine the discussions behind the scenes when deciding how to go about this remake. Americans simply wouldn't accept an ending like the original has. It would not be acceptable to them. The 1/10 votes would pour in and the film would likely fail. So I understand why they changed it. But I would say that if you had to change it, then this remake should never have been made in the first place.
Look, I'm absolutely gutted at how this film came out obviously. But to be fair to this version, it did do a lot right. All of the main cast are fantastic and James McAvoy in particular is electric. There were some other quite nice little tweaks to the script as well. They did a lot right. And had they gone with the same/or similar ending I could have easily seen myself giving it a 10/10. But to cop out and pander to American audiences in the hope of making a few extra bucks is unforgivable and loses all my respect.
I've never had such trouble settling on a rating for a film before. 5/10 doesn't feel right but it the highest I was willing to go. I wish this remake was never made, quite frankly.
Sleeping Dogs (2024)
Not overly polished but it's a good time nonetheless
Ahh the old memory-loss thriller. Christopher Nolan mastered it with 'Memento' obviously but there really hasn't ever been a bad one that I can think of. 'Sleeping Dogs' is a solid concept that only lets itself down with a bit of sloppiness in the polish department.
There are some decent actors in this movie, and yet I kept thinking to myself - why is the acting so sub-par? I think the answer lies in the dialogue they were delivering. I think it was written quite clunky and therefore the actors performances come across quite awkward and wooden.
This is one of those films where if you can put all the other stuff aside and just appreciate a good, solid and entertaining story, you're going to enjoy it. If those kind of things tend to bother you, then that may become an issue. Personally, I enjoyed it. 7/10.
Kinds of Kindness (2024)
This film isn't here to please you, but it is masterful in its own unique way
I recently wrote about watching a George Miller film and knowing that a genius was at work behind the camera. The same goes for Yorgos Lanthimos at the moment. He is at the peak of his powers and is in complete control of every frame in his films. It's truly inspirational. So why the only 6.7/10 IMDb rating and a 48% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes for 'Kinds of Kindness', you may wonder. I think I can explain.
Audiences, American ones in particular, like purpose, answers and justice. Purpose, meaning they like to understand why things are happening in a film. Answers, meaning they like everything to be explained and revealed by the end of the film. And justice, meaning that if someone is done an injustice in the film, then there must be repercussions for that by the end of the film. 'Kinds of Kindness' doesn't care about any of those things. It wants to tell its story in its own way and it doesn't give a damn what the audience thinks.
Personally, I loved almost every minute of this film. The only real let-down for me was the second story. It was book-ended by two mini-masterpieces, so it was always going to seem a little inferior by comparison. But I do think it could've been done a little better.
One other thing I notice in Lanthimos' work, is that he seems to intentionally choose cast members who are slightly less conventionally good looking, but who can absolutely knock a performance out of the park. I don't know exactly, but I feel like he's worked out some kind of science, that if the cast are slightly less good-looking, they will be infinitely more watchable and convincing in their roles. I could be way out on that, but he seems to do it time and time again. And time and time again he gets the best performances out of his cast of almost any director working today.
This film was an incredibly unique experience that I thoroughly enjoyed. You may love it, you may hate - but chances are, either way, you'll still be thinking about it long after the credits roll. 8.5/10.
Skincare (2024)
Decent but lacking that killer punch at the end
It's disappointing to hear that a film like 'Skincare' failed badly at the box office. But sadly, it's also not surprising. Movie tickets are expensive and if people are going to make the effort to go out and pay all that money then they want something that demands to be seen on the big screen. And it's a shame because 'Skincare' is a decent little film.
It can be quite an unpleasant thing to watch a movie about someone's life being destroyed. It can give quite an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. This film does it well. It doesn't go over the top with anything, but it does more than enough to keep you invested and wanting the right side to prevail.
Probably where the film falls down is its lack of ability to surprise. The film is a whodunit of sorts but it isn't going to drop your jaw to the floor at any stage. Still, it was a good time and had me interested for the full run time. 8/10.
He Went That Way (2023)
Two characters that weren't much fun to follow
This film was hard work. I get that it's a true story and you have to be somewhat loyal to the reality of what actually happened, but man were these two tedious people to follow for 90 minutes. One is a wimp and the other is a psychopath. A psychopath can be a fun character if written correctly, but this one was just boring. He had nothing interesting to say and when he was killing someone it was just grim.
There were times when the movie showed some promise. I liked the addition of the monkey (sorry, chimpanzee) to the story and the added dimension that brought to the proceedings. Too often though scenes felt very forced and like they were just there to give the film some kind of purpose.
Basically I didn't care. The film never found a way to get me invested. This one wasn't for me. 5/10.
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)
A pleasure to watch a master at work
I remember Roger Ebert talking about a Quentin Tarantino film once, and he said something to the effect of the film being just a pleasure to watch someone in total command of their craft. That's how I feel when I watch a George Miller film. Every detail is so lovingly crafted and it makes the overall result an absolute pleasure to watch.
I actually believe this to be a superior film to 'Fury Road' and it is extremely disappointing it did poorly at the box office. I'm not sure what the experts are saying the reason for the failure was, but I do know personally I would've preferred it to be less than 2 and a half hours long. That said, the film is electrically paced and the time really does fly by.
It's also a film that just keeps getting better and better as it goes along. There will be an incredible sequence and you'll think, well that was clearly the highlight of the film and it's all down hill from here. But then the next sequence will top it and this happens over and over again.
The only criticism I would have of the film was the casting of Chris Hemsworth. I believe a villain like this requires someone with some real acting chops and I can think of some names who would've done an incredible job with it. Hemsworth always feels very much like he's acting when he's on screen. He doesn't become the role like others are able to do, and it can take you out of the film sadly.
Otherwise though, this is one of the best film experiences I've had in 2024. An absolute pleasure to sit through. 9.5/10.
Descansar en paz (2024)
About the least interesting way they could've gone about telling this story
I just don't know what they were going for with this film. At first it was setting itself up quite nicely. A man under huge financial strain desperately looking for a way out. Then an event happens and from there on out the film completely flat-lines. It's like they thought - what is the least interesting way we could go about telling this story? And then proceeded to go about it.
Even towards the end, a mildly interesting situation arises, and I thought that this must've been what it was all building up to. The payoff they were hoping to justify everything with. But no, again they went about it in the least interesting way possible, before simply ending the film. It was really bizarre to watch.
This film wasn't for me. I was hoping for a little hidden gem on Netflix, but I didn't get it. 4/10.
The Lie: The Murder of Grace Millane (2023)
Heart-breaking stuff
I've been really fascinated by the Grace Millane case ever since it happened. The thing about it that stuck with me the most is touched on very early in this documentary. We see a Google search of the safest countries to visit. Right there in the number two spot is New Zealand. Grace had just landed here from South America, a notoriously unsafe place where she encountered no problems, and then it was little old "safe" New Zealand that got her. It's incredibly sad.
Most documentaries have to have someone in the present explaining everything that happened at the time of the case. This documentary doesn't have to do that at all. There is so much CCTV footage, interview footage and court footage that it comfortably fills the run time. And all of it is fascinating.
The CCTV footage being matched up with his interview footage to show how he was lying was very well edited. And the courtroom footage showing the defense attorneys hating every minute of their life, having to say the things they were being paid to say was fascinating to watch.
It's all pretty upsetting and dark stuff. Be aware that this is not a light watch. It is a well made documentary though. 9/10.
Milk & Serial (2024)
This was a good one
A lot of found footage horror movies over the years would have been a lot better served had they leaned into a shorter runtime. 90 minutes of footage is a seriously long time to justify someone keeping a camera running for. If 'Milk & Serial' had tried to push for an extra half an hour it could have undone all the great work this little gem of a film had created. This was a good one.
This was everything I like in a good found footage film. It's dark and constantly twisting and we know it is all building up to a treacherous ending. As far as this sub-genre goes, the acting is pretty good as well.
For a film available free on YouTube this was a great little treat. 9/10.
Cure (1997)
More tedious than anything else
Sometimes you watch a film you don't understand, and you are left with an overwhelming desire to figure it out and understand it as best you can. Other times you watch a film you don't understand and you aren't really bothered, because you never connected with the story enough to care. 'Cure' was a case of the latter.
The film kept threatening to become interesting and do something with its premise, but then it would veer off track again and go back into tedious territory.
I notice that there was never an American remake of this film, which at first surprised me. Then I realised this would be a really hard film to do an English language version of and make interesting, because there really isn't a lot here to work with. This one wasn't for me. It isn't terrible but it was pretty forgettable. 6/10.
Blink Twice (2024)
A blast from start to finish
I've waited a long time to give my first 10/10 score of 2024. For most of the run time of 'Blink Twice' it was locked into a 9 minimum, but it was going to need to stick the landing the to boost it up a point - and it did. The whole film is a blast but it truly comes into its own in the final 20-30 minutes. What a ride this was.
I loved the mystery behind the film. We know something is going on, but we don't know what and we don't know how dark it is going to get. There are constant clues being banded about, but it's a hard puzzle to put together. When it does come together though it is quite a jaw-dropping realisation.
I loved the island setting of the film. I've come to realise in recent years that I have an affinity for films set on an island. Mind you if I was ever taken to an island that was overwhelmed with venomous snakes, that would be more than enough to get me on the first flight out of there.
This film just worked for me. I was gripped by the mystery and shocked by the conclusion. An absolute blast from start to finish. 10/10.
Oddity (2024)
As good as horror gets
At the time of watching 'Oddity' it had an IMDb score of 7.4/10 with a decent amount of votes. That's relatively unheard of for a horror film. So I went in not really knowing what to expect. Was this going to be elevated horror that would go over my head? Or was it just going to be a really well made horror movie with genuine scares and a captivating story? It was the latter.
Usually a horror film with this many supernatural elements isn't to my liking. But 'Oddity' was proof that it's not what the film is about, it's how it is about it. I didn't care how preposterous the concept of psychic abilities was, I was captivated by where it was leading the story to.
This is a really well made film all around. The characters are perfectly crafted. They feel like real people, but at the same time they're interesting and clearly have a lot going on behind the scenes. The story is tense and gripping and the horror elements were extremely effective. It doesn't get much better than this. 9.5/10.
Twisters (2024)
One of 2024's worst offerings
I'm convinced that Glen Powell is some kind of Hollywood cheat code. It doesn't matter how bad the film he's in is, fans and critics will love it. It's been happening for a while now and 'Twisters' is another prime example of it. This movie has absolutely nothing to offer and yet I've had people go out of their way to recommend it to me. It's bizarre.
The film is painfully boring. Usually in a bad movie there is one or maybe even two scenes where I'm at least mildly invested. In 'Twisters' there wasn't a single moment. Just two incredibly long hours of nothingness.
Wind is apparently a hard subject to make a good film about. This is up there with the worst I've seen in 2024. A generous 3/10.
Alien: Romulus (2024)
Takes a while to get going but once it does it is relentless
I usually wouldn't be overly excited about another 'Alien' sequel coming out, however in his short career so far Fede Alvarez has proven he has a lot of talent. So I went in with an open mind hoping to be pleasantly surprised that this series still has some life to it. And I'm pleased to say it does.
The film gets off to a slow start. There is a solid 40 minute build-up, introducing the characters and setting up the story. That part of the movie was a little slow and drawn out for my liking. After that though, once the action/horror begins, it doesn't relent. The pacing from there on out is terrific.
The movie looks good. The creatures in particular really popped on the screen. The set design was also great. It's a really hard film to fault on that front.
Be warned the film is quite dark. I saw it in a cinema so there was no trouble following the action, but when it comes to streaming I could see it being an issue for people potentially.
There's nothing ground-breaking or game-changing here, however if you're wanting nothing more than a good time for two hours this one could just do the trick. 7/10.
Night Swim (2024)
Terrible concept, terrible film
I often wonder how it's decided which horror movies we receive in cinemas here in New Zealand. There will be literally hundreds of horror movies in 2024 that are far superior to 'Night Swim' and yet this was the one we got. I can't possibly imagine why. It's not a good film and the subject matter (a haunted pool for God's sake) isn't going to appeal to audiences much either.
This film was PG-13 rated and I realised as I was watching it that it would be almost impossible to make it R rated, the concept is that bad (a haunted pool for God's sake). Like what could you actually do with this story to make it interesting and scary? I'm not sure there's a screenwriter alive with that much talent.
Bottom line, the film was boring nonsense. It's 95 minutes and it feels a lot longer than that. Nothing about it appealed to me. A generous 3/10.
Trap (2024)
Shyamalan doesn't miss
I don't think a lot of people realise how lucky we are to have M. Night Shyamalan. Sure we lost him for a little while there in the middle of his career when he was being given bigger budgets and he was trying to do things that were outside his expertise. But now he's back to doing what he does best. Original story-telling with no other purpose than entertaining his audience. There is no greater privilege than sitting down to watch his latest offering.
'Trap' got a lot of attention when the trailer dropped. It was one of the more intriguing and interesting trailers I had watched in a while. Generally if I find myself watching a trailer, I'll watch the first 30 seconds or so just to get a vibe, and then turn it off. Here though, I found that I was so hooked I couldn't turn it off. From that moment on it has been one of my most anticipated films of the year.
A lot of people thought the trailer gave away too much. I can see where they're coming from, but they need to be angry that film trailers even exist at all in that case, not angry at this one in particular. Everything that is shown is simply the plot of the movie. You want to go into a film completely blind, even to the plot - then don't watch trailers. That simple.
The film itself was everything I wanted and even a little more. The movie has a lot more tricks up its sleeve than just the trailer would suggest. The pacing of the film is also terrific. 100 minutes absolutely fly by and there is never a lull period at any stage. It's edge of your seat stuff almost the entire way.
The only criticism I have of the film is the ineptness of the police force. Now I fully understand that in order for most thrillers to work the police force can not be 100% efficient. There just wouldn't be a film in that case. But in 'Trap' it was bordering on ridiculous. Right up until the end, the levels of ineptness were absurd. I would've loved to see this area of the script given a little polishing.
That really was the only thing that bothered me though and the rest of the film was nothing short of a terrific cinema experience. 9/10.
Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)
Cut out Wolverine and you'd have yourself a masterpiece
About 10 minutes into this film I had a startling realisation. I realised there was a good chance I was going to have to give a film in the much despised (by me) MCU a 10/10 rating. I was just having such a good time with 'Deadpool' on his own unleashing brilliant line after brilliant line. Then 'Wolverine' came into the picture and the film quickly lost a lot of momentum.
I'll never understand what people see in the 'Wolverine' character. My only guess is that Hugh Jackman is such an incredible and charismatic actor that he was enough to make people fall in love with an otherwise boring character. And usually I would just accept that and move on. But I'm Jackman's biggest fan and he does nothing for me as 'Wolverine'.
The only other gripe I have with the film is the amount of time we have to spend watching the two leads fight, despite knowing that neither one can do any harm to the other one. Sure, some of the choreography is funny and it breaks up the story a bit, but man, could they not find some way to put some stakes into it?
Otherwise I had a pretty good time with this one. 'Deadpool' was as hilarious as always, the music choices were terrific and the villain was decent. 8.5/10.
Invitation to a Murder (2023)
Gets a pass mark by the barest of margins
I'm a sucker for a whodunit. I'll watch just about anything that fits into that sub-genre. So naturally I gave 'Invitation to a Murder' a chance and let's just say it did the bare minimum to get by and nothing else.
A film like this really makes you appreciate just how good Rian Johnson's Benoit Blanc movies are. This is not an easy genre to pull off. You have to have interesting characters constantly doing and saying interesting things, that may or may not apply to the ultimate plot. You have to have a mystery that is both intriguing and makes sense and that the character's motives fit into. And you have to have a script that makes everyone seem like a suspect at some point and have multiple red herrings along the way.
And that's just the surface level stuff. Beneath that is a million little details that have to find their way into the perfect place. I don't envy anyone trying to make a film like this. 'Invitation to a Murder' sort of did every element adequately and nothing more. The mystery was so-so, the script could've used a little more life and x-factor, and the characters were passable but mostly pretty bland and forgettable.
This isn't one I'd say I'd recommend, but I didn't hate it and it passed 90 minutes for me fairly easily. 5/10.
Manodrome (2023)
Anything could happen - but it didn't make me care if it did
'Manodrome' was not a great film by any stretch of the imagination, but it did do one thing that I like a lot in a film - I felt like anything could happen at any moment. And it often did. There were some truly bizarre moments/scenes in this movie. I don't necessarily know where they fit in or what their purpose was, but they took me off guard, that's for sure.
I feel like this was a film that was trying to be thought-provoking and get a point across. The problem was that it never had anything interesting to say, literally. There wasn't a single line of dialogue in the whole film that made me think or question anything.
This was a strange viewing experience. I never knew what was around the next corner, but sadly I didn't really care all that much either. 5/10.
The Machine (2023)
Not funny and the story has no legs
Bert Kreischer gets a lot of hate and a part of me would've loved to see him come out with a terrific film to shut all his haters up. Unfortunately that was not the case. This film was not a lot of fun to watch at all.
Kreischer has no comedic timing and no sense of when to let a joke breathe. Comedy isn't easy and people only think it is because the best make it look so effortless. The biggest mistake they made in this film though was casting Mark Hamill, who is also painfully unfunny, giving Bert no one to play off. Hamill is trying so hard in every scene he's in, but he's not a funny guy and doesn't have any charisma.
So all you're left with is the story, and the story gets old pretty fast. This film is only 112 minutes but it feels much, much longer than that. The concept might work in a 13 minute stand-up clip, but stretched out to this length it becomes pretty tedious. 4/10.
The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Little moments of magic scattered amongst trash
What a bizarre movie viewing experience this was. It was like the film was written by a child. The "drama" this film comes out with would be laughable in a daytime soap opera. Friends stealing your phone for ten seconds while it's ringing, not knowing which table to put a book down on, being asked to find someone a plane out of Miami when no planes are flying out of Miami - and the most ridiculous of them all the Harry Potter manuscript sequence. What even was this movie I just watched?
And then amongst one of the most pathetic scripts ever written are these tiny little moments of magic every 20-30 minutes, delivered by an incredible cast. Just every now and then a line would come along or a character would do something and you'd think, that's terrific, that's a moment that should've been in a much better film. And then you'd go back to suffering through the trash hoping another one of those moments would come along.
But here's the thing, those moments are often all that people need to remember a film. There's a lesson in there somewhere for screenwriters. All I learnt though was that everyone in the fashion industry is a monster. 5/10.
Little Bone Lodge (2023)
Had the right idea but the execution was lacking
I'm disappointed I didn't like 'Little Bone Lodge' all that much. It had all the ingredients I like in a horror/thriller film. But it was also missing something. I was very bored for the majority of the film and I couldn't put my finger on why for a while. Then I clicked, I didn't care about any of the characters.
I feel like I go on about unlikable characters in every second review I write, but I really think they are the most important element to an enjoyable viewing experience. This film was a prime example of that. A dark and sinister story with twists and turns and yet I couldn't have cared less, because none of the characters were given time to grow on me and they were all detestable monsters more or less.
It's also a very drab and depressing film. There's no dark humour or over-the-top elements to add some pizzazz to the proceedings. I'll give it a generous 6/10 because I like the idea for the film, just not the execution.