Reviews

This show is...a travesty.

To anyone that has read the original comics of Scrooge McDuck's adventures, or watched the original Ducktales show from the 80s, steer clear of this garbage 're-imagining' of those stories. Everything is wrong: the actors are awful, even Tony Anselmo who plays Donald sounds like he swallowed box loads of cotton balls before speaking. The nephews are horrendous and all sound like their voices by thirty-year olds (which they are).

The animation is...dire. Compared to the vibrant, lush animation of the 80s show, this is just horrendous. The simplistic design may hold true to Carl Barks, but the cheap animation just kills it.

While at times the dialogue is decent and almost witty, it is all just weighed down by a sense of eye-rolling self referencing tripe.

I hated this show. Hated it. Hated hated hated HATED it.

Epic but overwrought adaptation of the popular manga series deals with humanity's attempts to ward off an onslaught on massive titans bent on consuming the human population of a large city.

Exhilarating action scenes and some very effective moments are undermined constantly by grade-school dramatics, repetition, and annoying characters (save the ass-kicking female, Mikasa). The English adaptation is okay, but at times over-the-top.

Another anime that could have been so much more had it not focused entirely on a weak cast of prepubescent teens. Thunderous music score by Hiroyuki Sawano.

Coming into this film, I had no pretensions. I am only somewhat familiar with the Midnight RPG that this is based on, and I must admit, the setting is one of the best parts about this deathly slow film. At an hour and forty minutes, it certainly feels its length.

Set in a kingdom held under the weight of a near eternal darkness, the bulk of the story follows a 'Legate', a sort of warrior/mage that are the inquisitors of the world, doing the bidding of the godlike 'Darkness'. There is a lot of mythology in the story, way to much for its ambitions. I found the setting to be tantalizing and evocative. The filmmakers used most of their budget on moody VFX shots of cityscapes filled with towers and castles, but left little for the costumes and actors. I swear, most of the actors in the film were culled from the nearest community theater where the film was shot. With the exception of the darkly intriguing Charles Hubbel as the Legate Mag Kiln, none of the actors are interesting in the least.

In the end, the film really does try to tell an intrigue laden story, but it is constantly sabotaged by its own ambitions. This story and world may have worked in the hands of a better director, better actors and a more coherent, less busy script. If you're interested, check it out, otherwise skip it.

Having watched pretty much every fantasy film ever made, Curse of the Shadow is surprisingly good. Although fairly low-budget, with no major actors to speak of, it makes up for this with extremely good photography, outstanding make-up effects and exciting action scenes. The effects are also quite good. Vivid CGI depicts dragons, wyverns and other fantastic beasts.

Dialogue is a stilted at times and the simplistic story becomes overly complicated. The story could have used more fleshing out and less annoying dialogue scenes that just stand to pad out of the story. Danielle Chuchran is surely and one-note as the elven bounty hunter, while most of the film's genuine moments come from Richard McWilliams as the cleric warrior. American actors seem to be unable to take this type of fantasy seriously and end up looking like they are in a bad LARP adventure.

All in all, this movie was reasonably entertaining. Well crafted and done with obvious affection for the genre. Check it out if you have a chance.

This laugh out loud movie is a total wash. Right wing, gun nut sh*theads might find something to enjoy in the constant annoying first person camera shots of the soldiers moving through shots with practiced skill, but for anyone else, this well worn story plumbs very familiar turf. Bad guys with barely any motivation, a story that is practically impossible to follow are just some of it's problems.

It's difficult to critque the acting by the Seals themselves because they are not actors (and believe me it shows). But this is supposed to be a MOVIE not a documentary. Hence, having real life SEALS who are trying their best to act just isn't good enough, no matter who authentic their tactics are. The jingoism is also laid on thick, with the Americans portrayed as can-do heroes and the villains as reprehensible foreigners. I guess that's nothing really new.

All in all, this is a real-let down and just not worth the time.

Anyone watching this film because Alistair Maclean's name is on it will be sorely let down. A weak plot involving stolen nukes is nothing you haven't seen before, done better. Some of the acting (Brosnan, Stewart and Paul) is good, but Ted Levine is simply laughable as the secondary antagonist. His silly redneck character weakens any threat to his scenes with Brosnan. The venerable Christopher Lee is rather miscast as an evil Russian mastermind.

Action scenes and photography are OK, but the editing, music and direction are dull. I also found it funny that it is some sort of UN team that goes after the nukes, where in real life it would be the Navy Seals or Delta Force that would be sent to deal with this train (and would certainly do a better job).

A GI JOE fan's dream come true; a mature rated, fast paced action film giving an interesting glimpse into what this type of JOE show might have been. The plot deals with terrorist organization Cobra attempting to take over the world with a superweapon created using satellites. And so it goes. Exciting action scenes and slick dialogue are undermined constantly by lousy voice acting (as the film only has four actors providing all of the voices) and a plot that is totally and utterly ridiculous.

Still, worth a look for JOE fans, others beware. Fans will have added fun identifying the many JOE characters from the assorted TV shows and comics.

What an embarrassment this film is! Following the masterpiece of On Her Majesty's Secret Service, one would have expected a solid revenge pic, following Bond's attempts to avenge his lovely wife Tracey, killed by Ernst Blofeld and his assistant. Instead, we get a mindless, shrill, completely unreal parody of Ian Fleming's brilliant master spy.

Sean Connery returns after a sabbatical, older, tubbier and less interested in his legendary role than ever. He is joined by a plethora of over-acting actors playing moronic characters: chief amongst them are Jill St John, who easily wins the medal of most annoying Bond girl of all time; Jimmy Dean, who's boneheaded Texan drawl adds more than a few eye-rolls to the movie.

The film is also burdened with one of the most convoluted plots of all Bond films, which is very odd considering how cartoonish the whole setup is. Some good special effects just cannot compensate for all the inane hijacks that accompany them.

I have to say this right now, and that is I love James Bond and everything about him, but this film is so embarrassingly bad, I don;t even consider it Bond canon. It is just a really, really lame film.

Though I think this film is far from terrible, it certainly isn't great. The main fault of this film, an adaptation of Christopher Paolini's equally clichéd fantasy novel, lies in the casting of a very weak lead in the form of Edward Speelers, who is completely devoid of the charisma required for such a character. Jeremy Irons brings his usual conviction to the role of Brom, the wizened dragon-rider, and the luscious Sienna Guillory is gorgeous as the Elf Arya.

But when it all comes down to it, this film seems like a smattering of ideas culled from better films (Star Wars, Dragonheart, Lord of the Rings, etc). The effects bringing the dragon alive are uniformly fine, and the photography is impressive, but these are all for naught as they are stuck in a film that gives us no one to root for or care about. Patrick Doyle's music score is quite nice though.

Texas Rangers is a very good looking film, shot on magnificent Alberta, Canada locations. There is not much plot to speak of, just the forming of a band of Texas Rangers to hunt down a psycho cattle baron (Alfred Molina, who could play a role like this in his sleep). The film is relatively watchable, but Dylan McDermott's inept performance as the lead ranger really drags it down, along with the poorly cast youthful actors. Robert Patrick and country singer Randy Travis bring verisamilitude to their roles as Ranger lieutenants. Trevor Rabin's beautiful score seems to belong in another movie altogether.

So, if you manage to find a copy of the movie, it may be worth a look on a slow evening, but anyone whose seen a real western will find no surprises here.

Shintaro Katsu is an actor who needs no introduction. Having played the rascal Zatoichi, the Blind Swordsman, in 26 films, he knew exactly what made those films so indelible. Though he had directed a few smaller films in the past (including Zatoichi in Desperation), this was his largest budgeted and most personal work.

Zatoichi: Darkness is his Ally, is a breathtakingly beautiful film, shot with almost totally natural lighting. In fact, the photography of the film is near brilliant in it's lighting and set-up. Katsu's handling of the action scenes is absolutely top-notch. Kudos must be given to the final set piece, which I dare-say may be one of the best sword battles in Chanbara film history.

But it is Katsu's moving, final performance as the wandering swordsman, that gives this film it's weight. His mere presence is so compelling, and his carrying of even the smallest of scenes so capable, that you wish the film would just continue forever, just to bask in a master actor's radiance that much longer.

Some people may balk at the slightly episodic (and convoluted) storyline, but there are so many beautifully handled scenes, you can easily forgive any of the films flaws. Samurai film fans, take note, this is one movie you don't want to miss.

While Makai Tensho cannot be mistaken for masterpiece film-making, it is definitely a fun-ride for those in love with Samurai movies. The cast is filled with a veritable who's-who of Japanese cinema, including such luminaries as Ken Ogata, Soony Chiba, Tetsuro Tamba. It is also very gratifying to see the venerable Tomisaburo Wakayama (star of the 70's epic Lone Wolf and Cub series), still slicing and dicing with the best of them.

The film has some incredible action set pieces, including a stunning showdown in a burning castle. Some of the effects and costumes are a little over-the-top, but the actors seem to be having so much fun, and the direction is so fast paced, that you just can't help but be swept up into the pulp fantasy. Makai Tensho is a gem in modern samurai films.

This is a fine, beautifully crafted version of Homer's The Odyssey. Armand Assante gives a sterling performance as the King of Ithica, who's journey to return from the siege of Troy leads him on a 20-odd year quest to find his way home to his beloved wife Penelope.

If you have read The Odyssey, you will know what kind of challenge it would have been to adapt it into a coherent film and the filmmakers here did a superb job. In capturing all of the excitement, enticement and rollicking adventure of the epic, they brought to life a superlative story rich in imagination.

Kudos to the fine cast, including Eric Roberts as Eurymachus, Greta Scacchi as Penelope and an arresting cameo by Christopher Lee as the blind prophet Tiresias. Eduard Artemyev melodious score only adds to the epic feel.

Not without flaws (Troy is skimmed by a little too fast, and some of the visual effects are a little clunky), but the human element of the story is well dramatized. A supremely entertaining epic.

Sidekicks is a pretty entertaining little film about a young, asthmatic boy who, in his imagination, is the sidekick to his hero, Chuck Norris. Barry, the kid (Brandis) is taught martial arts by his teacher's uncle (Mako). The story culminates with an exciting martial arts exhibition where Barry meets his idol, Chuck Norris, who agrees to help the boy in the competition.

A wish-fullfilment movie in the juvenile sense. Although Chuck has definitely had his day, the idea of meeting and being helped by your fantasy hero, is good fodder for a kids film like this. Some people will probably quibble at the occasional silliness (Richard Moll's ridiculous gym teacher, and Piscopo's over-the-top bad guy karate teacher, to name a few), as well as the obvious self-promotion for Chuck Norris, but I think that the fantasy of the film will work itself over it's intended audience, who should enjoy this little treat of a movie.

A truly awful film, this movie is an incredible waste of time and talent. The plot deals with a Christian noble trying to lead a rebellion and being opposed by legendary ninja warrior Jubei Yagyu. The story wastes no time with such trivialities as plot, characterization or story unity and gets right into the violence.

And the violence is stomach-churningly gross and repellent. Warriors are massacred by the hundreds, guts and body parts are exploded, and, well you get the idea. If all of this sounds like your cup of tea, by all means tune in. Others are rightly warned to steer clear.

BTW, this film is not at all related to Ninja Scroll, as the marketing would lead you to believe.