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jamestheklein
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Den of Thieves (2018)
Should it be compared to Heat?
I watched it based on the trailer. I thought it would be about a group of criminals we are meant to empathize with being chased by a group of police who are basically criminals themselves, while they sweat and lean on the driver. I assumed some would die, and that the driver would probably get away with the most family-man-esque criminal with their share of the money.
I don't think it was enough like this though, and as it went on it felt more and more like a Heat knock off, while being less and less like what I originally thought.
By the final hour I could barely stop comparing it, and it came up very short. I mean, sure, it was fine, but it was not even close to being as interesting and enthralling as Heat was. I didn't care about the police officers, whereas I did care about Al Pacino's cop in Heat. I didn't care about any of the criminals apart from 50 Cent.
Essentially, it was an average film, good for a couple of hours if you want to have something on to decompress after work, but it is not going to make you think, or even be remembered in a few years.
There is a half decent twist at the end, which I hadn't been expecting, but should have seen signposted.
3 Days to Kill (2014)
It is like it couldn't decide what it was supposed to be about.
I completely lost interest about half an hour in, but forced myself to sit through it because I don't like to be defeated by films.
The opening scene should have been warning enough. There is a team of undercover agents, one of whom is recognised by a bad guy from a previous undercover mission. She dies. Then Kevin Costner gets an Google calender reminder (during a secret spy mission) that it is his daughter's birthday. Phone isn't even on silent. Why does he have a personal phone on him? Why is it on loud? Then he is allowed to go to the payphone and make a call? I mean seriously. Then everyone around him gets shot, but he doesn't, but then he is sick and clearly shouldn't be on the mission anyway, and suddenly has cancer.
There is also this mysterious Vivi, who appears from nowhere, claims to be a CIA agent, and Kevin is all like "oh okay".
I don't even want to waste my time talking about this anymore, just don't bother. If you want to watch a film that doesn't make you think, and has explosions and guns, go watch Fast and Furious 5,6 or 7.
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014)
It would have been a brilliant duo-logy
There was absolutely no point to this film. Other reviewers have expressed many of my feelings in a far better way than I ever will be able to express them myself, but the gist of it is: this film was not needed.
Smaug comes and destroys Laketown. Bard escapes prison and uses his son as a bow with which to shoot the black arrow (lolwut?), killing Smaug: end of film? NO. We then have a couple of hours of pointless fighting, followed by the final credits. It was just so awful.
In fact, I don't really want to even talk about it anymore. Long story short: this film was entirely pointless and is almost certainly a cash grab. Such a disappointment.
We Still Kill the Old Way (2014)
Rushed and silly.
To be fair, I wasn't expecting much from this film. I went into it expecting to see some pretty brutal torture/killing scenes and a bit of banter. As far as I am concerned, there wasn't enough of the first, and a little too much of the second.
The very opening of the film is designed to show the contrast between the two main protagonists: the villain, and the hero (former villain who has turned over a new leaf). It quickly makes you HATE the villain, and although he seems almost a caricature of a London gangster youth, he is still somehow believable. It also quickly introduces the idea of a couple of love interests (useless side plots in my opinion), and it also shows that we are meant to like the hero, even though he is a former gangster who has killed, beaten, tortured people, bribed the police, and was compared to the Cray twins.
The message of "back in our day crime had honour, and the kids these days have no respect" gets rammed down our throats pretty heavily throughout the film. One minute one of the old school gangsters is nailing someone to a chair, then the next "oh I don't shoot people sitting down, let alone tied up, but it is okay to nail them to chairs and drill their legs until they die". It was just a little bit silly.
At every given opportunity a reference is made to them being old and not knowing about technology, the internet, and just generally being top gents (even though they are killers, torturers and such). It just got old really fast (pun intended).
The ending was entirely rushed, and entirely stupid. Main old guy has a heart attack and so they decide to lure the gang to the hospital. I mean I get the youth of today are idiots, and upload their entire lives onto the internet, but to take guns into a hospital in London is just OTT. And then there is just a stupid shoot out, and when the villain gets the old guys to drop their guns and come out, he does a James-Bond-Villain and taunts them until the police arrive to dispatch him. Should have killed them all.
In conclusion, I wouldn't waste your time, although the torture scene there was, was pretty cool. It was nice seeing the smug looks wiped off the faces of Mav and the other one. I give this film a 3/10. I won't watch it again, but if you really have nothing better to do, and don't want to play Starcraft, then you might get a giggle out of this.
Predestination (2014)
An outstanding journey.
I watch a lot of films, and am quite used to being able to figure out what is going on, purely because I have seen films. I often guess correctly that the main character is actually dead, or is two people, or that such and such is another character's long lost son...etc.
I came into this film knowing nothing about it. Just that it was supposed to be a bit of a mind-job. I rarely have high expectations with films, and this one surprised me.
From the outset I had (correctly) decided who the Fizzle Bomber was. I was correct. A little further in I had decided that one character was the child of another, and that a deliberate untruth had been told. As time went on, I changed my mind about who the Fizzle Bomber was (and was wrong) and then changed my mind again (and was correct again...). However, there were other moments throughout the film that I did not see coming. By the end I had everything all figured out, and the final ten minutes were just confirming my suspicions.
This takes nothing away from how great this film was, though. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and would recommend it to anyone.
Unfortunately, I feel the less you know about it going into it, the better your viewing experience will be.
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (2014)
Expected it to be garbage. Did not disappoint.
I had very low expectations going into this film. The trailer made it look like a very typical action film that would possibly have a plot twist in it to keep us interested. Typical it was. Plot twist? Nope. I was bored the entire time.
The plot is straight forward. A super intelligent former marine, war hero, who recovered from a wound he acquired saving his fellow marines, becomes an analyst for the CIA. He stumbles upon a terrorist plot straight out of the Cold War, and then gets thrown into the mix, becomes a field agent overnight, and saves America.
At no point are you trying to figure out what is going on? Who is the villain? Who is behind the plot? What is the plot? The answers to these questions are all handed to us on a silver platter.
I was left with other questions, addressing the gaping plot holes. Why did the King of Qarth try killing Jack Ryan? How did the bad guys already know he was after them? Why didn't they send more people when he didn't return? How did the FBI already know about a sleeper agent? Why wasn't the plot uncovered earlier if Chris Pine, Kiera Knightly and Kevin Costner can piece it together in 5 minutes on a plane? Why didn't the Sleeper agent stab Chris Pine when he had the chance...twice?
I am glad I didn't have to pay to see this. Don't waste your money. It isn't even worthy of a casual viewing because you are bored and don't want to think. Watch S.W.A.T. instead.
End of Watch (2012)
Gripping, Believable, Emotional.
I am usually wary of films done in a documentary style. And one of my only gripes with this film is that there are moments when you are wondering who the heck is filming, and why are they filming this event. But for the most part, it actually works. In fact, I think the whole "documentary style" people keep talking about is an incorrect description. I would put this film on a similar level with Chronicle (except there it was clear exactly who was filming, all the time). The way End of Watch is filmed makes it more personal, and makes you really connect with the characters more.
You can absolutely believe that Jake and Michael are long time best friends. Their banter while on patrol seems natural and unscripted. Thus it is emotional, and you really connect when things go wrong, or at family events.
And now for the spoiler part. WARNING. From the outset, it seems fairly clear that one of them is going to die. BUT it keeps you guessing as to who it will be. Some films (looking at you Gangster Squad) make it so obvious who will die. So it was refreshing to be kept on my toes trying to figure out who it would be, if anyone.
There was only one moment of "Stormtrooper aim" but it didn't detract from anything, and was actually understandable. Untrained gangsters popping off AKs, I can see them missing.
I highly recommend this film to anyone, and is for sure worth a slot in your film collection.
Bullet to the Head (2012)
Blackberry to the Head
If you want to see a 90 minute advertisement for the Blackberry phone, then this film is right up your street. The product placement is so obvious and in your face, that it feels like Kwon's phone is a third main character. It should probably get an Oscar for its performance. Jimi and Kwon need to find a suspect: Kwon googles on his BB. They need some information about another suspect: Kwon phones the office and has it all sent to his BB. Is that a bad guy doing something that will prove that Kwon was right all along? Film it on the BB. Jimi doesn't believe Kwon that his phone is the best thing since sliced bread: download everything there is to know about Jimi and show him. It just really grated on me.
Blackberry's starring role aside, the film still sucked. The plot was the same old rehashed story of the assassin being double crossed and seeking revenge. About 10 or 20 minutes in, just in case you can't figure out what is going on, Christian Slater gives a monologue that explains exactly why the bad guys are bad, what their evil plan is, and gives the James-Bond-villain's-sidekick-esque bad guy his orders. So if you were confused before, there is no need now.
There is so much bad in this film that I am just going to skip to the end. Kwon hooking up with Lisa was quite obvious from the start. The big show-down too. Khal Drogo's desire to end it all through one-on-one combat with fire axes was stupid, and obviously going to result in his own death (not forgetting that as soon as you saw Jimi take the knife off of Jon Seda in the beginning, you knew that would be the weapon that would perform the finishing blow to Khal Drogo). Jimi and Kwon still not being friends at the end was also plain to see.
The only things that saved this film from having me fall asleep were: not wanting to miss Sarah Shahi, and some interesting cinematography in some points. The black and white opening scene was kind of cool.
All in all, I feel my rating is a bit generous. But I gave 1 star because I can't go lower, 1 star for Sarah Shahi (whom I love), and one star for a few moments of vaguely interesting cinematography.
17 Miracles (2011)
One star too many
A lot of the LDS films out there are plain bad. This one takes the biscuit. It is meant to be an uplifting, emotional story where they combine stories of two of the more infamous LDS Handcart companies and track their journey west. It was meant to showcase the faith of those who undertook the journey, and make me wonder how I can exhibit such faith in my life.
Instead, it taught me the opposite about faith than we are taught about on Sundays. It also made me furious at the LDS church for their treatment of the only sensible character, Levi Savage. There is not really a point to watch this film if you aren't LDS. There is also no point watching it if you are. Pick an old classic, or just read a book. You will regret it less.
If you are looking for a churchy film to watch on a Sunday evening, or at a church event, don't bother with this one. The tears you shed at the end will be for the 113 minutes you will never get back.
The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)
The fourth best Spiderman film out there.
The trailers made this film look like a first-person Spiderman game. I expected as much just to show off the 3D. I wasn't expecting much going into it, Spiderman is my absolute least favourite superhero after all, but thought there was no way it could be as bad as Spiderman 3! Oh how wrong I was.
I hate Kirsten Dunst in the other trilogy. I find Tobey to be annoying. But given the choice, I will watch one of their films over this, any day of the week.
I was bored the entire time. There was no coherent plot. I mean sure, a nerdy teen gets bitten by a spider, has Uncle Ben killed and becomes Spiderman, a vigilante who then gets involved with a mediocre arch- villain. But each of those things seemed to be taken from completely separate (and very crap) films, and sewn together in an attempt to make another film.
Peter Parker is meant to be some kind of social outcast, but he just comes across as a giant pervert, taking candid photos of his attractive schoolmates. He is meant to be some kind of genius, but the opposite is shown. He designed a wonderful gadget that locks his door closed, but he had to shut the door with his hand first, then go back across the room to push the special lock button. It is just very pointless and contrived. Don't even get me started on his preferred choice of internet search engine. I understand that I am meant to suspend belief, watching a film about a boy with spider powers who fights a lizard man. But I will not believe that any self respecting nerd will use Bing.
He then sneaks into a supposedly high security building, that uses ID with no photos, and gets bitten by a spider. After this he wakes up on the subway because a bum rests a beer bottle on his forehead, and a drip of water lands on him. He jumps onto the ceiling and then kicks everyone's butts. He somehow has these amazing fighting skills, and super strength. These are witnesses. He then goes to school where he uses his reflexes to humiliate the bully, and then smash a basketball hoop. Yet no-one is curious.
Martin Sheen gives him what for and then sets the scene for his murder. One of the worst things watching the film is that you know Sheen will die. Angsty teen then gets his Uncle killed and proceeds to try and hunt down the murderer for a half hour. He does not succeed. He then argues with his girlfriend's dad, who is the police chief, tells lovergirl he is Spiderman, then stumbles into a fight with the lizard dude.
Lizard man is the doctor who suddenly goes from wanting to grow his arm back, to realizing that humans are doomed and should be evolved into lizards themselves, in the space of about five minutes. He plans to release the virus he created (with Spiderman's help) into the air, failing to realize that Emma Stone can create an antidote in about 5 minutes.
The whole thing is just pointless, disjointed, and not worth watching. I had low expectations going into it, but was somehow still disappointed.
Gangster Squad (2013)
What is up with that nose?
The trailers for this film excited me. I love the old gangster scene, back when a gangster was a man in a pin-striped suit, not trousers round his ankles and a gold chain. This film had real gangsters! It had the beautiful Ryan Gosling shooting guns! It had the very talented Emma Stone (acting talent, not nice-to-look-at talent!) It had potential to be an early runner for favourite film of the year for me.
It failed completely and utterly. The story was predictable from the get go. An over zealous, war hero police detective gets recruited for an off the books, unofficial operation to drive LA's crime boss out of business and out of town. He assembles a motley crew of lovable misfits and screw-ups, and goes to war.
One of the biggest let downs was the Stormtrooper Aim. The big shoot out at the end, and the car chase were just stupid. The men shooting automatic weapons at Gosling and co. were unable to hit a bean. Whereas the police officers shooting pistols from moving cars, at moving cars hit some vital shots. Just no.
Another thing was the obvious final show-down between Sean Penn and Josh Brolin. Of course they resorted to fisticuffs. Brolin should have either just shot Penn, or made him handcuff himself and waited for back up. But no, he decided hand-to-hand combat with a boxer was a good idea. Had I been at home I would have been on my feet shouting at the TV.
Don't even get me started on Sean Penn's nose. Every time he was on screen I was trying to figure out if that was his real nose, or a prosthetic. What the hell?
There were no twists and turns. The police officers who you expected to die were the ones who die. The bad guys you expect to die, are the ones who die. I just couldn't take this film seriously. It took you straight from point A-B without making any unexpected stops, or suddenly throwing an F into the mix.
The only reason my rating is not 3/10 is because I saw it for free, and Ryan Gosling had lots of screen time. If you are in two minds about seeing it, don't bother. If you have literally nothing better to do, then put it on, but make sure you have something as a back up plan.
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
Classic Joss!!
This film is so meta. For that alone I completely loved it. I love Joss Whedon's work. I love that he uses the same people over and over. It was great seeing Topher Brink, and Dr. Saunders again!
While the trailer did show off a bit to much for my liking (see Dungeons and Dragons where the only good parts of the film were in the trailer), you figure out from the first scene that it is not your run-of-the-mill horror film, so I won't hold that against it.
The main characters do great jobs of establishing which stereotypes they are meant to represent. The behind-the-scenes people are also a good laugh.
The film is full of clichés, but that is why it works. It is not trying to be a serious horror film. BUT the premise, and the whole reason for the film are good enough. It isn't some thinly veiled excuse for a gore- fest. It was semi plausible.
I highly recommend this film to anyone. I will claim it as a must see for any fans of Joss.
Total Recall (2012)
Pleasantly surprised
I enjoyed this film more than I thought I would. I actually enjoyed it more than the Arnie original.
The Colony being Australia, instead of Mars, made the concept of this film much more believable, in my opinion. The premise was just something that I could really get into, as opposed to a rebellious Mars. I always felt that if we ever colonised Mars, and they rebelled, people on Earth would just be like "whatever" and move on.
The twist at the end was great. I can't remember if they had something like that in the original, I blotted most of that film from my memory. Bryan Cranston is always great, as is Kate Beckinsale. Jessica Biel was decent too, although I am not usually a fan of her work. The special effects were good enough to keep me visually entertained too.
Where this film falls down are a few common mistakes made by many films. The first is what I call the "Stormtrooper Aim." There were a few moments when Colin and Jessica didn't get shot, when they clearly should have been riddled by bullets. I do try and suspend belief with films, but this is one thing that annoys me. The second is the Arch-Villain newbie mistake of taking care of business personally. Cranston didn't need to travel to The Colony. And then there was the inevitable show down between him and Colin. Such show downs always annoy me.
Those few things let me down enough that I will only give this a 5/10. Better than the original, but the films against which I judge others set the bar very, very high. I would watch it again.