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Last Rites (2006 Video)
1/10
yes another movie where even the zombies can't act
8 April 2009
I love Zombie films, shame no one seems to know how to make them anymore

Black and Hispanic gangs go bang, bang, with a penis replacement and use words like hoe and other stereo typical so called black gangster related sayings and while they try, listening people? I said TRY to act,like gangsters, they just turn this into what looks like a low budget zombie? film, or is it a home movie made by a 10 year old using a single 1/8" CCD home video camera? Not sure hard to tell really.

The coloring was so drained it was almost monochrome most of the time. It's only when I saw so many credits at the end I realised the 10 year old directing the film must have a lot of friends, who also must have seen the Australian film called Undead which used similar opening well sort of, but was one heck of a lot better, in fact it was good.

Or did adults make this mess, I don't know, on the credits it looks like they had a large film crew, which makes me wonder how the hell this turned out to be such a load of pooh, 0/10 try again no gold stars for you. Films are Built on story lines people not just crappy acting and a few visual effects.
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Day of the Dead (2008 Video)
1/10
remake of George Romeros classic 1985 could it really be that bad, yes it is even the zombies can't act
8 April 2009
I don't even want to waste time writing a review for this um...film/amateur play, or home made movie maybe?

But due to rules on IMDb I suppose I better waste some space on here

like the saying goes, 'If it ain't broken don't fix it'.

Steve Miner is a good director, remember the Friday the 13th films just some of his classic works. this remake of the great 1985 George Romero classic, in my opinion has raped the title to the point of no recovery. Shocked that even the zombies can't act, and who the hell was the casting director.

Oh please Hollywood or whoever it is that has gone trigger happy on remakes, just put down your nostalgia gun and come up with something original, gee's next thing they will be remaking Jaws, oh what's that I heard you say, they already have started on that project no, no save me I am drowning in crap movies.
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9/10
George shows us that he still has what it takes to make an audience wet their pants
8 April 2009
at Last George back to doing what he does best. Use his creative freedom to bring us another masterpiece.

Is it Dawn of the Dead, or Day of the Dead? No!

But, Is it land of the dead? No-thank God.

If you are expecting the same style of film as his three classics, you may be disappointed.

For the first time in years he has returned to making an independent film. I think the best way I can describe this is an ultra low budget Blair Witch Project meets Notld, meets generation X, meets the cyber world.

I love the use of realism, humor and the great reliance on makeup effects, instead of just CGI alone.

This movie also makes you think how easily we can be conned by media or political movements, if they wanted to stage something elaborate, like oh I don't know say.... global warming.

We have become technology dependent. multiply 8 X 7 in your head anyone? or do we have to use a calculator, like I said this movie makes you think.

After seeing some of the reviews on here I was expecting the worst. Instead was pleasantly surprised.

like his famous trilogy, not having a film companies boot up your butt telling you how to do things their way, Certainly seems to make a difference.

Good work George keep em coming. We want more, we want more. Do we get a sequel? or another dawn? I can't wait.
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Halloween (2007)
1/10
Yes lets just butcher a classic
13 February 2009
Not worth commenting on, yes honestly it's that bad, I love movies and can watch anything usually no matter how bad it is, hell, I even watched Troy, but this was just too much for me I had to switch it off before I saw the end it was a joke.

It was Dr Phil meets Michael myers. How p.c, lets go back into his childhood and find out the cause of this poor child's inner turmoil, oh spear me!

The whole point of a horror character is to make him or her void of any reasoning or human emotion, so he seems creepy, not just a dumb, stupid ape man who mutilates everything,

If you thought the shark in Jaws 3D was too big, you will be laughing your wobblies off, when you see myers in this.

That is of course if you can handle waiting for about 40 minutes until you get to see myers as an adult. Yes that's right folks its mainly myers as a child and the psychology of myers for most of the movie. boring..... I would rather slam my arm in a car door over and over less painful than having to watch this junk
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9/10
The ultimate DIY
3 June 2008
The bad then the good

Some who see this film will say what the hell? It was awful, bad acting, bad, well everything!

Being someone who is currently writing my own script and drawing storyboard for my own first film and who is also from New Zealand I can really appreciate just how much goes into making a film, especially in New Zealand with No budget to make it with,

I stress the No Budget bit.

There is really nothing much to help those wanting to make zero budget film in NZ. Post production and planning is a huge effort and takes forever, special effects makeup cost a fortune here compared to in the U.S, especially if you use genuine professional products. There's very few places that stock these materials as well.

These are the following reasons why I give Mr Davies film a 9

1. He used creative kiwi (New Zealanders are called Kiwis)ingenuity using hardware lights for studio lamps,

2. used different creative angles and lighting to add atmosphere.

3. Found a way to use some special effects in a country that is limited to supplies unless you chop up your cat.

4. Had a couple of scenes in the film that were reminiscent of the grudge/the ring, (no, there were no spooky Asian women with larengitis.or anemic Asian kid in nappies)

5. Managed to get film footage of up inside their ceiling somehow without falling through it. After all who needs a Stuntmen when you can just break the actors arms legs and back.

6. Added a twist that turned the film into an actual decent enough film to sit down and watch...... all the way through, which with NZ film is often hard to do unless it's made by Peter Jackson.

7. Didn't have platinum blonde bimbo of the universe with breast implants to take the lead in his movie just to attract an audience. You know the ones with breast implants so big they knock themselves unconscious when they go jogging.

8. Last but not least, did nearly everything almost alone with a really small film crew, I believe was made up from friends.

9. To be selected for a New York film festival I think he is doing very well not many get this far without a blonde bimbo

Especially when you come from a country with a population of only 4.2 million most of which, don't seem to know where the on button is on their digital video camera. :-)

Go for it Gary I hope to see more from you and your team in future.
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9/10
Original VHS good but DVD's New Soundtrack ruins it
2 October 2007
I first saw this one when I was in my mid teens and purchased the VHS video from a store that was moving location. The only copy left in my town apparently. The tape is in great condition but since have backed it up to DVD luckily I did as when I hired the DVD a few days ago from a local store I found it to contain a completely new soundtrack that takes away the whole atmosphere of the film. I still have one more day to go before taking the DVD back to the store though the music is off putting so cannot bring myself to watch the rest.

This makes me appreciate, how much the Audio of a film contributes to it's success or failure.

Good movie, Definitely make sure you see the original version with the original Audio track.

The version with a 80's pop soundtrack at the beginning is nowhere near as creepy. Good film, great twist.

One of the main Actresses, Tracy Bergmen (ANNE),I believe now stars as Loren Fenmore on Young and the Restless or at least she does in NZ but were are four years behind the U.S.

I First heard of the movie in a copy of my older brothers Magazine Fangoria, a mag about horror movies and FX makeup. This was back when I was a kid. There was a photo of a makeup artist standing to the side of Melissa Sue Anderson and, well I won't tell you the rest as it would spoil the ending. I thought from the pictures that they actually used makeup for what happened when the twist occurs, not camera effects, but viewing the film as an adult it looks like it was just camera,I wonder if the photo in Fangoria was manipulated somehow, enquiring minds want to know? Definitely worth watching, especially if you liked John Carpentars and Debra Hills Halloween, They don't make movies like this anymore.
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1/10
Anyone contemplating suicide this movie ought to do it !
5 May 2006
This film was so bad it was barely watchable.

Unless of course you're a fan of either Patrick Swayzes bother, Don or of a sometimes shirtless (and rather muscular) David Heavener. then don't watch this movie.

I could not concentrate on the movie properly, no not because of Davids werewolf pectorals, was Heaveners hairy chest really that disturbing? well yes it was, but no that's not the reason I was distracted. Even though surely someone with that much hair on their chest should also have a Uni - brow.

The only thing I could think about while watching this movie, besides 'what the hell is Martin Landau doing in this low budget piece of hooey Was, when is it going to ever end?

Yet for some reason I couldn't put my finger on the stop button on my DVD remote, had I finally gone stark raving bonkers? I purchased this movie as part of a 10 DVD Thriller Pack, TE He He Thriller LOL NOT! It cost ten dollars in New Zealand I can now see why. Available from The Warehouse NZ or Aussie, these were put out by flashback entertainment.

There were so many goofy mistakes about this film. The stunt man who could be seen clearly falling off a building an onto a foam mat in the wrong place on film, which didn't match up to the dead character on the ground, also the way it was cut allowed viewers to see the thick mat as it bounces up on one edge. The cheesy over acted and sometimes underacted dialog. Isolated location as though it was filmed in a ghost town, or was it someones back yard out in the country, I couldn't tell. But wait that's not all there's more, actors (yes they had enough money for about four or five of these, just not enough money for any props or decent makeup or clothing) Seriously I am shocked that this was filmed in the 90's.

Judging by the clothing I thought it was made in the early 80's. The actors reaction time to every line said by another actor is so slow it's as though they were reading their lines off of cue cards. Or they were having a nap between each line, to be kind Yes it has a story, but this could have been done a lot better.

I hear apparently the star of this tragic piece of trash, Mr David Heavener is not only a film producer, director and actor, but a martial artist and now Christian music composer/performer. How talented, shame it couldn't save his movie. maybe if he made a movie Titled 'kicking ass for the lord' he would do better? or Jujitsu for Christians. Or grow back his beard and become a George Michael impersonator, oh I am so not nice.

Unfortunately for Mr Heavener he simply couldn't have made a worse film, even his George Michael Designer stubble and sizable biceps weren't enough to keep even his girlie members of the Audience happy.

At the end of this film I was still left questioning 'what in the hell is Martin Landau doing in this film?'

To be kind I have to say one thing about Mr Heaveners attempt. If any talent scout was watching this film Heavener would definitely be someone they would remember. He's the one who made that really bad film back in the 90's.

Seriously this is Definitely one to avoid. Not to hire, purchase or even watch!!! not even as part of a cheap DVD pack. The only time I would recommend purchasing this film is if you have to get a gift for someone you really don't like!

It should come with a health warning on it: WARNING Anyone contemplating suicide, this movie ought to do it! :-)

Enough said I think you get the point Its a shame cos I think he might actually be able to act under better conditions.
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8/10
awl what spooky fluorescent blue eyes you have Mr zombie, All the better to terrify you with my dear!
27 November 2005
Well the opening was great scary little intro nothing like a oh and by the way my man is a zombie and wants to kill me introduction oops hope that isn't considered a spoiler well it doesn't exactly happen like that but you will see what i mean.

Fast paced beginning in fact i had to watch it three times cos dam it was a shocker. Good contact lenses good acting good cast in fact it was just good.

I don't have much else to say besides I take my hat off to the makeup artist who did an incredible job

Though I have one criticism, I don't know if it was just the version I saw, whether it was cut heavily by the sensors though it said directors cut on the cover here in New Zealand. But there weren't many zombies in the film especially compared to the hoards of them in the first one of the same name. Though then again the only resemblance this film bears to the first is it's name and cameo appearances by members of the first movie.

I was good, could have been better but was still a scary little number which I watched three times and intend to watch again. I own a copy on DVD. But I will recommend one thing to those who haven't seen it yet. I saw it first on a small 21 inch screen flat screen that is, TV with Nicam sounds on Video tape. Then again on DVD same TV sounded and looked like crap. Due to it's size you miss many aspects of the film if you watch it from a normal distance so either make sure you watch it up closer, or watch it on a big screen TV if you have access to one or build a homemade TV projector from one of the many do it yourself 100" TV projector sites around.

Don't pay for the plans they are available for free for best results use a magnifying glass not a Fresnel lens make sure it doesn't have a bi focal bit though. And spray a piece of MDF board with semi gloss silver paint to get a good picture anyway I used a new 32 widescreen T.V and incredible surround functions on it and OMG what I had been missing and not just on that film but many others.

Good film wouldn't mind seeing another zombie movie from the same producers of this
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7/10
Mr Rubber Face Does It Again, Yah
27 November 2005
Good movie, entertaining, funny, bit of this and that thrown in here and there unusual, yet fun fantasy with Mr Rubber Face himself Jim Carrey (from The Mask, fame) as the Count. Sinister plot funny beginning you almost think Oh my god have I hired the wrong movie or have the DVD store put the wrong one in the DVD case. But then it makes sense. Jim Carreys makeup job works well the cinematography is well done the actual look of the film is somewhat rustic and creepy but with a sense of olden days past while still set in the here and now I think. The characterizations are likable and well portrayed by the actors the voice of the baby and using subtitles was ingenious and funny and hell. Billy Connelly in a role where he doesn't utter one four lettered word not even once, give the man an academy award! It was hard to tell One the kids will like, and big kids as well.
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2/10
duh duh, duh duh, OK you get the idea just when you thought the metal/fiberglass shark had been burn hit and pranged more times than your car
27 November 2005
well what can I say I saw this years ago when it first came out on VHS. It seemed like crap back then, nothings changed much. Though have to say it seems better second time around on DVD probably due to the fact I knew not to expect to much.

I would like to see a jaws 5 but set in a different country and with a completely different story line. Though what can you do with a shark story besides shark swims into populated area eats people lots of blood and they die YAY thats about it really isn't it Oh thats right I forgot weve already had a jaws five it was called Deep blue sea or was that a jaws ripoff? Only watch this if you want to watch a somewhat better mechanical shark than the first but with design floors chomp its way through lots of wood more than lots of people I think the boats end up worse off than anything else. If I had to sum it up in one word, BORING!
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Cursed (2005)
1/10
give me American werewolf in London any day
24 November 2005
La,La,La,La,La, La,La,La,La,De,De,De,De,De,De,De in case you were wondering its the theme to warner brothers loony toons. Why you ask well you know bugs bunny? yeah well I almost expected to see him chasing after the CGI Tazmanian devil in this film, and turn around and face the camera ans say 'whats up doc' In fact why not just throw in roger rabbit while your'e at it.

When is Hollywood every going to learn if you cant do CGI well then umm Don't DO IT AT ALL. I used computers a fair bit and I'm trained in them. I used to work in hairdressing industry and have worked with makeup artist, I am a fan of what used to be modern horror movie makeup back in the 80's, back when movies like The Howling and An American Werewolf in London set the new standard for werewolf films.

Oh whatever your'e just old and don't like change I hear you say! No I'm not very old, though my older brother used to sneak me into his room and let me watch horrors late at night with him when I was a kid.

Just recently I purchased the 20th anniversary edition of An American Werewolf in London and also the Howling. I was sort of expecting that after this long it will be dated and I would probably even laugh at the special effects, but no, even after over two decades the special effects in the American werewolf in London haven't dated hardly at all.

I can still look at it and think OMG how in the hell did they do that, it looks so real. Even the Howling, OK there are a few scenes where they obviously used latex human replicas and 80's effects, which are fairly obvious. But most of the scenes in this film even when viewed on a big screen TV cannot be flawed. Especially the file cabinet scene in the office and the huge werewolf. These movies changed werewolves from what had previously been known as the traditional wolf man (a guy who looked like he needed dental work and had never heard of waxing) into a whole new type of horrific animal/human hybrid.

Now Hollywood is UN-doing it by making tacky crap like this. At least with Jurrasic Park they used a combination of makeup artistry animatronics and CGI, which worked. CGI has it's place but I have packages on my home PC that create models more realistic than the Taz in this movie. Some scenes were obviously done with makeup artistry costumes etc but even they weren't scary, funny maybe, but not scary.

This film was rather disappointing considering it was a Wes Craven film, young actors from previously well known U.S T.V series have been cast to appeal to a young audience and probably to give them a job. Hell they even tried using Scott Baio from Charles In Charge to up the ratings. But alas it didn't to many wrinkles I'm afraid. Some men age like a fine wine but he's not one of them sorry Scott gee the truth hurts how can I be so mean well at least I can say one thing at least he can still act, unlike the rest of the cast. Well that was besides the lead female role who like uncannily like Christina ricci I think thats here name you know the girl from The Adams family similar but different somewhat older. Okay now I have finished being a nasty shallow image critic let's move on.

This movie didn't work well, at least not for me or any other person over 12 in fact if I had kids I would probably let them go up and pat the poor werewolf on the head for getting such a hard wrap evil,Ha Ha evil my butt, what with looking so cute n fluffy and all. I am just thinking before I insult the makeup artist I better go and find out who it was in case its someone like Rick Baker who did the American Werewolf gig. I very much doubt it though if so I would think he must have been medicated while working too make such a joke store costume makeup job.

Anyway enough criticism from me I'm starting to sound like Leonard Maltin. My advice if you want it, save your money and if you are from a generation that never saw 80's horrors much do yourself a favor and Hire An American werewolf in London and The Howling, If these don't put the willys up you and have you wondering how in the hell did they do that without CGI, then you need a bigger TV screen or new glasses.

And if you are old enough to remember these films then hire them again trust me you'll love em
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Elektra (2005)
10/10
Very clever Jenny good work clap, clap
10 October 2005
Loved it thought it was brilliant yes OK now you will probably hire this and think, aye what was he talking about. Don't you just hate it when people praise up a film and it turns out to be junk? Well this one isn't I won't praise it up too much at risk of making it sound better than what it is and putting your expectations up to high.

But it is good. Great mix of action Martial Arts spooky surreal Asian/ Characters and plenty of dramas and twist along the way oh and yes good special effects as well. A way to entertain yourself for an evening or afternoon. Though I liked it so much I have just purchased a copy on DVD. One to add to the DVD collection.

Ten points top of the class go home early Jenny
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The Ring Two (2005)
1/10
Oh look its Exorcist 8, but without the puke
10 October 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Boring, boring, boring way to waste a couple of hours

Japanese horrors can be so good why does the U.S have to butcher them. Though admittedly some horror cover versions such as The Grudge Sam Raimai were good. But this one OMG it so wasn't. I remember the days when Hollywood could actually make a scary film. when I was a kid my brother used to sneak me into his room on school nights at 10pm and let me watch horrors on those old fashion top loading video players with a corded remote. OK yes I know I am showing my age still in my twenties but even I couldn't hack this piece of junk.

The film was pathetic it was like: "Mummy", "what darling"? " Well a lady possessed me today, you know, just like in the exorcist"? "Oh yes dear I remember that movie." "She needs a shampoo and a good conditioner mummy cos her hair is really matted together from being stuck down a well for 30 years"

I've seen more life in a box of crackle pop cereal! This movie sucked so bad it should have it's own website telling everyone not to hire it, EVER! It should be called www.donthirethering2cositsucks.com

MMM, Yes well enough said, well maybe not I forgot to add BORING! and wasn't that the kid from A.I? or does this kid just act like a robot in all his films.

If you want to see a genuinely scary movie see 'The Undead' it's made in Australia. A low budget movie which literally was made with nearly no money, but they still managed to make what looks like a big budget Hollywood zombie flick. This is often reminiscent of those genuinely original horrors of the 80's. It's actually pretty creepy, but with comedy as well. Check it out if you like a scary, funny, action, sci-fi horror. Produced by the Spierig brothers it's gaining cult status in some parts of the world. If you have some sort of surround sound setup this movie will make you poop ya pants.

I still wonder why, and I will say it again, why is it the smaller countries seem to be coming up with the better films lately? Has Hollywood run out of ideas? everything is borrowed. I have an answer to their problem and its quite simple go back to making the characters invincible like Jason Veriee's or Freddy or mike myers every teen flick these days is simply a normal person who ends up being the villain maybe it's time to invent a new character one that gets back up again when he's been shot 20 times! Hollywood leave Freddy and Jason alone and come up with something new please all this other crap thats coming out just sucks. Go with what you know not with what you don't!
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The Grudge (2004)
9/10
OMG a genuinely scary horror movie at last
10 September 2005
Yes I am male, no I am not a scaredy cat, but could this movie just be a wee bit more scary please? no I don't think it could actually.

I sat in bed thinking hoe de hum lets just put this DVD in and get it over and done with, I wasn't expecting much. I used to be a fan of horrors especially 80's horrors the birth of the modern horror film. Though lately it seems that American movie makers have lost the ability to create genuine horrors that scare. This must be why they had to borrow from the original Japanese version of this film and also use the same director/producer also????

Even so I have to give Sam Ramai (yet another spelling error) the two thumbs up for improving on the Japanese version and making it even creepier. I don't normally like praising a movie up too much, there's nothing worse than someone saying gee that was a wicked film then you go hire it and think OK that was crap and IMDb reviewers suck. So instead I will just say watch it alone, in bed, at night with the lights out, on a DVD player with a surround sound TV or home theater system. And make sure you have your duvet cover pulled up.

If the ultra pale, dead little Japanese kid with the psychotic cat doesn't put the willies up you, then the Japanese woman with the world record for double jointedness surely will.

This is the movie that will be known for years to come, as the film that put and end to sales of Duvet covers. I will never think of bed linen the same way ever again!

Genuinely scary little number only out done by the Japanese sequel The Grudge 2 (ju-on 2)probably spelt that wrong but you get the idea.

I recommend that you watch the U.S version of "The Grudge" first then view the Japanese movie "The Grudge 2".

Guaranteed to give you nightmares and put you in therapy for the next ten years. If you like these movies try getting hold of the string of Asian horrors coming out such as Phone, and Dark Water and The Eye

I give this movie a 9 for the fact that it not only put the sh^%%%its up me and made me scared of pale Japanese kids for life. But it also didn't rely on CGI too heavily. Many of the scenes I thought were done with CGI weren't. And however that woman learned to move and twist her body like that I will never know, if you think Michael Jacksons moon walk was cool you have'nt seen nothing yet! you have to see this to believe it.

I can't wait to see if Sam Ramai can improve on The Grudge 2 Japanese version, I think he find it a tall order to follow!
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10/10
Excellent quality dramatisation of true events
20 February 2005
One of the best Aussie films I have seen in years. At first I thought, oh god here we go another badly acted film but give it five minutes and it starts to reveal an overlapping tapestry of characters with diverse personality's, which reflects the often too true reality of the traditional Aussie or New Zealand 1950's/1960's family. The traditionally emotional un-involved alcoholic father,this movie took me back to my own childhood and I am sure many Aussies and New Zealanders can relate. Not only does this film reflect the life of an otherwise ordinary family, who fought against extraordinary overwhelming odds.

This film shows that dreams can become reality even for those of us needing to overcome extremely difficult situations. And that all of us are given opportunity's to grab and go with.

Great film well acted after the first five minute lol. And with a good cast. A film, which should gain much more recognition that what it maybe has excellent 10/10
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Inspiring, moving, provoking and educational.
26 October 2004
Based on Dian Fossey's own autobiography, this true life story is inspiring and has helped these amazing animals in many ways by waking us up to their plight. Originally Dian herself was helping to make the film, until she was murdered and the production team had to go back and start it all over again several years later in 1988.

I am aware she did complete a degree when she returned to the USA in 1980 and wrote her book, which was published in 1983, and then revised in 1985. She returned to Africa in to help the gorillas and was murdered in 1984/1985 I believe near Christmas.

She may have done things that weren't ethical according to some, though her plight to save the gorilla came first.

This movie does give a fairly accurate but slightly toned down version of the events, which took place, though there were a few changes in details. It would be impossible to fit 13 years of events into just over one and a half hours of footage. So I think Hollywood did a good job.

The main alterations, leaving out some of the details of horrific animal abuse that would have otherwise pushed the rating up to an R16 and probably left any animal lover in tears. The details they left out as well may have made the film a little to shocking for the chief censors.

The special effects makeup, I believe done by Rick Baker, and real gorilla footage is seamless, making it hard to tell which parts were real gorillas and which are very well created costumes.

After purchasing the DVD I now realize they had Dian Fossey's original tracker with them to help with the film.

All up I think this film gives us just enough drama, action and thrills to make it a hit. I think Sigorney Weaver should have won an academy award for this especially considering how brave she was to film on location with real gorilla right next to her.

This movie has inspired myself to change my career path and am also reading the book, which I would recommend for anyone who wants to see how much more horrific the events were in reality.

This movie is a must see, who knows it may even change your life.
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Popcorn DVD and complete boredom!
20 September 2004
Watched the movie on DVD last night.

Have to say that I don't even want to waste much time commenting on this one. I heard it was bad but did'nt realize it was going to be this bad, it was almost unwatchable.

I think the makers of the PC Game have done themselves a huge injustice by even letting this movie be made. Butchering up the reputation of what is a great PC game. As with all PC/PSX games I think if they're a hit on the gaming platform leave it as a game.

I hope Sega, the people who I believe produced the game see this and help the movie producers do a better job if they decided to make a sequel. Though after this massive botch up I doubt there will be a need for another movie like that.

I don't know, it seems as though Hollywood can't seem to make a decent horror anymore. I hope that someone one day makes a movie reminicent of 80's horrors where the Zombie's actually looked creepy.

This is truly a movie only for those who have nothing better to do and who want to be bored out of their minds. Though I do have one positive thing to say, the movie didn't seem to long which was good because I couldn't possibly have watched it for any longer.

Don't waste your money even hiring this, save it for the next Resident Evil sequel.
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