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Reviews
The Transporter (2002)
Unbelievable... literally
Just watched Transporter 1 and 2 so this review will be about both. And I won't be able to explain my point without some spoilers. Both movies are equally as good, or bad, depending on your opinion, and I suspect the same about the third, which is unusual for sequels.
Transporter is a good action flick if you can suspend your disbelief, and I mean really suspend. Here are the spoilers to prove my point. The transporter is fighting off a couple dozen baddies in a fist fight. After he knocks them all out he reaches in one of their pockets and takes out a gun. Why didn't they use their guns? Who knows. The filmmakers didn't even bother to make up some far fetched explanation like having the boss tell them not to use their guns because it will attract attention. Don't worry about it, just shut off your brain and enjoy the action.
The transporter paraglides out of a plane and catches up to a truck going down the highway and lands on the roof. Another time he catches up to a helicopter in a car.
Here's a zinger that had me laughing out loud. The Transporter is driving with a bomb under his car which is about to go off. What would you do? Well I would get out as fast as I can and run. What does he do? He finds some perfectly placed ramp that lifts one side of the car up and rolls it around so that a crane hook can just catch the bomb sticking to the bottom and pull it off just as it explodes while the car continues to roll 360° and lands on its wheels and he keeps driving.
Here's another great laugh. The transport and the head bad guy are fighting it out in an airplane. The pilot is killed and the plane goes out of control into a nose dive. You're thinking well here come some unbelievable stunt where now he knows how to fly a plane and manages to pull it out of a spin that even expert pilots can't do. But you'd be wrong, because it's even more over the top than that. The plane actually hits the water head on. Neither of them are in a seat or have a seat belt on. Yet the plane simply hits the water, stops completely intact, then sinks, with both passengers alive and swimming in the water that starts filling the cabin. Think of a bus falling into the water off a pier and that's was a jet nosediving into the water at 600mph looks like. Oh god, I can't stop laughing even now.
So if you're an action junkie these films will really appeal to you. Lots of car chases, fist fights, and gun play. If the silly factor turns you off at all then run the other way, or maybe get in your car and fly through the air in a couple barrel rolls away from it.
Drifter (2008)
Pointless
I don't know what this movie was trying to be, but I can tell you it did not succeed. Even after seeing it I'm still not sure what it was about. I understand the plot was deliberately mysterious, and even that that was the main aspect of the movie, but it never travels down that required path of unraveling the mystery. Part of the problem is the production values are fairly low so you are never certain if the reason it doesn't make sense is because it was meant to be that way and you are supposed to figure something out for yourself, or it was just poorly made. I can't point to any one aspect of the film that was particularly bad, but like the acting the whole thing was incredibly average.
The plot revolves around two men and two women who find themselves waking up in strange places together. Through a series of flashbacks we see that they had a past together. I don't know how much of a spoiler this is, but I have to take a crack at what I think it's about. We find out the one guy, while not exactly evil, was not very noble, let's say, when his friends needed him. So I think he is in purgatory reliving his failures. But who knows. Like I said, it's never resolved in the film. Which might be alright if it is interesting enough along the way or has some other redeeming features, but sadly it doesn't.
The Wreck (2008)
The Wreck is one
"The Wreck" can equally well describe the car crash that is the plot of this movie or the movie itself. If you read the plot it might sound interesting at first: man and pregnant woman are stuck in a car after a crash. You might think to yourself that sounds like a good start, and the plot should take off from there. It doesn't. That one line plot is the whole movie. It starts with The Wreck and ends with The Wreck. The rest of the time they are waiting to get rescued, with vague hints that something sinister might happened in between. Admittedly, the beginning is more like a preview of what is to come, rather then the start of the movie, so you could equally well call the story of what happens before The Wreck either the beginning of the movie or a flashback. In any case, this part is pretty thin. The main objective is to introduce the disgruntled bother whom the woman left for the man.
So then the trip begins. The woman is not due for 3 weeks but starts having contractions so they decide to turn around. While they are stopped and deciding what to do there is a strange man standing in the road in front of them. This is a good start. Your first thought is that it must be the brother. But the two don't recognize him so it can't be. So they turn around and head for home. That's when The Wreck happens. Like everything else in the movie, it's hard to tell exactly what happens. But maybe a tree is down over the road and they swerve and go off the road. The two are trapped and can't get out. The woman's legs and the man's arm are pinned somehow. Again, very hard to tell. You can see the woman's legs are under the dashboard but who knows why the man's arm is stuck. Later we find out the doors won't open either.
Whatever happened your first thought is the guy standing in the road. We hear a vague report on the radio about an escaped murdered. But then they just sit there and no one comes to threaten them. So much time elapses you think maybe it was just an accident. Later we see vague images of someone walking around. The woman thinks someone is out there. Then another day passes or something. Nothing.
Then there is the tension about the woman having the baby. She seemed just about to go into labor before. Even her water breaks while they are trapped. You wonder what's going to happen if she starts to deliver while her legs are stuck. But again, nothing.
I may have given away spoilers up to this point but here is the real spoiler. I'm doing this to save you the trouble of watching this to the end. But if you are intent on wasting your time don't read any further.
Finally, the man decides to cut his arm off in order to get out of the car and call for help on the phone he dropped out the window by accident. Just as he does this his brother shows up. Your first thought is that he's not there to help, and that's true. But what is his role in everything? Was he the guy on the road? No. Was he the escaped felon? No. Was he the guy sneaking around the forest? Did he cause the accident? Well apparently no and no, because he says he happened upon the debris and found the car and thought about helping them then changed his mind. So everything else that went on was all irrelevant and this brother who was disgruntled but otherwise normal with no history of psychopathic behavior turns out to be a sadistic killer. What's more, he just happens to find them. Was he out looking? Doesn't that mean he was looking to help them? Then he finds them and thinks "well I've been looking for them for days and here they are. Wait, I know, instead of helping them maybe I'll torment them." He makes it sounds like he was driving home one day and happened by. Out in the middle of nowhere? Without going into any more detail, they manage to kill the brother and the man dies, apparently, though that's unclear too, but not before calling for help. The paramedics arrive and they call a doctor for advice about the pregnant woman. He tells them save the woman not the baby. Apparently, this leads to the woman stabbing herself in the throat. Why? Again, apparently, to save the baby because you then hear the paramedics talking about a postmortem C-section. Wow, really? Who would have thought killing yourself would allow them to successfully deliver your baby. I'm no doctor, but, really? I'm mean I'm sure it's possibly but who would think the chances are great enough to stake your life on? What's more, it's not clear the man is dead. The paramedics start treating him and never say he's dead. If he lives, couldn't they just have another one?
The only good thing I have to say about this movie is it's short. Maybe I made the ending sound like an interesting philosophical question, but that part took up about the last 30 seconds of the movie after the main climax with the brother was over. Thumbs down.
Examined Life (2008)
Snoozefest
I'm surprised this movie is rated so highly. I thought any movie that tried to make you think would start at 5 and go down from there. While it's encouraging that that's not the case, it's unfortunate that this has to be the movie to hold up as an example.
There is nothing profound here. There is no coherent theme or narration to tie everything together. It is just a collection of people discussing their new-agey ideas seemingly off the top of their head. I would have much preferred a scripted lecture where every sentence was thought out in advance.
I was hoping to learn something here or at least say "hmm, that's interesting". But that didn't happen once. Maybe philosophy will always require a book to appreciate and will never lend itself to a good movie. I actually do think it is possible, this movie just doesn't deliver.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
Only an installment
This movie was very good until the ending... that is, lack of an ending. Trying to get a satisfactory conclusion to this story is like watching an episode of Lost. Everything good up to that point is negated by the frustration of having to wait for the next movie, which will be sequel part 2 - this was just sequel part 1. At least the original movie had an ending.
Up to the lack of an ending the movie was almost as good as the first one. I thought the supernatural/fantasy element of the first one was its weak point and this one has even more of that. On the other hand the special effects and production design were superb and the story was fairly exciting.