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1/10
I'd recommend eating shards of glass to seeing this movie it's so bad ...
8 December 2005
Not being a huge fan of the original series, I didn't exactly jump about this film being made. It's just another in a long line of creating movies out of old television shows (a chain that by law, should probably be stopped now, before it gets much worse). So, I wasn't expecting too much from the movie, although a few of these types of films have at least been semi-enjoyable. In this case of this film, I was dead on.

This movie is just a sorry excuse for foul language, destruction, stupidity, gratuitous breast shots, and seeing Jessica Simpson's overly talked about double D's and butt.

Despite the fact that there's actually supposed to be a plot line for this movie, you never get around to caring, let alone enjoying it because of all the asinine stuff going on through out the movie's 107 minutes run (which in my opinion should have ended after the first 4 minutes).

You'll never care about the characters, let alone Hazzard county, which the plot is supposed to center around saving. And most of the characters are so incredibly far off course from their original T.V. counterparts that I'm surprised there aren't law suits lined up. The biggest being Uncle Jessie's character who goes from a wholesome fatherly influence, to a moonshine running, weed smoking, foul mouthed, Molotov Cocktail tossing, jerk.

There's also just no way these two guys could possibly get away with all the crap they end up doing, not even in movie pretend land. Just not convincing.

Essentially, unless you want a badly done soft porn movie, don't bother. I'm sure there are bad movies to watch that are still better than this. I can see why some of the original cast members from the television show objected to this piece of crap being made.

A 1 rating is not low enough to rate this movie, but, it'll have to do for now. I'd suggest eating shards of glass before I'd recommend this movie to anyone.
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7/10
Good Start, Horrible Ending....
1 August 2005
Warning: Spoilers
After hearing all the hype of this movie, the awards it's won, etc., I finally took a moment to sit down and watch it, expecting a beyond wonderful flick. Afterall, Eastwood's previous "The Bridges of Madison County" hadn't been that bad.

The movie starts off, explaining boxing through the eyes of an ex-boxer, Eddie Scrap-Iron Dupris (the marvelous Morgan Freeman) who now works for Eastwood's character, Frankie Dunn, as a janitor in his gym. After Eastwood gets dumped by his current boxing protégé, he reluctantly ends up coaching Maggie Fitzgerald (Hilary Swank) in women's boxing.

The girl seemingly has every odd against her from age to her trailer trash background. However, she rises up the ranks with Frankie behind her. A father-daughter bond forming. Everything is going well for Maggie, until a bad fight, in which Maggie becomes completely paralyzed save for movement of her face (can't even breath on her own).

It's at this point in the movie that the plot seems to become one huge advertisement for assisted suicide. Maggie states that she can't go on living because she's seen the world, won fights, heard people chant her name. This is aside from the fact that Eastwood's character is even hinting that perhaps she could get a special wheelchair and go back to school. It seems seriously odd that this woman comes from nothing into something, but the moment she has a serious set back she's ready to die.

Hello Maggie! Ever heard of Professor Stephen W. Hawking? A genius despite the odds against him. Or what about Christopher Reeve? He didn't just roll over and die! He lived life to its fullest until the day he died, with a determined smile on his face! I think in the end I found her attitude really offensive. And when Dunn refuses to help Fitzgerald die, she attempts suicide on her own by biting her tongue and bleeding to death which fails.

In the end, Eastwood helps Swank's character die. And I'm wondering the whole time where the hell the nurses were when she flat-lined? And Eastwood walks off to Ira's for a piece of lemon pie while Morgan Freeman's character writes Eastwood's real daughter explaining what kind of guy he was.

So the movie started off promising, but plummets to hades very quickly at the end. The only fighting you even see the character do is she finally tells off her hillbilly family who wants her money.

At times funny, others endearing and almost tear worthy, but the ending makes you pretty angry overall. I gave it a 7 out of 10.
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10/10
~ Beloved Tale Brought To Life ~
6 January 2005
Unlike several other version of this movie, this one is completely fun and enjoyable. My favorite character was Passepartout/Lau Xing, Jackie Chan, perhaps he gave the story that much needed action kick that made this a more enjoyable version to watch. Steve Coogan made a great Phileas Fogg, the tortured genius laying everything he holds dear on the line to prove himself. Monique La Roche (Cécile De France) was quirky and rounded out the threesome.

The cameos abounded (it became fun trying to spot people) as eccentric characters from around the globe were brought to life. My favorite was probably Mark Addy (A Knight's Tale) as a Capt. of a ship who lost both his nipples to some sea-life, think Ahab with a twist. This helped the story progression easily through parts that could have brought it to a grinding halt.

The story is good, it's not hard to want to watch this one, adults and kids alike should enjoy it. A classic tale that springs vividly to life. 10/10.
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Spider-Man 2 (2004)
9/10
~ MORE Web-Slinging Fun ~
6 January 2005
Normally sequels are hugely disappointing in comparison to the original film. So it's hard to believe that they could even come close to topping this movies original, alas they do!

Picking up where the first movie starts off and introducing several new comic book regulars, we bypass the history establishing story of the original and head straight into what life is like for Peter Parker being a college student, Spiderman, and trying to hold down a job.

This time Spidey must face the likes of Doc Ock, portrayed by Alfred Molina (he's come a long way since Indiana Jones cameos) excellently. Once again they couldn't have picked a better actor to portray the villain Spiderman has to face.

Spiderman must take out Doc, save the city, save the girl, and still get good grades.

The action sequences once again are entrancing and the story is well written. Kudos once again to the actors involved and Sam Raimi on creating another hit. Looking very much forward to Spiderman 3. Another hit I'm sure if 1 & 2 are any indications.
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Spider-Man (2002)
9/10
~ Web-Slinging Fun ~
6 January 2005
Normally I can't stand movies derived from comics, for example the duds that were the Hulk & Daredevil, but this one surprised me.

An excellent take on the comic book character created by Stan Lee. Next to the X-Men movies that came out about the same time, and Superman with Christopher Reeve, it is definitely one of the better Comic to Movie films put out.

The cast is well chosen. McGuire is Spiderman/Peter Parker to me. I don't think they could have chosen better. Kirsten Dunst makes a decent Mary Jane Watson, wasn't ever fond of her to begin with, but it's pulled off well. Willem Dafoe as the Green Goblin is sheer genius.

The story is well written and keeps you along for the entire ride, coupled with action that's explosive and thrilling. Definitely fun for all, even die hard Spidey fans won't be disappointed! Fun for all! 9/10.
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Ladyhawke (1985)
10/10
~ A Love Story To Last The Ages ~
6 January 2005
Warning: Spoilers
This is one of my favorites since childhood. Definitely a unique type of love story.

We begin with Phillipe Gaston played by Matthew Broderick, I think one of his better acting jobs, an escapee from the Prison of Aquila, something that has never happened before. However, in his zealous celebration, Phillipe finds himself facing Aquilan guards in the name of the Bishop. He is saved by Captain Etienne Navarre, a former Capt. of the guard for Aquila.

His rescue doesn't come without a price though, Phillipe is told that he will get Navarre back into Aquila in order to kill the Bishop in revenge. Phillipe has little choice but to agree to the task. In his traveling with Navarre, Phillipe discovers an entrancing young woman who always shows up after the sun sets and Navarre disappears.

Phillipe eventually discovers that her name is Isabeau d'Anjou, Navarre's love, and that because of the curse she is Navarre's hawk companion by day and that Navarre turns into a black wolf by night, a punishment put upon them by the Bishop of Aquila because Isabeau did not return his affections.

With the help of Imperius, the monk who betrayed the lovers secret to the Bishop in a fit of drunkenness, Phillipe discovers that a solar eclipse will allow the lovers to confront the Bishop together as man and woman and break the spell forever. They encounter Navarre's stubbornness to the plan and must think of a clever way to help the two lovers.

The story is beautiful, Rutger Hauer & Michelle Pfeiffer put in terrific acting jobs. A terrific story of love conquers all with a twist. The bits of humor thrown in make the characters endearing. Would recommend it any day, but perhaps I'm bias by now. 10/10.
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Shallow Hal (2001)
9/10
~ "Tons" of Fun ~
6 January 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Probably my favorite of Jack Black's movies to date. Taking on the phrase "beauty is only skin deep" with heart.

Hal is a guy who due to his father's last words under drugs, seeks out women with great outsides, who are typically out of his league. Upon meeting Tony Robinson, the self help guru, he gets hypnotized & Hal suddenly starts seeing women's inner beauty reflected on their outer appearance and believes himself to be irresistible to women.

It's through these rose colored beer goggles Hal meets Rosie, a 400 lb woman with a heart of gold, and falls head over heels for her, not realizing she's largely obese in reality. Hal finally learns what it's like to fall in love with a woman's soul, but just before happiness is reached his reality is called back in by Mauricio, his shallow best friend who takes off the hypnotism out of selfishness. It's up to Hal to decide whether to look past Rosie's outer appearance & be happy, or to go back to his old life lonely bachelorhood.

This movie manages to tackle the issue with terrific humor, most of which comes from Hal's "shallow" friend played by Jason Alexander (I can't stand this guy, but he was actually able to put his being a jerk to good use here and pull it off well). Cankles? An overall feel good movie, laugh, learn, & love it. 9/10 is what I give it.
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9/10
~ American Classic ~
6 January 2005
Warning: Spoilers
I finally got to see this movie again after years. I remember it from childhood, a favorite of my mother.

This movie is a wonderful example of the Human Spirit despite adversity. David's brother Marcus visits home for the first time in years. Their father died of a brain aneurysm and Marcus was outraged at his mothers behavior during the time. David a bit more sympathetic to his mother knowing she just couldn't deal with it. It's on this visit that Mrs. Sommers expresses concerns that she thinks David has the same disease. Marcus takes David back to Madison, WI where he lives and works, to run some tests on him.

Despite Marcus and David being on decent terms you can see a clashing of heads when it comes to certain issues, mostly from lack of understanding of one another. Marcus pushes David to try harder out of love, of course David doesn't see it as such. We find out that David is actually free of the disease that killed his father, however, an overheard conversation between Marcus and a friend at the testing center leads David to believe that he's a time bomb waiting to go off. He decides he can deal with death, and takes up Marcus' offer to do the "Hell of the West" cycling race with him in Colorado.

Along the way David finds love, a courage and strength within himself he didn't know was there, and new understanding for his brother. It's the crashing news that Marcus is actually the one who's ill, and the disease begins kicking in during the cycling race that finally pushes David into being all he can be.

A bit sad and intense at times it's still a terrific and inspiring movie to watch. It also gives a new outlook on the world of Bicycle racing that most people will never know or see first hand. I give it a 9/10.
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King Arthur (2004)
8/10
~ A Refreshing Change On An Old Story ~
6 January 2005
Take all your preconceptions and the years of same rhetoric on the legend of Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table and throw it away save a few simple concepts, and you have King Arthur.

A refreshing change on the same old stories surrounding the beloved characters of Camelot. If you're looking for stories surrounding a mythical magic sword named Excalibur, an all powerful magician named Merlin, or a love triangle between Arthur, Guinevere, and Lancelot....well then go rent another movie. This particular version is based on a group of Knights in the Roman Empire Era led by Artorious Castus (Arthur), and takes place in the British Isles during the Saxon invasion.

In this version Arthur is a leader of different sorts, and his Knights are an eclectic band of fighters, each with their own motives and fighting styles. Referred to here as the Samatian Knights, they serve Rome, particularly the church. They are awaiting honorable discharge, but are handed one last mission before they can get it. Guinevere, a woad rebel (people who are fighting to free the land from the Roman rule) and advocate for the land, we actually don't meet until a good bit into the movie. This time though she isn't your regular damsel in distress, but a warrior of vast talents too, which is a nice change. Her role, aside from "love interest" eventually for Arthur, is trying to get Arthur to care about the land and freeing it's people from Roman rule, and the Saxon's who are now attempting to seize it.

The fight scenes between the various groups of people vying for control of Briton are good, visually stunning and intense. The acting is good, Clive Owen is a good and believable Arthur and would-be King. The Knights under his wing are also very good, each bringing their own personalities, but maintaining a good sense of camaraderie. Sometimes the banter between them had me rolling on the floor. Keira Knightley as Guinevere was OK, there were a few times where I wanted to smack her because she sounded as if she were a broken record. However, if you could stand her in Pirates of the Carribbean, then she won't entirely grind on you here either. I liked her best fighting...and NOT talking though.

A bit slow in some spots, but endearing characters, fresh take on the story, and extremely well done fighting scenes earn it a 8/10 from me. Hope to add it to my collection of home DVD's in the near future.
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Hero (2002)
8/10
~ Enthralling ~
6 January 2005
Not since Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon have I enjoyed a movie like this. The story is well done, and keeps you hanging as you try and figure out the truth behind the movies central characters: Nameless, Flying Snow, Broken Sword, & the King of Qin. In the tradition of the ending to Clue, it takes you through each scenario of what may have been as the watcher along with the King tries to decipher fact from fiction.

The lead actors & actress are easy to watch and make you enthralled with the characters, especially as the plot takes twists. Pure enjoyment to love them one moment, hate them the next, and then find yourself identifying with them. A supporting performance by Ziyi Zhang as Moon, servant to Broken Sword is also well done as her role throughout the film changes in strengths along with the main characters.

The fights move fluently and fun to watch. Anyone who is a fan of this type of martial arts film style should enjoy it. The scenery is lush and intense with vivid color changes and various terrains, pure candy to the eye. The elaborate set up of the two afore mentioned make for stunning effects as each of the stories unfold throughout the film.

I enjoyed this movie best with the original mandarin tracks with English for the hearing impaired subtitles, for some reason the English dubbing was just too busy for me, and you don't want to miss any details.

Overall, a true gem to watch. It earns a 8/10 from me.
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3/10
Pure Drivel!!
6 January 2005
I was debating on whether to rent this movie or not considering that all the reviews were complete fence walking between who liked and disliked the movie, but decided to go ahead since Will Ferrell hasn't been so bad in other movies and was decent in SNL. BIG MISTAKE! This movie was horrid. The jokes are canned, flat, and just unfunny overall. If there is something to be made fun of, it was hit, and badly.

To think that this many people could be this straight out stupid in real life and even function on a daily basis is absurd. If breathing weren't an involuntary function I'm sure they'd have died already.

There is absolutely nothing to like about the Ron Burgundy character at all. Will Ferrell as a supporting moron tends to render him an alright actor, but between a bad script and the bad acting he's just not good as a leading man. Veronica Corningstone, by Christina Applegate was likable until she fell for the worst pick up attempt in history and stoops to being as ridiculous as the other asinine characters.

Only saving graces in the movie were Steve Carell as Brick Tamland and the brief appearance by Jack Black as the angry biker. Carell's character is the only one who manages to bring any real laughs and completely outshines his co-stars AND he's the only one who's supposed to be "retarded." Bad script, bad humor, and warning to parents that the PG-13 rating is pushed heavily with the sexual content (seeing Will Ferrell's chest hair is upsetting enough, I just keep praying that it's not really his...YUCK). Overall just don't waste your time. If you want to watch a movie with an idiot who's funny, try Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story with Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn, who both incidentally make appearances (lamely) in this movie...I now know why they both went uncredited for staring in this piece of garbage. At best 3/10.
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Drowning Mona (2000)
1/10
Wished They'd Drowned Me Instead...
4 December 2004
Normally, I can find just about ANYTHING that's a saving grace in a movie to have a small soft spot for it. NOT THIS MOVIE! I'm ashamed to say I saw it in the theaters and paid full price for it. I couldn't tell which would feel better...getting my money back or just being shot to make the movie end faster.

The characters are annoying as hell! The plot is one of the stupidest I've ever come across, and normally I like a good "murder mystery". If you could actually call this movie that. I believe that you were supposed to of course hate the character of Mona, played by Bette Midler, but in the long run I couldn't find a single character that I didn't want to kill off myself.

If you're thinking of watching this movie...please, don't. Go get hit by a car, eat shards of glass, or have an intellectual conversation with Paris Hilton. Just please, for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT watch this movie, even a masochist may find it too much torture to handle. Trust me. I'd give it a 0/10, but they don't have a rating THAT low.
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