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The Outwaters (2022)
Ttoo bad this isn't a good one at all, complete mess. Shady con-job by Bloody Disgusting
The destruction of any illusion this is found footage is far from the main issue here. Found footage or not, to be entertaining a movie has to have some kind of suspense, drama, lead up, something to excuse the set up to the 'payoff,' the reason you went to see it in the first place.
That just doesn't happen here.
The set-up is you're supposedly viewing evidence from the contents of 3 SD cards. You might as well toss out card 1 for all the interest it contains. Four somewhat likable friends hang out making a music video, sort of. They fly around and we're treated to an earthquake, sort of, but not much else. Card 2 they're pretty much doing the same thing while camping out in the desert somewhere. Where and why are they camping out? Who knows? Who cares? I was growing really weary of the movie by now because it hadn't set up any expectations that there was anything at all amiss... You know, storytelling - creating tension, making you care about the characters on screen - none of that. Towards the end of card 2 there's some weird night sounds, but more like thunder with no rain, and more to the point, no explanation.
After 2/3 of the movie goes by and you're aching for something, ANYTHING to happen it finally does with card 3. Problem is, without any explanation or reasoning or build-up it feels more like random torture porn than it does any kind of actual horror. With very little build up all hell breaks loose quite suddenly with virtually no explanation for any of it, and for the next 40 minutes it's blood soaked prolonged death with very little in the way of rhyme or reason, which isn't scary, it's disgusting. Not once was I in the least bit frightened while watching this movie, but I was plenty disgusted by the time it ended.
The overall impression was after watching about an hours worth of boring videos of some seemingly nice enough kids trying to make a music video I then watched them destroyed for no particular reason other than the filmmaker thought if I throw a lot of blood and severed organs out there and make it hard to see any of it a lot of the time by reducing your field of vision to a small shaky flashlight spot, throw in some weird screaming snakes and a guy with an ax that has no real point other than he makes a cool silhouette, I've created an artsy horror film.
No, you haven't. What you've done is insulted your audience.
It's too bad too because it wouldn't've taken much to make this movie considerably better. Cutting the first 2/3 by half would be a good start.
Absolute garbage from start to end .. I don't understand the editing process of films like this, you're telling me a group of people literally watched this and thought it was good enough to release ??? They should refund every purchase made of this film and whoever created this shouldn't make films anymore. The trailer had all these rave reviews which is what made us decide to watch it ... we should have known better yet here I am with 10 min left of the movie (that we fast forwarded through most of).. so compelled to tell the general public how bad it is. . Do notttt waste your time or money.
Hero (2015)
Worst Launch, Worst Remake, film scores a zero
Sooraj Pancholi does a headstand on a platform of nails, drives a bulldozer through a wall, slams dudes through solid objects, does a laser dance in a disco and swings Athiya Shetty (who has taken three selfies within 15 seconds) around like a weapon to knock out a giant baddie. These are the first few minutes of Hero, directed by Nikhil Advani, and if there was any justice in this world, the film would have ended there. Unfortunately for Pancholi, Shetty and all those watching Hero, the world is cruel and unusual. It's difficult to say what debutants Pancholi and Shetty are capable of because Advani's remake of Subhash Ghai's Hero starts off as awful and ends as boring. There are about two genuinely emotional moments in the film's 131 minutes. In these, one senses Shetty in particular may just have some acting talent, but Advani and his screenwriter Umesh Bisht would rather bludgeon the audience with stupidity than give the newcomers an honest chance at winning us over. Film poster of Hero. Image Credit: FacebookFilm poster of Hero. Image Credit: Facebook Hero is a '80s' film that should never have been taken out of the vault. The dialogues, peppered with outdated flourishes like "imaandari ka pilla" and "aaj main surprise nahin, shock dene aaya hoon", are melodramatic. The only twist in Hero is when Shetty ties up her hair. The fights are unexciting. The cinematography is dull and the songs sound like wailing cats in heat who have been auto-tuned. Salman Khan's "Main Hoon Hero Tera" is the only example of melody in the soundtrack and Khan displays more acting in the sweet, little video of the song's recording than he has in most of his blockbusters. Sadly, he shows up only at the end. There's a lot to endure before you get your Bhai fix. Sooraj (Pancholi) is a thug whose bulging muscles hide a heart as mushy as a roasted marshmallow. When he isn't bodybuilding or beating up people, he's helping the needy. For no fault of his own, he lands up in the middle of a glowering contest between baddie Pasha (Aditya Pancholi) and Inspector General Mathur (Tigmanshu Dhulia). Pasha tells Sooraj to kidnap IG Mathur's daughter, Radha (Shetty). Since Pasha is like a father to Sooraj — apparently, Sooraj's mother was like a sister to Pasha, which hints at a rather incestuous family tree, but never mind those details — our buff hero spirits Radha away. It helps that Radha has the intelligence of a dull four-year-old. Despite having two policemen in the family (her father and brother), Radha finds nothing odd about a Mumbai police inspector taking her to a safe house in Jammu. It also doesn't bother her that she's in a wooden hut, in the middle of nowhere, with five strange men she's never seen before and that these 'policemen' don't let her call home. There are snowball fights, drunken nights around a bonfire and an occasionally shirtless Sooraj to ogle at ... what more could a 20- something PYT want? Along the way, a man starts singing in a girl's voice, Sooraj and Radha fall in love, Pasha roars mightily, IG Mathur bays for Sooraj's blood, and a bicycle discovers its inner Rajinikanth and neutralises a bullet. And then, as if 115 minutes of the film's barely-there plot wasn't enough of an endurance test, we get a song that recaps all of the first half and parts of the second half. By the time interval strikes, you've got to feel bad for young Pancholi and Shetty. Sooraj and Radha may be sporting bruises that look like the make-up team was using lipstick to make tally marks — perhaps to show how many days of shooting these two newcomers had survived? — but the real wounds are deep. Varun Dhawan and Alia Bhatt got the vapid but glossy Student of the Year. Ranbir Kapoor and Sonam Kapoor got the nonsensical and lavish Saawariya. The son of Aditya Pancholi and daughter of Sunil Shetty get Hero, a film as B-grade as their fathers' filmography. Hero is ill-conceived, outdated and lazily made, with neither director nor crew giving a hoot for details like continuity or logic. Pancholi and Shetty deserved better; not because they're star kids, but because as actors they commit as much as they can to the colossal ineptitude that is their debut film. Yet, rather than being a cakewalk, Hero is actually a serious challenge for both Pancholi and Shetty. Shetty has to showcase herself in a role that requires her to play a bimbo and make sure she doesn't blink when the wind machine blows her hair away from her face. This is a shame because with her athletic frame and deadly cheekbones, it's easy to imagine Shetty as a desi Lara Croft. Pancholi is making his debut at a time when Bollywood has a set of versatile young actors who are proving to be adventurous in their choices and versatile, but all this young man gets to do in Hero is show off his musculature. Unfortunately for him, every hero in Bollywood seems to have abs and the bland character he plays in Hero makes Pancholi look like a pale replica of Salman Khan, but without Khan's charisma. On the plus side, things can only look up for Pancholi and Shetty after this, because it's going to be tough to find a project as forgettable as Hero. Here's to their future.