Reviews

The fact that the protagonists are two girls from the valley should have been enough to ensure this would be a really fun movie. Instead, the dialogue was merely serviceable, the laughs nearly non-existent and the horror barely enough to register. The worst offense, however, is the incessant, irritating music. Don't misunderstand me: I was a teenager throughout the 80's and I absolutely adore much of the magnificent music from that decade. This movie features none of it. The ONLY recognizable tune is "Girls Just Want to Have Fun," which is obviously a classic from that era. However, instead of including the Cindy Lauper version, this film employs a singer by the name of Tami Holbrook. Nothing against her because she did a fantastic job. Nonetheless, the generic, off-brand soundtrack is emblematic of the banality encompassing this picture. It should have been fun; instead, it emits the stench of parsimony.

I was all set to be disappointed by this movie, based on all the negative reviews. I saw the first Elvira movie, "Elvira: Mistress of the Dark," in the theater when it originally came out and have enjoyed it a few times since. "Elvira's Haunted Hills" just isn't as prevalent on T. V. or streaming as "Mistress of the Dark," so I had not gotten around to seeing it until Shout Factory recently released it on Blu-ray. I actually really enjoyed it! I laughed out loud several times and was amused throughout. (The Shout Blu-Ray has a new introduction with Cassandra Peterson that is plain hilarious, and she looks like she hasn't aged one bit.) The movie really benefits from the change in the setting and time period. I think it would have been a mistake to make this a direct sequel to "Mistress..." and to retain the same characters, setting, etc. Because that would have been simply more of the same. It is fortunate that Cassandra Peterson again enlisted her writing partner and fellow Groundling, John Paragon to work on this film; according to her memoirs, Mr. Paragon (rest in peace, brother) most unfortunately suffered a fall from a horse and was unable to see this project through to its completion. Nevertheless, "Haunted Hills" is its own entity and I think it stands really well as a companion to "Mistress of the Dark."

I really like the energy put into this movie from the principal actors! Charles Bonet and Speedy Leacock play "brothers," best friends who are championed by the father of Bonet's character, Bob O'Connell. They band together to battle the greedy landlords, who are intent on evicting their poor tenants in favor of cashing in on a real estate development deal. Before long, things go awry and Bonet embarks on a personal vendetta to avenge his father. Some of the story is ridiculous, much of it is incompetently made and the acting ranges from nearly adequate to downright agonizing. (Check out that somnambulism on display from Thompson Kao Kang.) Nonetheless, I enjoyed nearly every minute of this! Bonet and Leacock come across with chemistry that makes their friendship seem genuine and by the time they team up with Sup Kim (Bill Louie), I was full of warm fuzzies for all the diverse, Enterprise-style humanity going down. If you want to watch some exciting and impressive displays of martial arts, check out Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan or Jimmy Wang Yu. If you want to watch some feel-good, American chop socky, you won't do much better than "Death Promise."

I recently watched this movie again after not having seen it for some twenty-odd years and I was somewhat disappointed. It wasn't as good as I had remembered it being. It wasn't bad, just not that great. Like many people, I first saw it back in the 80's when it first came out. I was in my early teens then and thought it was decent. Now in my forties, I have a much better appreciation for it when I watch it because I have two children of my own and I see much (perhaps a little too much) of myself in the Clark W. Griswold character. I laughed out loud several times at Chevy Chase's portrayal of Clark being "such a dad." I don't know whether or not he had children of his own prior to making this movie, but he really nailed the "typical dad" character. Also, Beverly D'Angelo is the perfect combination of sexy and motherly in her role, and Anthony Michael Hall and Dana Barron are also terrific in their roles. Randy Quaid, back in his more stable days, gives a rather sane performance as the inimitable Cousin Eddie. There are many outstanding supporting performances in this movie. Having written that, however, I must state that the movie plays out as episodic, like one childhood memory after another strung together. Also, the movie is often silly; it contains elements that would have better left as ideas. For instance, it doesn't really make sense that Clark's old car would be driven straight from him trading it in to being compacted within minutes. It makes for a fairly funny sight gag, but doesn't come across as something that would actually happen. When it comes to ratings, the movie really deserves no more than six out of ten; however, there are so many funny moments and Chevy Chase is so good as Clark, I bump up my rating to seven out of ten.

As much as it pains me to write, this movie is not all that great. I bought the blu-ray disc because it had so much going for it: it is about the Cleveland Browns football organization; it entails a draftee from the Ohio State Buckeyes, and it was apparently the previously top un-filmed script on blcklst.com, a website for film scripts. Sounds really, really good paper, which is why I was left a little flat after watching it. I think there were a couple reasons for this. One, the movie isn't at all about the triumph of the Cleveland Browns on the football field. Rather, it is about a victory for the Browns in (as the title of the film would suggest) the NFL draft wars. Exciting stuff? Uh, no. Contrast that with "Major League," the beloved movie from 1989 about the Cleveland Indians baseball team. That movie, much to the delight of us Ohioans, culminated with Tribe victories on the baseball diamond. "Draft Day" ends as the new draftees get set to take the field with the rest of the Browns. This is somewhat akin to what "The Avengers" would have been like if the film had ended immediately after Nick Fury assembled the superhero team: a little anti-climactic, to say the least. Another reason "Draft Day" fails to generate much excitement is that the majority of the film is predicated on phone calls. Guys in Cleveland are talking to guys in Seattle, Kansas City, Madison and elsewhere. Who wants to watch guys doing business over the phone for two hours? Even though the filmmakers acknowledge this and did some innovative things with editing, it is just a bad way to forward the action of the movie. One more aspect of the movie I found a little hard to swallow was the enthusiasm the draft picks show for playing in Cleveland. I was more than a little incredulous: I mean, no one really wants to be a Cleveland Brown. We fans love the team, but let's be honest about that. No other fans deserve the moniker "die-hard" more than Cleveland Browns fans. The Browns haven't won a championship in fifty years and, for all we know, it likely won't for another fifty years. We hope for the best, but realistically cannot expect our Browns to attract a following outside Ohio. Despite the aforementioned infractions, I more or less enjoyed the movie. Because I live in a suburb of Columbus, where the Buckeyes play, and have been a fan of the Cleveland Browns since the days of Brian Sipe, Ozzie Newsome and Dave Logan, the appeal of this film was obvious. How can one really go wrong with a film about the Buckeyes and the Browns, has unprecedented access to the NFL and even features cameos by Jim Brown and Bernie Kosar? I recommend the film really only for die-hard Browns and Kevin Costner fans.

Cool effects, but absolutely nothing else. The story was too thin to carry it longer than a half hour, yet it runs 2.5 hours. There isn't one likable character (though John Malkovich and Ken Jeong are pretty funny in their brief appearances). Many characters are introduced late in movie, and then only because more bodies are needed to populate the screen. I'm not really certain who the intended audience is here. Hasbro produced the movie, ostensibly to keep the toys selling. Yet, the movie is clearly not for kids. Autobot violence is one thing, but there are scenes with guns that go too far. The language is also too strong for kids, with several s--t and even a couple f-bombs dropped in for bad measure. It is also much too silly to be taken seriously by adults. Despite a couple tearful attempts, there is no heart or soul to it. The direction is very inept and Bay seems to still be getting the hang of melding live-action with CG action. I suppose he will keep going until the toys stop selling.

I have watched six episodes of this show on IFC and found nothing about it to recommend. Even though it is supposed to be funny (I think), I didn't laugh once. The plots are very simplistic, which in itself is not detrimental. Yet, when the actors appear visibly anguished to be associated with the show, it does tend to detract from the experience of watching it. The sole person who seems to be enjoying it is Thu Tran, who, although energetic enough, lacks the acting ability and professionalism to pull off the feat of starring. She seems like a nice person and is quite lovely; however, she simply isn't funny and I have seen better acting in grade school plays. I realize it is her show, but if Greencard Productions is committed to the show, it should seriously consider replacing Tran with a person of talent.