Change Your Image
![](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjQ4MTY5NzU2M15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNDc5NTgwMTI@._V1_SY100_SX100_.jpg)
wilbertvonbork
Reviews
Ironheart (1992)
A great film...if you're 12.
My brother plays "Moose" in this film. Although most of his scenes were left on the cutting room floor. The funniest line is the movie is "nothing wong with stat." So anyway, this is filmed in Portland, OR, where we grew up. The dance club is/was called "Up Front FX". What I loved about this movie is that the main character (who is not named on the box because Bolo brings more clout) is supposed to be a police detective...a great opportunity to drive around in a red convertible Porsche. I need to get a copy of this, preferably the director's cut, so I can see all the scenes my brother is in. The only scene he is in is the beginning when they are in the dance club. He got the spot because he was dating this cheerleader from a semi-pro football team called The Oregon Thunderbolts. It is interesting because his name comes up as the first entry in IMDb. Fame has him, fortune, not so much.
Teddy Bears' Picnic (2001)
Haven't seen it yet.
I love it, IMDb says: if you liked this title, we recommend "Chupacabra Terror".
I just got done watching Alex Jones' Order of Death where he talks about this film by Sheerer. I cant wait to rent it and see Mr. Burns' take on this "innocent gathering" of pedophiles in klan robes worshipping a giant Owl, should be a solid laugh.
I need 10 lines of text. My favorite role by Sheerer is in Blood and Concrete: A Love Story. Besides that, he has made me laugh numerous other times. Sadly, he going to make me laugh now for all the wrong reasons. The Bohemian Grove is a sick and twisted place, anyone caught defending it doesn't pass the laugh test.
Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
Everyone has missed the point in this film
Napolean and Pedro have Aspergers Syndrome; its a neurological impairment that basically wipes out one's ability to possess and process nonverbal communication. All communication is 80% nonverbal, so imagine experiencing the world without that ability. Watch the film again and try to identify how many times Napolean and Pedro have actual "affect" on their faces. Nerds are nerds, and Kip is as nerd as it gets, but he can read nonverbal cues and express emotion using his face and body and thats the distinction. This film is really about people who are labeled "nerds" or "losers" when they shouldn't. The On-Demand information that I have about this film reads: "A frizzy-haired loser seems custom built for the torment of nearly everyone in this dingy small town in this quirky comedy." Everyone has missed the point of this film. I have a degree in communication and work with children with autism, mood disorders, and other conditions that create behavior issues, so I immediately knew something was different about Napolean and Pedro when I first watched this film...which was last week, I'm a busy guy.
The Fantastic Four (1994)
Coffee and Commericials
I have always loved bad creations, rhetorical criticism and my film professor validated that for me in college. This is not as bad as The Star Wars Holiday Special, there is nothing bottom of the lunchbox than that mistake. This The Fantastic Four film, complete with the I-have-no-idea-why-hes-excessively-tweaking-his-fingers Doctor Doom, is high on the list of colossal mistakes. Doom's dialogue "Kill him!...Let him go!" is classic as it is staggering in its hilarity. The editing is good, and the director of photography isn't half-bad...those are the up-sides. I cannot, however, subject all my friends to watch in its entirety, but if I can get the chance I show them the "can Jonny and Sue come to outer space with us!" scene I do. I also include the final scene scene, where Redd Richards in his FF outfit for some reason, alongside his bride Sue in her wedding dress, get into the limo...the payoff is the extendo arm in farewell as they drive away. Most people are in complete disbelief that something like this exists.
The Ultimate Weapon (1998)
"Who are you working for!"
Since this film is brought to you by the same guy you directed 24 and Kung Fu The Legend Continues ("look I'm not my father, I don't do Kung Fu, I'm a cop, thats who I am, thats what I do!"), Id have to say this falls right in lock-step. This is an action film with no action. Let me explain, there is no tension, there's nothing to grab you and shake you about, it is a dry run at half-speed. Watch it for yourself and tell me if any of the action looks anything but Hasselhoff-staged. Not since Knight Rider has there been such action and adventure. Hulk Hogan with hair-doo and sidekick couldn't have less chemistry, the bad guy is a frightening as Ferris Bueller's father. This is a dry, moldy, wet noodle of a movie and I smell conspiracy: Jon Cassar "who are you working for!" Another Jack Bauer classic is: "what are you talking about!" This is what I would yell at Director Casser for such an opus.
Jûbê ninpûchô (1993)
Ninja Scrolly
This film is exceptional...especially if you consider Hollywood a big yawn. If you ever have had a longing for fantasy, the touch of a woman you couldn't have, extraordinary feats of paranormal strength, and the abiltiy to withstand pummeling blows to the face and stomach from a guy made of rock...then you've always wanted to be Juebi. He is the man, very dude-like without all the white Russian's and he wields his sword with such ki that akido masters, jedi knights, and Lar Ulrich would be impressed with his full accentuation of force. He's beyond the "lone" mysterious figure, the one who--as my film professor once coined--"drops a turd in the punch bowl," Juebi is larger than that. I'd put my chips on Juebi if it was Spiderman or Daredevil (wait, maybe not, if Matt Murdock was being payed by Assfleck, then yes), and a whole other slew of video game/comic book characters...maybe not Bugs Bunny, but Fog Horn Leg Horn for sure. The point is...this film is great for the imagination.
Final Justice (1984)
Spaghetti Western meets the best of Hollywood vomit
Sergio Leone spins in his grave... If there was any film that tramples upon a man's life work its this one. The lead character's "lone wolf" bravado is uninspiring and lame, and the script was apparently written by a monkey with an eight grade education. Whoever's idea this was should be horse whipped. The only reason I'm spending time trashing it is because there's a 10 line minimum. Sergio Leone's family should sue, not because its crap, but because now it's immortalized as crap by MST 3000. Shame. Disgust. I blame Hollywood...at least Gary Busey makes crap that wont offend anyone but cocaine users and weapon experts...this film is pure blasphemy.
Bulletproof (1987)
Re: Watch Busey run!
Its no surprise that Busey later developed a tumor in his sinus cavity, this film is also a poor decision, but one I enjoyed fully. The first 5 minutes is the most uninspiring 5 minutes in any film; boring, bad dialouge, and then, with a Spiderman stance, Busey yells the best-worst line in any film ever created..."your worst nightmare butthorn!" I coughed up some of my egg nog laughing so hard. That line resonates so well, it even tops Clooney's infamous "hi Freeze, I'm Batman" line. Other classic moments is Busey constantly getting upset for people reminding him that he got his ex-CIA partner killed...which he did by accidentally shooting him in the chest (all made possible by a super slow-motion flashback sequence that makes watching paint dry seem exciting). There's an ashtray to the nads, punches to the face, and a "that wasn't my fault and you know it!" Well, the footage shows him missing the bad guy and hitting his buddy, so... Other scream out-loud moments has to be his ex girl-friend dropping a grenade to the ground to enable his escape--a plan that defies all logic, physics, and absurdity. And lastly, when McBain jumps out of the Thunderblast during intense guerrilla warfare and starts to run and hurdles a small object, I almost wet myself. Some of Busey's best work by far, rent or buy it today "butthorn!" My vote is a perfect 10 (on the poo meter that is).
Future Force (1989)
Re: Better performance than Kill Bill v2
My vote is a perfect 10...for perfectly awful. This video was for sale and I gobbled it up because I thought that it was FutureZone, the sequel to this film. I saw FutureZone years ago and laughed to joyous content. And although Kill Bill v2 was just a hilarious, at least the David Carradine scenes, this film doesn't make me run to the bomb shelter (its important to note that Tarintino's v2 work had everything, including a kitchen sink full of puke, I left the theater thinking Armegeddon could begin at any second...for there was no turd left unturned in that magnum opus). Anyway, this film was everything I wanted and more, the robot laser cannon is really the icing on the pudding.