Reviews

Where to begin with this one? It's hard to describe how bad this film really is. I was never a fan of the way-too-long-running 'Police Academy' series back in their Eighties heyday, and always did my best to avoid them. Recently, though, I was at a friend's house when he insisted on watching the whole of this catastrophic waste of celluloid as it was being screened on ITV2 on a Sunday afternoon. Even by the low standards set by previous entries in this series, this has to be far worse than anyone could reasonably expect. I'm not without a sense of humour; slapstick and farce, when done by film-makers who actually know what they're doing, can be hilarious - see the 'Naked Gun' films. But the makers of this stinker seem to have no idea about any of the technical aspects that make a comedy movie work. This film is badly directed, has hardly any plot, and plays out like a string of poorly-staged practical jokes thrown together by an untalented bunch of film students. Most of the jokes are so puerile and pathetic that it's insulting to expect anyone older than about 8 years old to find them funny, and some of the dialogue gives the impression that it's been made-up on the spot because it's so weak and unfunny you can't believe it's actually been scripted. At least Steve Guttenburg had some idea about comic timing and delivery of lines - his absence here shows-up most of the rest of the cast looking awkward and embarrassing, delivering some of the weakest one-liners since 'The Krankies'. Anyone who finds this moronic monstrosity of a movie funny, desperately needs a sense of humour transplant.

I remember seeing this TV movie when it was first aired as part of BBC2's 'screen:play' series back in 1993, and it had quite an impact on me. Not only was it one of the few films I'd seen addressing the problems of homelessness, but it had some powerful performances, most notably by Robert Carlyle (the first time I'd come across this talented actor) and the much under-rated Kate Hardie (who gave a memorably impressive performance in Peter Medack's 'The Krays' (1990)).

The film dealt with the subject of homeless people in a compassionate way, but avoided the saccharin-induced sentimentalism you would expect of a Hollywood production, opting for more of a gritty, slice-of-life drama in the vein of Ken Loach, Mike Leigh or Alan Clarke. Other notable appearances in the film included George Costigan ('Rita, Sue & Bob Too', 1986) and Steven Mackintosh ('Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels', 1998). The film also marked the feature-length debut of director Antonia Bird, who'd previously worked on television series such as 'Eastenders', 'Casualty' and 'The Bill', but would later direct films like 'Face' (1997) and 'Ravenous' (1999), as well as the US production 'Mad Love' (1995) starring Hollywood icon Drew Barrymore.

It's a shame that dramas like this get forgotten about and left to gather dust on studio shelves; I doubt it's ever been screened again since it's first transmission a decade-and-a-half ago and as far as I know it's never had a video release (I had it taped on Beta-max at one point but my player has been on its last legs for some time!). If you ever do get the chance to see this film, though, it's well worth a look, even if just to see the early work of some of British cinema's more significant names.

After making a big impression on the horror genre with early gross-out splatter-comedies like 'Bad Taste' and 'Braindead' ('Dead Alive' USA), Peter Jackson's first step towards mainstream success was a major achievement, and probably one of the best independent films of the Nineties.

Set in Christchurch, New Zealand in the 1950s, it tells the true-life story of two teenage girls – Pauline Parker (Melanie Lynskey) and Juliet Hulme (Kate Winslet) – who form a dangerously obsessive relationship that ultimately leads to a shocking and tragic conclusion.

Not only was this a major turning point for director Jackson, it also introduced cinema-goers to the talents of the beautiful Kate Winslet, who impresses in her big-screen debut. The cast is uniformly impressive, however, with the relatively unknown Melanie Lynskey giving an outstanding performance in the central role. The direction and pace of the film ensure that the interest is sustained throughout, with many funny moments in the early scenes, and as the two girls immerse themselves in a world of fantasy and make-believe, Jackson creates a fairytale world, filling the screen with surreal and hallucinatory images.

Although the film has always been acclaimed by critics, it went largely unnoticed by mainstream audiences on its release, possibly due to the more 'arthouse' qualities of the film, and the lack of big name stars. If you haven't seen it, however, I urge you to do so - forthwith! Balancing moments of comedy, drama, fantasy and, ultimately, shocking and brutal violence, this is one of the most satisfying movie experiences one could ask for. Truly, a modern classic.

When the first 'Terminator' movie was released in 1984, the special effects were not that impressive, but the film had enough low-budget energy, enthusiasm and imagination on show that it made up for what it lacked from the technical aspects. 1991's mega-budget sequel was in many ways similar to the original, but with the wealth of spectacular, ground-breaking special effects on display, nobody really cared.

This belated second sequel, however, brings nothing new to the formula other than the addition of a female 'Terminatrix'. The ageing Arnie is no longer the mean, lean fighting machine that was so threatening twenty-odd years ago, looking more like an awkward old relative that just keeps hanging about. Former model Kristanna Loken does a decent job as the 'Terminatrix' (or 'T-X'), although she doesn't really have to do a lot of acting other than looking mean and emotionless. (She looks fantastic, though!). Nick Stahl as John Connor lacks the charisma that Edward Furlong brought to the role in 'T2', but the faithful Claire Danes does a fine job as the love interest, Kate Brewster. The script, though, insistent on giving Arnie a constant stream of one-liners referring back to - or parodying - the previous two movies, only serves to keep reminding us how much better James Cameron's originals were.

It does have its moments - there are some spectacular action sequences to be seen - but most of the time it only echoes what we've seen before. It may be worth seeing if you're an avid fan, but in the end it all feels a bit pointless. Rather than ending the series with a bang, it could have gone completely unnoticed.

In Romero's third instalment of his zombie series the dead now outnumber the living by 400,000 to one. A group of scientists and soldiers hide out in an underground missile silo. The scientists want to study the undead to find a way of controlling them, while the military just want to "blow the p*ss" out of them.

Romero has said that he originally planned this to be the 'Gone With The Wind' of horror movies – the zombie movie to end all zombie movies, and a true epic of the genre. Due to lack of funds, however, the script for 'Day Of The Dead' had to be re-penned and scaled-down dramatically. For me, though, 'Day Of The Dead' has always been the most impressive entry in Romero's living dead series. Although the previous two movies, 'Night Of The Living Dead' and 'Dawn Of The Dead', are undeniably landmark classics in their field, 'Day Of The Dead' far out-classes them both visually and technically. Bolder, bloodier and more unrelentingly grim in tone than its predecessors, the film is an apocalyptic vision of a doomed mankind, and it's telling that it was released at a time when the threat of nuclear war still loomed large.

It's very talky for a horror movie, and has often gained criticism because of this. But the tensions that build between the two rivalling factions are an integral part of the story, creating a claustrophobic feel, and thus adding to the real horror of the situation they find themselves in. The performances in 'Day Of The Dead' are way above average for the genre; most notably those of Lori Cardille as the strong female lead, Sarah, Joe Pilato as the nasty Capt. Rhodes, the late Richard Liberty as the eccentric Dr. Logan, TV actor Terry Alexander as the sympathetic John (one of the few characters Sarah can relate to), and not forgetting Howard Sherman as 'Bub' – the one zombie with some 'human' instincts (the true star of the picture!).

Much of the film is shot inside (underlining the budget restrictions, perhaps), but there's also some nice cinematography on show, particularly during the opening scenes (Anchor Bay's Divimax Region 1 special edition DVD really does justice to this, showing off the rich colours as you'll never have seen on VHS). Another thing that puts 'Day Of The Dead' leagues ahead of other genre offerings is the exceptional special effects by Tom Savini, which really come into their own during the gory last half-hour of the movie.

Generally underrated, 'Day Of The Dead' is easily as good as the preceding two movies, and far better than Romero's recent follow-up, 'Land Of The Dead'. In my opinion, this ranks not only as one of Romero's best movies, but one of the truly great horror movies of all time.

Steve Buscemi lives up to the promise of his 1996 directorial debut, 'Trees Lounge', with this equally impressive, gritty prison drama: When young, inexperienced Ron Decker (Edward Furlong) is given a harsh sentence for minor drug offences, he is soon taken under the wing of Earl Copen (Willem Dafoe) - a long-time inmate who is feared and respected in equal measures. Some take exception to the bond between the two, however, and the inevitable confrontations ensue.

Having read many other comments on it, I'm quite perplexed at some of the criticism this film has attained. The Radio Times Guide To Films says that it is "overly subtle and unsentimental" and feels "dramatically undernourished because of this refined stance." For me, though, it is precisely this understated tone that lends the film an air of believability. Others have criticised it for handling the material too lightly. This is far from true; it certainly doesn't paint a rosy picture of prison life - there's plenty of violent confrontations - but it does show how friendship can make life on the inside a whole lot more bearable, which surely is an integral part of any life story. To know that this was written by Edward Bunker, and co-produced by Danny Trejo - both of whom have served lengthy stretches inside - is no great surprise, as evidently this has added further credibility to the piece. The acting, also, is uniformly impressive, Dafoe giving a strong, yet refined performance - one of his best in years. Furlong, too, is convincing as the inexperienced but not-entirely-naive understudy, following up his role in 1998's 'American History X' (another tough, true-to-life drama). There's also good supporting roles from veteran character actors like Seymour Cassel (as a tough but sympathetic prison guard) and John Heard (as Ron's dad), not to mention one Mickey Rourke in a truly memorable cameo as Ron's tranny cell-mate.

Unlike Frank Darabont's 'The Shawshank Redemption' - which, although I love, I did feel was a tad overlong and over-boiled - Buscemi tells his story in a concise 90 minutes. It's neither as intrusive or as preachy as it might have been, and avoids many of the clichés these kind of films often fall into, simply telling the story as it is. The lack of comment by Buscemi on the subject matter was another criticism, yet I feel this is one of the film's strength's - do we really need to be told how we should feel about what we're seeing on screen? The aforementioned 'Shawshank' aside, this feels much closer in tone to Tom Gries's powerful 1972 TV-movie 'The Glass House' which, like Buscemi's film, was filmed in a real prison using real inmates as extras.

If you want a spiritually-uplifting piece of pure escapism go for 'The Shawshank Redemption'. But if you're after something more like real life, give 'Animal Factory' a go.

I recently got to see this classic, short-lived TV series again for the first time in seven or eight years, and had forgotten how brilliant it really was. Intelligently scripted, convincingly performed by a largely unknown cast, and filmed with a gritty realism that brings to mind the works of great British directors like Ken Loach and Alan Clarke.

Much of the drama came from mundane, everyday situations, and it always avoided over-blowing story lines for dramatic effect. At times, though, it pulled no punches, and had the power to really bring home the harsh realities of modern-day urban life.

Watching this again highlights how far down the pan shows like 'The Bill' have gone over recent years, playing more and more like soap opera trash. I can't remember this show ever being repeated by the BBC and it's never had an official DVD release - with the rubbish that's cluttering up our TV screens lately, it must surely be ripe for rediscovery!

I remember this short-lived sitcom very well from when it was first screened in 1991, but I seem to be one of the very few people who saw it or remembers it. The stars of the show - Stephen Frost and Mark Arden - will be most remembered to people of my age group (30-ish) for their series of adverts for Carling Black Label in the mid-80s, though they also regularly appeared in 'The Young Ones' as well as popping up in various episodes of 'Black Adder' and other similar comedy shows of the period. I always found them to be brilliant comedy performers and it's a shame they will never be remembered in the same way as Rik Mayall, Ade Edmonson, Alexei Sayle and their ilk. 'Lazarus & Dingwall' was a silly but often very funny show following the adventures of two bumbling, incompetent police detectives, in a similar vein to the American series 'Police Squad' starring Leslie Nielsen, though it never tried to emulate that show's formula and the cast and script lent it a very English flavour. You probably need a slightly silly sense of humour like myself to fully appreciate the brand of comedy here, and I'm sure it wouldn't be to everyone's tastes, which may be why it sank without trace after one series and has never been seen since. However, anyone who appreciates the humour of 'Black Adder', 'The Young Ones', Alexei Sayle, Reeves & Mortimer, 'Big Train' etc. is sure to love this. Much of the material was very silly and corny, but the writers and cast seemed to acknowledge this, and as with most of the aforementioned shows, it was the performers' brilliantly dead-pan delivery of very silly material that made it work so well. I'm not sure how well it would have stood the test of time, 15 years later, but I'd love to see this show again. It's a shame that this little-seen gem will probably never see the light of day again - a DVD release seems very unlikely. Oh well, maybe I'll see it again one day; I can only live in hope...

I'd been meaning to catch this thriller for some time as I'm quite a fan of Sean Penn's screen work; however, this misjudged mess of a movie was a major disappointment.

Penn plays Bobby: a man with gambling debts who finds himself stuck in the small American town of Superior, Arizona, when his car breaks down. This seems to loudly echo John Dahl's superior 1992 thriller 'Red Rock West', but lacks all the style, ingenuity and subtle dark humour that made Dahl's modern-day film-noir such a delight. In comparison, Oliver Stone's film feels clumsy, tacky and, though it obviously aims for black comedy, devoid of any genuine wit.

It's hard to believe this is made by the same man who brought classics like 'Platoon', 'Salvador' and 'Born On The 4th Of July' to the screen. The characters are all overblown and cartoon-like, and the impressive cast – including Jon Voight, Joaquin Phoenix, Billy Bob Thornton and Claire Danes – is largely wasted on a script that tries too hard to be witty and clever. Yet for all the plot-twists and contrivances it strives for, the material here only comes across as tired and predictable.