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The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)
Repulsive!
As a fan of horror films, I discovered this title on Netflix one day, and sat down to watch. It was a decision I regretted in VERY short order.
Before long, I was tempted to turn off the movie, but forced myself to finish so that I might warn people off this horrible project. NO ONE should be subjected to this. It is repugnant, repulsive, disgusting, vile, gratuitously cruel, and obscene. There is not plot, no problem-solution, no character development. It is nothing more than a showcase of the depravity of a main character, who, if he actually existed, I would not hesitate to dispatch slowly with the first jagged, rusty implement I could find.
I watched all the way to the end of this movie with the intent of helping others avoid it. DO NOT watch this movie. I mean it.
Death Wish 3 (1985)
Simply a WHOLE lot of fun!
Provided the viewer goes into this movie knowing it is a bonanza of cheesy acting, corny dialogue, handguns that fire 46 rounds without the need to reload, and bad-guys who can't shoot worth a damn, Death Wish 3 is an enjoyable journey through a mid-1980s environment of urban blight, multi-racial criminal gangs, incompetent police, and helpless civilians who couldn't protect themselves from a larger-than-average bumblebee. Please understand that this is not a hit-piece against Charles Bronson or any of the other actors or makers of this film. The truly dedicated performances turned in by the actors should not be diminished by the utter silliness and hilarity of the movie which resulted.
The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
Unbearably Stupid
To begin with, "The Day After Tomorrow" is one of the most visually impressive movies I have ever seen. Unfortunately, that is the one and only positive this movie has to offer. Amazing visual effects cannot begin to save this ridiculous movie from the heavy-handed, transparent political messages, ridiculous, scientifically impossible weather events, the lack of concern for the laws of physics, the "America sucks and is getting what it deserves" mentality, or the smarmy, over-emotional, sappy, melodramatic acting. Unless you're a hopeless liberal zombie-sheep, or enjoy subjecting yourself to merciless self-flagellation, you'll want to skip this steaming pile of cinematic horse-dung.
The Walking Dead (2010)
Amazing!
This TV series is the first to capture my interest in a very long time. The actors are tremendous, and I could not think of another performer who could do any better in any of the parts. Unlike previous zombie-genre films, which seem to concentrate only on the carnage, "The Walking Dead" is a drama which is centered on the stories of each character and how they interact with each other. Make no mistake, the instances of zombie attacks are depicted as graphically as any other previous zombie film. But they are also much more realistic, in my view. I had seen Laurie Holden, Jeffrey DeMunn, Melissa McBride, and Scott Wilson in previous productions, and been extremely impressed with their performances. In "The Walking Dead," they certainly continue their excellence. I had never heard of Andrew Lincoln, Sarah Wayne Callies, John Bernthal, Chandler Riggs, IronE Singleton, Steven Yeun, Norman Reedus, or Lauren Cohan before I saw this series. But they are also excellent in their performances. If the zombie apocalypse genre interests you at all, watch this series. It may well end up at the top of your list of favorites.
The X Files: Je Souhaite (2000)
The X-Files knew how to be hilarious!
In the X-Files season 7 episode "Je Souhaite" ("I wish" in French), a listless employee at a self-storage facility in suburban St. Louis finds a Genie in a rug. But far from being a blessing, this Genie has become completely cynical after 500 years of granting wishes to the selfish and greedy. As a result, she grants people's wishes using the most negative interpretation possible, (ie., a man wishing for a yacht has it dumped unceremoniously on his front lawn, miles away from the nearest water). This is one of the wishes Jenn the Genie (Paula Sorge) grants to brothers Anson and Leslie Stokes (Kevin Weisman and Will Sasso). These wishes result great misfortune, due in no small part to their own stupidity. Agents Mulder and Scully, already investigating strange events surrounding the 2 brothers, question the Genie. Mulder experiences her cynical attitude firsthand, and learns of her wish to be released from the responsibility of granting wishes to undeserving simpletons. The story ends with Mulder having to choose between fulfilling his own wish, or granting the Genie with hers.
The X Files: Hungry (1999)
Fabulous and heartbreaking
The incredibly popular series, "The X-Files" often dealt with some sort of monster which was killing innocent people, either through evil or blind instinct. The monster in the episode "Hungry" is the same in that innocent people are losing their lives. But where the story differs is that the monster, Rob Roberts (Chad Donella, in an absolutely amazing performance), is trying everything possible to resist his urge to kill. He knows that it is wrong, and he hates and despises himself for it. He hates even more that he cannot stop himself, no matter what he does. A kindly and caring psychologist, Dr. Rinehart, tries to help him, and ultimately confronts him with the truth that he has been trying to hide. Rob removes his physical disguise to show her his true and frightening appearance. But instead of being horrified or repulsed, she responds with pity and sorrow for his plight ("You poor man. What you must go through."). When Mulder and Scully arrive on the scene and order Roberts to surrender, Dr. Rinehart encourages him to "be that good person I know you mean to be." For Rob, her words seem to galvanize the reality that since he cannot control his murderous urges, he can never "be that good person." He rushes agents Mulder and Scully, forcing them to shoot in self-defense. As Rob lies on the floor, Dr. Rinehart tearfully asks "Why?" Rob's last words before he dies are "I can't be something I'm not."
Starship Troopers (1997)
VERY distinctive film
Starship Troopers contains many striking features, the most obvious of which is the visual and sound effects. The landscapes, space vehicles, creatures, machinery, and equipment are all very well done. The frightening sights and sounds of the creatures are also a major source of the excitement and angst produced by the film. Unfortunately, other visual effects which depicted grotesque injuries, hideous deaths, and the overall gratuitous violence seem far over-the-top. Since the aircraft and space ships depicted in the movie have devastatingly effective weapons, why is it necessary for the foot soldiers to land on the surface, only to be eviscerated by the hideous creatures? More suspense and fright can often be produced by events which are not seen, but only suggested. It is not necessary or desirable to leave nothing to the imagination of the audience, since what a person fears most in his or her own mind can be more terrifying than anything that could be depicted on screen.
Disaster Movie (2008)
Not a Success
If I could give this film zero out of 10 stars, I would have. In fact, even zero may be too generous. Problem 1: A successful movie, even a spoof or parody, needs to have an actual plot, and this one doesn't. Problem 2: A successful movie cannot be made by stringing together 90 minutes of tired pop-culture references, lame celebrity impersonations, grotesque sexual innuendo, ridiculous sight gags, mindless profanity, and bad jokes. Problem 3: A successful movie needs more than the cheesiest acting since a 1970's After-School Special, and the worst script since "Plan 9 From Outer Space." Problem 4: Jokes you can see coming from a mile away only work if they are actually funny.