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michael-edison1701
Reviews
The Call (2020)
Hopefully not Bell and Shaye's epitaph...
If, like me, you thought Tobin Bell and Lin Shaye in the same 'horror' film would be a masterstroke, think again.
They clearly signed up for this without reading the script. People stopped talking mid sentence, never to be completed. Lots of screaming and staring into space. Not a single character that you cared about.
Bell is true to Saw form as the husband, and Shaye always brings it, but the tosh they had to work with, and the lack of any real character development for the rest of the cast meant you just wanted the whole thing over with!
Awful nonsense.
It ended, and the WTF hand was in full force! It gets 2/10 rating and 10/10 WTF hands!
A Savannah Haunting (2021)
Just the Director's weird fantasy!
From the family who moved house to escape the pool their daughter died in, moving into a new house with a pool; to the weird lusty, lesbian storyline which went nowhere; through the awfully slow paced first half, to the severely rushed final act, the director had so many ideas, but absolutely no clue how to mesh them all together and make any sense.
I thought the actors were great, seeing as what they had been given to work with was written in crayon, and the atmosphere of the film was pretty creepy, but generally, this film misses the mark on so many levels.
And how much stuff is someone allowed to copy from others before their crayons are taken away?
It's worth a watch, but expect to feel completely unsatisfied once you have.
The Resort (2021)
The Last Resort!
One hour of faff, followed by 15 minutes of the cheapest, laughable 'horror' you could imagine.
No plot. A script written by a 3 year-old with crayons. Acting of the lowest denomination to be considered such. Directed by a sloth stoned up to the eyeballs.
The blonde singing Happy Birthday was by far the best bit!
I have to genuinely ask, what idiot at a studio authorised this to be made, and when it was completed, watched it back, and then decided other people should be subjected to it too?!
My favourite 'awful' scene? Thor saying he'll dig under a fence, and then proceeding to pluck handfuls of grass.
My advice? Avoid, and shave your legs with a spoon instead. Trust me, it'll be more enjoyable!
Stowaway (2021)
Four wasted actors
So the premise of this film is sound enough, in a 'suspend your disbelief' kinda way, with a guy waking up on a rocket that has been launched on a 2 year mission to Mars. Toni Collette leads a pretty good cast, but all of them looked lost for most of the film. That shows how bad the script was! Poor writing, poor execution, poor result! The first half hour is watchable, everything after that is a mess.
Pros: Some stunning cinematography.
Cons: Laughable science. All four actors are wasted on the script. The film builds, and then ends. Someone should be fired for not noticing the stars were rotating the wrong way.
Re/Member (2022)
I re/member what this film rips off badly!
First off. Don't bother with this film!
Watch All Of Us Are Dead. The setting of which this film does pretty much scene for scene, and the former is much better written, acted, and directed.
Watch Happy Death Day. A plot device massacred by this film, and used in such a clever, funny way originally.
Spoilers ahead:
Little girl with stuffed toy is reasonably creepy for the first two acts. Morphing her into a giant, wet Chewbacca for the final act just left us laughing.
Since when can spirits only find you if they can hear you? (It's almost like they tried to cram as much of the afore-mentioned AOUAD and HDD into this film without any thought to any of it making sense...)