jaffacake2k's Reviews

Wonder Woman (2017)

1/10

Walked out after an hour ... Total let-down!

2 August 2017

What can i say that isn't vulgar and crude? I rarely mark a film with a single star but this seems to have no redeeming features whatsoever. This film was a phenomenal disappointment.

Im a big fan of the superhero genre and was hoping this was going to be a great addition - especially as there is a great need for a strong female lead. Unfortunately this film fails at every level. Even the special/visual effects were a let down.

Coming as a spin-off from The Batman v Superman film and leading us into the Justice League franchise I expected a mature direction. However this seems to be aimed at the socially awkward 'Twilight' generation of angst ridden teenagers!

Both Gadot and Pine were wasted here. The dialogue and screenplay were sub-par and cringy. I have no experience writing either and while i may struggle to compose any kind of screenplay, I'm certain I could vastly improve the dialogue and character interaction. Even the direction seemed lacklustre and awry. I've no idea how they could get so many elements wrong without getting any right - even the law of averages seems to have failed here!

Quite simply: AVOID

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The Grey (2011)

2/10

Silly!

19 May 2012

Warning: Spoilers

How this film gets such a high score on this site amazes me - its currently bang-on 7.

From the beginning i found Neeson's character to be unlikeable. So i certainly wasn't rooting for him! However it appears that he was supposed to be the 'hero' ... Way off the mark in my opinion.

The plane crash and immediate aftermath was BEYOND a joke. Are we really supposed to believe that an accident of that sort in appalling weather conditions leaves only people that are dead - or totally unharmed? (minor aches and abrasions notwithstanding!)

And then survive in the quasi-arctic wilderness for days without the obvious essentials? Shock and hypothermia would have killed them long before the wolves did!!

The behaviour of the wolves was also unrealistic. And in several scenes it bordered on the supernatural! I wasn't sure if the Alpha wolf was actually supernatural in origin at first - it seemed super-intelligent. Since when do wolves on the hunt decide not to kill certain prey items because the Alpha wants to settle a score? Silly.

Storyline, dialogue, characterisation were all terrible. I realise that during many films you have to suspend your disbelief and I'm happy to do so if that helps the film move along - but this entire scenario was just plain SILLY and took itself FAR too seriously.

After reading so many positive reviews i was expecting something MUCH better. Perhaps there should be a reviewers age included in the review because its obvious that many reviewers here haven't seen a decent adventure movie before ...

Im 45 for the record.

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The Lost Battalion (2001 TV Movie)

5/10

If you're not American then don't bother....

14 November 2011

Warning: Spoilers

I'd like to open this brief review by clarifying my chosen 'title'. Im not here to bash America or Americans - but this film was made explicitly for an American audience with American values. In such a regard i would imagine it succeeds magnificently.

That aside, it fails on several levels. Ignoring the obvious budget and acting restraints, its fair to say that its historically ambiguous at best. Plain wrong at worst. The film implies that the planned attack slows and fails apart from in the American sector where a battalion of 'New Yorkers' has penetrated the German lines alone and is now cut off. Although this 'may' have happened to the unit mentioned, the main attack did not fail - it was part of the allied Grand Offensive (which ended the war) and must be taken in context if the story is to be told.

This may appear to be nit-picking but its merely a part of the whole picture. For example; the film has you believe that the reason the Americans won was simply because they were American! Or 'Gangsters' as the German officer comments at the end. This is compounded by the concept of the men involved were such 'good' men. The best America has. Noble though this suggestion is, its out of place in a film about the First World War. Think of films about this war; Paths of Glory, All Quiet on the Western Front, Beneath Hill 60 etc .... All address the ultimate futility of the conflict. There is not honour or glory, good or bad.... Merely the living and the dead. There was no ideal to live up to or evil to be usurped. The Lost Battalion does not address this in any way. It shows to an extent (or tries to at least) the horrors and brutality of wars. And it implies that the horror and butchery can be justified in bringing a group of New Yorkers (Poles,jews etc) together as 'Americans' ... You could take the entire film, characters and sequences and transplant them into a Second World War environment and the viewer wouldn't know. That is poor story-telling.

I also thought that it was a wasted opportunity to include homage to the two African American regiments involved in the Battle. Often overlooked by film makers but not the writers of history books thankfully!

(At this point I feel I must acknowledge Americas valuable contribution to the War and the loss of many of her gallant sons. This film does not do them the justice they rightfully deserve)

So - my gripes out of the way I'll continue ... The film has to be forgiven its low budget and does well in the action sequences, although they can be a little confusing to the viewer at times. The script doesn't give the cast much to work with, which leaves weak characters, but they do their best and should be commended for that at least. The effects are handled well enough and the film flows easily. There is nothing stand out about this film but then again there is nothing terribly bad about it either. Hence my 5/10 ... Had they improved the script and the subtle flag waving it may have garnered a respectable 6 or even a 7...

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The Guard (2011)

9/10

Is it all there...?

1 October 2011

.... The simple answer is: YES! This a great film and make no mistake. I seriously doubt it will get the audience it deserves though, which is a great shame for both the actors and crew - and of course, its intended viewers.

Set in the rural west coast of Ireland, the film follows the local police sergeant as he investigates a shipment of drugs heading to the local port. You could say that there isn't anything here that we haven't seen before but that would be missing the point. This film is brimming with clichés and obvious plots. But that the whole point! Its an Irish parody of the traditional Hollywood fayre... Tongue firmly in cheek! Gleeson is simply superb as the Guard. His delivery of his lines is faultless and provides much of the humour for being so. If there is an underrated actor in mainstream film making then Gleeson is the fellow!.

However, not far behind, are his two co-stars. The wonderfully able Strong and Cunningham. Both of which are more than watchable as usual. I've liked Strong since i caught him almost 20 years ago in Sean Bean's SHARPE series of TV films. He was an accomplished actor then and he's only improved. He doesn't appear to age either! Cunningham is just as good - there's something about him that allows an air of psychosis and he fits this role like the proverbial glove.

Our leads are helped out by a terrific supporting cast. Some of which may be well known in Ireland but alas were not to me. With the exception of Pat Shortt who I recognised from the FATHER TED sit-com.

I loved this film from start to finish. It has a nostalgia about it of a time and a place that perhaps i don't even remember. If that makes any sense? More please!

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Priest (2011)

4/10

begins in mediocrity and gets worse ...

22 July 2011

Move along .... Nothing to see here ....

Priest has the potential to be truly ground-breaking in terms of 'Vampire' films and give the world a new cinematic here and possibly franchise...

... However it fails to realise this potential and instead uses the unimaginitive formulaic fayre that Hollywood (and the American audience) has become accustomed to.

The film starts off like any other - and despite certain aspects being pleasing on the eye - the content becomes weaker and weaker. Bettany is wasted here - as is Ms Q. Both deserve better - but with so little to work with even they struggle to stop this film from sinking.

If you're happy with the bog standard Hollywood release then Priest will probably appeal for as long as any other film. If you want something a little better and more original then you may be advised to avoid this film altogether.

I wish i had.

4/10

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Zombie Diaries 2 (2011)

3/10

Watchable - but only JUST!

5 July 2011

What can I add that hasn't already been said in the other reviews? Well, I sat through it and at no point did I consider turning it off. So that has to be a big PLUS right? I turned TRON:Legacy off halfway through but for very different reasons so I won't use it as a benchmark ...

I haven't seen the original Zombie Diaries so had no frame of reference which may or may not be a good thing. Suffice to say that while I can't argue against what has been expressed by others, I cant say that I found it as bad as it is claimed. And it IS bad! However, if (and i do mean IF) you can look past the poor acting (They do at least TRY!), barren script and poor direction then it MAY just be worth 90 mins of your life.

This film is not about zombies in the way that Romero's films tend to be. In WotD it would be possible to replace the undead with other elements such as rednecks or bikers and still get the same results. WotD appears to focus on the main characters - which is very difficult given the script! What makes WotD watchable is its Point-of-View (PoV) technique - it's almost entirely seen through a Handy/Steady Cam of a military journalist 'embedded' with the unit. This alone saves the film from being appalling - as many editorial gaffes and directorial no-nos are hidden or avoided completely.

If, after reading these reviews, you DO decide to give it a go then be prepared to switch it off. If you're a zombie fan like myself then it MIGHT we worth your while.

You have been fairly warned ....

3/10

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Vanishing on 7th Street (2010)

5/10

Save yourself 2 hours of your life

21 March 2011

OK - let me start by saying this isn't a BAD film. Its just that there's no pay-off at the end. You're left with a "So what WAS going on?" feeling. All successful stories have a start, a middle and an end. Vanishing on 7th Street is missing the 'end'.

The acting, direction and camera work all make the grade - but thats all. Its almost as if they've JUST managed to do enough to warrant getting paid. While there are a few nice touches during the film, there isn't anything here that you wont have seen before. Although I was surprised by one event close to the end which I wont ruin by revealing here.

Unless you have some reason to watch this film I wouldn't waste the time. There are 100s of 'fair/mediocre' films out there so choose one that at least has a proper 'end'.

5/10

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Beneath Hill 60 (2010)

8/10

A moving tribute to forgotten heroes.

6 March 2011

Films about the 'Great War' are few and far between so when one comes along I try my best to see it. This is offering is certainly one of the better in recent times.

Although set in the Western Front of Flanders, it follows the fortunes of an Australian unit who are mining under the German lines. The few films of the 'Great War' to feature Australians normally show the Middle Eastern or Turkish theatres but Beneath Hill 60 has them ankle deep in mud and rain.

As someone that has an interest in the Western Front, I was impressed the way the front-line was re-created. It was as authentic looking as one could expect considering most of the action took place in the mine shafts beneath the trench systems. Indeed, the dank claustrophobic shafts are captured superbly. As is the constant water and poor lighting. Almost a different world of mute silence which contrasts with the near anarchy of the surface...

An Australian reviewer has commented earlier on here about the British and Americans not watching this film. The Americans because they're not featured and the British because they're lampooned. As a Brit I don't feel that there was ANY lampooning by the script - if it WAS intended then it failed. The script itself is well presented and the cast all give very watchable performances.

As is the case in these kind of films, there are moments when the tissues have to come out. beneath Hill 60 is no exception. Im pleased that it doesn't dwell too long during the more moving sequences - nor does it use them to win over the audience. Apart from the obvious scenes, there is one part of the film which I found personally moving. in one of the last shots of the film a photograph is taken - one of the Australians is being portrayed as suffering from 'shell-shock' or what we now call PTSD. This is something I recall from own grandfather suffering from before he died when i was a child. Constant shaking and jerking - unable to ever work properly or drive. One of a whole generation of men whose lives were taken away - one way or another.

Beneath Hill 60 is not perfect but it IS is a very worthy tribute to those men who lost their lives - on both sides.

8/10

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Tron: Legacy (2010)

1/10

Not worthy of using the title; TRON. (possible spoilers)

5 March 2011

Warning: Spoilers

I was expecting a lot better. I WANTED it to be good.... They've had almost 30 years to get it right. I was very disappointed.

After watching this Im not sure 'Hollywood' knows how to write an original screenplay anymore. Especially when the characters/story is familiar with the audience. There was nothing in this film you wont have seen a dozen times. Done much better too.

They seemed to lose track of what the original concept was about and merged it with a kind of 'Matrix' style world. So programs didn't just have a function .... But they had a 'life' .... The moment Flynn walked into a 'bar/club' for programs i knew id had enough. I should've know that in the opening scenes when they used a computer generated Flynn to look younger i KNEW it was going to be bad! And it got worse and worse.

Direction, screenplay, score, acting, dialogue, effects ... All are well below par.

Even Jeff Bridges didn't bother to act. After watching True Grit I know he CAN act - he obviously had nothing to act WITH or was just picking up a pay check. Awful! But even Lightcycle race was uninspiring. I didn't think it was possible to ruin such a simple concept but they managed it.

One of the worst 'established' films in modern times. Because of the budget, cast and crew involved Im compelled to give this a 1/10 ... My first. Normally even turning up on set would get you more than this! Insulting to the the audience.

Is there ANYTHING good about the film? Yes. Eventually it ends.....

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Operation: Endgame (2010)

9/10

An American movie for a British audience

27 July 2010

At the time of writing this review half of the existing reviews claim that this film isn't funny and lacks the comedy that has been hyped - if thats the right word.

Nothing could be further from the truth. This 'IS' a funny film. In fact it can be laugh out loud at times. I feel that the problem lies within the style of comedy which runs through the film. Its a very 'British' subtle and sarcastic comedy - rather than the more 'and this is the PUNCHLINE' style of popular American comedy.

Sure the plot has seen before - but seriously - when was the last time you saw a totally ORIGINAL film? The idea is a little flimsy but the cast and script attack it with gusto and you can forgive the little faux pas which crop up every now and then ... This film is about humour not action. But rest assured - there is PLANTY of action! While the film steers away from OTT blood and guts there is plenty of the red stuff to make your girlfriend 'eeew' at the right time. The combat is well choreographed although not spectacular so don't expect Bond or Bourne.

This film is far from perfect but its a light-hearted enjoyable film should raise a few laughs - as long as you 'get' the humour.

A thinking mans 'Get Smart.... ;-) 8/10

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Unthinkable (2010)

9/10

Don't miss the point of this film like so many appear to ....

26 May 2010

Warning: Spoilers

I didn't have much of a clue about what this film was about when i watched it - other than is starred the iconic Samuel L Jackson and Carrie Ann Moss - and it was a 'Hollywood' film.

Only this Isn't a 'Hollywood' film. Unlike the usual formulaic production line fare that Hollywood usually cranks out - THIS film stands apart. It doesn't follow the same formula which so many do to get bums on seats. There isn't even a romantic sub-plot. (Which i found VERY refreshing!) Simply put this film attempts to explore moral boundaries ... Our own just as much as those of our on-screen protagonists. Unlike many people that watch this film I didn't come away feeling id been exposed to some 'liberal' or 'NWO' propaganda. Those reviewers seem to be suffering from a 21st century dose of 'reds under the beds' ...

The setting of the film could be ANYWHERE - the fact that its in America with a Muslim 'villain' is merely a reflection of its intended audience and social environment. The point of the film is: Is torture justifiable? How do you balance the morality of torture against its real world 'benefits'... ? The premise is: A man has planted nuclear bombs in 3 American cities. He is in custody and the US security services need to extract the locations of the bombs within 72 hours. So they begin to torture the man.

So how far do you go? Can you trust the information revealed? Who is 'good' and who is 'evil'? I don't want to spoil the film so will say there are many more variables which are featured ...

Some people have complained about the 'gore'. Personally i didn't find it 'gorey'. Especially with the likes of the SAW films out there! There are some sequences which involve 'blood' etc but these are well executed, brief and far from gratuitous. Much of the torture off camera as its the moral implications which are there to make you feel uncomfortable - not the visual ones.

This isn't a traditionally 'enjoyable' or 'entertaining' film. However i was captivated from the opening scene and was intrigued throughout. Its well acted, well scripted and well considered.

Its a shame that many people will not take away what they could and should from this film - but that is a reflection of then - not a reflection of Unthinkable!

9/10

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Inglourious Basterds (2009)

2/10

Purile rubbish

27 November 2009

I can see I'm in the minority regarding this film but with the exception of Waltz's performance there really is NOTHING to recommend.

This is an awful film by any standards and is a very poor offering from Tarantino. The dialogue is unusually sloppy and the action sparse and badly executed. The camera work and direction appear to be ..... Actually I'm going to stop there.

Im giving this 2 stars - I'd like to give it more because Waltz really was inspiring as the SS officer - I'd even go as far as to say he's almost deserving of an Oscar nomination for best supporting actor if you assume Pitt is the lead.

This is a bad film. One of the few films where I have actually hated myself for enduring it.

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CJ7 (2008)

10/10

A great film for kids and their parents!

5 May 2008

Let me start by saying that this film isn't in English so make sure you watch a version dubbed into English if you happen to be watching with children.

Im 41 years old yet this film provoked me into both laughing out aloud and softly shedding a tear or two. It certainly hits the mark. Don't expect anything too sophisticated - this is a simple story told through the eyes of a child.

All of the acting is competent and Jiao Xu steals every scene he's in. CJ7 is adorable and I can only image there will be a soft toy/animatronic on the Asian market by the time you read this.

Well worth the 90mins of your life! 10/10

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REC (2007)

10/10

A great Spanish Horror - See it if you can!

23 April 2008

Hollywood is making an 'English' version of this film called Quarantine. Obviously American audiences cant get their heads around subtitles. Its a shame really as this means that many Americans miss out on good cinema. Hollywood doesn't not do 'original' anymore - they merely develop whats been previously successful at home or 'borrow' the innovative films and techniques from abroad. It almost goes without saying that the US audience ends up getting an inferior film.

So - should you get a chance to watch this before you watch Quarantine DO SO! Like The Blair Witch Project and the more recent Cloverfield the audience follows the story though the lens of a hand held camera. For my money it was very convincing too. Much more so than Cloverfield (Which I enjoyed). Younger and US-centric audiences will make an obvious comparison to Cloverfield. They will also be many references to 28 Days Later. But Rec shouldn't really be compared to either. Its a film in its own right and in my opinion a damn fine one. I don't watch a lot of Spanish films but if they are all of this high standard then I may very well look out for more. I cant imagine that the Spanish film industry is very large which makes the quality of the performances stand out even more. The actors carry the dialogue very well and convey the subtle humour of the script without making it farcical.

But does it scare you? Well its scared a couple of bricks out of me!!! Sometimes the scariest moments were the situations the protagonists were in. I'd mentally put myself in the same situation and my stomach would turn! All in all this is a great film. If you enjoy horror and a good shock then this is worth your money. But its a short film - about 75mins!

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Day of the Dead (2008 Video)

5/10

Passes the time if you're bored

10 April 2008

If you're a fan of Romero style zombies then there's a good chance you wont enjoy this. If you prefer the more 'active' style of zombies then perhaps you will discover a gem in this film.

Its not great by any standards but it does have a few surprises in store. Don't expect too much and I doubt you will be disappointed.

I believe this film was made for TV (could be wrong) and in that respect its not a bad effort. Better than some I've paid to see for sure. In fact I have to say that I preferred it to Land Of The Dead.

Don't pay to watch this film but by all means catch it when it airs on TV - assuming you don't have anything better to do! 5 out of 10 for effort

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True North (II) (2006)

10/10

Immersive tale from Scotland

10 April 2008

If you enjoy a great character driven yarn then this film is a must see. If you yearn for Hollywood style action then just switch on your Sky box - everything you need will be there.

Its hard to pigeon-hole this film in any specific genre. I imagine it will come under 'drama' or possibly 'thriller'. But quite simply its much more than either.

The screenplay/script/acting/direction are all of the highest standard. If I was being honest I would have happily watched 2 hours of the main characters just chatting as the dialogue is exquisite at times. Its REAL banter. The humour is generated in the actors delivery of the line rather than the line itself.

The premise of the film is very simple. An under-performing fishing trawler needs a rapid injection of cash. So the crew, unbeknown to the captain, take on board a couple of dozen illegal immigrants and attempt to smuggle them into Scotland for a large sum of said cash.

This film is very insightful and ultimately very moving. When I sat down to watch this I didn't even have an outline of what the film was about so I was unprepared for what I was to experience. And I feel 'experience' is the right word. You are there cooped up in the cramped living conditions and poor weather. As the story chugs along you are there with it. It never leaves you behind or allows you to race ahead of it.

Watch this film.

10/10

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Feast (2005)

8/10

Over the top in places but it hits the spot!

9 April 2008

I've only just got around to watching this film - 3 years after its release but it was worth the wait.

I wasn't too sure what to expect. I'd heard good things about the film but it seemed that it was a little bit of a horror genre cliché. So I was ready to give up before it was halfway through. Im glad I didn't.

If you're a fan of the genre then you wont be expecting Oscar nominated performances from the cast or a script that will stand the passage of decades. That said, the performances are all above par and the the script is quite clever and amusing in places.

If you're like me than you really need to relate to the main protagonists or there has to be a 'hook' which piques your curiosity. The first 10 minutes where you are literally 'introduced' to the main characters is a fantastic hook and I knew then that I was going to enjoy the film.

The film starts well and it doesn't let up for almost an hour and a half. You really do have not a clue whether any or all of the characters are going to get out alive. And yes there are several stereotypes on show but that clever script I mentioned earlier throws up surprise after surprise. Just when you're thinking 'I know whats going to happen now ....' it doesn't.

For those that like their blood - there is plenty of it! And although its a little OTT in places it never quite gets too silly.

All in all its well worth catching and is a welcome addition to the genre.

8 out of 10

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30 Days of Night (2007)

9/10

Something new ... Scary Vampires!

4 November 2007

There are many different cinematic varieties of Vampires. From the archetypal Dracula of Christopher Lee complete with cape to the much more sensually erotic creatures envisioned by Anne Rice. From the the cyberpunk bloodsuckers of Blade to the party animals of Tarantino's classic From Dusk Til Dawn. For me at least, the Vampires in 30 Days Of Night really hit the mark. They are nothing short of relentless killing machines. There is a rarely portrayed ferocity in their attacks and their feeding. These are the types of vampires that makes the Hammer versions look positively appealing! They're Scary! But I'm going to be straight here - this film certainly isn't going to win any Acadamy Awards. Not that its a bad film - far from it - but (other than the vamps) it doesn't really have anything new to offer the audience.

The acting is competent. Both Harnett and George put in good performances and the support is good. The lead vampire steals every scene he's in. But that could be because he looks like a demented Neil Tennant from the Pet Shop Boys! The story motors along at a healthy pace and the shocks are there to keep you on your toes. I was caught out a couple of times and paid the price by seeing my heart rate rocket! It will make most people jump a few times and there's enough blood to keep the attention of the gore-happy.

My only major concern was the film rating. In the UK it is 15. There are a couple of scenes in the film that i wouldn't want my 15 year old kids watching. So any parents out there please be aware that IMHO the censor slipped up.

All in all i thoroughly enjoyed this film. Its a welcome addition to the genre and is one that i'll be picking up on DVD.

Well worth seeing! 9/10

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Hot Fuzz (2007)

8/10

Does exactly what it says on the tin

15 February 2007

Pegg & Frost have teamed up again for our viewing pleasure. If you liked Shaun of the Dead then you will enjoy Hot Fuzz. If you didn't then this probably isn't the film for you.

This is a funny film. Pegg and Frost obviously enjoy working with each other and its shown in the way they carry off the comedy together. Sometimes its like watching your mates mess about. Always great fun I'm sure you'll agree! Hot Fuzz isn't going to develop the cult following that Shaun of the Dead inspired but in its own way I'm sure that many will find it memorable. There are some great one liners and exchanges between the characters which fans will relish using at work or down the pub.

Don't go expecting to be mesmerised by the direction, cinematography or acting because you will be disappointed. This isn't a work of art. But, if like me, you want to be entertained for a couple of hours then this is a great way to do it. There are also some appearances by almost forgotten great actors which i found to be a nice touch.

If i was to point to one thing that detracted from the experience it would be to the way the film constantly changes scenes. In Shaun of the Dead there were a number of scene changes which used several rapid clips of events which would link to then next scene. In Hot Fuzz its done constantly - which i found a bit distracting. That aside i sat with a smile on my face in between the moments i was laughing out loud.

This is definitely one for the DVD collection when its released.

8/10

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