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Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)
The title says it all !!!
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus. The title grabbed me from the start. I mean mega shark AND a giant octopus. My curiosity was piqued figuring the cheese factor would be high but at least there'd be mega shark and a giant octopus. The movie started and there's Debbie Gibson in a mini sub, yes Only in my Dreams Debbie Gibson in a mini sub. Wow, when did she start acting. this movie just got infinitely better. Debbie also only wears nail polish on one hand, I can over look this little continuity error. Above them, 'flying' around in a helicopter is someone from the military. I say 'flying' because the pilot wears sunglasses in which the reflection of the lines on the tarmac can be see quite plainly. But I can suspend my disbelief enough to realize that actors don't fly helicopters normally. Now the scene picks up. For some reason, the military is dropping frequency transmitters in the ocean which are disrupting the migration patterns of the whales. This causes the whales to swim into an iceberg which breaks open and frees aforementioned mega shark and giant octopus. Great, let's not waste any time with exposition. Who could ask for anything more from an opening scene. The next day, Debbie is back in California where she is in hot water with her boss, because she took the mini sub out with permission, because she was concerned about the whales.....in Alaska ! But there's something odd about the whale carcass they are investigating, but the top brass doesn't want to listen to the ideas of a young rogue who steals mini subs. Meanwhile, in Japan, a large oil rig is mysteriously destroyed by some large tentacles during a washed out CGI lighting storm, but not before the giant octopus gives them the old hairy eye ball. The tension is building. Next, aboard a 747 in mid flight, the stewardess is attending to passengers. One guy looks out the window and sees the mega shark coming straight at the plane with jaws wide open. Yeah, a shark at 15,000 feet attacking a passenger jet. They weren't kidding this is a mega shark, I feel out of my chair laughing at the ridiculousness. A shark attacking a passenger jet, who is writing this script ? Back at the beach that night, Debbie sneaks across the police line using her marine biologist badge, a tip she must have picked up from Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut and discovers a large shark tooth in the whales body. In Japan, some guys questions an angry survivor of the oil rig. He's angry because the government told the public that everyone died on the oil ring, now his family thinks he's dead. What is the man to do ? Draw picture of the stink eye the octopus gave him. Debbie meets her old professor and they figure out the tooth is from a mega shark. They meet the guy from japan at an airport that looks oddly like a recreation center on a beach and compare notes about something. I wasn't really listening at this point. I got up to make a sandwich because my stomach was growling, but I didn't stop the movie. What a nice sandwich, roast beef with mayo, cheese and onion on a sub roll, let's get back to that. Wait a sec, the TV is still on. Now some over the top submarine captain is firing torpedoes at the mega shark. Silly captain, this shark can bring down airliners. You're puny sub will be no match for mega shark and besides, you're in WATER. I ate my sandwich and the next thing I noticed was Debbie Gibson and Japanese guy start to go at it in a closet off the lab, those crazy scientists. Maybe I'll realize my teenage fantasy and see some boob, no such luck. Curse you Japanese man, every red blooded American male likes boobs. Why do males in japan not like boobs ? I'm throwing away my plate with disgust. Damn it, the garbage is full. I guess I'll take it out. Hey, my neighbor is doing the same thing. Hi Mark, how are things going ? Things are fine with me. I'm heading in for a beer. What's that noise ? The TV is still on. Oh yeah, it's that movie where I was hoping to see Debbie Gibson's boobs but was foiled by that smarmy Japanese dude. Hey isn't that The Renegade ? Where did Larenzo Lamas come from ? I have no idea what's happening now. Who are these people in a control room, i'm going to the bathroom and reading a magazine. Should I shut off the TV this time. Nah. My wife came home and announces to the bathroom door "Hey, there's some movie on TV with Debbie Gibson " What stroke of luck, now I can get the play by play and not leave the bathroom. After a few minutes she says "This is stupid, I'm watching Two and Half Men" Well, at least Charlie Sheen was supposed to make me laugh. But I am left with so many unanswered questions. What happened to the mega shark and giant octopus ? Did they have a final show down ? Who won ? Is this like King Kong vs Godzilla and depending and which country I watch it in, will a different winner emerge ? Did the Japanese dude ever get to see Debbie's boobs or did The Renegade slide on in with his brusk voice and edgy five o'clock shadow ? These questions haunt me and tear at the fabric of my being. Here's hoping it is replayed soon enough.
Terminator Salvation (2009)
McG you are a butt head
Much like the recent debacle that was Wolverine, Terminator Salvation is best enjoyed by having absolutely no prior knowledge to the mythos. But let's face it, these characters are ingrained in pop culture. So unless you've been under a rock or on a desert island for the last 25 years, you should have had some exposure to them and that's where TS totally fails.
This movie probably looked good on paper. Robots like that movie that made money a few summers ago, check. Established franchise, check. Over rated hack director, check. Obligatory references to prior movies, check. Popular leading man, check.
Green light this project now, let's not worry about trivialities like say a script. We'll just blow up lots a things. Wait, here's the sure fire guarantee it'll be a box office smash. We'll throw Arnold in one scene for no reason at all, except for the fact that he was a Terminator in 3 movies. We'll even resurrect a Guns & Roses song that was in a movie and was popular like 20 twenty years ago. This way the fans will see that we know about the Terminator Franchise and respect it. To push it over the top we'll throw in a couple of catch phrases that everyone knows, that'll prove we know what we're doing.
I didn't think the Terminator Franchise could have gotten worse after T3, but this movie totally misses the very soul of these characters. And it's had three prior movies to draw on for source material. It ignores a little thing called logic because motivations and driving forces of characters are easily established in a short scene in between blowing things up. People won't notice, they'll be too wowed by the explosions.
McG, go take some lessons from JJ Abrams about how to respect a franchise and the fans. To quote the late Chris Farley 'you are a horses ass '
Across the Line (2007)
gritty and dark
This is an excellent cop dram that deals with the morality of the job.
What happens when a cop gets pushed to the line, will they cross it or not ?
I was amazed at how much the story unfolded in just a short amount of time, kudos go the film makers.
Don't let the fact that it is a short turn you away from this, it's very well made.
The acting is top notch, these people should be in more independent films and the director is nothing less than professional. I can't wait to see future work.
Hostel (2005)
Tops Cabin Fever!!!
I just saw the premiere at Toronto this afternoon. Eli Roth was presenting Hostel as a 'work in progress'. Let me say this, you could hardly tell. The look of the film was excellent.
Now on to film. Hostel is story about some guys back packing through Europe looking for drugs and girls. They hear about a Hostel that is supposed to have the best girls around, so they decided to go check it out in Slovakia. Surprise, surprise it's not quite what they expected.
This movie made me want to throw up at times, and that is a compliment. Some scenes were just so unsettling and disturbing. Fans of the genre will not be disappointed. If you want to see a great horror film that doesn't hold back the punches or try to sell you any watered down PG13 crap, then this is the movie for you. Eli Roth knows how to make the audience squirm in their seats and doesn't hold back on the gore. There should be more films like this out there.